I messed up big time

scasescase Registered Users Posts: 17
I messed up big time. My daughter is almost 10 and has been begging to have her hair relaxed and cut short. We have relaxed it one other time and it turned out fine. Well this time I feel like the lady that did it over processed her hair. She was doing a curly perm at the same time. Big mistake, she shouldn't have been doing two patron's hair at the same time. Now my daughter has a tremendous amount of breakage. I mean to the point of big patches. We only wash once a week but it is summer and we have went swimming which means more washing. I also deep condition at least once a week. Someone please tell me she isn't going to lose all her hair. Please! I can't imagine her wearing a wig at 10. It has been 5 weeks and I can see new growth. Could the breakage have peaked by now or can I expect more? We use Tigi Oatmeal & Honey shampoo and conditioner. For deep conditioning I use Biolage conditioning balm left in overnight. We also use Carols Daughter Lisa's Hair Elixer.

I have learned a valuable lesson and that is to teach my daughter to love her curly hair.


  • alysedalysed Registered Users Posts: 1
    First of all, don't be too hard on yourself. That hair stylist was clearly not being professional. She certainly shouldn't have been doing too chemical treatments at once. I hope you do not give her your business again.

    Second, what type of hair does your daughter have? I have 4a/4b hair (I'm currently transitioning from relaxed to natural) and I have lots of experience with relaxers. I have horror stories for days.

    Third, exactly what type of damage does she have? Is she suffering from chemical burns, excessive shedding, breakage, or all three?

    I'm no hair stylist, but I do consider myself a bit of an expert in relaxers gone wrong (unfortunately), so maybe I'll be able to help ya out if you provide some more info.
  • scasescase Registered Users Posts: 17
    I believe my daughter has a mixture of 3a (underneath at nape of the neck) and the rest is a mixture of 3b to 3c.

    I have not witnessed any sores on her scalp so I don't believe she had chemical burns. While she was having it done, I asked her several times if it felt like it was burning. I never noticed any redness or anything like that.

    I believe she has breakage as well as shedding. She has kept telling me that her hair felt weird. When I looked at it and felt it then I understand what she was trying to tell me. It felt like her brothers hair after his has been buzzed off. That is when I noticed all the breakage. I knew it had been shedding but never really realized how bad.

    Her hair has just changed over that last couple of years. I know it frustrates her because it has gotten harder to take care of. We have tried all sorts of products and even tried using the Curly Girl method. Nothing has helped. She isn't patient enough for braids and always opts for a plain old ponytail. She can't wear her hair down cause it just looks like she has a terrible haircut especially cause the underneath part isn't as curly. I have never found a hairdresser that is any help either.

    In fact, the hairdresser I took her to has done another little girl's hair for years and they never had any problems with her.

    Thanks for any help you can give!

  • SAM2SAM2 Registered Users Posts: 76
    hi. i had to learn the hard way at age 42 to love my curls. i had 2 relaxers back to back(kind of, a month apart)the first one didnt "take". my hair was breaking horribly. every time i would comb my hair, i had tons of hair in the sink.
    someone on this forum recommended aphogee treatment. you get it at sallys or on a website. it is a pain, you need to blow dry the product on until very hard, then rinse. it worked !!!!! i was to the point of shaving my head,and this let me keep my hair. i still get monthly cuts of an inch or so,because i am trying to get rid of this relaxed hair, but this treatment saved my hair. after 1 time the difference was amazing. they also have a spray on keriton treatment that i use daily. they are not expensive so it is worth a try. good luck.
  • multicultcurlymulticultcurly Registered Users Posts: 5,136 Curl Connoisseur
    Scase -- I'm sorry to hear about what happened to your daughter's hair. It sounds as if it is damaged. The best thing to do is to stay away from relaxers because unhealthy hair only becomes unhealthier when chemical processes are applied.

    CG routine takes time to see results. I myself do a modified routine. I would suggest using a non-sulfate shampoo or washing with a Suave conditioner (has no silicones). Easy DTs for a 10 year old would be to leave almond or olive oil along with conditioner in overnight and rinse out in the morning. And you can use a protien conditioner like Aubrey Organic's GPB once a week. (Be careful though because it's easy to overdo protein. Reduce use if the hair becomes hard once it dries.) Your child's hair will let you know how often you need to wet it, shampoo it.

    The damage you described sounds severe so it might take 6 months to a year before her hair returns to normal. For now, find a decent leave-in conditioner (or rinse out one to be left in), trust your instincts before a hairstylist's and stay away from the chemicals until her hair returns to normal.
    3b/c, medium-coarse, low porosity, high density
    HG: Jessicurl Too Shea and Kinky Curly Curling Custard
    Shampoo: nonsulfate shampoo and Suave Naturals sulfate shampoo when needed
  • scasescase Registered Users Posts: 17
    I have to admit, I will never use a chemical relaxer on her hair ever again. I did call the hairdresser today and her comments were, "well has she been swimming a lot or out in the sun a lot?" Yes she has been swimming but less than once a week at best. I still think it was over processed. Her comment was to deep condition more than once a week. She also said that the breakage had probably peaked.

