do you hate your appearance?

SleighSleigh Posts: 1,226Registered Users
...or really really dislike your appearance?

do these feelings control your life? does it influence who you hang out with, where you go?

i was shocked to read that some people actually fear wearing sleeveless shirts. not that they dont want to but actually fear the thought.

if you do feel this way, do you think its tied in to wanting to feel accepted?

i just recently found out that a lot of people i know feel this way. not that i always like my appearance, but i am very comfortable with myself. i never realized that such fear ruled people based on their appearance. if anyone would like to add some light to the topic, i would be appreciative.

:sad8: it just makes me sad. life's too short to worry about what your arms look like in a shirt!

(i hope this isnt sounding harsh. i really was pretty clueless...)
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letting my hair be natural again after getting it straightened. yeah yeah, im a traitor :pirate:
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  • RedCatWavesRedCatWaves Posts: 31,259Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    I am far from perfect, but I do accept the way I am. I like me and how I look...now. It took me a long time to get here though. When I was young, there were things I hated so badly about my physical self that it stifled my life at times. I attribute a lot of that insecurity to my older brother, who called me horrible insulting names about my appearance from the time I was born til the time I escaped when I was 18. It was only when I decided not to let an ashole like him ruin my life that I was able to start to truly accept myself.
  • SleighSleigh Posts: 1,226Registered Users
    thanks for the reply rcw :)

    also, for those that feel that way - did you find some people didnt understand where you were coming from? were you able to effectively communicate your fear?
    2c hair. maybe a little porous? my hair likes suave, vo5 and the big tease. going to be trying more lush soon. not sure how i feel about dr bronners.

    letting my hair be natural again after getting it straightened. yeah yeah, im a traitor :pirate:
  • AmandacurlsAmandacurls Posts: 6,252Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    I do, I'm my own worst critic.

    I have relatively nice legs, and I wear very small sizes, but I get picky that I have inner thigh fat and will not wear shorts very often. I will check myself out in the mirror before I leave the house and if I feel like I look fat or a part of my body does I will change and be all covered up. I have always had a love/hate relationship with my body and I attribute it to my mom's relationship with her body. While growing up I was used to her saying about herself "Here comes the fat lady" or picking her appearance apart. It seems I've learned the behavior too. My friends used to rag on me because I would always say I was fat and ugly.
  • realisticrealistic Posts: 2,222Registered Users Curl Novice
    I don't think I'm unattractive but I still have those days where I can hardly bear to leave the house. I'm not sure if that's what you mean.
    did you find some people didnt understand where you were coming from?
    No my SO doesn't understand those sort of things at all. He thinks I'm crazy or superficial when I get like that.
    Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth. I sat at a table where were rich food and wine in abundance, and obsequious attendance, but sincerity and truth were not;
    and I went away hungry from the inhospitable board.
    -Henry David Thoreau
  • wild~hairwild~hair Posts: 9,890Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    When my skin was really bad in my late teens and 20s, it made me loathe going out in public some days.

    But I realized, finally, that I could become a shut-in or suck it up and go live my life. I chose the latter. It made me stronger.
  • eccentric_kurlzeccentric_kurlz Posts: 4,151Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    I don't hate my appearance, but for awhile I wouldn't wear halters or sleeveless tops because of the acne scarring on my arms and back. I hated how it looked, but I've somewhat gotten over it. It's still an insecurity, especially when my SO asked me one day, "Did you have the chickenpox?"

    I've never had the chicken pox(and hopefully won't since it would be absolutely horrible if I catch it).
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  • CurlyEyesCurlyEyes Posts: 2,983Registered Users
    I used to. A lot.

    Actually, I don't believe I can say used to. Some days, I lie about being sick so I don't have to go anywhere because I feel so ugly. I was a lot worse though.

    I wasn't anorexic, medically. I didn't starve myself, completely. I ate a little bit every day. But I lived in complete and total fear that I would gain weight. The fat on my body repulsed me so much. If I could feel my ribs, or my spinal cord, or any bones that were supposed to be hidden by fat, I would get an extreme high.

