Friend with benefits

hestercurlshestercurls Registered Users Posts: 31
I'm going to be honest and tell you right now that I'm mainly posting because I'm bored. :lol: As most of you know, a year ago I broke off my engagement a month before the wedding. I'm only 22. Since then I've been in a couple semi-serious relationships, but now I'm wanting to try something new. I've never had a "friend with benefits". What are your thoughts/experiences? I feel like at this particular point in my life (I am by no means swearing off long-term relationships) I'm young and restless and want to share someone's affection and company without the strings and everything else that goes with a relationship. I have the perfect guy in mind, and not to oversimplify a gender, most guys my age would be pretty excited about this kind of proposal. Just wondering. (I hate to have to add this but we're women and we've been on this board long enough to know it can get a little vicious: I'm asking for experiences or thoughts on this, not a character judgement of me for exploring it as an option.) You guys know I value and love you.
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Comments

  • ~915~~915~ Registered Users Posts: 519
    I'm a big, big fan. But, I'm married now and I'm a very faithful woman. 8)
  • PartyHairPartyHair Registered Users Posts: 7,713
    I've done it in the past, but wouldn't now (being married and all, you know :D ).

    Just be careful - make sure you and your partner both know the deal. Last thing you want is some lovelorn fool following you around. :D
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  • zmanzzzzzmanzzzz Banned Banned Users Posts: 3,826
    I'm a big, big fan. But, I'm married now and I'm a very faithful woman. 8)

    my kinda girls fun and loyal. 8)
  • urbancurlurbancurl Registered Users Posts: 980
    I voted "depends." I've done it, and I wouldn't rule out doing it again under the right circumstances.

    My suggestion is that communication is key. Honesty first and foremost with yourself on your intentions and motivations, and with the other person.

    Even with honesty and communication, it's still no guarantee that no feelings will get hurt, as feelings change. But it can be a lot of fun and satisfying!

    I have an SO now, but I am still in touch with one of my former FWBs. And that's a little weird. I know if I were single, he'd be happy to revisit the "benefits." I don't know how I'd feel if I knew my SO had someone like that in his life.
    "It is wrong to use moral means to preserve immoral ends." MLK, Jr.

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  • NetGNetG Registered Users Posts: 8,116
    Nope.

    My emotions get too out of control. I don't think there's anything wrong with it, you just have to be honest with yourself if your emotions would get too wrapped up in it, as well as if his would.


    Actually, I logically say I wouldn't. But I've had times that I had....weaknesses.... where if the guys had wanted FWB interactions, I probably would have given in. I'm glad none have asked, and if they really know me they wouldn't be my friends if they'd ask that.
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  • PeppyPeppy Registered Users Posts: 3,290
    I voted no. I'm not saying that it not an option for some people though and that's fine. For me love and sex go hand-in-hand. And not the kind of love you have for a friend. When I was a lot younger, I might have tried it. But now that I'm older I think sex is so much more than just sex.
  • Aries_jbAries_jb Registered Users Posts: 1,556
    I've done it and it was fun, but I do like being in a relationship better.
    www.myspace.com/littlemonkey0403
    3B that is no longer CG, but still endeavors to have healthy hair by not using sulfates.
  • mrspoppersmrspoppers Registered Users Posts: 7,223 Curl Novice
    I get attached too easily so it wouldn't work for me. And if I wasn't attached, I probably couldn't be bothered.
  • ~915~~915~ Registered Users Posts: 519
    For me, love and sex will always be two totally different things. In fact, I have trouble integrating them. :?:

    A word to the wise: Yes, most men will say that they would be so happy to be in a relationship like that. However, in my experience, they usually end up having feelings for someone that they're having sex with.
  • shellibeanshellibean Registered Users Posts: 4,500
    Have done it- was fabulous, are still good friends- no prob.s at all, but I put wouldn't do it again b/c I am getting married.
    A closed mind is a wonderful thing to lose.

    "...you could have a turd on your head and no one would notice."~Subbrock

    "I had an imaginary puppy, but my grandpa ate him."~Bailey
  • geekygeeky Registered Users Posts: 4,995
    I'm a big, big fan. But, I'm married now and I'm a very faithful woman. 8)

    That's me, also.

    I think a good "friends with benefits relationship" can be as difficult to find as true love, because a lot of times either one side or the other does get too attached. But when it works out it can be so wonderful. I look back fondly on my friends with benefits.
    To Trenell, MizKerri and geeky:
    I pray none of you ever has to live in a communist state.

    Geeky is my hero. She's the true badass. The badass who doesn't even need to be a badass. There aren't enough O's in cool to describe her.
  • M2LRM2LR Registered Users Posts: 8,630 Curl Connoisseur
    Never really did it. I knew back when I was single that I needed more than just the physical aspect of sex.

    However, if I were single NOW, I think that I could detatch the two.
    :rambo:
  • MizKerriMizKerri Registered Users Posts: 1,701
    Have done it, was a lot of fun, and what I needed at the time. Would I do it again? Sure, if I were single.
    Location: Southern NH

    If a news story breaks and no one on the Internet comments, did it really happen?
  • mandyvmandyv Registered Users Posts: 2,437 Curl Connoisseur
    I probably couldn't do it because if it's really good, I get attached. I don't know if I create the attachment or the sex does, but I can never stay detached but you sound like you have a good, honest outlook on it, so maybe it could work for you. I agree that guys your age want little more than unattached sex so it could probably work out well, but watch when they find out you're serious, he or they get attached just becuase they think they can't have you. So many games at that age.

    Just be careful. There are soo many consequences that can happen.
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  • geminigemini Registered Users Posts: 3,325
    I couldn't do it. I know my personality just wouldn't jive with that kind of set up. You have to be very certain that both people understand the arrangement and definitely consider the consequences. It took YEARS for one of DH's former FWB's to finally disappear from the radar. She was a major aggravation well after we got married and I know it is because she couldn't let go for a long time.
  • JessicurlJessicurl Registered Users Posts: 401
    I'm a big, big fan. But, I'm married now and I'm a very faithful woman. 8)

    Ditto. But you really need to make sure you both are TOTALLY clear on the boundries. Not only do you not wan some puppy-dog following you around all the time, you want to make sure that YOU don't end up feeling more that you agreed to at first. It can get tricky if you're not careful. (and of course it can be DEADLY if you're not a different kind of careful...)
    If you're not going to make your dreams epic, why bother to dream anything at all? -Scott Miller
  • hestercurlshestercurls Registered Users Posts: 31
    Thanks for the responses. All very thoughtful and helpful!

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