how to deal with that annoying "get a relaxer"?

keroppi_

I just got my super BC around two months ago. I'm starting to really like my hair now because it's all fluffy and curly but my family is being really harsh now. They tell me all the time things like "you look really ugly now", "that's why you won't get a boyfriend", "when are you going to get a relaxer?" and it's really starting to annoy me. I think all the time, are they right? Should I get a relaxer?

How do you deal with all the bad criticism?

Melanie_Linn

Those types of comments usually end up with me responding with something like "And have it dameged like yours, no thanks i'll pass." My hair is my baby now, I don't even color it any more. In fact i'm growing out my last color and transitioning to my natural dark brown.

multicultcurly

I'm sorry that you have to go through this. I experienced something similar from my family and strangers. I doubt so in your case, but in my case, my hair was a mess for the first two months. However, the comments from family annoyed me the most because they kept making them. I don't know what your familiy situation is, but in my case, my family was mean to me.

My point is this, Lots of time, when we make drastic changes in our appearance or lifestyle, it upsets the people closest to us. I think this is because they have to scrutinize themselves and this scares them. Your change in dealing with your hair has changed them.

Because you're still dependent on your family, ignore them the best that you can. They're old enough to know that they're being rude. Ignore them and keep in mind that in six months or a year, your hair will be healthy and easy to manage. Stay strong; I know it is hard.

multiracialcurls89

Well I dont experience this from my family because my mom has pin straight hair so she loves my hair and my dad loves my hair natural as well...but I'm sorry your family is so unsupportive. But I have experienced a few girls this school year tell me to get a relaxer. I just telll them that I like my hair and if I wanted to straighten it then I would. I just ignore the ignorance and I know that can be hard to do. But always remember no one can make you feel inferior without your premission.

jjnellie

I have recently BCd (im 17) and prepared myself mentally by constantly saying to myself that it takes a strong woman to go through this natural process. I feel lucky that i have received positive feedback from my fam and peers despite their shocked reactions but I still feel self conscious sometimes bc I was often known in my fam for having "long, pretty hair". It really does take a strong person to make the decision to not follow the "norm" and go beyond what may be expected. Just keep your head up high and live off of the positive feedback to boost your self esteem regarding your hair.

QuirkyYogini

multiracialcurls89 wrote: »

Well I dont experience this from my family because my mom has pin straight hair so she loves my hair and my dad loves my hair natural as well...but I'm sorry your family is so unsupportive. But I have experienced a few girls this school year tell me to get a relaxer. I just telll them that I like my hair and if I wanted to straighten it then I would. I just ignore the ignorance and I know that can be hard to do. But always remember no one can make you feel inferior without your premission.

That's one of my favorite quotes by Eleanor Roosevelt. Well, she said without your "consent", but I think that's where you are getting it from. It is definitely important to remember though!

Keroppi, stay strong! If you like your hair then that is all that matters. I know it is easy to say this and not as easy to deal with it, but if it is important to you, I think it's worth it. And would you be happy if you did get a relaxer? If not, maybe you should tell your family this. No need to be snarky, but you might want to tell them how you feel.

The good news is that if it doesn't help, you have the support of everyone on this board.

keroppi_

I don't think I can live with relaxed hair ever again. I'm so used to co-washing my hair almost everyday and afterwards just waiting for it to dry and that's it. But with the relaxer I had to roller-set it or blow-dry it or else I looked like hell.
I guess I'll just have to endure it for a while and after they see I don't plan on relaxing it till the end of times forever more, they'll learn to accept it. Plus, I look damn AWESOME with my hair like this

Thank you guys, you're the best! :love7:

dancerxot

i agree with all the above posters, i just wanted to add a little more support. don't worry about what people say. confidence is sexier than any hairdo out there. if you feel good about your hair, forget what they say. :occasion5:
cheers for curly hair!

Candycane

noooooooooo-dont get a relaxer if u r happy with the way your hair the way it was meant to b then thats all that matters

if u do get a bf u want him to like u for who u r not for the chemicals u put in your hair