So, my daughter wants to meet me. (with wedding pics 5/7/11

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  • BoomygrrlBoomygrrl Posts: 4,940Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    RedCelticCurls, I'm crying for you. Not sadness. I'm just so happy for you. My mother was adopted and she always had questions about her biological family. In 1999, she finally got to meet some siblings...her bio parents had died before then. I got to meet aunts, uncles, cousins...a whole family that I had not known about. My grandmother (the one that adopted my mother) was gracious. I know she had a hard time with the idea at first, but then she went with us to the family reunion and they welcomed her with open-arms.
    My mom still keeps in contact with her siblings. Her older brother always had regrets because he was an adult when she was adopted off but he had medical problems and could not adopt her. Apparently, my bio-grandmother had mental illness (thinking maybe Schizophrenia) and really could not take care of the younger children (my mom, my aunt, and a younger uncle). My mom and aunt were adopted together, fortunately. We also got to meet our younger uncle, as he found the family a few years before we did and he got to meet my biological grandmother.

    I am so happy for my mom...and it's different when you are the one that was adopted. As I am a generation removed, I didn't have the same feelings as she did. I'm glad I got to meet them (out of curiosity, medical questions, etc.), but really my family is the family I was raised with. My grandmother (who adopted my mother) is and always will be my grandmother. I like a few of my "new" relatives, but really I don't have that bond or connection with them.

    My mom (and aunt) are so happy and excited. Meeting them and keeping in contact with them has been very good for them.

    Whatever happens, I'm glad you are approaching this in the way you are. You're letting her take the lead and you are not putting any expectations on her. Whatever happens, I just wish for the best, whatever that is going to mean.

    *hugs*
    That's right, I said it! I wear scrunchies!!

    I am a sulfate washing, cone slabbing, curly lovin' s.o.b. The CG police haven't caught me yet.
    :blob8:

    3a/3b
  • CurlyinColoradoCurlyinColorado Posts: 3,093Registered Users
    Thinking about you and sending hugs your way. I feel blessed to be able to share your joy, thank you.
    2b/3a.
  • redcelticcurlsredcelticcurls Posts: 17,502Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Wow, Boomygrrl, what a great story!

    It's a bit sad to me that your Mom's birth parents passed away before she found them, but I am happy that the reunion with the rest of the family went well.

    I understand about family being the one you were raised with. Those ties bind.

    I hope that my daughter's mother will be as gracious as your grandmother. I know that this will be hard for her too.
    Kiva! Microfinance works.

    Med/Coarse, porous curly.
  • nynaeve77nynaeve77 Posts: 7,135Registered Users Curl Novice
    Good luck, RCC!
    "Maybe Lucy's right. Of all the Charlie Browns in the world, you're the Charlie Browniest."--Linus, A Charlie Brown Christmas


    My fotki: http://public.fotki.com/nynaeve77/
    Password: orphanannie
  • AmnerisAmneris Posts: 15,117Registered Users
    OMG, I just got off of the phone with her. how surreal!

    We kept it short because she wanted to save some questions for when we meet in person.

    She thanked me for not having an abortion, and I teared up. then she asked if I got to hold her, and I about lost it becuase I still remember getting to hold her in the nursery. How could I forget that? She had wondered if she got her tall (she'd 5'10") from me, but those aren't from me. She told me that she is pale, blue-eyed and has strawberry blonde hair.

    She hasn't told her mother yet. She and her Dad plan on talking to her tonight. She wants to meet on Sunday if that all goes well with her Mom. I hope that her Mom takes it OK. I don't want her to feel bad.

    She said that she has a great family and has been having a wonderful life, and how it was God's plan for her to be with her family. She asked how old I was when I had her, and I told her that I was 16 when I got pregnant and was 17 when I had her.

    She hoped I wouldn't be mad about her contacting me first, and I told her that, although I often thought about her, I prefered that she initiated contact as she was only 21. It was cute that she sounded surprised that I knew how old she was, lol. I told her that I could not forget the day she was born if I tried!

    That was so emotional, but it felt good. It brought up stuff that I thought I had dealt with years ago. I guess it doesn't take much to bring some things back.

    This is making me cry, too. I think it was definitely brave and wonderful of you to go through the pregnancy and give life to this wonderful young woman, and then to open yourself up to being vulnerable with her now. I think what you said to her and what she said to you was so beautiful and you are showing so much consideration for her and her adoptive parents. I wish you luck at the meeting and God bless you.
    Get used to me. Black, confident, cocky; my name, not yours; my religion, not yours; my goals, my own; get used to me. -Muhammad Ali


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  • badgercurlsbadgercurls Posts: 3,077Registered Users
    How wonderful. I hope things go well. On a kind of light note, I bet she will be happy to know where her beautiful hair comes from!

