The Official Online Dating Diaries Thread

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  • JosephineJosephine Posts: 14,408Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    edited January 2019
    Guide 65 said:
    And since I'm here....I suddenly find myself single again.  I'm not ready to start dating yet, but I will eventually.  Can someone give me the lowdown on the current online dating sites?  Tinder, eharmony, POF?  others?  Are there some that are better than others?  I get the feeling that Tinder is more for hookups and eharmony is for marriage-minded people, but maybe that's just marketing.  Any hints or tips?
    Yes you are correct but I have known 3 people who met their husbands on tinder so it all just depends. There are all types of guys on tinder. And yep with these apps do make things easier and less genuine, but i think there are still some(maybe 20 or 10%) of people who are decent. It's not much different from real life. Just a larger pool. Depending on your age, where you live, etc, i think some sites may be more suitable than others.

    BTW, sorry for your recent(?) breakup.
  • tinksaysbootinksaysboo Posts: 543Registered Users, Curl Ambassador Curl Virtuoso
    Ok, so frustration about trying to start dating again.

    So at my company's Christmas party I met another consultant and we ended up talking for a long time and I felt like we could really get on. 

    Side note: I've made my fair share of dating a co-worker mistakes -- don't need opinions on this please!.  We work for a consulting firm and PM our own projects for different clients.  So we don't "really work together".

    Anyhoo, I don't have facebook, but he added me on LinkedIn.  We have both been working in the office every day this week.  He makes an effort to say something like if we are both in the kitchen.  BUT I can't tell if he is just a nice guy trying to network with colleagues or if there is a mutual attraction.  I'm also someone who dreads the "I'm seeing someone" line, especially when I know I will likely see them again. I have completely forgotten how to steer a conversation in a way to find out if the guy is seeing someone or getting the ball in their court to ask you out.  I hope it's like riding a bike and it gets easier, this makes me want to go back to a life of spinsterhood :( 
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  • tinksaysbootinksaysboo Posts: 543Registered Users, Curl Ambassador Curl Virtuoso
    P.S. @Guide 65  - not ignoring you, I just don't know.    In the past, I found dating apps/websites didn't work for me.  It made me feel like I was forcing myself to like someone which inadvertently made it impossible for me to feel attraction to anyone I went on dates with despite how amazing they were :( 
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  • MyrnaMyrna Posts: 2,472Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    Tinks, is there something wrong with "are you in a relationship"? 
  • tinksaysbootinksaysboo Posts: 543Registered Users, Curl Ambassador Curl Virtuoso
    Myrna said:
    Tinks, is there something wrong with "are you in a relationship"? 
    Being that direct and being told yes or I am not into you is not a situation I will put myself in.  Period.  
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  • MyrnaMyrna Posts: 2,472Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    For me, if I had not been able to ask a man a direct question - about relationship status - or what kind of relationship he was looking for - it would  have felt like I was giving him all my power.
  • MyrnaMyrna Posts: 2,472Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    Josephine, it was not a matter of "not liking the posts".  Its a question of different expectations, I believe.  It was my conjecture that people here are dating on line or have dated on line, were/are using this thread to share some experiences and thoughts, and that part of that process is being able to hear it if someone else essentially says, "Now WHY are you doing this?" I personally do not feel this is the venue for a blow by blow accounting of a date, situation, etc.  For me that was TMI, yes.  I will own that.  And it was hard to ignore.
  • JosephineJosephine Posts: 14,408Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    Myrna said:
    For me, if I had not been able to ask a man a direct question - about relationship status - or what kind of relationship he was looking for - it would  have felt like I was giving him all my power.
    I agree. But I have learned some women are very sensitive. And probably why a lot of men can't be direct. I prefer the directness.
  • JosephineJosephine Posts: 14,408Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    Myrna said:
    Josephine, it was not a matter of "not liking the posts".  Its a question of different expectations, I believe.  It was my conjecture that people here are dating on line or have dated on line, were/are using this thread to share some experiences and thoughts, and that part of that process is being able to hear it if someone else essentially says, "Now WHY are you doing this?" I personally do not feel this is the venue for a blow by blow accounting of a date, situation, etc.  For me that was TMI, yes.  I will own that.  And it was hard to ignore.
    I'll have to disagree. The thread says online dating DIARIES which can mean blow by blow. I personally don't do that but doesn't bother me when other people do. Sometimes it cant be a bit much (i have a friend irl that does that) and I can see how it can be offputting..but again, you can ignore it.
  • LotsawavesLotsawaves Posts: 9,777Registered Users Curl Virtuoso
    I don't have a problem with the TMI.  I know I share a lot here.  I started a topic of "Does Size Matter".  LOL!  We are women & I feel we are more open than men.  I find that dating at my age I am more direct, especially with the online dating.  I don't want to waste my time.  This is online dating diaries, so there will be blow by blow descriptions of our dating experiences.  The recent problem was someone making some bad choices & complaining & not accepting some advice, which we thought she wanted.  She didn't hear what she wanted & got very rude & insulting.  Some people like to create drama in their lives then drain others with it.  Guide 65, I'm sorry you have gone thru a break up.  Tinks & I have experienced this, as well.  It's tough.  It is hard to get back on the horse, so to speak.  We are more cautious.  I know I don't want to make another mistake & get hurt.  I am almost 68 & fabulous.  I have a very young FWB & I am dating online.  It is nice to share here.
    From Michael Berg:

