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How to politely turn a guy down (Long, and I'm creeped out)

BefrizzledBefrizzled Posts: 3,854Registered Users
I'm the world's biggest idiot when I feel ambushed by a guy. I lose all sense of reason and can't articulate what I want to say. So I KNOW I should've handled this differently. I'm already kicking myself, so it'd be appreciated if you could keep that to a minimum. :oops:

I was minding my own business at the gas station Saturday, when a guy struck up a casual conversation. I imagine he's old enough to be my father. He was talking about football because he saw my license plates (mentioned the big college team from the state). We discussed schools and teams and he asked when I graduated, etc. Harmless stuff, I'd think. I finished filling my tank and said I had to go to work. He asked where it was. I work for a pretty well-known company in the area that's accessible, and I never had any problems result from telling someone where I work, and then he asked how he could do business with us, as often is the case in some form when I discuss where I work with someone. I told him how to get to the site and what department to contact. I was pretty clear that I wasn't going to be a help in getting what he wanted, telling him I don't know people in that department and that I don't do any dealings with it. Nice meeting you, good bye.

My phone rings yesterday at work. It's him. He sounded nice and pleasant enough, but I was pretty creeped out. He called the office and asked for me, and they told him what general hours I work and gave him my extension to try later. He asked me out to dinner. I was so shaken and taken aback. I told him I work nights, so I can't. He asked me to lunch. I told him he caught me at a bad time, I was busy, call back tomorrow.

Now I KNOW I should've said that I have a boyfriend, no, I'm not interested. But I froze. I'm good with the no thanks responses when I see it coming, so I'm not a totaly loss, but when I'm so stunned like I was, I don't think very clearly. So if he DOES call back, I'll tell him he caught me at a bad moment last night, I was frazzled and had my hands full, but I should've been clear that I have a serious boyfriend and am not interested in seeing anyone else. (SO said I should tell him I'm engaged, but I don't know if I have to go that far.) Now, it would be awesome if it ended here. But people will say they just want to meet as friends. I figure I can just tell him I didn't think SO would appreciate it. But I don't want to be caught off guard AGAIN. I want to end this tonight, as politely as possible, since he knows not only where I work, but also my general schedule now (thanks to the folks who answered the phone). I'm (most likely irrationally) afraid he'll show up at work or something. Any advice on the best way to handle this?

(I need a fake name and fake occupation. And my friend has a fake engagement ring she wears out when she doesn't want to be bothered. She suggested I get one of those. :lol:)
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Comments

  • geekygeeky Posts: 4,995Registered Users
    You don't need to give any excuses or reasons. Actually the fewer excuses and reasons you give, the better.
    "No, thank you. It's nice of you to ask but I am not interested" Repeat as needed.
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  • BoomygrrlBoomygrrl Posts: 4,940Registered Users
    Yeah, that's the best route to take...just be upfront and tell him in a polite way. Most people are reasonable and respect the honesty.
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  • duckyducky Posts: 927Registered Users
    I agree with Geeky!
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  • BefrizzledBefrizzled Posts: 3,854Registered Users
    Should I not put the boyfriend thing out there? Or is OK to say thanks for asking, but I have a boyfriend and am not interested? I just figured that if he knows I'm already in a relationship, he might be less likely to think he could try to convince me to say yes (as has also happened before, but with guys I've known. This is my first stranger creeper. Ugh.).
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  • AmandacurlsAmandacurls Posts: 6,252Registered Users
    Yeah, say you're not interested. I've told guys in the past that I have a boyfriend and they ask how serious it is, does he treat me well, how well they'd treat me, etc, etc. The less information you offer the better. Some guys seem to think when you tell them you have a boyfriend, that it means you're interested but dating someone else. So the more direct you are, the better for you in the long run. If he keeps calling you at work let him know that it is a business and not a personal line and furthermore you aren't interested.
  • AmandacurlsAmandacurls Posts: 6,252Registered Users
    Befrizzled wrote: »
    Should I not put the boyfriend thing out there? Or is OK to say thanks for asking, but I have a boyfriend and am not interested? I just figured that if he knows I'm already in a relationship, he might be less likely to think he could try to convince me to say yes (as has also happened before, but with guys I've known. This is my first stranger creeper. Ugh.).

