Yet another poll...Disciplining children..(sp?)

shellibeanshellibean Posts: 4,500Registered Users
Some friends of ours were discussing how they disagree with each others parenting methods, so i was wondering what you think about discipline? I guess the issue was spanking, so, what do you think?
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  • three rivers curlythree rivers curly Posts: 994Registered Users
    I think that there are so many obsticles in child rearing. I was slapped around and spanked almost daily. Muther has issues....in any event all it did was inspire me to avoid my muther whenever possible.

    As far as my child. She is a good kid and a quick learner. She gets a gentle warning or 2. Next a rather stern one - she usually quits at this point. Occasionally she likes to spin the wheel. From here we either move to the corner or the end of her bed for what ever time we deem necessary. By the time we get around to a spanking (one or two swats over the pants - about once every 3-4 months) she has been through all of the previous steps and informed that a spanking is on the way.

    There is never any surprize. She is warned before hand and we discuss it afterwards. Like I said, she is a smart girl. She is only 4 - we will probably stop all spankings by the time she reaches 6. I know that some people will disagree with me on this - but I am told almost everytime we leave the house how well behaved my child is.
    Better everyone think your a fool, than to open your mouth and prove them right.

    Perception is not reality.

    http://public.fotki.com/hmiklos
  • LotsawavesLotsawaves Posts: 9,552Registered Users Curl Virtuoso
    I spanked my children, but have respected their choice not to spank their children. After spending the Thanksgiving Holidays with my 2 year old grandson, I would definitely say spanking would be a good choice. He is very head strong and controlling the house. My daughter and her husband have done the time outs and sending him to his room, but this isn't working anymore. He gets frustrated when not getting his way. "I" believe he needs to learn who is in charge. I don't think children are happy being in charge. They have a better sense of security knowing that their parents call the shots, because they know what is best. I don't like having to spank a child, but if nothing else is working, then I feel this is the last resort.
    From Michael Berg:

    Every person has a unique connection to the Creator that can never be extinguished, and every person has a great soul that can manifest important things in our world. To make a person feel less than they are because of something inside themselves, be it faith, race, or sexual orientation, is the greatest sin of all."
  • three rivers curlythree rivers curly Posts: 994Registered Users
    I have to agree with you Lotsa....as much as I want my child to like me and to want to be with me, I have a job to do. Being her buddy in every situation is not helping her.

    That is not to say that we don't have fun, but I am in charge. If I'm not here, then Daddy has the final say. There is no confusion who the parent is. Because of it, very little has to be done in the discipline department. She knows the drill. If I say I'm going to do something I follow through - that goes for the good stuff as well. I am a woman of my word whenever possible.
    Better everyone think your a fool, than to open your mouth and prove them right.

    Perception is not reality.

    http://public.fotki.com/hmiklos
  • LotsawavesLotsawaves Posts: 9,552Registered Users Curl Virtuoso
    When my children were older and could understand better, all I had to do was to give them a look. They knew the consequences if they continued. I never took spanking as the 1st alternative, but if the others didn't work then yes I spanked. Like TRC, it was just a swat on the behind.
    From Michael Berg:

    Every person has a unique connection to the Creator that can never be extinguished, and every person has a great soul that can manifest important things in our world. To make a person feel less than they are because of something inside themselves, be it faith, race, or sexual orientation, is the greatest sin of all."
  • violetsviolets Posts: 1,689Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    I voted no because I have never done it. My son is pretty well behaved where I don't have to resort to this. Time outs work pretty well with him.
    My brother and sister in law spank every single day. That is the only way to get her kids to do anything. Its sad. The kids are pretty controlling and not exactly respectful/well behaved. I don't know if they would work well without the spanking. They truly want to do the opposite of what adults say...most of the time.
  • outtahereouttahere Posts: 343Registered Users
    Just because you don't spank your kids, it doesn't mean "they're in charge" or "you're their buddy all the time." You should be able to discipline a kid w/o spanking them. In fact, I think it could make things worse. On a talk show, there was a 13-year-old girl who was said to hit her mom, which everyone thought was awful, of course. She was asked if she thought this was ok. She said yes, which shocked the audience even more. She was asked, why is this ok? She said because her mother hits her. My parents spanked me with a wooden paddle on occasion - it was rare, but it was very fearful for me. My school had corporal punishment, and I was sooo scared to do anything wrong because of the fear of the "electric paddle" kids talked about.