    Every person has a unique connection to the Creator that can never be extinguished, and every person has a great soul that can manifest important things in our world. To make a person feel less than they are because of something inside themselves, be it faith, race, or sexual orientation, is the greatest sin of all."
  • MyrnaMyrna Posts: 2,472Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    And let me say that I was married for 25 years and that ended when I was 50.  I had been with him half my life when it ended, and it ended with dishonesty on his part.  I remember going to my first singles event - at age 52 - with my hand frozen on the door of the restaurant - in disbelief that I was having to start all over at age 52. And I went on line also.  What I learned really quickly was something I didn t know and didnt want to have to learn - that people - men in this case - can be really shitty. And dishonest. One would think a 52 year old (then) therapist would know that - but I did not.  In the process of being on line, I learned that either I learned to cope with rejection - or get the hell off line.  I also learned that Its not about just being chosen - its about choosing, so I learned to ask grown men - because we ARE grownups - "What kind of relationship are you looking for?"  if they got all weird about that question - well that told me they were not looking for what I was looking for, and I saved myself a lot of time and heartache.    
  • LotsawavesLotsawaves Posts: 9,777Registered Users Curl Virtuoso
    Myna, as I was reading your post I found that I had my hand over my mouth & I was tearing up.  My heart went out for you.  My marriage ended when I was 40.  I never thought I would be back out in the dating field at that age.  I have kissed a lot of frogs.  We may come across as judging, but we aren't.  We are just trying to be helpful.  We have been there & done that.  
    From Michael Berg:

    Every person has a unique connection to the Creator that can never be extinguished, and every person has a great soul that can manifest important things in our world. To make a person feel less than they are because of something inside themselves, be it faith, race, or sexual orientation, is the greatest sin of all."
  • MyrnaMyrna Posts: 2,472Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    Thanks, Lotsa!  that means a lot to me to hear you say that.  I was also in private practice, which translates into "No work, no pay" - in other words, no steady income behind me.  Even though my ex could not seem to keep a job, his was the "I can count on it" income, and my practice then was not nearly as steady as it is now - I had no health insurance benefits either - so I was terrified financially.  Interestingly, however, I was recently contemplating which decade of my life  I felt was the best - and it was my 50's.  It was a time of huge personal growth.

