Having babies back to back

SimbathekatSimbathekat Registered Users Posts: 140
After seeing Webjockey's and Kaia's threads about delivering any moment now (at least Web is), and noticing that they both have very young children, I started to wonder if people plan to have their kids so close together.

I had such a hard time with adjusting emotionally/mentally with my first, that I can't imagine getting pregnant next year. We have discussed going again in 2010 so that DD and sibling are only a couple of years apart - and that's just so DD has a brother/sister to relate to (not because I necessarily want more kids).

How did you come about having your second/third/fourth child?
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Comments

  • webjockeywebjockey Registered Users Posts: 2,786
    primarly selfishness. I'm no spring chicken & I'll be less incentivized to loose the baby weight if I know I'm just going to gain it right back 3+ years later.
    hello.world.
  • KaiaKaia Registered Users Posts: 8,815 Curl Connoisseur
    Yes, we planned it this way. I wanted to give my children close siblings. I probably wouldn't do it this close again though.
    *Poster formerly known as Bailey422*

    Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. ~ George Carlin
  • sarah42sarah42 Registered Users Posts: 4,034
    My two children are 18 months apart. My family spacing was not exactly planned though, it was a bit of a surprise. But I agree with Webjockey about having more incentive now to lose the baby weight. We will probably not be having any more children, although anything is possible.
    ehLB.jpg
  • WileE-DeadWileE-Dead Banned Banned Users Posts: 24,963 Curl Neophyte
    I'm not a spring chicken either, which is why I will not be having any more...lol
    But, I do know what you mean! g/l
  • MagooMagoo Registered Users Posts: 2,173 Curl Neophyte
    My son is 3 1/2 now and I'm just thinking of having another one now. I've always wanted 2 and THOUGHT I was going to have them close together but to be honest, my son turned out to be such a handful that the thought of another one was the last thing on my mind for about the first 2 1/2 years after he was born. There was a period there where I almost didn't want anymore!
    At this rate, when I do have another one they'll be 4 years apart but I guess that's not too bad.
    Part of me wishes I could have spaced my children closer but I just wasn't mentally or emotionally ready for #2.
    From what I've heard from some friends with back to back children is that it's very hard at first but then it's gets a lot easier since they're so close in age.
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  • Jenny CJenny C Registered Users Posts: 1,195
    My girls are 16 months apart. It was sort of planned, although I didn't think I'd get pregnant right away with the second.

    I'm no spring chicken either so we had no choice but to have them close together - but if I had known it would be so easy I might have waited a few more months.

    Overall it's not as bad as a thought it would be. Actually I think it would be much harder if I had a newborn now with Lucy at almost 2 1/2. She would be VERY aware of my attention being taken away from her and given to a new baby.

    When she was 16 months old she didn't know what was going on, and watching my with the baby just gave her more ways to imitate me, which was very cute.
    If you got nothing to bring to the table - don't even bother sitting down.
  • subbrocksubbrock Registered Users Posts: 8,212
    before i ever had a child, i always wanted to have them no more than 3 yrs apart. but once i became a mom i honestly thought that anybody who had kids back to back was insane. now my daughter is 17 months and both me and her father have been itching for another baby for at least a few months now. i wouldnt say we've been trying to have another one, but we havent been trying to prevent it either.
  • curlygirlymecurlygirlyme Registered Users Posts: 1,340
    Mine were not planned at all. I didn't know I was so fertile LOL. I had my son and 5 months later I was prego with my daughter (they are just about 14 months apart). Now I'm prego again and the difference between my daughter and this one will be about 2 1/2 years. Honestly my life was just starting to be in order again when I got pregnant. I'm dreading "mommy brain" again!!!
  • RedCatWavesRedCatWaves Registered Users Posts: 31,259 Curl Connoisseur
    Think about the college years. If you can afford $30K a year for 2/3/4 kids at a time, then go ahead and have your kids a year apart. Colleges don't give volume discounts.

    Personally, I'd never want my kids to be closer than 2 years apart. I just don't have the mental stamina to handle it. It's very draining.
  • SimbathekatSimbathekat Registered Users Posts: 140
    You know - I guess when you think in terms of getting your body back completely, it makes sense to have your children close together and be done with it. Also, I think the oldest sibling is young enough to entertain and influence the new baby.

    Funny thing is that I've always wanted three children, but my fiance is 48 years old and this is his first child. It looks like we'll be stopping at kid #2. It's because of HIS age that we're even considering having the next child in 2010. Otherwise, I'd probably wait 3-4 more years.