    IME when I've told guys I have a boyfriend they seem to think if they stick around long enough the situation will change. I think it makes the point that much more clear if you leave the boyfriend thing out and just say you're not interested. If he asks if you have a boyfriend I'd say it doesn't matter because you're not interested. Be firm.
  • BefrizzledBefrizzled Posts: 3,854Registered Users
    Yeah, say you're not interested. I've told guys in the past that I have a boyfriend and they ask how serious it is, does he treat me well, how well they'd treat me, etc, etc. The less information you offer the better. Some guys seem to think when you tell them you have a boyfriend, that it means you're interested but dating someone else. So the more direct you are, the better for you in the long run. If he keeps calling you at work let him know that it is a business and not a personal line and furthermore you aren't interested.

    Yeah. That's why SO said I should say I'm engaged. I've told guys I just flat out wasn't interested and got the questioning on why not, would I ever be, just give it a shot, etc. I've never had trouble just saying I have a serious boyfriend, I'm not interested, thanks.

    I'm still freaked out.

    ETA: We were posting at the same time. Guys stick around to see if I'll ever be interested if they think I'm NOT attached. I've never had the reverse happen. Who knows.
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  • MichelleBFTMichelleBFT Posts: 4,812Registered Users
    Indeed, all you want to say is No. Lather, rinse, repeat. It doesn't matter why, the point is No. You don't owe him any excuses or reasons. No.

    And then tell your company that randomly giving out your information for non-business purposes is not ok.
    "And politically correct is the worst term, not just because it’s dismissive, but because it narrows down the whole social justice spectrum to this idea that it’s about being polite instead of about dismantling the oppressive social structure of power.
    Fun Fact: When you actively avoid being “PC,” you’re not being forward-thinking or unique. You’re buying into systems of oppression that have existed since before you were even born, and you’re keeping those systems in place."
    Stolen.
  • BefrizzledBefrizzled Posts: 3,854Registered Users
    Indeed, all you want to say is No. Lather, rinse, repeat. It doesn't matter why, the point is No. You don't owe him any excuses or reasons. No.

    And then tell your company that randomly giving out your information for non-business purposes is not ok.

    He easily could've said it was business-related, so I can't say they necessarily did anything wrong. I've had people call and e-mail me (whether they managed to get it themselves or it was given to them or they called the main office) with work-related comments, questions and concerns, so it's not way out there. I've just never had anyone track me down at work to ASK ME OUT. Yikes.

    So consenus is to just say I should've been clear last night that I wasn't interested? No mention of SO? (Work folk, mom, best friend and SO said I should bring that up, and I haven't decided yet whether I will, but that's why I'm posting here.)
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  • AmandacurlsAmandacurls Posts: 6,252Registered Users
    My vote is no on mentioning the SO for the simple fact that you don't owe this guy an explanation. He may push for one, but all you owe him is a "No thank you, I'm not interested".
  • rudeechickrudeechick Posts: 6,726Registered Users
    I'm like you - I tend to get caught off guard AND not want to hurt someones feelings.

    I chicken out by exaggerating how crazy jealous my boyfriend gets when another guy even TALKS to me. They usually dont want to get YOU in hot water and will back off. (Altho the LAST guy I tried this on went into heated detail about being an ex marine and bring the SO on etc.... Had to report HIM to gym manangment).
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  • BefrizzledBefrizzled Posts: 3,854Registered Users
    My vote is no on mentioning the SO for the simple fact that you don't owe this guy an explanation. He may push for one, but all you owe him is a "No thank you, I'm not interested".

    It's less feeling like I owe him an explanation and more that I would feel more comfortable saying that. I don't know why. I guess to me, saying I have an SO lets him know there's no way, no how, no chance. Saying I'm not interested still has me out on the market. This is also totally based on experiences I've had. The guys I've turned down by saying I'm with SO, not interested, have generally respected it. When I've told guys I'm just not interested, it's gotten ugly. I lost a really good friend that way (well, come to think of it, he wasn't a really good friend if he pulled this crap); he thought if he stuck around, I'd eventually change my mind, since I was still available. In truth, I AM more comfortable telling him I have an SO, which is why I may say it. It has nothing to do with owing him any explanation. I don't feel as if I have to answer any questions regarding him or my relationship or how long we've been together: I don't owe him an explanation. I think it's easier for me to be firm that way. And if he thinks I live with someone (he doesn't know where I live, though) and have someone around watching my back, that doesn't hurt either. I really am creeped out.

    rudechick -- I understand about not wanting to hurt someone's feelings. In general, I think there's a nice way to turn down guys. I think I'm just being super anal about this because he knows my work schedule. I don't want to unnecessarily piss him off. But I want to be clear I'm not interested and never will be. I don't think I've used the SO line unless I've had one, because I also don't like to lie. I need to grow a better backbone when it comes to stuff like this. But I tend to tiptoe a little more when I'm afraid. The whole situation makes me really uncomfortable.