    And I had to share a happy story:
    My aunt had a baby at age 19 while she was a freshman in college. She was adopted by a wonderful family and has had a very good life. About eight years ago, my aunt got an e-mail from her asking if a certain date (the daughter's birth date) meant something to her. My aunt replied, and they ended up meeting. Strangely enough, they ended up living only a few miles apart. They've maintained contact and are quite friendly.

    Shortly after her daughter was born, my aunt developed really bad endometriosis and had so much scaring she was unable to have any more children. When she met my uncle and got married, they tried for many years before finally deciding to adopt two girls from China when my aunt was in her late 40's. The biological daughter contacted my aunt only a few months before she and her husband were leaving to go to China to pick up my youngest cousin, so my aunt's biological daughter actually came to the airport to meet them with the rest of our family when my aunt and uncle returned home with my baby cousin! It was a really amazing time of things coming full circle. Adoption has blessed that family three times over: giving my cousin a wonderful life that probably wouldn't have been possible if she had been raised by my aunt when she was young, giving my aunt and uncle two beautiful daughters later in life, and giving my two little cousins a chance at a life they never would have known if they had stayed at orphanages in China.
  • CurliLocksCurliLocks Posts: 10,573Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    It sounds like it's going to go well this weekend. :) Hopefully, her parents will accept everything as well.

    I'm enjoying all these wonderful stories. :)
    SF Bay Area, CA * "The Angel-Goddess-Guru of Haircoloring" :D
    3b/c/a mix. medium texture, low porosity
    My Motto: Strand Test! some hair pics
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC] -- gone, but never forgotten.
  • redcelticcurlsredcelticcurls Posts: 17,502Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    I'm glad to read of all these happy stories. My Googling has sent me quite some horrot stories about reunions, so reading these messaged has been encouraging!
    Kiva! Microfinance works.

    Med/Coarse, porous curly.
  • LoloDSMLoloDSM Posts: 3,778Registered Users
    I am so excited for you, RCC. And, I hope everything goes well. She sounds like a lovely and mature young lady. I also teared up when I read about your conversation with her. Best wishes to you all.
    Loose botticelli curls and waves
    No silicones/no sulfates since March 2008
  • CanItBeChristineCanItBeChristine Posts: 6,343Registered Users
    meryn wrote: »
    Renée (bio mom) actually spoke at my mother's funeral, and was an incredible support, as she had lost her own mother (my grandmother) just a few years earlier.


    That is so touching!
  • MeganMegan Posts: 335Registered Users
    I've really enjoyed reading this post! I think it's great that you are opening yourself to her, while being respectful of her space and her parents as well. It's great that she now has some answers to her questions, which is comforting I'm sure. I commend you for giving her up for adoption...that was a very UNselfish thing. Best of luck to you!
  • g-stringrannyg-stringranny Posts: 2,701Registered Users
    Keewee wrote: »
    Wow that is great!!! I wish you luck..Don't you have other children..

    No. I prefer being the Aunt to being Mom.

    It has been great to see suck support here. Thanks ladies!

    That's makes it even better that she was adopted out to people who truly wanted to be parents. Hopefully, she won't have hopes that you will want to be a part of her life, other then a friend. Good luck with the reunion. I hope she won't be disappointed.
    AKA lotsawaves
    AKA new2curls
  • MarMar Posts: 3,004Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    I am so excited for you-again,let me say I think you are amazing.
    "what's so funny 'bout peace, love and understanding?"



    "If you judge people,you have no time to love them"
    -Mother Theresa
  • CGECGE Posts: 1,911Registered Users
    Keewee wrote: »
    Wow that is great!!! I wish you luck..Don't you have other children..

    No. I prefer being the Aunt to being Mom.

    It has been great to see suck support here. Thanks ladies!

    That's makes it even better that she was adopted out to people who truly wanted to be parents. Hopefully, she won't have hopes that you will want to be a part of her life, other then a friend. Good luck with the reunion. I hope she won't be disappointed.

    Why would she be disappointed?


    I hope all goes well for you RCC, I tear up every time I read this thread.
    I used to have a signature but it disappeared and I just couldn't be bothered writing another so please feel free to ingore this.
  • cyndicyndi Posts: 3,341Registered Users
    I hope everything goes well.