    For the ladies having their second child ... what have you planned to do differently in taking care of this one?
  • webjockeywebjockey Registered Users Posts: 2,786
    The other thing I was happy about having 2 kids close in age is being more functional during pregnancy. My first is like an active 1+yr old but not so fast and not to heavy for me to carry in the later months of pregnancy. I couldn't imagine trying to chase after a 3yr old when I'm 9 months pregnant.

    I think with any second kid, you learn something to be not so uptight about.
    hello.world.
  • Jenny CJenny C Registered Users Posts: 1,195
    For the ladies having their second child ... what have you planned to do differently in taking care of this one?

    Plan? HA - I was in denial until I got to the hospital. There was no plan.

    Even now, a year later Sophia is still sleeping in my room because we have yet to figure out where everyone is going.

    After #2 came it was just about trying to stay afloat. The toughest thing in the beginning was trying to figure out which kid needed me most at that second.

    #2 had to cry sometimes because I couldn't get to her right away. #1 would just have to make a peep and I'd be rushing right over. That was the biggest difference.

    It fun now because they're into the same silly games. We were just upstairs running back and forth for a half hour and they both thought it was hysterical. I think a 5 year old would get bored with that 'game' real quick. That's one of the good things about having them being at the same stage.

    The downside is that I now have two toddlers who are trying to rebel against me. The teen years should be blast.
    If you got nothing to bring to the table - don't even bother sitting down.
  • subbrocksubbrock Registered Users Posts: 8,212
    webjockey wrote: »
    I think with any second kid, you learn something to be not so uptight about.

    i totally agree. i was an overprotective mama bear when majerle was an infant. she was in my arms 24/7 and i barely even let her dad touch her. if we're pregnant again, ive already started thinking about how im not going to be like that as much. not because i dont want to be, but ive already enrolled in school to finish my degree and have started working part time and i need to continue with both of those, baby or not.
  • ruralcurlsruralcurls Registered Users Posts: 2,574
    After seeing Webjockey's and Kaia's threads about delivering any moment now (at least Web is), and noticing that they both have very young children, I started to wonder if people plan to have their kids so close together.

    I had such a hard time with adjusting emotionally/mentally with my first, that I can't imagine getting pregnant next year. We have discussed going again in 2010 so that DD and sibling are only a couple of years apart - and that's just so DD has a brother/sister to relate to (not because I necessarily want more kids).

    How did you come about having your second/third/fourth child?

    Having a baby is a big adjustment, no matter what number you are on. If you really want to stop, then stop. It is okay.

    I am not sure what numbers you are talking about back to back, mine aren't as close as webjockey's and Kaia's. My first and second are 25 months apart, and the second and third are 21 months apart.

    We came about having our first, second and third um, as pleasant surprises. :binky: We had planned to have our kids a few years earlier, but we didn't get any then. They came when they were ready.
  • mad scientistmad scientist Registered Users Posts: 3,530 Curl Neophyte
    My brother and I are 12.5 months apart, so closely spaced siblings is all I knew from experience. Since we were very close growing up, I wanted that kind of relationship for my own kids. Also, for selfish reasons, I'm just not really a baby person. I wanted to be done with the baby phase so that I could move on to the "raising children" phase.

    Mine are 25 months apart which is not super closely spaced (I had to go back to work for a year in order to qualify for maternity leave again). I found pregnancy very difficult the second time around - I was working full-time and exhausted and coming home to a very needy/clingy toddler. It was actually easier once the baby was born and I was home full-time.

    I started my son in 2 mornings of daycare a week after my daughter was born so that he could have some social time and I could get some errands done or have a time that I could take my daughter to doctor's appointments (she had lots!) without having to drag him along.

    Now I see my son at 3 years old and he is so much easier than he was at 2. He watches tv now! And he's at school in the morning. But on the other hand some 3 year olds can be quite jealous and I've seen some families struggle with big adjustments in their 3 year olds when a new baby comes. So every age gap has its pros and cons.


  • PixieCurlPixieCurl Registered Users Posts: 5,656
    I'm another who wants to have my children closely spaced (and contrary to the opinion of trolls, it's not so that my husband doesn't make me go back to working outside the home :twisted:)

    My main reason is that we want to have lots of kids (at least 3-4) and I want to do it while I'm still young. Initially I wanted to have 3 and be done by 30, but I'm 26 now with no AF in sight so I'll probably go into my early 30's at least. I also love the idea of my kids being close in age and being able to play together. My sister and I were 3 years apart which was just a little too much to really be good friends.