    ETA: Even the guys at work said I should say I have an SO. I don't know if that counts for anything. I expect I'll probably say it, but I still appreciate the input/advice. It's the being firm in general and not owing any elaboration beyond my initial no that I have trouble with. I plan to put the rinse-rather-repeat method to use. I've started living by that just this summer, so it's still new for me. I tend to need reminding that I'm the one in control of this situation.
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  • rudeechickrudeechick Posts: 6,726Registered Users
    Befrizzled wrote: »
    My vote is no on mentioning the SO for the simple fact that you don't owe this guy an explanation. He may push for one, but all you owe him is a "No thank you, I'm not interested".

    It's less feeling like I owe him an explanation and more that I would feel more comfortable saying that. I don't know why. I guess to me, saying I have an SO lets him know there's no way, no how, no chance. Saying I'm not interested still has me out on the market. This is also totally based on experiences I've had. The guys I've turned down by saying I'm with SO, not interested, have generally respected it. When I've told guys I'm just not interested, it's gotten ugly. I lost a really good friend that way (well, come to think of it, he wasn't a really good friend if he pulled this crap); he thought if he stuck around, I'd eventually change my mind, since I was still available. In truth, I AM more comfortable telling him I have an SO, which is why I may say it. It has nothing to do with owing him any explanation. I don't feel as if I have to answer any questions regarding him or my relationship or how long we've been together: I don't owe him an explanation. I think it's easier for me to be firm that way. And if he thinks I live with someone (he doesn't know where I live, though) and have someone around watching my back, that doesn't hurt either. I really am creeped out.

    rudechick -- I understand about not wanting to hurt someone's feelings. In general, I think there's a nice way to turn down guys. I think I'm just being super anal about this because he knows my work schedule. I don't want to unnecessarily piss him off. But I want to be clear I'm not interested and never will be. I don't think I've used the SO line unless I've had one, because I also don't like to lie. I need to grow a better backbone when it comes to stuff like this. But I tend to tiptoe a little more when I'm afraid. The whole situation makes me really uncomfortable.

    ETA: Even the guys at work said I should say I have an SO. I don't know if that counts for anything. I expect I'll probably say it, but I still appreciate the input/advice. It's the being firm in general and not owing any elaboration beyond my initial no that I have trouble with. I plan to put the rinse-rather-repeat method to use. I've started living by that just this summer, so it's still new for me. I tend to need reminding that I'm the one in control of this situation.
    There is no question I am a chicken when it comes to this kinda thing.. like you said you either lose a friend or piss someone off. And, for the record, my SO is stupidly jealous, so I can say that with full conviction!;)
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  • MichelleBFTMichelleBFT Posts: 4,812Registered Users
    By bringing the fact that you're in a relationship up, it gives this guy the idea that if only it weren't for that relationship, he'd have a chance. Which doesn't sound like the case.

    Either way, this is really about you. Do you want to date him? No. Doesn't matter what the reason is, the answer is no. Give him more than the fact that you don't want to go out with him, and he may start using those reasons as leverage for getting you to change your mind. Not that it would work, but it's annoying.
    "And politically correct is the worst term, not just because it’s dismissive, but because it narrows down the whole social justice spectrum to this idea that it’s about being polite instead of about dismantling the oppressive social structure of power.
    Fun Fact: When you actively avoid being “PC,” you’re not being forward-thinking or unique. You’re buying into systems of oppression that have existed since before you were even born, and you’re keeping those systems in place."
    Stolen.
  • AmandacurlsAmandacurls Posts: 6,252Registered Users
    By bringing the fact that you're in a relationship up, it gives this guy the idea that if only it weren't for that relationship, he'd have a chance. Which doesn't sound like the case.

    Either way, this is really about you. Do you want to date him? No. Doesn't matter what the reason is, the answer is no. Give him more than the fact that you don't want to go out with him, and he may start using those reasons as leverage for getting you to change your mind. Not that it would work, but it's annoying.