    I remember saying to one of the first men on line that I had a substantive conversation with "I dont want to be hurt again".  He said, "You will be, again and again"   .  He was right.  Love, dating, life - require risk taking - and, if we are lucky, chutzpah, and a      good **** detector,which we keep on at all times.    
  • LotsawavesLotsawaves Posts: 9,777Registered Users Curl Virtuoso
    Myrna...:)  My fun years were my 40's & 50's.  I just wanted to have fun.  My kids were grown & married.  My 60's have been different.  I'm more serious about what I am looking for. Had a long conversation with my online friend.  Looking good.  Fingers crossed.
    From Michael Berg:

    Every person has a unique connection to the Creator that can never be extinguished, and every person has a great soul that can manifest important things in our world. To make a person feel less than they are because of something inside themselves, be it faith, race, or sexual orientation, is the greatest sin of all."
  • MyrnaMyrna Posts: 2,472Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    I know a lot of people will not do distance.  But for myself  and Pierre, in a way, distance was GOOD.  We talked every day from the first day we started talking (he was in Canada).  Because that was all we had - and Skype - we made good use of it and probably talked way more than most people ever do before they decide to be together.  I seem to recall you have not been fond of distance but he is not really that far...is he?
  • tinksaysbootinksaysboo Posts: 543Registered Users, Curl Ambassador Curl Virtuoso
    Chickened out again.   I felt I gave him more obvious ins to ask me out.  Shared the whole situation with my guy friend (he is going on 20 years of marriage) and he said the guy is likely oblivious and that I should ask him out.  And if he is not that into me now, knowing that I like him could make attraction grown.  I am going to try today.  Wish me luck ladies! 


     :s 
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  • LotsawavesLotsawaves Posts: 9,777Registered Users Curl Virtuoso
    He is 90 minutes away & he has his place on the market so he can move to the Valley to be closer to his children & grandchildren. His home is beautiful.  He gave me his full name & address & told me I could look it up on Zillow.  Of course I did.  He moved to an isolated place after his wife was killed in an auto accident.  He sold the place here that he had bought for his wife.  Really sad, but after 4 years he is ready to move on.  He is on POF and is pretty disgusted with the women contacting him talking about sex & even had one send him nude pics of her.  I'm really surprised at these women.  I'm thinking the men are more respectful. 
    From Michael Berg:

    Every person has a unique connection to the Creator that can never be extinguished, and every person has a great soul that can manifest important things in our world. To make a person feel less than they are because of something inside themselves, be it faith, race, or sexual orientation, is the greatest sin of all."
  • MyrnaMyrna Posts: 2,472Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    He sounds like he might be a keeper.  He is also mature enough to not be "flattered" by women going after him via the sex route.  That is so sad, desperate, and inappropriate - for both sexes unless all one wants is sex.  Did he send you a pic?  or is it up on the site? 
  • JosephineJosephine Posts: 14,408Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    Chickened out again.   I felt I gave him more obvious ins to ask me out.  Shared the whole situation with my guy friend (he is going on 20 years of marriage) and he said the guy is likely oblivious and that I should ask him out.  And if he is not that into me now, knowing that I like him could make attraction grown.  I am going to try today.  Wish me luck ladies! 


     :s 
    Good luck! If he added you on linked in, it's a sign he could be interested. But also make sure he is completely single. 
  • JosephineJosephine Posts: 14,408Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
     I'm thinking the men are more respectful. 
    I doubt it. 
  • LotsawavesLotsawaves Posts: 9,777Registered Users Curl Virtuoso
    So, I had a long conversation with this guy & I am getting a bad feeling in my gut.  He opened up that his stepfather raped him when he was 9 & his mom knew, but ignored it because of her finances.  Also, his wife who he said died in a car accident was his 2nd wife & she was bi polar & addicted to pain pills.  She held him at gun point demanding his pain pills & he contacted the police.  When they arrived she shot & killed herself.  Not only all this, but he brings up sex in our conversations.  He told me that a woman told him that when he kissed her she felt like she was having sex with him.  He keeps saying how his sex drive is like a teenager.  When I tell him that I am looking for more then that he will flip flop & tell me he feels the same way.  I am going to go by my gut feeling & not meet him.  My life has not been all puppies & rainbows, but I feel I have overcome & matured becuz of it.  I am trying to have my foresight then hindsight.  
    From Michael Berg:

