Mom Issues

lisakay007lisakay007 Posts: 26Registered Users
Just out of curiousity, how many of you have had issues with your mom regarding your hair?

I feel like the biggest struggles with my hair were a result of my mom. She kept it short when I was young so it was "manageable" and it looked terrible. She used to cut knots out of it and shampoo vigourously (CG wasn't around then so she didn't know otherwise). Even when I got older and grew it out she insisted I have bangs (we all know how bad of an idea that is), and would try and brush it and put it in unattractive styles.

Obviously now I am an adult and do what I want with my hair. I just started CG a week ago (I'm going to go to modified because I'm having some issues), but my hair does look different and I'm going to see my mom this weekend and I'm fearful. Just wondering if anyone else has this experience and how they deal. Sorry about that bit of a rant, needed to get it off my chest a bit.
- Lisa

fine 3a/b
Shampoo: Giovanni Deep Cleanse, Baby shampoo
Conditioner: Suave Green Apple
Leave in: Giovanni Direct Leave in
Still searching for my dream gel/styler.

I blog about knitting, my hair, and life here:

http://www.lisakay007.wordpress.com

Comments

  • mycolorfulheartmycolorfulheart Posts: 158Registered Users
    lisakay007 wrote: »
    Just out of curiousity, how many of you have had issues with your mom regarding your hair?

    I feel like the biggest struggles with my hair were a result of my mom. She kept it short when I was young so it was "manageable" and it looked terrible. She used to cut knots out of it and shampoo vigourously (CG wasn't around then so she didn't know otherwise). Even when I got older and grew it out she insisted I have bangs (we all know how bad of an idea that is), and would try and brush it and put it in unattractive styles.

    Obviously now I am an adult and do what I want with my hair. I just started CG a week ago (I'm going to go to modified because I'm having some issues), but my hair does look different and I'm going to see my mom this weekend and I'm fearful. Just wondering if anyone else has this experience and how they deal. Sorry about that bit of a rant, needed to get it off my chest a bit.

    My mom had straight hair and didn't know what to do with mine. I slept over at her house not too long ago and was going to take a shower in the morning, but she didn't have anything in there except for sulfate shampoo and 'volumizing' conditioner! haha. My mom likes my hair now though...I'd say, as long as your hair looks good (and judging from your avatar, it does!) your mom will probably be happy for you.
  • erikaxelectrik7erikaxelectrik7 Posts: 90Registered Users
    I lived with my (white)grandparents, and I'm biracial so my hair is very curly. When I was little, my grandma used to brush it out so it was a huge frizzy bush. She used to cut the knots out as well as cut the rubberbands out when they would get tangled up in my bushy ponytail. She washed my hair with really bad chemical shampoos and "conditioners", and she made me get it flat ironed regularly. She also forced me to get relaxers(I had no clue how harmful this was, seeing as I had no idea what to do with my hair either and I was a little kid), and I had to cut off all my hair because of the damage from the relaxers. So now I have short, damaged hair. =(
  • SystemSystem Posts: 39,059 Administrator
    Aren't mothers and grandmothers wonderful. :boxing: My grandmother hated my hair and kept it so short that it wouldn't even curl. I learned to hate my hair from her. Thanks.


    I love my hair now and don't worry about what other people think about it. It's my hair, my head, and my business.
  • FeedYourHeadFeedYourHead Posts: 236Registered Users
    My mom had straight hair and didn't know what to do with mine.

    Yep. Mine was a hairdresser in the late 1960's, when if you had hair like mine, you literally ironed it to make it straight!

    She would brush my hair and blow-dry it straight...I remember it would take 45 minutes a day just to get the tangles out! *Shudder* No deep conditioning, just a lot of sulfate poos and maybe, once in a while, a creme rinse that did absolutely nothing for my hair.