    I would never put a child through that, I don't care what they did to "deserve it." I'd lock them in their room if I had to. Granted I don't have kids, and I know it must be hard to raise them. That's partly why I don't want them, because of having to face discipline issues. I'd be afraid of being pushed to my limits and hauling off and hitting them. It's also why I think so many people out there are not qualified to be parents. They don't have the patience and skills, so they hit their kids to "teach them a lesson," which only teachs them that hitting and violence is acceptable. You hit them, so they go out and hit their friend in an argument, or the family pet. I've done it, I'll admit, and I feel it's because somewhere I learned to believe it was ok. I don't feel that smacking someone around is part of human nature, that it can all be blamed on that. I think it's learned behavior, and somewhere it needs to stop. I'm glad someone mentioned the next generation of her family doesn't hit their kids. I grapple with the urge to smack my cat when I find her on the counter, but I've learned that is does no good, just like it does no good to smack a child. [/b]

    You may try to say, oh, it's just a small smack on the rear. Well, how would you feel if someone twice your size laid their land on you? The child may temporarily stop the bad behavior, but why did they stop? It's because they're afraid of you, afraid of being hit again. If it was me, I'd rather my kid act up than be spanked into submission. Maybe it's just a difference in people, *shrugs*.
  • LotsawavesLotsawaves Posts: 9,552Registered Users Curl Virtuoso
    My children have never hit anyone even tho' I spanked them. Like you said you don't have children, so how can you know how you would discipline?
    From Michael Berg:

    Every person has a unique connection to the Creator that can never be extinguished, and every person has a great soul that can manifest important things in our world. To make a person feel less than they are because of something inside themselves, be it faith, race, or sexual orientation, is the greatest sin of all."
  • outtahereouttahere Posts: 343Registered Users
    Lotsawaves wrote:
    My children have never hit anyone even tho' I spanked them. Like you said you don't have children, so how can you know how you would discipline?

    How do you know your kids have never hit anyone? I hit a boy on the playground and my parents never knew. That's right, I don't have children. But I'll tell you right now, I'd never hit them if I did. I've watched kids, my nephew is one of the wildest kids around, but I never had the slightest inclination to hit him. And if it was my OWN child, I'm sure I'd feel the same.
  • danigirldanigirl Posts: 59Registered Users
    i think spanking is ok if your child is being a brat and not listening at all and you have no other choice. man, when i was little i got the wooden spoon on the arse. strict catholic grandma....she was so great.
    3a/some 3b
    "I talk to myself every once in awhile. Give myself very good advice. Sometimes, I even take it"
  • Hairblogger â„¢Hairblogger â„¢ Posts: 564Registered Users
    I don't think I'll spank whenever I have children because when I was growing up, losing privy's, or being grounded seemed to suffice.

    Nothing sucks worse than being stuck indooors during summer break when your friends are all outside in the sun-- Or not being able to use the phone for that all important gabfest...

    I think that people have to go with their conscience whether or not they choose to spank, but I don't think I will because being grounded taught me a valuable lesson about give and take in the child-parent relationship and I don't think spanking is how children learn to respect authority, particularly if they are very toung, they do so by encountering the reinforcement of the boundaries set by our parents.

    But, I would like to say that I don't look down on people who do use spanking as reinforcement because I know a few people that were spanked and it didn't happen very often and it was only when they did something really bad and talking and grounding didn't work-- like bullying other children repeatedly. But that's the only time and they did seem to stop...
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  • mrspoppersmrspoppers Posts: 7,223Registered Users Curl Novice
    I was spanked as a child and I would never do that to a child of mine--at least to the extent that I was spanked. It wasn't child abuse, but I doubt it had the effect that my mom hoped it had.

    I think that the times a parent most wants to spank a child is when s/he should step back and not do it. Is it truly about discipline, or is it about reacting to behavior with violence?
    When are women going to face the fact that they don’t know their own bodies as well as men who have heard things?

    Don Langrick
    Bonsai Culturist
  • Aries_jbAries_jb Posts: 1,556Registered Users
    I'm not a parent, so I didn't vote. I just don't think that there is a right or wrong answer to this question. All children are different. Nobody here is saying that this is their preferred method of punishment, that they didn't try other methods first.

    Sometimes it's not the parents that choose the discipline, but the children. Children respond to different things. When I was little, my parents never hit me. All my dad had to do was tell me he was disappointed in me, that what I did was wrong. I rarely got any privelages taken away, either. Just a talk was enough.

