Need advice ASAP!

cajuncurlscajuncurls Posts: 270Registered Users
My 19 yr old daughter who is a sophomore in college has decided to quit school. She is a chemical engineer major and said its just not 'what she wants to do.'
She was valedictorian of her class, a straight A student, and is going to school for free thanks to a ton of grants and scholarships.
In the spring semester she was having panic attacks and was diagnosed with severe depression; she dropped two of her classes, but I saved her scholarships and they granted her an exception.
Now I'm just beside myself, I can't believe she's going to throw her life away. I put myself through college at 30, divorced with two children, and I want life to be easier for my kids. I don't want them to have to struggle the way that I did.
And get what she wants to do - be a roadie for a band and sell band merchandise! Don't get me wrong. She's very talented musically and I know its what she loves. But in the long run, she'll regret this decision.
Right now I'm sitting at my desk at work bawling like a baby. Any advice on what to say to her tonight is appreciated.
Kids are so easy when they're little ...
Did you do it for love? Did you do it for money? Did you do it for spite? Did you think you had to, honey?
- Eagles

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Comments

  • CynaminbearCynaminbear Posts: 4,476Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    ((hugs))
    It's easy to sit here through a screen and tell you words, but I can't imagine what I'd be feeling as a mother, that turmoil you're feeling.
    Maybe it's a good thing for her to take a year off and figure out what she really wants. It's possible she can't put into words what it is about that path that has her feeling so anxious and inadequate.
    If I were her, I would want my mom and dad to let me know they love me and support my need to figure out which end is up. Everything else, time, school, the world, would feel like it's against me, I'd want to know I have a safe place to go to.
    I dropped out of college after a year, mostly because I failed out. I couldn't handle college, the pressure, and didn't know where I was going. I went to community college to re-take the classes I failed, and found that environment so much more comfortable.
    We want our kids to learn from our mistakes or lost opportunities. I hope my kids listen to me when I tell them. But, the path they take can look different from our own. I hope I have the strength when that happens because I can't imagine how hard it is to watch.
    There's no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold so he turned up the sun.
  • KaiaKaia Posts: 8,815Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    Since she's musically inclined, could you suggest she just switch to a more "artsy" major? Chemical engineering is a VERY tough program. It's not enough to be smart, you have to WANT to do it. Maybe some kind of a music major would be more up her alley.

    If she's decided she wants to leave, all you can do is encourage her to finish the semester first and leave on good terms that would allow her to return later if she so chooses. If she doesn't drop out or fail her classes, she might even be able to keep some of her scholarships. Tell her you support her, but you want her to have the option to come back if she ever wants to do so in a few years.

    (((HUGS))) This has got to be really tough!
    *Poster formerly known as Bailey422*

    Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. ~ George Carlin
  • webjockeywebjockey Posts: 2,786Registered Users
    I personally don't see anything wrong with that. I'm a big fan of changing careers and taking the scenic route through life. Honestly, I wish I had the chuzpah to do that when I was younger (not the quit school part, but do something off the wall part).

    If she had dependents etc.. I'd understand being much more concerned, but as long as she can pay her bills, it sounds like a fun adventure for now. And since she's smart, she has that extra advantage if she wants to go back.

    Maybe also becuase I have some friends who were super smart and quit school to follow their passion and they turned out just fine.
    hello.world.
  • rainshowerrainshower Posts: 4,420Registered Users
    cajuncurls wrote: »
    My 19 yr old daughter who is a sophomore in college has decided to quit school. She is a chemical engineer major and said its just not 'what she wants to do.'
    She was valedictorian of her class, a straight A student, and is going to school for free thanks to a ton of grants and scholarships.
    In the spring semester she was having panic attacks and was diagnosed with severe depression; she dropped two of her classes, but I saved her scholarships and they granted her an exception.
    Now I'm just beside myself, I can't believe she's going to throw her life away. I put myself through college at 30, divorced with two children, and I want life to be easier for my kids. I don't want them to have to struggle the way that I did.
    And get what she wants to do - be a roadie for a band and sell band merchandise! Don't get me wrong. She's very talented musically and I know its what she loves. But in the long run, she'll regret this decision.
    Right now I'm sitting at my desk at work bawling like a baby. Any advice on what to say to her tonight is appreciated.
    Kids are so easy when they're little ...

    my niece announced to the family in the second semester of her senior year in undergrad that she didn't want to finish school. :angry7:

    everyone laid in on her about why it was just plain stupid to get that far and just stop.

    she said she was just tired of school.

    meh, whatever.

    she works for a department store, starting as a cashier and has worked her way up to a managerial position and has been out and on her own since shortly after making her announcement about quitting school.

    as an auntie, i was obligated to tell her that had she finished her degree, she might have an even better managerial position at the department store. i just had to say it.

    anyway, she's independent, and not needing her parents to financially support her, has friends and a life that she's seemingly happy and comfortable with.

    what's the saying? everything ain't for everybody?

    i sympathize with you. i'd feel like puking if my child had gotten halfway and then decided to quit. sure, there are jobs out there that pay ok money that don't require college training, but they are so few and hard to come by.

    has your daughter thought about changing her major to music? maybe that would motivate her to stay in college, while working toward something that genuinely interests her.

    good luck!
    "Dogs stink too, but I like dog stink." ~ rileyb
  • LikeAustraliaLikeAustralia Posts: 2,812Registered Users
    All I can say is, college isn't for everybody.