    I wonder if she has curly hair...
    I think that I deceive genius.:happy10:
  • EilonwyEilonwy Posts: 12,391Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    I'm glad that all went well!
  • CarrollCarroll Posts: 224Registered Users
    That was so emotional, but it felt good. It brought up stuff that I thought I had dealt with years ago. I guess it doesn't take much to bring some things back.

    So glad you guys had a nice chat, but be ready for meeting her in person.....it's some heavy duty stuff!!! When I saw my birth mother for the first time it was like looking into my soul.
    Say what you mean and mean what you say.
  • GretchenGretchen Administrator Posts: 10,831Administrators, Moderators Administrator
    Wow; how amazing. I'll be thinking of you.

    Gretchen
    NaturallyCurly.com co-founder
    3A

    You are beautiful!
  • YolyCYolyC Posts: 3,758Registered Users
    I hope her mom is cool with it so you guys could meet soon. I'm so excited for you!
    Location: Chicago

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    "If you don't stand for something you will fall for anything."
    Malcolm X
  • redcelticcurlsredcelticcurls Posts: 17,502Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    cyndi wrote: »
    I hope everything goes well.

    I wonder if she has curly hair...

    Actually, no, she's a straight up type 1. Go figure!
    Kiva! Microfinance works.

    Med/Coarse, porous curly.
  • redcelticcurlsredcelticcurls Posts: 17,502Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    CGE wrote: »

    No. I prefer being the Aunt to being Mom.

    It has been great to see suck support here. Thanks ladies!

    That's makes it even better that she was adopted out to people who truly wanted to be parents. Hopefully, she won't have hopes that you will want to be a part of her life, other then a friend. Good luck with the reunion. I hope she won't be disappointed.

    Why would she be disappointed?


    I hope all goes well for you RCC, I tear up every time I read this thread.

    Actually, I have wondered what expectations she has upon meeting me, and if I'd live up to them.
    Kiva! Microfinance works.

    Med/Coarse, porous curly.
  • redcelticcurlsredcelticcurls Posts: 17,502Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Carroll wrote: »
    That was so emotional, but it felt good. It brought up stuff that I thought I had dealt with years ago. I guess it doesn't take much to bring some things back.

    So glad you guys had a nice chat, but be ready for meeting her in person.....it's some heavy duty stuff!!! When I saw my birth mother for the first time it was like looking into my soul.

    Yes, I am wondering what that first meeting will be like.

    She made a short phone call today, and we set up a place and time for Sunday. It will be at a busy local restaurant, and I hope the neighboring table doesn't mind if I end up crying my head off...

    I'm nervous, anxious, scared, happy, curious, d**n, just about everything!
    Kiva! Microfinance works.

    Med/Coarse, porous curly.
  • Riot CrrlRiot Crrl Posts: 3,135Registered Users
    Dude, you seem pretty awesome. If I found out you were my real mom, I would still love my mom who raised me but I'd be pretty stoked if it was you. It's physically impossible since you're only one year older than me, but still.
  • g-stringrannyg-stringranny Posts: 2,701Registered Users
    CGE wrote: »

    That's makes it even better that she was adopted out to people who truly wanted to be parents. Hopefully, she won't have hopes that you will want to be a part of her life, other then a friend. Good luck with the reunion. I hope she won't be disappointed.

    Why would she be disappointed?


    I hope all goes well for you RCC, I tear up every time I read this thread.

    Actually, I have wondered what expectations she has upon meeting me, and if I'd live up to them.

    That's what I was talking about. You know, she may feel better that you don't have other children. It's hard to know how you would react to situation until you are in it, but I think I would probably feel sad if my Mom had moved on & was raising other children. I would understand that she was too young for the responsibility of me at that time, but I think it would still bother me. It sounds like she has good parents & will probably not expect anything from you. She will probably just want to know that you have thought about her & hoped she was happy.
    AKA lotsawaves
    AKA new2curls
  • redcelticcurlsredcelticcurls Posts: 17,502Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Riot Crrl wrote: »
    Dude, you seem pretty awesome. If I found out you were my real mom, I would still love my mom who raised me but I'd be pretty stoked if it was you. It's physically impossible since you're only one year older than me, but still.

    Dude, that is probably one of the best compliments in my whole life! :toothy7:
    Kiva! Microfinance works.