    I never went to the hospital. I stopped it before I got thin enough to do that. Once in a while, I can't help but wish I didn't.
    made up of 98.822% silliness!!

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  • tgreyztgreyz Posts: 1,627Registered Users
    Hate is a really strong word. I don't know if I would go so far as to say that I hate my appearance but I do dislike it. Some days are better than others. If I had the money there are certain things that I would change.

    Does it control my life?
    I am far from the societal ideal of beauty. I come from a mixed background and don't really look like or identify with any race. As a result I don't really feel like I fit in anywhere and with the exception of going to work/grocery shopping I'm a hermit. My looks are probably a part of that but there are also other issues at play.

    I don't really discuss this with other people so I don't know if anyone else would understand where I'm coming from.
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  • automaticflowersautomaticflowers Posts: 3,465Registered Users
    I don't hate my appearance. There are some things I wish I could change, mostly tied to my weight, and I'm working on it. Slowly but surely.

    So in order to avoid feeling insecure, I try to dress in a manner that's flattering to my body type. That means yeah, I don't wear sleeveless shirts or shorts in public.

    I've given it some thought, but I would feel too exposed and uncomfortable.

    However, I'm not a thin girl who sees fat. :) So there's the difference, for me.
  • cymprenicympreni Posts: 9,609Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    I've struggled with BDD most of my life and it has very much controlled my life. It started really when I got mauled by a dog. I already thought I was ugly to begin with. Then someone pointed out the scars, and gave me what I interpreted as a look of disgust, and it drove me over the edge. From that day on until my early 20s, I covered up every inch of my body, layered just to be on the safe side. Even if it was 120 degrees outside, I had on layers. It eventually expanded to everywhere and got stifling over the years. I found myself becoming agoraphobic because of it.

    Oddly enough, I can't stand wearing sleeves now. Although for some reason, I have to wear a sweater or jacket out in public. It's not because I want to hide, but because I always end up feeling cold, and I don't like the feeling of the sun on my skin. But for all I know, those could just be excuses.

    I actually think I look hideous. I know other people don't think so and I know on some level I am wrong, but I just don't see it. And one of my deepest most impossible wishes is to see what other people see when I look in the mirror. I know it's not a confidence issue, because I've been confident, there's been plenty of times when I thought I looked great until I glanced into a mirror. And what I saw was enough to make me break down in tears.

    Right now, it's a lesser problem, probably because I have bigger fish to fry perhaps, or maybe because I'm really good at distracting myself. Posting my pic in the what do you look like thread was one of the most difficult things I've ever done. I was on the verge of a complete panic attack until I started getting comments, and was very pleasantly surprised, not only that I got some compliments, but also that for some strange reason, I didn't believe people were lying just to make me feel better. I think that is the main thing that brought on this easier period, because I was starting to get really really bad there for a while.
  • NYCurlyGirlyNYCurlyGirly Posts: 1,012Registered Users
    i'm slowly, s l o w l y starting to like how I look more. I've pretty much always been overweight, and in the past year managed to lose about 50 pounds. Everyone in my life's been telling me how great I look, but I still see the last 10-15 pounds i'd like to lose. Even though I weigh less, I still don't have the teenytiny waist a lot of girls have, I just have a naturally thick, rectangle shape to my body relargless of my weight. It's a battle every day, but lately i've been having more good days than bad, so that's a good sign.
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  • SleighSleigh Posts: 1,226Registered Users
    holy crap cympreni i think you hit a light bulb for me.

    i was having such a hard time with this because i wasn't understand how people were repulsed by their appearance. its because they don't see themselves the same. literally. oh wow. so this isnt necessarily about the media. interesting.

    curlyeyes thats interesting you put it that way too.

    i guess i get paranoid around people that are (somewhat) focused on their appearance because i think "omg, if they think they're ugly, what do they think about me?!?" :tongue3:

    do some of you find yourself being harsher on everyone's appearance when you're especially harsh on your own?
    2c hair. maybe a little porous? my hair likes suave, vo5 and the big tease. going to be trying more lush soon. not sure how i feel about dr bronners.