    Then there's my sister. Talking didn't work. Neither did time outs, taking away privelages, or grounding her. She talked back, said awful things to everyone. The only thing that worked was my parents giving her a hard smack. Did she hate them? Yes, at the time, but my parents were never meant to be our friends.

    Just the view of a child who grew up with several methods of discipline.
    www.myspace.com/littlemonkey0403
    3B that is no longer CG, but still endeavors to have healthy hair by not using sulfates.
  • three rivers curlythree rivers curly Posts: 994Registered Users
    Kenzie_06 wrote:
    Granted I don't have kids, and I know it must be hard to raise them.

    You may try to say, oh, it's just a small smack on the rear. Well, how would you feel if someone twice your size laid their land on you?

    1. I had very different opinions about child rearing before I had children as well.

    2. I was an abused child. I know the difference.


    Please read my entire post. I have many many steps leading up to spanking - I do not use force - and there are multiple discussions involved. You are making this a very black and white issue - try adding some grey.
    Better everyone think your a fool, than to open your mouth and prove them right.

    Perception is not reality.

    http://public.fotki.com/hmiklos
  • PeppyPeppy Posts: 3,290Registered Users
    My sister and I were never spanked. My nephew was never spanked. We all lost privileges, etc. if we misbehaved.

    My husband was spanked.

    Hubby and I were discussing this one day. I can tell you what I did wrong for everytime I lost a privilege. He can't remember half the time what he did wrong when he was spanked. We decided that if we ever had kids, we would not spank. Obviously in our situations, I learned more from the discipline I got than hubby did from spanking.

    Personally, I think spanking just teaches kids that it's okay to hit someone when you're mad.

    My sister and I weren't spanked and we didn't hit each other. Hubby and his brother beat the snot out of each other all the time as kids.

    I think that 90% of the time, if you feel like spanking your child, if you will take a time-out for yourself for 10 minutes, the urge to hit your child will be gone. I think a lot of spanking is not discipline, but the result of an angry parent lashing out.

    Disclaimer: I do not have children, but I was once a child and am speaking from my experience.
  • Aphro-DeeziacAphro-Deeziac Posts: 983Registered Users
    Spanking is in my repetoire, but i rarely have to use it. I spanked my 4 year old for the 3rd time in her life recently.

    I think my children are well behaved because I established early on who was in charge.....ME. I will spank if i have too, but have found that I can usually get them to do what I want them to do without spanking
    26560_1412644406072_1531382664_31035658_3971206_n.jpg
  • mrspoppersmrspoppers Posts: 7,223Registered Users Curl Novice
    NappyAfro wrote:
    Spanking is in my repetoire, but i rarely have to use it. I spanked my 4 year old for the 3rd time in her life recently.

    I think my children are well behaved because I established early on who was in charge.....ME. I will spank if i have too, but have found that I can usually get them to do what I want them to do without spanking
    This sounds like my philosophy. Even though I don't have kids.
    When are women going to face the fact that they don’t know their own bodies as well as men who have heard things?

    Don Langrick
    Bonsai Culturist
  • outtahereouttahere Posts: 343Registered Users
    You are making this a very black and white issue - try adding some grey.

    For me, it is a black and white issue. You may see it a different way, and that's fine. It's how you choose to parent. I may disagree with your decision to spank your child, but it's my opinion. You should raise your kids how you want, but there are always going to be people who disagree with your parenting methods, whatever they are. That's life...
  • three rivers curlythree rivers curly Posts: 994Registered Users
    Copswife wrote:

    I think that 90% of the time, if you feel like spanking your child, if you will take a time-out for yourself for 10 minutes, the urge to hit your child will be gone. I think a lot of spanking is not discipline, but the result of an angry parent lashing out.

    I agree with what you are saying - but only in regards to a parent who spanks out of anger. I am completely calm by the time I get around to the spanking, because I know that is the point we have come to. She usually doesn't cry over the spanking, she does however cry later. She always apologizes (without being proded) for her actions, and she cries because she feels bad.

    For the record - we keep track of her spankings on the yearly calendar. It helps us keep an eye on our behavior as well. Her last spanking was on July 15th. That is almost 5 months ago. I would hardly call that cause for concern over her well being.
    Better everyone think your a fool, than to open your mouth and prove them right.

    Perception is not reality.

    http://public.fotki.com/hmiklos
  • BurtBurt Posts: 196Registered Users
    Kenzie_06 wrote:
    On a talk show, there was a 13-year-old girl who was said to hit her mom, which everyone thought was awful, of course. She was asked if she thought this was ok. She said yes, which shocked the audience even more. She was asked, why is this ok? She said because her mother hits her.