    This has been my experience as well.
  • BefrizzledBefrizzled Posts: 3,854Registered Users
    By bringing the fact that you're in a relationship up, it gives this guy the idea that if only it weren't for that relationship, he'd have a chance. Which doesn't sound like the case.

    Either way, this is really about you. Do you want to date him? No. Doesn't matter what the reason is, the answer is no. Give him more than the fact that you don't want to go out with him, and he may start using those reasons as leverage for getting you to change your mind. Not that it would work, but it's annoying.

    This has been my experience as well.

    I imagine that my comfort with bringing up SO is because my experience has been the opposite. I've never had luck with a straight not interested line, but the SO usually shuts them up, in my own experiences. I also don't expect to give him time to try to reason me into dating him either way. I'll be at work, and he doesn't have my personal number (and won't get it), and I just won't entertain it.
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  • NarniaNarnia Posts: 1,770Registered Users
    By bringing the fact that you're in a relationship up, it gives this guy the idea that if only it weren't for that relationship, he'd have a chance. Which doesn't sound like the case.

    That was my first thought as well. Sometimes fuels the fire if you bring up the SO.
    I'd just be sayin, "Not interested!" Be firm. Don't let the guy have a lingering thought that you might be interested.
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  • LoloDSMLoloDSM Posts: 3,778Registered Users
    I would tell him thanks, but you aren't interested. Leave it at that. If he continues to call or wants to meet and be friends, I'd be a little more blunt and tell him flat out no and that you aren't comfortable with him calling anymore.

    Don't apologize or feel bad and don't let him make you feel guilty. Nice guys would understand why you wouldn't want to meet up with a stranger from the gas station. And if he tries to guilt you or pressure you, then you KNOW he's bad news.

    Keep it simple. Tell him thanks but no thanks. And stop talking after that.

    Let us know what happens.

    I always seemed to attract these weirdos too. I had someone do practically the same thing when I was in my 20s, only he left notes on my car windshield and at my office desk (he knew someone who worked at my company). I lived alone in a new town, and completely freaked out.
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  • MichelleBFTMichelleBFT Posts: 4,812Registered Users
    Befrizzled wrote: »
    By bringing the fact that you're in a relationship up, it gives this guy the idea that if only it weren't for that relationship, he'd have a chance. Which doesn't sound like the case.

    Either way, this is really about you. Do you want to date him? No. Doesn't matter what the reason is, the answer is no. Give him more than the fact that you don't want to go out with him, and he may start using those reasons as leverage for getting you to change your mind. Not that it would work, but it's annoying.

    This has been my experience as well.

    I imagine that my comfort with bringing up SO is because my experience has been the opposite. I've never had luck with a straight not interested line, but the SO usually shuts them up, in my own experiences. I also don't expect to give him time to try to reason me into dating him either way. I'll be at work, and he doesn't have my personal number (and won't get it), and I just won't entertain it.


    Really?!? It's been exactly the opposite for me. I say "Sorry, I have a boyfriend/husband," and suddenly it, "Is he here? I don't see him here. He'll never have to know." kind of thing, which just icks me out. If I flat out say no, they get the message. Giving an reason/excuse seems to make them think I"m warm and fuzzy. I don't want these creeps thinking I"m warm and fuzzy, I want them thinking I"m the ice queen. Not giving a reason is much icy-er.
    "And politically correct is the worst term, not just because it’s dismissive, but because it narrows down the whole social justice spectrum to this idea that it’s about being polite instead of about dismantling the oppressive social structure of power.
    Fun Fact: When you actively avoid being “PC,” you’re not being forward-thinking or unique. You’re buying into systems of oppression that have existed since before you were even born, and you’re keeping those systems in place."
    Stolen.
  • BefrizzledBefrizzled Posts: 3,854Registered Users
    LoloDSM wrote: »
    I would tell him thanks, but you aren't interested. Leave it at that. If he continues to call or wants to meet and be friends, I'd be a little more blunt and tell him flat out no and that you aren't comfortable with him calling anymore.

    Don't apologize or feel bad and don't let him make you feel guilty. Nice guys would understand why you wouldn't want to meet up with a stranger from the gas station. And if he tries to guilt you or pressure you, then you KNOW he's bad news.

    Keep it simple. Tell him thanks but no thanks. And stop talking after that.

    Let us know what happens.

    I always seemed to attract these weirdos too. I had someone do practically the same thing when I was in my 20s, only he left notes on my car windshield and at my office desk (he knew someone I who worked at my company). I lived alone in a new town, and completely freaked out.