    It took me years to undo the damage that hair care routine did--to my hair and to my self-respect.
    Name: FeedYourHead's Hair

    Description: 3A/3B/2C in the back, Botticelli, fine, thick, high porosity, CG since 2008

    Likes: Shea Moisture Coconut & Hibiscus Co-Wash Conditioning Cleanser; Curls Coconut Curlada conditioner; L - Eden Bodyworks Coconut Shea or Jane Carter Solution Revitalizing, O - coconut oil, C - Curls Creme Brule cream; FOTE AVG; honey; banana hair masks
    Dislikes: Silicones (:thumbdown:), Hairbrushes (:eek:) and harsh detergents (:protest:)
  • TillyMunchyWavesTillyMunchyWaves Posts: 671Registered Users
    I don't have issues, but I always thought that this was weird of my mom.

    She had thick, wavy hair like mine, but after she was married she got the "mom haircut" (you guys know what I mean) that she wears to this day.

    Well, when I was a kid she wanted me to be able to take care of my own hair, which is understandable. BUT all we had in the shower was shampoo, (Suave, baby shampoo, you know, SLS loaded stuff) and of course I would wash my hair and then be unable to brush out the tangles--with a brush that had plastic teeth crowded together--so I would run around with the length of my hair basically matted. I had my hair cut short for years, a 1st, 2nd, and 3rd grader with the "mom" haircut. I didn't mind the cut, because well I didn't want to deal with the impossible task of brushing my hair.

    Later on I had shoulder length hair that I would put in a headband everyday. I didn't realize that my hair was wavy until I was in high school, and even then I had no clue what to do with it. I would brush it straight, thinking it would dry that way and I would just get a frizzy mess. I wore my long hair braided every single day.

    When I was around 21 my friend said to me, "You know, I think that your hair could look like Elaine's from Seinfeld" this was when she had pretty shoulder length curls. I got a haircut and said to the stylist, "Make my hair look like Elaine's" and she kind of did.

    I didn't even realize that my hair could be worn loose, and wavy at that.

    From then on, I would wear my hair loose occasionally and experiment with how to get it too look right. I used Potion 9 alot, and discovered hair oil, and just washing with conditioner, and I had already stopped shampooing every day years ago.

    It seems so obvious now, but when I think about it it's difficult to wade your way through. I remember buying stuff that was marketed to curlies--when they finally started making it--that just wouldn't work so well, and how I laugh at how crappy those ingredients are! Especially expensive deep treatments and shampoos, etc. They contain the same ingredients that I find in a 99 cent bottle of VO5, or more laughably, say they are moisturizing when the 1st ingredient is a detergent! I don't mind paying for products that work. But mainstream if you will products are one in the same, wheather they are $1 or $20. Oh, sorry, I'm off on a tangent.

    It really is a straight world. I grew up thinking I had to brush my hair everyday--now I only brush when I'm in the shower, or if I'm wearing my hair braided for a few days (I still do it because of work.) I grew up thinking I had to shampoo every day. I thought that if I combed my hair straight it would just DO IT eventually.

    I still shampoo, but it's every 6 to 8 days. I cowash. I blend oil and butters into a conditioner base and use that. I put staight oil in my hair. We are an oil phobic society, think of all the products that are touted as "oil free" when sometimes it's the most healthy, nutritous, and natural, and inexpensive thing you can use for your hair. But we are conditioned to think that oil is bad so we usually stay away. But most curlies need it!

    Anyway, my mom is hardly anti-curl/wave, that wasn't the issue. But if I have a son or daughter, I would probably guide them a little better on how to take care of their hair. I'm a 2C and my so is a 3a (fine curls) so of course we would have a curly kid.

    All the good wave days I could have had in high school. My hair was waist length then, and had no grey. But I'm grateful that I finally have an idea on what to do now, which is 100% different than mainstream convention.
    Wavy, curly on the ends, 2C.
    Coarse to medium textured, porous, dry, and lots of it.
    Shampoo--HSH Pumpkin, Abba Pure Moisture
    LVPNG, HSH Pumpkin, Walgreen's Knockoffs--Condish/Cowash
    AOHR, Nexxus, EO--LI
    CK & ReCoil--Activator
    Suave Max Hold, Alagio Curl-Gel
    For inquiring minds who want to know:
    http://www.public.fotki.com/TillyErnissee
  • lisakay007lisakay007 Posts: 26Registered Users
    It seems like the common root of all mom related hair issues come from her not having the same type of hair. I can't really blame my mom for that, but it annoys me so much when she'll make comments about my hair when she abused it so much in the first place. For example when I went home this weekend I was letting my hair air dry. We were getting ready to go out and she said, "Why is your hair still wet?" I replied that I was letting it air dry, because I didn't have a diffuser with me and blow dryer is really damaging. Her response was, "Well go rub it with a towel or something, you'll catch a cold." I didn't feel like explaining how vigourously rubbing curls with a towel is a bad idea, so I just said lets go, but I feel like I shouldn't have to defend my decisions about my hair to her. Then again in her eyes I'm probably still a child.
    - Lisa