    letting my hair be natural again after getting it straightened. yeah yeah, im a traitor :pirate:
  • VTmomVTmom Posts: 2,487Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    I can't say that I hate the way that I look, nor do I think I look particularly good. I find myself to be quite ordinary. As it is with most people, when I look in the mirror I see all the faults. But it doesn't impact my life in any way, i.e. I still go and do all the things I need to go and do. It would be nice though, to look in the mirror and say to yourself, "hey sweetie, you look great today!" :wink:

    RCW, do you mind me asking if your brother is still the a$$hole he was when you were growing up? Do you maintain contact with him and how does he interact with others outside of his family? You needn't answer if you prefer not to, quite frankly I'm just curious.
    The smallest deed is greater than the grandest intention.

    I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul. (Invictus - William Ernest Henley)

    Just think I used to worry 'bout things like that,
    Used to worry 'bout rich and skinny, 'til I wound up poor and fat,
    Nowadays I kind of worry where my mind's been at,
    Just think I used to worry 'bout things like that. (Delbert McClinton - I Used to Worry from Never Been Rocked Enough)
  • VTmomVTmom Posts: 2,487Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    Sleigh wrote: »
    do some of you find yourself being harsher on everyone's appearance when you're especially harsh on your own?
    I think probably the opposite is true.
    The smallest deed is greater than the grandest intention.

    I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul. (Invictus - William Ernest Henley)

    Just think I used to worry 'bout things like that,
    Used to worry 'bout rich and skinny, 'til I wound up poor and fat,
    Nowadays I kind of worry where my mind's been at,
    Just think I used to worry 'bout things like that. (Delbert McClinton - I Used to Worry from Never Been Rocked Enough)
  • automaticflowersautomaticflowers Posts: 3,465Registered Users
    Sleigh wrote: »
    i guess i get paranoid around people that are (somewhat) focused on their appearance because i think "omg, if they think they're ugly, what do they think about me?!?" :tongue3:

    I know this wasn't directed toward me, but I feel the exact same way when my thin friends complain about feeling fat or being fat. But, I'm not in their heads so I try not to let it get to me when they say it.
  • badgercurlsbadgercurls Posts: 3,077Registered Users
    I went through a period where I really disliked how I looked. I think it was a combination of anxiety, a bad relationship, and spending too much time with lots of very pretty (and very superficial) girls.

    Strangely enough, I like how I look more now even though I'm about twenty pounds overweight than I did when I was thirty pounds lighter. I am working hard to lose weight and know I would look and feel better when I do, but I am much happier with my appearance in general now than I ever had been before.
  • TrenellTrenell Posts: 3,562Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    I've said it on this board before. I use to HATE HATE HATE how I looked. To the point where I would cry in the mirror. I had a hard time looking directly at people because if I could see them, they could see me. I think this fear also stopped me from getting into acting earlier.

    It's funny I use to (and still sometimes do) tell people that I fugley in high school. But, when I look at old pictures I look pretty much the same way I do now. :laughing7:
  • sonnysonny Posts: 467Registered Users
    I don't really like how I look. My hair I believe started my insecurity. I have lots of thick wild hair and my body is very petite, therefore I look awkward. I hate looking in mirrors, especially if I am out in public because it just makes me feel worse. I used to hate going out with my boyfriends because I always thought they would be comparing me to everyone else, and I would definitely pale in comparison. It has gotten better but I never feel confident in the way I look.
    We will have to repent in this generation not merely for the vitriolic words and actions of the bad people, but for the appalling silence of the good people. ~.Martin Luther King Jr
  • SystemSystem Posts: 39,060 Administrator
    no
  • CurlyEyesCurlyEyes Posts: 2,983Registered Users
    Sleigh wrote: »
    holy crap cympreni i think you hit a light bulb for me.

    i was having such a hard time with this because i wasn't understand how people were repulsed by their appearance. its because they don't see themselves the same. literally. oh wow. so this isnt necessarily about the media. interesting.

    curlyeyes thats interesting you put it that way too.

    i guess i get paranoid around people that are (somewhat) focused on their appearance because i think "omg, if they think they're ugly, what do they think about me?!?" :tongue3:

    do some of you find yourself being harsher on everyone's appearance when you're especially harsh on your own?