    When I was 13, some 18-year-old staying in the hotel with his family was leaving me love letters in the crack between the doors to our car. I hadn't even spoken to the guy. My mother went to hotel management to get the scoop on the kid and when they were leaving. I should've known then that I'd be in for trouble in the future. :roll:
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  • BefrizzledBefrizzled Posts: 3,854Registered Users
    Befrizzled wrote: »

    This has been my experience as well.

    I imagine that my comfort with bringing up SO is because my experience has been the opposite. I've never had luck with a straight not interested line, but the SO usually shuts them up, in my own experiences. I also don't expect to give him time to try to reason me into dating him either way. I'll be at work, and he doesn't have my personal number (and won't get it), and I just won't entertain it.


    Really?!? It's been exactly the opposite for me. I say "Sorry, I have a boyfriend/husband," and suddenly it, "Is he here? I don't see him here. He'll never have to know." kind of thing, which just icks me out. If I flat out say no, they get the message. Giving an reason/excuse seems to make them think I"m warm and fuzzy. I don't want these creeps thinking I"m warm and fuzzy, I want them thinking I"m the ice queen. Not giving a reason is much icy-er.

    Everyone's been really cool when I say I have a boyfriend. I've even hung out with guys anyway, as friends, and they've been nothing but respectful. And if they just want in my pants, they leave me alone since I make it clear it's serious and I'm not looking elsewhere. It's when I just say I'm just interested that they think they can sway me since I'm free on the market. "Come on, it won't hurt," etc. Or they think I'll eventually change my mind. I've never had an issue saying I'm in a serious relationship. It's when I leave that out that I have more trouble. That's why I'm more likely to tell him I'm a serious relationship and am not interested; it's never not worked for me. There is a first time for everything, though.
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  • XyzXyz Posts: 685Registered Users
    I've learned from some relationship expert that men who will hit on you when you've given no sign of interest are jerks. You're way too considerate and nice about this situation. This man turned a normal conversation into an opportunity to get your work information. He misrepresented his interest in your job to both you and your co-workers so he could get your extension. Even the police don't do that. Creepy? Yup, that sounds about right.
    It's less feeling like I owe him an explanation and more that I would feel more comfortable saying that. I don't know why. I guess to me, saying I have an SO lets him know there's no way, no how, no chance. Saying I'm not interested still has me out on the market. This is also totally based on experiences I've had. The guys I've turned down by saying I'm with SO, not interested, have generally respected it.
    This is very telling. Basically you are saying that most men won't respect YOUR wishes. They only respect that another man might "own" you and they don't want to offend him. You should tell Creepy what you told us. When you met him he seemed like a nice man who was old enough to be your father so you had a casual conversation with him at the gas station. And you would like to leave it at that. If he doesn't respect that, that's his problem and you have every right to report him to your office supervisors and authorities. Men won't learn to respect our right to say no if we continue to hide behind other men.
  • AmandacurlsAmandacurls Posts: 6,252Registered Users
    Xyz wrote: »
    I've learned from some relationship expert that men who will hit on you when you've given no sign of interest are jerks. You're way too considerate and nice about this situation. This man turned a normal conversation into an opportunity to get your work information. He misrepresented his interest in your job to both you and your co-workers so he could get your extension. Even the police don't do that. Creepy? Yup, that sounds about right.
    It's less feeling like I owe him an explanation and more that I would feel more comfortable saying that. I don't know why. I guess to me, saying I have an SO lets him know there's no way, no how, no chance. Saying I'm not interested still has me out on the market. This is also totally based on experiences I've had. The guys I've turned down by saying I'm with SO, not interested, have generally respected it.
    This is very telling. Basically you are saying that most men won't respect YOUR wishes. They only respect that another man might "own" you and they don't want to offend him. You should tell Creepy what you told us. When you met him he seemed like a nice man who was old enough to be your father so you had a casual conversation with him at the gas station. And you would like to leave it at that. If he doesn't respect that, that's his problem and you have every right to report him to your office supervisors and authorities. Men won't learn to respect our right to say no if we continue to hide behind other men.