    Hitting and spanking are two different animals. Besides, I prefer not to get my parenting skills from Oprah or Maury.
    My school had corporal punishment, and I was sooo scared to do anything wrong because of the fear of the "electric paddle" kids talked about.

    There you go.
  • CurlyGina2CurlyGina2 Posts: 1,048Registered Users
    I was only spanked until I was about 3 and a half or so, and not too often. I don't know when kind of privileges you can take away from 2 and 3 year olds. I was never spanked too hard, just turned over the edge of the couch and was given a quick smack on the bottom. I really don't think it was a big deal. I've never hit anyone in my life, nor am I an unusally violent or angry person. I am not going to have kids, so its really a non-issue for me now.
  • outtahereouttahere Posts: 343Registered Users
    I think that 90% of the time, if you feel like spanking your child, if you will take a time-out for yourself for 10 minutes, the urge to hit your child will be gone. I think a lot of spanking is not discipline, but the result of an angry parent lashing out.


    Definitely.

    My dad was upset that I didn't hit my cat when she bit me really hard on the leg. I said, think, would that have helped the situation? She was startled and got scared, it was a fight or flight response. Would it be wise to hit her in that state and possibly have her get more frightened and attack me AGAIN? Sure, I was angry that she bit me, possibly gave me an infection, but hitting never occured to me. I was too busy running. It's sad how quickly people resort to violence as a way to solve problems. IMO, it's best to think for awhile and let the anger settle, in any situation.
  • Aphro-DeeziacAphro-Deeziac Posts: 983Registered Users
    i was spanked too....excessively but not often. What it taught me was there is a right and wrong way to utilize this method. Just because it's used the wrong way doesnt mean the method is wrong. of course that is just my opinion
    26560_1412644406072_1531382664_31035658_3971206_n.jpg
  • outtahereouttahere Posts: 343Registered Users
    Kenzie_06 wrote:
    On a talk show, there was a 13-year-old girl who was said to hit her mom, which everyone thought was awful, of course. She was asked if she thought this was ok. She said yes, which shocked the audience even more. She was asked, why is this ok? She said because her mother hits her.

    Hitting and spanking are two different animals. Besides, I prefer not to get my parenting skills from Oprah or Maury.
    My school had corporal punishment, and I was sooo scared to do anything wrong because of the fear of the "electric paddle" kids talked about.

    There you go.

    No, hitting and spanking are really the same when you think about it - it's laying your hand on someone to punish them. You should tune into Maury or Oprah some time. I'm sure it helps to keep an open mind when parenting, as in anything, wouldn't you agree? A lot parents out there probably could benefit from watching talk shows - it couldn't hurt, since they don't know what they're doing in the first place.

    Do you really think that scaring kids into submission = good parenting/child rearing?
  • Aphro-DeeziacAphro-Deeziac Posts: 983Registered Users
    Kenzie_06 wrote:
    Kenzie_06 wrote:
    On a talk show, there was a 13-year-old girl who was said to hit her mom, which everyone thought was awful, of course. She was asked if she thought this was ok. She said yes, which shocked the audience even more. She was asked, why is this ok? She said because her mother hits her.

    Hitting and spanking are two different animals. Besides, I prefer not to get my parenting skills from Oprah or Maury.
    My school had corporal punishment, and I was sooo scared to do anything wrong because of the fear of the "electric paddle" kids talked about.

    There you go.

    No, hitting and spanking are really the same when you think about it - it's laying your hand on someone to punish them. You should tune into Maury or Oprah some time. I'm sure it helps to keep an open mind when parenting, as in anything, wouldn't you agree? A lot parents out there probably could benefit from watching talk shows - it couldn't hurt, since they don't know what they're doing in the first place.

    Do you really think that scaring kids into submission = good parenting/child rearing?[/quote]

    Absolutely. Kids should be afraid of what their parents will do or think. It keeps them on the right path (mostly) when they know their actions have consequences. There are a lot of things i didnt do because I knew my mother would bust my azz. Kept me from sneaking out the house, skipping school, and being disrespectful.

    I just dont happen to have to resort to such extremes to get my children to mind. Not that I was a bad child, but my mother worked two jobs and went to school. She had to be assured that when she wasnt there, we were behaving appropriately and she used fear of the almighty azz whooping to accomplish that feat. Sometimes she had to prove she wasnt playing.