    fine 3a/b
    Shampoo: Giovanni Deep Cleanse, Baby shampoo
    Conditioner: Suave Green Apple
    Leave in: Giovanni Direct Leave in
    Still searching for my dream gel/styler.

    I blog about knitting, my hair, and life here:

    http://www.lisakay007.wordpress.com
  • onethousandcurlsonethousandcurls Posts: 1,118Registered Users
    My mom actually did have curly hair, although not thick or resistant like mine. She used to blow dry and use a curling iron everyday, and it worked with her finer hair. But you're right, she didn't know what do with mine.
    3b/c, CG 9/18/08
    Last process: 04/05/08 Big Chop: 08/08/09
    Currently: Herbal Essences Hello Hydration, Herbal Essences Set Me Up gel (summer only), Boots Curl Creme (winter only)
  • tattooedmommietattooedmommie Posts: 145Registered Users
    My mom has the same hair type as me, but she's been using "steam sets" all of her life and never taught me how to do anything with my curly hair. I think that's part of the reason I've hated it so much growing up.

    But I told her about CG and next week will be the first day she sees me curly and she's already asking me about how to go CG!
    I'm keeping it simple and curly... Jonna
    A Girl And Her Curl
    Tweet Me
    3a/b
  • jeepcurlygurljeepcurlygurl Posts: 20,361Registered Users, Curl Ambassador Curl Virtuoso
    My mom has always had thick wavy gorgeous hair but she's always worn it short. My sisters both have straight hair. Mom gave them both perms but had a vendetta against my curly hair. She brushed it (which hurt and often made me cry), chopped it short (which REALLY made me cry), and just never seemed to like it.

    When I became a teen I took control of my own hair, though I didn't learn to love it for many more years.

    Mom still gives me a look when my hair is extra wild, but it just makes me laugh now.
    --I'm located in Western PA.
    --I found NC in late 2004, CG since February 2005, joined the forums in May 2005, started going grey in late 2005.
    --My hair is 3B with some 3A, currently at mid back length when dry,  texture-medium/fine, porosity-top is low, middle is medium, ends are porous, elasticity-normal.
    --My long time favorite products are Suave & VO5 conditioners, LA Looks Sport Gel, coconut oil, honey, vinegar.
    --My CG and grey hair progress http://www.naturallycurly.com/curltalk/going-gray/179328-jeepys-grey-hair-progress.html
    --My article at NaturallyCurly about going grey. Yes, it's in the senior section. : /  https://www.naturallycurly.com/curlreading/seniors/how-i-went-completely-gray-and-loved-it
  • violetcurlsvioletcurls Posts: 434Registered Users
    My mom has straight hair. It's not bad because she's very nice and supportive of what I do with my hair, but she subtly treats it like a phase, like I'm crazy, and like I'll be back to using shampoo in a couple of months. She actually talked me into using shampoo (not even a good kind) when I was weak. I didn't use much, but it didn't help my hair any. She's also trying to convince me to use a "wide-toothed brush". I said I'd think about it. I did and what ran through my mind was the huge, afro like hair I had for three years and "OWWWW!!!" I'm not going to do that (though I still love my mom).

    My mom likes my curly hair, and encourages it. I just don't think she likes the idea of CG.
    3a/b ?

    Unleash the curls!

