Watch what you say to children about their hair!

kiarobkiarob Posts: 59Registered Users
Need to Vent::angry7:
I am so upset!!!! I have a lot of curly head girls in my neighborhood who want to get perms......They are all between the ages of 6-12. Some are mixed (mom is white and dad is black). Well, on seven year old girl told me that her mom tells her that she has nappy hair like her dad and that's why she wants her stepmom who is black to relax it....Well, the stepmom is a curly head and she is trying to get the child to embrace her curly hair and her African American culture...Plus this little girls hair is wavy not even as wavy as 3c...she maybe a two something, but her younger sister's hair is finer and eaiser to mangage not as wavy but none the less wavy, too (they have same father).....
This upsets me!!!! She's such a beautiful girl and she already hates her looks.
Be True To Yourself
4a or a combo of 3c/4a who knows?:compress:
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Comments

  • ninja dogninja dog Posts: 23,780Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Poor girls....they're getting such mixed signals. Sounds like it's best if the stepmother prevails (words I never thought I'd see myself write).

    Also, their natural hair sounds really pretty!
  • Riot CrrlRiot Crrl Posts: 3,135Registered Users
    Maybe she wants it relaxed because her mother doesn't know what to do with it. That comes up often and there are a lot of questions about it from mothers on this forum too.
  • subbrocksubbrock Posts: 8,212Registered Users
    that sucks.
    my daughter is biracial and alot of times i find myself frustrated and saying her hair looks a mess. her hair is way looser than mine but tighter and finer than her dad's (who is also a curly). i know i have to check myself because i dont want her growing up to hate her hair because its not like mine. which would be ironic because it seems that alot of white/black children tend to get told that their hair would be "better" if it were like the white parent's hair.
  • Melanie_LinnMelanie_Linn Posts: 457Registered Users
    I'm mixed, and i enjoy my natural hair.
    3c/4aMCiii normal/low porosity med elasticty

    Shampoo- JC Hydrating Invigorating poo, Alaffia Shea & Virgin Coconut Enriching Shampoo, CV poo bars
    Rinse out- Natures gate hemp, GSAS
    Leave in- GDLI, Beautiful Curls Curl Activating Leave in
    DT- Still working on that
    Styler- Ecostyler Crystal, Queen Helene Royal Curl Creme
    Sealer- castor, Shea butter,jojoba oil

    I don't know how well I'll keep it up, my blog The Lions Mane
  • aricurlaricurl Posts: 304Registered Users
    Riot Crrl wrote: »
    Maybe she wants it relaxed because her mother doesn't know what to do with it. That comes up often and there are a lot of questions about it from mothers on this forum too.

    Point taken and this could be the case for this mother. However, her lack of skill or know-how is no excuse to talk negatively about the child's hair. She needs to take the time to learn about black hair (curly hair) and what it needs to be healthy. In this sense, saying the child's hair is 'nappy' is meant to be a negative (my black mom and black beautician said the same thing to me about my PERMED hair when I was a kid). However, many Curlies on this 4a forum have embraced the word Nappy and use it as a positive description.

    A perm will not solve this mom's perceived problem because she will not be able to treat a black child's permed hair, like a white child's straight/wavy hair.
    http://public.fotki.com/aricurl/
    PW: twelve

    My Routine.
    Weekly Cleansers: Co-Wash - Suave Coconut or Yes to Cucumbers and Trader Joe's Nourish Spa. Giovanni 50-50 poo on scalp only.
    Moisturizers: Mix of Giovanni Direct with AO Honey Suckle; KCKT; Jamaican Castor Oil, water.
    Sealers: My whipped raw shea butter/oil blend.
    Scalp Oil: Jojoba, Rosemary, Horsetail, Burdock Root, Aloe Vera Gel
    Hairstyle: Protective.

    Henndigo occasionally.
  • Riot CrrlRiot Crrl Posts: 3,135Registered Users
    aricurl wrote: »
    Point taken and this could be the case for this mother. However, her lack of skill or know-how is no excuse to talk negatively about the child's hair. She needs to take the time to learn about black hair (curly hair) and what it needs to be healthy. In this sense, saying the child's hair is 'nappy' is meant to be a negative (my black mom and black beautician said the same thing to me about my PERMED hair when I was a kid). However, many Curlies on this 4a forum have embraced the word Nappy and use it as a positive description.

    A perm will not solve this mom's perceived problem because she will not be able to treat this black child's straight hair, like her white child's straight hair.

    Of course, and I agree.

    I don't see unequivocal evidence (yet) that this child mentioned by the OP got her idea that her hair is "nappy" and needs to be relaxed from her mother, but it seems just as likely as any other scenario. If she learned it from her mother, that is very unfortunate. If she learned it from others because of the way her mother did her hair, that is also unfortunate. I am confident that her natural hair is quite beautiful if someone learned how to do it and/or teach her how to do it.

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