    Every person has a unique connection to the Creator that can never be extinguished, and every person has a great soul that can manifest important things in our world. To make a person feel less than they are because of something inside themselves, be it faith, race, or sexual orientation, is the greatest sin of all."
  • tinksaysbootinksaysboo Posts: 543Registered Users, Curl Ambassador Curl Virtuoso
    edited January 2019
    I didn't even get a chance and now I feel really sad.

    I overheard that he had an emergency meeting with his  client or something along those lines so he left, and this time didn't say good bye :( I think he was just in the office for knowledge share with the previous consultant working on the project so who knows when/if I will ever see him again :( 

    I should have tried to make eye contact when he was leaving, but I didn't want to be staring creep. 
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  • MyrnaMyrna Posts: 2,472Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    edited January 2019
    Lotsa, this is the same guy that lives 90 miles away?? all this just came out?  Yikes.  That feeling in your gut is anxiety telling you something is not right, and that usually means "Stop"!  Its kind of like you rolled over a log and found a lot of maggots -  again, when I was single, it was unbelievable how many guys allegedly had psychobitch bi polar girlfriends, or girlfriends who died, committed suicide, etc.  I think they think if they put that out there, they will not be questioned further about their relationship history.

    Also, a man who helped me when I was newly single said that he does not bring up sex with women he is talking with for quite a while - he got to know them first.   And another man told me I should RUN if a man brought up sex right away.  I agree with both of these  pieces of advise.  This is the same guy?? the one selling his house?? how disappointing.
     
  • tinksaysbootinksaysboo Posts: 543Registered Users, Curl Ambassador Curl Virtuoso
    Yesterday we were talking about HH places near by (commuting from our office back into Seattle is one long long biatch) and I couldn't remember a place I loved like 10 years ago.  So I used that as a reason to email him... what else do I have to lose?  And this method worked years ago when I met a remote co-worker (later turned  LTR)  at a work function but left without exchanging numbers. 

    Subject: the martini place in Bellevue

    Body: I remembered the name of that place I was telling you about yesterday, but you left before I could tell you.  Earl’s!  Well, at least they did eons ago hah!

    Have a good weekend!  Hopefully there is good snow Sunday 😊 

    Image result for nervous gif

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  • LotsawavesLotsawaves Posts: 9,777Registered Users Curl Virtuoso
    Yes, Myrna it is the same man.  It's 90 minutes away, not 90 miles tho' that really doesn't make a difference.  I have such a headache right now & I am feeling anxious.  Not how I want to feel.  He also said that if he met a woman & they had chemistry that he didn't have a problem sleeping with her.  I told him that I like to give it more time to see if there is more then just the chemistry.  He then flip flopped and said, me too.  I agree with your male friend that sex should not be brought up so early on.  I'm going to text him tomorrow & tell him I won't be available on Sunday & then just ignore him.  I know it is the chicken way out.  LOL
    From Michael Berg:

    Every person has a unique connection to the Creator that can never be extinguished, and every person has a great soul that can manifest important things in our world. To make a person feel less than they are because of something inside themselves, be it faith, race, or sexual orientation, is the greatest sin of all."
  • tinksaysbootinksaysboo Posts: 543Registered Users, Curl Ambassador Curl Virtuoso
    @Lotsawaves - do you find the older you get the harder it is to be okay with that kind of baggage?  Or that you get more "red flag gut feelings"? When I was a teenager and in my 20s, someone's history didn't matter to me.  "love can conquer anything!"   Now in my 30s, it's more "I see this being an issue in the future and don't want to even go there"
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  • JosephineJosephine Posts: 14,408Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    So, I had a long conversation with this guy & I am getting a bad feeling in my gut.  He opened up that his stepfather raped him when he was 9 & his mom knew, but ignored it because of her finances.  Also, his wife who he said died in a car accident was his 2nd wife & she was bi polar & addicted to pain pills.  She held him at gun point demanding his pain pills & he contacted the police.  When they arrived she shot & killed herself.  Not only all this, but he brings up sex in our conversations.  He told me that a woman told him that when he kissed her she felt like she was having sex with him.  He keeps saying how his sex drive is like a teenager.  When I tell him that I am looking for more then that he will flip flop & tell me he feels the same way.  I am going to go by my gut feeling & not meet him.  My life has not been all puppies & rainbows, but I feel I have overcome & matured becuz of it.  I am trying to have my foresight then hindsight.  
    Wow that is crazy. Too complicated and sounds like a mess. When you said he mentioned that women on the site are are sending him nudes and he's 'disgusted' I had a feeling he's a weirdo. Just been my experience.
  • JosephineJosephine Posts: 14,408Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    Yesterday we were talking about HH places near by (commuting from our office back into Seattle is one long long biatch) and I couldn't remember a place I loved like 10 years ago.  So I used that as a reason to email him... what else do I have to lose?  And this method worked years ago when I met a remote co-worker (later turned  LTR)  at a work function but left without exchanging numbers. 

    Subject: the martini place in Bellevue

    Body: I remembered the name of that place I was telling you about yesterday, but you left before I could tell you.  Earl’s!  Well, at least they did eons ago hah!

    Have a good weekend!  Hopefully there is good snow Sunday 😊 

    Image result for nervous gif

    LOL, I do this stuff all the time. Why so nervous? I remember once I sorta did this once. I was trying to be slick about it but he could tell. And told me had a gf :(. He indirectly but oh so directly threw it in there. Only guy I've ever been attracted to and wanted to date for something serious. :( He's probably married now to that ugly, unsmart girl..okay i digress..sorry!

    Let us know what he says!!
  • tinksaysbootinksaysboo Posts: 543Registered Users, Curl Ambassador Curl Virtuoso
    Josephine said:
    LOL, I do this stuff all the time. Why so nervous? I remember once I sorta did this once. I was trying to be slick about it but he could tell. And told me had a gf :(. He indirectly but oh so directly threw it in there. Only guy I've ever been attracted to and wanted to date for something serious. :( He's probably married now to that ugly, unsmart girl..okay i digress..sorry!

    Let us know what he says!!
    awkwardness gives me really bad anxiety.  So if he rejects me, if we are ever in the office, I will have to be on anxiety meds to get through the day :( 

    He replied, but can't tell if he is shutting me down or he is not getting the hint?

    "Haha oh yes! I have been to Earls several times.  Never had a martini there though! I’ll have to order one next time!

     

    Yes, thank you! Hope you have a good weekend also!"
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  • LotsawavesLotsawaves Posts: 9,777Registered Users Curl Virtuoso
    @Lotsawaves - do you find the older you get the harder it is to be okay with that kind of baggage?  Or that you get more "red flag gut feelings"? When I was a teenager and in my 20s, someone's history didn't matter to me.  "love can conquer anything!"   Now in my 30s, it's more "I see this being an issue in the future and don't want to even go there.  
    Definitely.  I've been there, done that.  I've been rode hard & put up wet.  This ain't my 1st rodeo.  Can you tell I was raised in TX?  LOL  I'm so tired of making mistakes, so I do have the red flag gut feelings.  When we were younger we would go in head first with our hormones.  Now we are learning from our mistakes.  I think you are going to be just fine.  Sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders.  I wish you the best.
    From Michael Berg:

    Every person has a unique connection to the Creator that can never be extinguished, and every person has a great soul that can manifest important things in our world. To make a person feel less than they are because of something inside themselves, be it faith, race, or sexual orientation, is the greatest sin of all."

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