    And, what I'll admit is a completely selfish not-good reason, I'm still a little disappointed in my first birth experience and I'm anxious to try again to have the birth I want.
    Faith, 3Aish redhead
    Mama to two wild superheroes and a curly-headed baby boy :love5:
  • TrenellTrenell Registered Users Posts: 3,562 Curl Connoisseur
    PixieCurl wrote: »
    I'm still a little disappointed in my first birth experience and I'm anxious to try again to have the birth I want.

    I think that is one of the reasons I toy with the idea of having another baby. I missed out on the whole being happy about finding out I was pregnant. And my birthing experience was not good.

    But then I snap to my senses. :) funny before I had a child I thought I wanted 2 kids about 4-5 years apart. My brother and I are 6 years apart. NOW, I totally understand why someone would want to knock em out closer together.

    But, I think I'm sticking with the one.
  • webjockeywebjockey Registered Users Posts: 2,786
    I wouldn't count on having a better birth experience as an incentive. I thought I was soooo smart and had everything planned out.

    But i didn't anticipate DH sleeping through contractions only to wake up when I shouted "I'm pushing" baby coming in 10 minutes and me not not even making it to the water. I was pretty damn lucky there were no complications because I was essentially freebirthin it on my side.

    Not to scare anyone, but just to give some perspective on what one would hope to have.
    hello.world.
  • PixieCurlPixieCurl Registered Users Posts: 5,656
    webjockey wrote: »
    I wouldn't count on having a better birth experience as an incentive. I thought I was soooo smart and had everything planned out.

    But i didn't anticipate DH sleeping through contractions only to wake up when I shouted "I'm pushing" baby coming in 10 minutes and me not not even making it to the water. I was pretty damn lucky there were no complications because I was essentially freebirthin it on my side.

    Not to scare anyone, but just to give some perspective on what one would hope to have.

    I know it's not a good reason or a rational reason, and certainly there's no guarantee my next birth will be "better" than my first. And it's certainly not my main reason for wanting another baby or wanting it sooner as opposed to later, but I'd be lying if I said it wasn't in the back of my mind.
    Faith, 3Aish redhead
    Mama to two wild superheroes and a curly-headed baby boy :love5:
  • webjockeywebjockey Registered Users Posts: 2,786
    understood.

    I wasn't happy with my first birth either.
    hello.world.
  • iris427iris427 Registered Users Posts: 6,002
    PixieCurl wrote: »
    webjockey wrote: »
    I wouldn't count on having a better birth experience as an incentive. I thought I was soooo smart and had everything planned out.

    But i didn't anticipate DH sleeping through contractions only to wake up when I shouted "I'm pushing" baby coming in 10 minutes and me not not even making it to the water. I was pretty damn lucky there were no complications because I was essentially freebirthin it on my side.

    Not to scare anyone, but just to give some perspective on what one would hope to have.

    I know it's not a good reason or a rational reason, and certainly there's no guarantee my next birth will be "better" than my first. And it's certainly not my main reason for wanting another baby or wanting it sooner as opposed to later, but I'd be lying if I said it wasn't in the back of my mind.

    Pixie, I'm already thinking about that too.
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  • marielle448marielle448 Registered Users Posts: 1,823
    I definitely understand having that in the back of your mind, not as the complete motivation to have another child but as the thought of what to do when you have the other kids you want anyway. My first birth experience was less than stellar and each both the 2nd and 3rd were amazingly healing as a bonus.

    As far as spacing Ian and Ryan are 26 months apart while Nina and Ryan closer to 3 years apart. The difference is night and day. Ian was still a baby, still no much more needing of us and yet not as verbal (even with some language and some sign). Ryan is able to understand verbally so much more of what is going on and despite still being a very young little boy it's just not as intense as it was when he was born and Ian much younger.

    But the thing is that Ryan has never known what it's like to not have a sibling while Ian had a whole 2 years with just us so that definitely plays into things.
  • sarah42sarah42 Registered Users Posts: 4,034
    I understand too! I was very happy overall with both my babies' births, but I would sort of like to have a home birth. It is too soon to tell and undecided if we will have any more children. Not that that's a reason to have another baby. But it's an experience I would like to have, and if I do have another baby, that's what I hope to do.
    ehLB.jpg
  • SimbathekatSimbathekat Registered Users Posts: 140
    When I have the next child, I will hire a doula for the first three days after we arrive home. I will also hire a nanny for two weeks to get situated.