    It just drives me nuts that I can't find a hairdresser that will do her hair.

    As for the Aphogee, I am sorta scared to try that. Is there another really good protein conditioner that I could deep condition with? Something Sally's might sell?

    Thanks for all your help.


    BTW, here is a pic of my sweetie with her cute curls! It is a little fuzzy in this pic but she had been playing hard!


  • susancnwsusancnw Registered Users Posts: 1,374 Curl Novice
    She's lovely. And just have to be patient. I wish I could offer advice in this area, but I can't. Just listen to the ladies here...they really know their stuff.
    My son wears combat boots (and a parachute). So does my son-in-law.
    The older I get, the less patience I have with cleverness. Thomas Sowell.
    Resolve to perform what you ought. Perform without fail what you resolve. Benjamin Franklin.
    Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. Mark Twain.


  • multicultcurlymulticultcurly Registered Users Posts: 5,136 Curl Connoisseur
    Scase -- Your daughter and her hair are so beautiful! I'm curious -- why did you begin relaxing her hair? As far as hairdressers, look for someone who specializes in and likes curly hair and someone who has patience working with children. Depending on where you live, this might be difficult.

    You can always leave coconut milk on for 20 mins -- while she is in the bath tub -- as a cheap DT.
    3b/c, medium-coarse, low porosity, high density
    HG: Jessicurl Too Shea and Kinky Curly Curling Custard
    Shampoo: nonsulfate shampoo and Suave Naturals sulfate shampoo when needed
  • scasescase Registered Users Posts: 17
    I have only relaxed her hair one other time in '05 and touched up once. We never had any issues with it. I quite frankly found it costs way to much to keep relaxing her hair plus what those chemicals might do to her little body so we went back natural. But she had been begging and begging to have it relaxed and cut short so I gave in. I wished I wouldn't have now! Hopefully, she has learned her lesson too.

    I know it is hard for her to look at me day in and day out as I have board straight hair. Not by choice as I have paid my fair share of money to get those beautiful curls she has! LOL We always want what is on the other side of the fence!

    We have started our CG routine again and conditioning like crazy.

  • nickfishnickfish Registered Users Posts: 63
    I have definitely had my fair share of chemical mishaps! Aphogee treatment really isn't that bad. It smells awful, and it has to dry in your hair (which makes it hard as a rock) but it really cuts down the breakage. It's one of the things that helped my hair when I started to go "color" crazy and colored my hair every other month. Another think that works is Nexus Emergencee. It's another protein treatment, it doesn't dry hard and you can buy it in most places. It is a little expensive though. Also, you should start trimming her hair. Damaged hair is damaged hair and it will not go away. Once hair has been chemically damaged you have to cut if off, not all of it ofcourse, but definitely like a quarter of an inch maybe once a month. The damaged hair can and will break of by itself, but you don't want that to happen, so trims are mandatory until it is all gone. I hope this helps!
    Last relaxer April 1, 2014

    BC - February 2015
  • nickfishnickfish Registered Users Posts: 63
    Don't feel bad about relaxing her hair. Your were only being a good mom and trying to do what you thought would make your daughter happy. But it is good for you to research ways for her to (and you) to treat her hair.
    Last relaxer April 1, 2014

    BC - February 2015
  • mumofcurlygirlmumofcurlygirl Registered Users Posts: 472
    Hi scase,

    I am totally sympathetic and really understand what you are going through.

    My daughter is 5,
    in Febuary I noticed her hair was breaking and in really bad condition, I think this was due to using the wrong products and heat on her hair, I have recently taken her for a haircut and now its even worse as they layered it really short on top :sad8: (please read my previous posts for info)

    Anyway 2 days ago I started the CG routine on her hair and I'm hoping it will improve her hair (I will let you know!)

    I would definatly recommend that you try not to tie it up I know its really hard as they have to have it out of their face for school ect, try headbands,
    if you can just to co-wash and be really gentle with it when its wet as this is when it is most vunarable to breakage,

    I have a bottle of Nexxus emergancy that I haven't dared to use on her hair!, I have used some on my own hair with really good results, if you want me to send you it I will :toothy7:
    Trying to work out my 5 year olds 2c fine frizzy/curly hair

    Password; curlygirl

    Loving KBB and Kinky Curly!! :love7::
  • curlygurneycurlygurney Registered Users Posts: 116
    I was just reading through the posts and your daughter is absolutely adorable.

    I know it seems tough now but before you know it, her hair will be back to how it once was.

    Hang in there!
    Hair Type: 3b with a little 3a mixed in
    Stylist: Annah at Phia Salon in Columbus, OH
    Shampoo: I rarely use but when I do it is Abba True Shine
    Conditioner: ABBA Creme Masque
    Leave in: A dime size of ABBA Creme Masque
    Style product fall/winter: Two squirts of Jesse Curl Confidient Coils and one two finger scoop of pink boots
    Style product spring/summer: KCCC and CK
    password: easy123

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