    Nobody move! I dropped me brain. ~Jack Sparrow
  • JillH410JillH410 Posts: 594Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    My mom issue was completely different - she LOVED my curls and I hated them! My mom has naturally straight hair, but my grandmother has naturally curly hair. My mom would encourage me to leave my hair curly, but I would always blow dry and straighten it to "fit in" more with what society thought was ideal hair. My sister who used to be a hairdresser would use relaxers that were meant for ethnic hair and so many other harsh chemicals to try to get my hair to straighten and they just never worked.

    I'm just now starting to embrace my curls and am learning so much from this site that I wish I would have known about it back in high school (oh wait, it wasn't around then). I am so glad there's a community of like-haired people gathered in one place to exchange ideas and suggestions - I can't ever get too much help! :headbang:
    cowash: Tresemme Naturals
    rinse out: Garnier Triple Nutrition
    Leave in: Suave naturals, whichever scent I'm into at the moment
    gel: Garnier Fructis or LA Looks

    3a-3b - high porosity
  • CanItBeChristineCanItBeChristine Posts: 6,343Registered Users
    Do we have the same mom?!

    My mom has blamed my hair on my lack of boyfriends and my difficulties finding jobs. (Let's forget about the economy and the fact that I work in NYC theatre and primarily meet gay guys...oh, no. It's all about the hair!)
  • lisakay007lisakay007 Posts: 26Registered Users
    Wow! That's harsh!
    My mom will tell me my hair looks bad, and she has said before that if I "controlled" my hair that maybe people would take me more seriously. Recently I did tell my mom that I'm trying not to shampoo my hair anymore and she just shrugged and said, "It doesn't look like you shampoo it now." Oh the love.
    - Lisa

    fine 3a/b
    Shampoo: Giovanni Deep Cleanse, Baby shampoo
    Conditioner: Suave Green Apple
    Leave in: Giovanni Direct Leave in
    Still searching for my dream gel/styler.

    I blog about knitting, my hair, and life here:

    http://www.lisakay007.wordpress.com
  • discolemonadediscolemonade Posts: 214Registered Users
    Both my parents have curly hair. I'm not sure if either one uses conditioner. So, yeah, I learned how to take of my curls on my own.

    My favorite now, is when I'm out with my mom in public and someone compliments me about my hair, I say "thank you" and mom says, "You should see her brother." Thanks Mom.

    My lil' bro:
    l_54cc77071cc247448177292e546b8d8e.jpg

    But to be fair, my brother does have some good curls. I'm going to go and try and convert him to CG now.
    3a/b? hair, CG off & on since Oct. 08
  • AlicektnAlicektn Posts: 64Registered Users
    My mum has wavy hair, and always cuts them short. Mine is curly and very thick, and she didn't know what to do with it. So, until high school I had short TERRIBLE poofy hair and everyone was asking me if I was a boy or a girl.

    Anyway, now that I've growed my hair longer, and I have discovered ways to handle it, she finds it beautiful.
    Medium textured,porous, fragile 3b/3c :cherry:

    Currently liking:
    Shampoo
    Lavera /Almond milk
    Leave ins
    Yalia / Coconut-Stringing nettle Conditioner
    Jojoba oil
    Coconut oil
    Hair styling
    Lavera / Styling mousse

  • curlycue82curlycue82 Posts: 92Registered Users
    OMG.

    My mom was a hairdresser, and she had curly hair too, except she cut it short and styled it with heat so it looked like she put controlled curls in...when she was growing up she ironed her hair.

    When I was growing up she blowdried it, flat ironed it, regular ironed it, put it up in juice cans, and taught me how to fight my natural curl. She taught my sister how to as well.

    Once she cut my hair so short, but longer in the back, pretty much a mullet.

    Sadly for her, I am an independent spirit, and I stopped fighting my hair after that cut and started fighting her. Growing out a mullet, and a curly one at that was the WORST year of my life, I was in 5th grade, and I was constantly made fun of, day in and day out.

    In high school, I controlled my curls through glopping on loads of extra super hold gel- crunch meant control.

    Now, through this website I have discovered CG and honey and ACV and so much more, and while I still have struggles, my hair looks and feels better.