    One of the things that I most wanted to do with my first was breastfeed, and I didn't remain consistent because everything was so difficult in the beginning. Even after times lightened up, I'd try and DD would get frustrated after a while. So with the next kid, come rain or shine, he/she is getting the boob!!!
  • cosmicflycosmicfly Registered Users Posts: 1,814
    I have 3 kids and I understand completely. On the days when I think I could have another, I have to check myself and wonder if I'm chasing the perfect birth. I was not happy with my first birth. There were little things about the 2nd and 3rd that I guess I would like to 'correct'. For example, for my 3rd birth I finally managed not to let them rush me and went into labor on my own, but I ended up driving myself to the hospital and giving birth alone , which while not as disastrous as it sounds was not what I had envisioned.
  • RedCatWavesRedCatWaves Registered Users Posts: 31,259 Curl Connoisseur
    With my 4th baby, there was an element of seeking-the-perfect-birth involved in the decision to have another baby. I had planned a VBAC homebirth with my 3rd baby and ended up transporting and having another c-sec, which I was terribly and deeply disappointed about. When deciding to have a 4th, I had to really search my soul to see if I indeed wanted another baby, or if I just wanted another "chance". In the end, I decided I wanted another baby. It was wonderful that his birth turned out to be an absolutely perfect homebirth, and was very emotionally healing to me, making up for my horrid 3 previous c-sec deliveries. I have adored my last baby, every bit as much as any of my others. He's a great kid, and I'm so glad I had him.
  • DelmaDelma Registered Users Posts: 1,121
    What was it about your first birth that was so bad Pixie?

  • PixieCurlPixieCurl Registered Users Posts: 5,656
    Delma wrote: »
    What was it about your first birth that was so bad Pixie?

    My water broke (or rather, started leaking) before I went into labor, and therefore the doctors put me on a timeline. I was able to resist an induction for 30 hours but when my labor still wasn't progressing well I finally agreed to Pitocin. I made it through 8 more hours, and then ended up getting an epidural.... which meant that I had to push lying on my back and I ended up tearing a bit (which I may have anyway). We struggled with breastfeeding in the beginning, and I'll always wonder if it was because of the epidural. Plus, there were other smaller things that I didn't like about the hospital birth, like they wouldn't let me labor in my own clothes (which I know now, I should have just refused to change into a gown) and I ended up getting an IV after I was puking and getting weak and dehydrated. For the next birth, we're going to do a birth-center-within-a-hospital (not the same hospital as my first) or a homebirth.


    ETA: It really wasn't AWFUL. I am very grateful that I had a vaginal birth rather than a C-section, and that despite our rough start we have been able to have a great breastfeeding relationship. I know it could have been a lot worse - I just want some things to be different next time.
    Faith, 3Aish redhead
    Mama to two wild superheroes and a curly-headed baby boy :love5:
  • DelmaDelma Registered Users Posts: 1,121
    Thanks for sharing :toothy4:I really hope you get everything you want next time.

  • rainshowerrainshower Registered Users Posts: 4,420
    How did you come about having your second/third/fourth child?

    our 2 kids are 3.5 years apart. our decision was based on finances and practicality.

    i couldn't imagine having had 2 infants or a barely walking toddler and a newborn at the same time. my sleep schedule didn't return until after our first baby was over a year old. i couldn't imagine the physical and mental toll that having 2 infants would have had on me, let alone having 2 infants who'd both have similar demands from me simultaneously.

    my husband travels every once in a while, is on call several times a year, and we could not afford to have 2 children in daycare at the same time. hell, having 2 kids in disposable diapers would be a pain for us, and we are in a 2-income household!

    my friend got married in her late 30s and was desperate to have kids. she was shopping for the not-yet-conceived baby and planning a wedding at the same time (and in that order). she had already determined that to get the 4 kids she'd always dreamed of before her eggs dried up, she'd have to have a baby every 18 months to maximize her remaining child-bearing time. :confused: she managed it for the first 2, but her husband had to put a stop to her dreams of a family of 6 by telling her he can't afford to raise a family of 6 on his income alone. and if they had back-to-back kids like she'd wanted, she'd have to work to support them, but she doesn't have earning potential, and would be struggling to work just to pay for childcare. so that ended that dream.
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