    Unlike when I was growing up, spanking is not our first line of defense. Clear and appropriate expectaion are as well as fair consequences. But If i have to go there, i will and they know it. Which i think keeps them on the straight path (mostly :D ). Sometimes just knowing your mother or father will go there with you is enough to stall the behavior in its tracks.
    26560_1412644406072_1531382664_31035658_3971206_n.jpg
  • princesscurlyprincesscurly Posts: 81Registered Users
    I still live with my parents and Im in high school but I have younger siblings and this is how its always gone in my house. We have always been told what is allowed and what is not, the rules at my house are very clear, the first time we broke the rules we got a warning and suchlike but the second time we were spanked. My parents never "hit" us, that is VASTLY different than spanking. In general even when I was younger and my punishments were spankings, I knw I had done wrong and knew I would get the spankings. I respect my parents.
  • BurtBurt Posts: 196Registered Users
    Kenzie_06 wrote:
    Kenzie_06 wrote:
    On a talk show, there was a 13-year-old girl who was said to hit her mom, which everyone thought was awful, of course. She was asked if she thought this was ok. She said yes, which shocked the audience even more. She was asked, why is this ok? She said because her mother hits her.

    Hitting and spanking are two different animals. Besides, I prefer not to get my parenting skills from Oprah or Maury.
    My school had corporal punishment, and I was sooo scared to do anything wrong because of the fear of the "electric paddle" kids talked about.

    There you go.

    No, hitting and spanking are really the same when you think about it - it's laying your hand on someone to punish them. You should tune into Maury or Oprah some time. I'm sure it helps to keep an open mind when parenting, as in anything, wouldn't you agree? A lot parents out there probably could benefit from watching talk shows - it couldn't hurt, since they don't know what they're doing in the first place.

    Do you really think that scaring kids into submission = good parenting/child rearing?

    Scaring them into submission? :lol: I dont kick my son in the ass everytime he does something wrong or doesnt mind. But him knowing that it'll come to that if continues what he's doing is a very good deterant.

    As for watching talk shows, I'm usually at work when they're on. And do you honestly think 40 minutes of Oprah is gonna make someone a better parent? That, my little talk show junkie, just may be whats wrong with a lot of parents.

    The time spanking became looked down upon strongly correlates to the time kids started doing whatever the hell they wanted, whenever they wanted, and forever how long they pleased.

    Every kid doesnt need to be spanked, but some could damn sure use one every now and then.
  • outtahereouttahere Posts: 343Registered Users
    I just dont happen to have to resort to such extremes to get my children to mind. Not that I was a bad child, but my mother worked two jobs and went to school.

    I think that's the problem. There are too many parents out there who aren't home. How can you work two jobs, go to school, and be a good mom? You have parents who are tired and frustrated that they can't spend enough time with their kids and know what they're up to - the kids act up, then the parents resort to spanking to punish them for all the times the kids acted up and got away with it. I've already made the decision that I will be a careerwoman or a mom (probably careerwoman), because I want to really be there for my children if I take the maternal route. NappyAfro ~ I'm glad your views of punishment differ from your mother's. :) It sounds like you're a real hands-on parent.

    I do think corporal punishment is more of an anger response than it is a form of punishment. I think those who do it should think about WHY exactly they're doing it, not only what they hope to get out of it as a result. Whoever originally said the first line, it bears repeating.
  • BurtBurt Posts: 196Registered Users
    Kenzie_06 wrote:
    I just dont happen to have to resort to such extremes to get my children to mind. Not that I was a bad child, but my mother worked two jobs and went to school.

    I think that's the problem. There are too many parents out there who aren't home. How can you work two jobs, go to school, and be a good mom?

    Uh, oh. This is about to get good! :twisted:
  • outtahereouttahere Posts: 343Registered Users
    That, my little talk show junkie, just may be whats wrong with a lot of parents.

    :roll: For your information, I don't regularly watch talk shows. I watched two episodes of Maury last week. That's the first time I've watched in this year. I've read enough posts about you to know that 95% of what you say is best ignored, so that's what I'll do from here on out...
  • BurtBurt Posts: 196Registered Users
    Kenzie_06 wrote:
    That, my little talk show junkie, just may be whats wrong with a lot of parents.

    :roll: For your information, I don't regularly watch talk shows. I watched two episodes of Maury last week. That's the first time I've watched in this year. I've read enough posts about you to know that 95% of what you say is best ignored, so that's what I'll do from here on out...


    If you've only watched it twice this year, maybe you shouldnt be responding to parenting threads. :roll:
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