    Recently my mom said " I liked your hair so much more before you started all this honey and other stuff."
    A while ago I was in love with Tigi Catwalk Curl Cream and Frisky Gel, and I had 99% good hair days, but my hair wasn't what I knew it could be, and I knew that from reading on this site and Ouidad's site.

    Ironically, my sister wears her hair curly too, but she fights with it, using gels and creams, and pomades, and SHAMPOO to deal with it. Last I heard from my mom, my sister's hair is looking like what mine used to look like when it looked 'good'.

    I am 26, married and have been for several years, own a home, own a car, have a degree, have lived abroad, left a career behind and am working on a new one, and am thinking about a baby.

    I think I am ok with my hair now (modified CG, though), and if my mom doesn't like it - oh well. It is my life, my hair, my way, and there is no highway option.

    Even though I know that in my mom's eyes my younger sister will always be better than me in every way, I like who I am and how I look, and what my hair is like, and that is all that matters.

    Still kind of hurts my feelings though.
  • nutterbutterflynutterbutterfly Posts: 137Registered Users
    I feel your pain about the haircuts. My WHOLLEE family has straight hair, and I thought I had straight hair too (what a joke) So I got my hair cut in bobs with bangs and blowdryed, hairsprayed, and moussed my hair until it (sort of ) behaved.

    Then in 5th grade, I wanted my hair cut again. So I told the lady to cut it to about chin length. she did... but then it dried. it was to my EARLOBES. I decided then never to get another haircult... which lasted about a year and a half... but now (4 lonnnggg years later) it's getting better. As a straightie, my mom knows she cant really tell me what to do with my hair.

    But if she DID interfere a lot, I would just tell her that unless it was affecting her directly, it didn't really matter what my hair looked like. Or try to explain how the health of my hair is important as well as just how "perfect" it looks. Show her some of the runway stuff. perfect is hardly a word to describe it.
    I am a 3a/b with normal-coarse hair that is medium-thick and fairly porous.

    Currently using:
    ~VitaminShampoo (CG :mrgreen: )
    ~L'oreal Vive Pro Nutri Gloss for medium to long hair that's curly/wavy
    ......wow that is a mouthful.
    ~Garnier Fructis curl-shaping spray gel
    *or*
    ~Pantene curl defining mousse
  • SystemSystem Posts: 39,059 Administrator
    lisakay007 wrote: »
    Wow! That's harsh!
    My mom will tell me my hair looks bad, and she has said before that if I "controlled" my hair that maybe people would take me more seriously. Recently I did tell my mom that I'm trying not to shampoo my hair anymore and she just shrugged and said, "It doesn't look like you shampoo it now." Oh the love.

    I'd say, "Awesome, I have a headstart." and stick my tongue out. Childish statement desires a childish response. :happy2:
  • BoomygrrlBoomygrrl Posts: 4,940Registered Users
    My mom has straightish (maybe mildly wavy) hair. She never complained about my hair and let me wear it however I wanted. She went the opposite way. I had to learn how to color coordinate, wear makeup, and style my hair all on my own. I still have no fashion sense (or very very little...sometimes I look cute in something and get compliments, but usually I look weird). I like how I do my makeup the past ten years or so. But my hair has been my longest journey.

    She didn't insult me, but she didn't even "try" by giving me bad advice either. Not sure which is worse.

    Other kids, however, were very mean to me.

    My mom sometimes gets insults about her hair. Frankly, I don't like how she styles it but I don't tell her. She's stubborn and she likes it, so good for her. She stands up for herself when others say something bad about her hair. Go Mom!!!
    That's right, I said it! I wear scrunchies!!