    Well said Xyz, especially that last sentence.
  • WileE-DeadWileE-Dead Banned Posts: 24,963Banned Users
    Sounds like it's time for that ring from SO :afro:
    0004.gif

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  • BefrizzledBefrizzled Posts: 3,854Registered Users
    Sounds like it's time for that ring from SO :afro:

    Haha, not yet. We're not ready. I did smile when he said he wants me to tell the guy I'm engaged. :wink:

    Xyz -- I agree the guy overstepped his bounds. I've also been physically threatened (not just verbal threats about physically hurting me; my health/safety was physically in jeopardy) for telling a guy no, firmly, no qualifiers. I've had to go to my university's public safety because I told a guy no, firmly, no qualifiers. I'm not out to change the world one guy at a time. I just want this guy to leave me alone. If he does that because he doesn't want to disrespect my SO, whatever, mission accomplished. And apparently I'm in the minority, since most people here have said throwing out the SO thing gets more disrespect than a no. (I read this again, and it sounds like it has a snarky tone, but it's not meant to.)
    Under construction.
  • medussamedussa Posts: 12,993Registered Users
    Befrizzled wrote: »
    By bringing the fact that you're in a relationship up, it gives this guy the idea that if only it weren't for that relationship, he'd have a chance. Which doesn't sound like the case.

    Either way, this is really about you. Do you want to date him? No. Doesn't matter what the reason is, the answer is no. Give him more than the fact that you don't want to go out with him, and he may start using those reasons as leverage for getting you to change your mind. Not that it would work, but it's annoying.

    This has been my experience as well.

    I imagine that my comfort with bringing up SO is because my experience has been the opposite. I've never had luck with a straight not interested line, but the SO usually shuts them up, in my own experiences. I also don't expect to give him time to try to reason me into dating him either way. I'll be at work, and he doesn't have my personal number (and won't get it), and I just won't entertain it.

    So what exactly are you asking us? It sounds to me like you already know what you're going to say.

    I agree with, XYZ and MichelleBFT.
  • ZinniaZinnia Posts: 7,339Registered Users
    Did I miss how he knew to ask for you at work? Did he have your name? Or did you give very specific details on what you do, so he knew to ask for your department?

    It is creepy that he found you.
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  • curlyarcacurlyarca Posts: 8,449Registered Users
    Whenever people try to set me up or I have people asking me out, I just say no and move on.

    I will admit when I was 20 and right out of school I bought a fake ring from Claire's to wear on my ring finger. That worked, too.

    People approaching me in parking lots and gas stations always creeps me out. I usually ignore them and go directly to my car. Can't get icier than that. Matter of fact and totally off the subject, the other way a guy on a bike was begging in the parking lot. My friend let him walk up to her and ask her for money for milk and eggs. I walked directly to my car and waited for my friend to walk away from the guy. She told me that the guy said "Whoa, she just walked away!" (he was kind of shocked by my actiosn) and she explained what the guy was asking for...Selfish me replied, "I'm not accustomed to stopping in parking lots at dusk for men, and I need money for milk and eggs, too!" Laughter ensued. :)

    But anyway, back to the topic. Why not just ignore his phone calls? That will send a "not interested" message.

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  • SuburbanbushbabeSuburbanbushbabe Posts: 15,402Registered Users
    Some total stranger horning in on you? You owe him nothing. Tell him your're not interested and since you gave him work information for professional purposes, you find it so unprofessional that he tracked you down to ask you out.
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  • NetGNetG Posts: 8,116Registered Users
    ARGH!

    Sorry, I'm frustrated with women of our generation. I know you're younger than me, but younger Gen X and Gen Y women DO NOT know how to set boundaries.


    I've posted it in other threads, and I think this applies here. DO NOT ENGAGE HIM. He asks, you say no. Period. He tries to continue the conversation, you say no again.

    Set boundaries. You are not being rude for saying no you are not interested. He, however, is being VERY rude if he disregards you saying that and continues to push. If he does that, he is disrespecting you, so no need to worry about politeness. Just flat out tell him NO.


    Then I'd go talk to whoever gave out your information. Unless there's a phone number which is directory services and supposed to give out your number, their response to someone asking for your information should be "I'm sorry, I can't give out that information, but may I have your contact info and business with her?" I can totally see someone not having your number and wanting to contact you for business purposes. But they should NEVER give out your work schedule to anyone, nor give out your phone info unless that's general policy to do. They engaged him, too. And shouldn't.

    Practice saying no. Because it's ridiculous that you're even the least bit concerned about the conversation after you say no. Your answer is no. PERIOD. END. OF. DISCUSSION.
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