    I used to. I'd try to figure out what made people pretty, and after studying them, if I didn't think so, I'd feel better, maybe eat a little bit more. In my head, I'd feel really happy if in the locker room or something, I saw a girl with more fat than me.

    It was pretty sick. I saw everything in a highly disorted way. Either someone was extremely fat or the right weight. The right weight being the model-types, with no fat anywhere.

    I've stopped, and I really really regret what I used to do.
    made up of 98.822% silliness!!

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  • RedCatWavesRedCatWaves Posts: 31,259Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    RCW, do you mind me asking if your brother is still the a$$hole he was when you were growing up? Do you maintain contact with him and how does he interact with others outside of his family? You needn't answer if you prefer not to, quite frankly I'm just curious.


    My brother died 2 years ago (heart attack at age 47), and he was still an ashole. We never made up...or I should say he never apologized to me. *I* had nothing to be sorry for. We had been mostly estranged for the previous 20-something years prior to his death. My parents thought he was a god though, so his death has laid a whole layer of guilt on me that I wasn't expecting. I don't feel bad that my brother is gone (I feel relief actually), but I do feel bad for my parents, and I feel guilty for them that I don't feel bad about it.

    His wife doesn't seem too broken up about him being gone, so I don't think I was his only victim. She and I have never talked about it though.
  • VTmomVTmom Posts: 2,487Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    Thank you for your openness. I feel bad for your parents as well. No parent should outlive their child, ever. It's not the natural order of things. But from what you've described, I'd probably feel the same way you do.
    The smallest deed is greater than the grandest intention.

    I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul. (Invictus - William Ernest Henley)

    Just think I used to worry 'bout things like that,
    Used to worry 'bout rich and skinny, 'til I wound up poor and fat,
    Nowadays I kind of worry where my mind's been at,
    Just think I used to worry 'bout things like that. (Delbert McClinton - I Used to Worry from Never Been Rocked Enough)
  • cymprenicympreni Posts: 9,609Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Sleigh wrote: »
    holy crap cympreni i think you hit a light bulb for me.

    i was having such a hard time with this because i wasn't understand how people were repulsed by their appearance. its because they don't see themselves the same. literally. oh wow. so this isnt necessarily about the media. interesting.

    curlyeyes thats interesting you put it that way too.

    i guess i get paranoid around people that are (somewhat) focused on their appearance because i think "omg, if they think they're ugly, what do they think about me?!?" :tongue3:

    do some of you find yourself being harsher on everyone's appearance when you're especially harsh on your own?

    That's exactly how it is, some people just don't see the same thing as everyone else. A good way to describe it is somewhat similar to what some people with anorexia nervosa go through, where they can be skin and bones, but when they look in the mirror they see themselves as fat. Pretty much anything based on senses can be misconceived by our brains, just think of all the people best of the worst on American Idol.

    And it's not always about vanity, especially in cases of BDD. One of the big flags for BDD is wanting to just look "normal," and not wishing for omg beautiful.

    I actually get paranoid about people who are focused on appearances of others. Every time I hear someone tear down someone's looks, whether be just an average joe, a celebrity/media. I think the same thing. If they think that, I'm scared to think what they would really think of me.