    I am a sulfate washing, cone slabbing, curly lovin' s.o.b. The CG police haven't caught me yet.
    :blob8:

    3a/3b
  • LouisianaLeighLouisianaLeigh Posts: 211Registered Users
    boomygrrl, i know what you mean about having to learn on your own! my mom's an old hippie who still doesn't shave and who uses irish spring bar soap on her face...but of course she looks like 10 years younger than she really is and i'm left scratching my head and wondering how. but she has no fashion sense--or interest in it--and no interest in "beauty" products either. so everything i learned about clothes, makeup, etc...basically everything other than taking a shower daily for purposes of basic hygeine, i have learned from someone else or by experimenting.

    she actually feels kind of bad now that i've realized i have curls, because the one thing she ever did for my appearance was to brush my hair out every night when i was a kid. i give her credit for trying...the intention was to help, but of course that's exactly the WRONG thing to do for curls...but even if she's never been one to learn from, at least she didn't teach me the wrong things (other than brushing, lol).
    wurly, fine to medium, currently growing for waist-length
    embracing the waves since 10/20/08
    my hair loves protein and hates jojoba oil, my scalp hates propylene glycol, my face hates silicones.
  • helloyellowbirdhelloyellowbird Banned Posts: 1,632Banned Users
    My mom is African-American and thinks I look better with straight hair :S
    eIZWI.gif
    :love10:
  • multicultcurlymulticultcurly Posts: 5,136Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    My mom is the only one of her sisters who has naturally straight hair. Both of her parents have wavy/curly hair. So my mom was envious of my thick, curly hair, although she had no idea what to do with it. Then she went through this phase when I was a little girl where she liked afros and since she couldn't have one, she gave me one.

    My mom is ethnic (Native American and African) so she regularly used conditioner and didn't shampoo every day, so my hair usually did not look crazy. However, as I got older, she didn't really know what to do with my hair and her family complained about how much hair I have. (I always found this odd because I think I inherited this from them.) Strangers always marvelled at how gorgeous my hair was.

    Now my mom dislikes my hair but not because of its curliness. My hair has looked a mess for awhile, though it has gotten much better lately. She now hates the shortness. I sort of have a curly pixie cut, but that's a whole other story.
    3b/c, medium-coarse, low porosity, high density
    HG: Jessicurl Too Shea and Kinky Curly Curling Custard
    Shampoo: nonsulfate shampoo and Suave Naturals sulfate shampoo when needed
  • deletedelete Posts: 815Registered Users
    Both of my parents have curly hair and had no idea what to do with me.

    I had silky wavy hair until I was 5 and then it got really thick and dark. So their solution was to chop it off. I had every haircut, the wedge, the pixie, the Carol Brady, everything that looks silly on a child.

    4th grade I grew my hair out and I hit puberty. I didn't realize my hair was curly because I brushed it (with a bristle brush) every day. My dad made me get a perm which was torture. My response was to take a brush to that.

    One day a year later, I decided to put conditioner in my hair and not rinse it out. I had curls! It was crazy. I kept using conditioner as my styling product until I convinced my parents to let me buy mousse or gel.

    My parents have always been understanding, if a bit foolish, about curls. They went through hell as kids and teens with curls and just want me and my sisters to be happy. I've always been the experimenter, my middle sister is the natural curl girl, and my youngest sister loves her flat iron.

  • KinkyKeeperKinkyKeeper Posts: 963Registered Users
    Me three about a natural mom that isn't aware of fashion and beauty. I love my mom but she's not exactly a fashionista. I was that little girl with jacked up looking hair, rnon-matching clothes and no makeup. Slowly but surely I learned to fit in by myself. I discovered the mall when I was in 8th grade, and unfortunately perms and makeup around the same time. I do wish I had known that if you shave if will come back darker and thicker (learned that the hard way) and some other fashion stuff. I knid of had to learn hygeine stuff on my own too. As you can imagine kids are cruel.

    But whenever I feel like it would have been better to have a more hip mom I see some kid dressed head to toe in designer clothes with weave in their head and already wearing makeup. You also see their mom pick on them about every little detail about their appearance and I feel grateful to my mom. Yes, I had to learn beauty the hard way and make some painful mistakes in my attempts to fit in. But never once has she pressured me to get a relaxer, or wear a different outfit or put on makeup. She has always encouraged me and told me I was beautiful no matter what. It was my own desire to be a sheep that led me to relaxing. Now as I transition she doesn't have any tips but she thinks my hair looks good. And I love her for accepting me even if she has no fashion sense. I'm helping her out on her hair and clothes now. I'm kinda the mom. lol.

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