    It is expected of kids to graduate high school and go to college and get a great job. That isn't how it always works though. I was an A+ student in high school, was in AP classes, lots of extracurriculars, I even went to a SECOND school 3hrs every day JUST for art. I loved school and I loved my classes, but I HATED the way most college students looked at college life. They were there to pass the test, get that piece of paper (aka degree). I couldn't stand it. I loved learning, loved discussing important topics, loved applying my knowledge to various projects. I only went to college for two years though. I hated the people, the competition, the bureaucracy of it all. I am MUCH happier now. I own my own home, have a great job, great boyfriend... If I had stayed in college.. I would be miserable. You say she's smart, right? Let her do her own thing. She'll figure it out. I promise.
    Not Cindy or Sindy or Syndey or any other such abomination.
    It's Sydney, like Australia.
    Formerly known as SydneyCurl.

  • MarMar Posts: 3,004Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    I'll PM you :)
    "what's so funny 'bout peace, love and understanding?"



    "If you judge people,you have no time to love them"
    -Mother Theresa
  • LoloDSMLoloDSM Posts: 3,778Registered Users
    *Deep breath*

    She may just need a break and a chance to re-group. She sounds like a smart girl who probably needs a break and a chance to do something other than chemical engineering. Being a roadie and selling band merchandise might be a good chance for her to see what her life would be like without a college degree (crappy hours, lousy pay), and because she is so smart, she'll probably get bored too.

    I agree with the suggestion that you offer your support and understanding. Explain your concerns, but then respect her decision. She's so young to be so stressed. Hopefully, she can relax a little, re-group and then dive back into school.
    Loose botticelli curls and waves
    No silicones/no sulfates since March 2008
  • MeganMegan Posts: 335Registered Users
    She's still young and it's often hard to figure out what you want to "do" with your life. She really needs your support, not judgement right now. She still has plenty of time to figure it out. I know you want the best for her, of course, but we can't live through our kids (not saying you are).....but, they have to decide.
  • subbrocksubbrock Posts: 8,212Registered Users
    cajuncurls wrote: »
    My 19 yr old daughter who is a sophomore in college has decided to quit school. She is a chemical engineer major and said its just not 'what she wants to do.'
    She was valedictorian of her class, a straight A student, and is going to school for free thanks to a ton of grants and scholarships.
    In the spring semester she was having panic attacks and was diagnosed with severe depression; she dropped two of her classes, but I saved her scholarships and they granted her an exception.
    Now I'm just beside myself, I can't believe she's going to throw her life away. I put myself through college at 30, divorced with two children, and I want life to be easier for my kids. I don't want them to have to struggle the way that I did.
    And get what she wants to do - be a roadie for a band and sell band merchandise! Don't get me wrong. She's very talented musically and I know its what she loves. But in the long run, she'll regret this decision.
    Right now I'm sitting at my desk at work bawling like a baby. Any advice on what to say to her tonight is appreciated.
    Kids are so easy when they're little ...

    i went through the exact same thing with my parents. the EXACT same thing. and i can honestly tell you, my parents contantly telling me that i was ruining my life, how much id regret it, and saying all the things most parents would say made my depression even worse. i even tried to kill myself because i felt like i was letting them down, but i was so unhappy in school. i quit school when i was 20 or 21 and now im 26 and im ready to go back.

    my advice to you would be to support her. this absoultely is not the end of the world. you will get through this. especially with the depression, she needs your support. dont tell her how disappointed you are or how she will regret this or anything like that. just offer her encouragement, love, and support.
  • cajuncurlscajuncurls Posts: 270Registered Users
    Thanks, ladies. Oh, it's so hard to get children over the hump to independence... *sigh*

    I haven't talked to her since the day she told me that wonderful bit of info. It wasn't a good idea since I definitely COULD NOT hide my disappointment. I mean, she's got college paid for. She won every scholarship offered at graduation and is flushing them down the toilet to be a roadie!

    Whether or not she quits isn't my biggest concern: I don't want her to look back in a few years and ask why I didn't stop her. I want her to realize that real life isn't the one she's been living for the last year - on lots of scholarships that always ensure at least $4,000 in her bank account. If she thinks school was a pain, wait until she has to work full-time for little to nothing!
    Did you do it for love? Did you do it for money? Did you do it for spite? Did you think you had to, honey?
    - Eagles

    age.png


    age.png

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