    And I am not critical of other's appearances at all. IMO I have met only a few "ugly" people, a few meaning like 3 or 4 people. Every single one of them were ugly, mean and cruel in their personality, life and how they treated others. And that's what made them ugly to me. And they have to be really really bad for it to get that far for me. With the exception of those 3 or 4 people, I have found something physically beauty in virtually ever single person I've ever seen.
  • subbrocksubbrock Posts: 8,212Registered Users
    i dont hate my appearance but im not happy with my body right now. in the past ive stuggled with BDD and eating disorders too, so most of the time when i would hoot and holler about being fat i honestly couldnt understand how others didnt agree with me. i remember going through puberty and getting bigger hips and thighs and it freaked me out. i just knew i was morbidly obese (i was 5'7" 140 lbs.) so i did everything in my power to "disguise" it. in school i would make sure that i never let my thighs rest on my chair because it made my legs look even fatter. i always sucked my stomach in. at night i would bind my stomach with layers of duct tape making a makeshift corset. things got really bad my senior year of high school and i was down to 103 lbs. i remember staring at myself in the mirror trying to figure out how i could still be so fat even though i was barely 100lbs.
    after giving birth im larger than i ever was and ever imagined i would be and it turned on some kind of lightbulb for me. its like, "boy i thought i was fat back then. now i actually am fat. pass the ice cream!" so even though i wish i were about 20 lbs lighter, im making no effort to lose weight. i must not be that upset about the way i look now after all.
  • starinastarina Posts: 665Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Wow, this is so interesting. It's so great that you all can share these things. This thread has brought back memories of when I was a teenager and how much I hated my legs. I was very skinny then, and had very long thin legs which I thought were hideous. For years I would not wear shorts except inside the house, and then I didn't feel comfortable. I remember just hating myself and my ugly legs and envying all the girls with the cute figures and pretty legs. My leg loathing did rule my life for a long time because I avoided all situations where they would be exposed. Funny thing is, now that I'm older and filled out a bit, I like my legs. As a matter of fact, a lot of the girls whom I used to envy now envy me because age has expanded their thighs while mine look nice and slim! Another thing I realize is that I had quite a few guys after me back then, so I guess my legs weren't as terrible as I thought. I couldn't see it at the time though.
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  • love yourself firstlove yourself first Posts: 5,398Registered Users
    I like my appearance, especially now and for the past 10 years. I stand out, but also blend into lots of different groups and get enough positive attention from attractive and young men to feel good about my looks. BUT in high school, I was very self conscious of not fitting into a white, blonde norm. I was and am racially ambigious and then went through that super awkward stage of feeling like I didn't have enough shape or curves (oh, how youth is wasted on the young! to have that thin body back again; I would work it now so hard in so much great fashion!).

    I guess I'm kind of an ugly duckling all grown up. No swan or anything, but much more appreciative and thankful for my looks.
    "Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people."
    "I think that somehow, we learn who we really are and then we live with that decision."
    - Eleanor Roosevelt (both quotes)

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  • wild~hairwild~hair Posts: 9,890Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    cympreni wrote: »
    Posting my pic in the what do you look like thread was one of the most difficult things I've ever done. I was on the verge of a complete panic attack until I started getting comments, and was very pleasantly surprised, not only that I got some compliments, but also that for some strange reason, I didn't believe people were lying just to make me feel better. I think that is the main thing that brought on this easier period, because I was starting to get really really bad there for a while.

    I loved seeing your pic on that thread. You have that 'real woman' beauty thing going on. Maybe someday you will see it, even though you don't think so right now.
  • wavybaby(:wavybaby(: Posts: 22Registered Users
    thats kind of sad that someone would feel that way. no offense to anyone that does. but they should feel comfortable with who they are and the way that their body looks.
  • SoaringSirenSoaringSiren Posts: 765Registered Users
    I haven't been feeling great about myself lately. Since I stopped using BC, I started breaking out again :(

    I don't like how my body's looking either. I need to start throwing in exercise into my routine, but it's so hard to start. I also need to eat better, but it doesn't help when your parents are on a budget and only buy basic unhealthy things like pizza.

    *sigh*
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  • cymprenicympreni Posts: 9,609Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    wild~hair wrote: »
    cympreni wrote: »
    Posting my pic in the what do you look like thread was one of the most difficult things I've ever done. I was on the verge of a complete panic attack until I started getting comments, and was very pleasantly surprised, not only that I got some compliments, but also that for some strange reason, I didn't believe people were lying just to make me feel better. I think that is the main thing that brought on this easier period, because I was starting to get really really bad there for a while.

    I loved seeing your pic on that thread. You have that 'real woman' beauty thing going on. Maybe someday you will see it, even though you don't think so right now.

    Thank you

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