    Med/Coarse, porous curly.
  • SystemSystem Posts: 39,059 Administrator
    I have been in a kind of similar situation, I refrained from posting until now because I needed to collect my thoughts to post what will probably be a LONG rambling message.

    I was adopted, but within the family-my maternal grandparents adopted me when I was two. My biological mother took off with a man who did not want children, so she left me with them. (there is more to that story, but I am not getting into that on a public forum).

    For a while, I thought my grandparents were my parents. I was told the truth at 6 or 7 because I had heard from a neighborhood child that my parents weren't my real parents (how the child knew, I have no idea). So it was my choice to meet my biological mother. Of course at that age, it wasn't much of a choice or a surreal type meeting. (I am 31 now so this was a while back). I am thankful that my biological mom did not abort me like she was supposed to and that she gave me to some very loving grandparents.

    What was emotional for me was meeting my biological father last year. I looked him up through an internet search and called him. I was shaking the whole time.

    When he and I met in person, it was surreal. I bawled like a baby the first time I saw him, do you want to know why? Because I finally knew who I got my curly, red hair from. Isn't that silly? But to me, it was a piece of the puzzle I wanted to know.

    We met at a restaurant just like you will be, and we talked for hours. We went to the park and sat and talked, a lot. And then he asked me if he could do something he wanted to do his whole life. He asked if I would go on the swings and he could push me on the swings. I started to cry again, and walked over to the swings with him and he pushed me on them.

    It felt kind of natural to do that, and to talk to him and share things with him. Before he left I remember him saying to me "If you weren't my daughter, I would want you to be, you are truly an amazing woman and I thank you for letting me into a small piece of your life." I hugged him and thanked him for saying that to me.

    Since then, we have kept in touch through e-mail and phone. We have seen each other twice since that meeting last year and he is coming to see me again in August. It is difficult, because he has lost so much of my life growing up, but I do want him to be a part of my life, I am just taking a while to let him in, piece by piece.

    I have a hard time letting my biological mother in, but she and I are working on that.

    Sorry this was so long but I want to wish you luck and I think you are brave and an amazing woman! From what I have read about you on these boards, I would be very lucky to have you as my birth mom. *Hugs*

    If you want to know anything more or need support or anything at all, please feel free to PM me anytime RCC.
  • g-stringrannyg-stringranny Posts: 2,701Registered Users
    Your post made me cry. How wonderful.
    AKA lotsawaves
    AKA new2curls
  • redcelticcurlsredcelticcurls Posts: 17,502Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    OMG, need_hair_repair, that made me cry!

    The part about the hair made absolute sense. I would want to know too. Shoot, I feel about the same way spending all those years wondering if my daughter had curly hair. Out of all the physical traits, I wondered about that the most. Interestingly, we were both band geeks. I played clarinet, and she plays piccolo.

    The part of the swing was very touching and had me in tears.

    I'm glad that the relationship with your birth father is working out well, and I hope that you and your birth mother find some sort of peace and understanding.
    Kiva! Microfinance works.

    Med/Coarse, porous curly.
  • SystemSystem Posts: 39,059 Administrator
    OMG, need_hair_repair, that made me cry!

    The part about the hair made absolute sense. I would want to know too. Shoot, I feel about the same way spending all those years wondering if my daughter had curly hair. Out of all the physical traits, I wondered about that the most. Interestingly, we were both band geeks. I played clarinet, and she plays piccolo.

    The part of the swing was very touching and had me in tears.

    I'm glad that the relationship with your birth father is working out well, and I hope that you and your birth mother find some sort of peace and understanding.

    Aww well I didn't want you crying! :(

    My biological mother and I will patch things up, I know that in my heart. She and I are just the same kind of people personality wise (and sign wise, we are virgo's, if you follow astrology...yeah it's like that!)

    For me, your thread has helped me to understand my biological mother's side in all this and I want to thank you form the bottom of my heart for sharing this. It truly has made me open my eyes, and pick up the phone to call her and talk a few things out with her. Thank you. :)
  • redcelticcurlsredcelticcurls Posts: 17,502Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Oh, don't worry yourself, it not a bad cry. :)

    Two Virgos eh? Well, yeah, I can see that. I'm a Libra, and she's a Pisces, and I admit I did look up how that would work. Thank you "Secret Language of Birthdays" book.

    I have really enjoyed reading the perspective of the adoptees and adoptive Moms here. I like reading perspectives from all sides of the triad. I hope that understanding the others' POV will help me in getting through all of this.
    Kiva! Microfinance works.

    Med/Coarse, porous curly.

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