So, my daughter wants to meet me. (with wedding pics 5/7/11

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Comments

  • StarmieStarmie Curl Virtuoso Posts: 7,169Registered Users Curl Virtuoso
    I can't even begin to imagine what you must be feeling right now. Good luck with it all.
    3b in South Australia.
  • CurlyCanadianCurlyCanadian Curl Connoisseur Posts: 10,904Registered Users, Curl Ambassador Curl Connoisseur
    meryn wrote: »
    Renée (bio mom) actually spoke at my mother's funeral

    Wow, that made me cry...so touching :)
    I believe in manicures. I believe in overdressing. I believe in primping at leisure and wearing lipstick. I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles.
    Audrey Hepburn
  • WileE-DeadWileE-Dead Banned Posts: 24,963Banned Users Curl Neophyte
    Keewee wrote: »
    Wow that is great!!! I wish you luck..Don't you have other children..

    No. I prefer being the Aunt to being Mom.

    It has been great to see suck support here. Thanks ladies!
    :lol:
    meryn, well said.
    I will say that I can relate...
    0004.gif

    Ever since the sports thread wars I have sensed a special connection between [edit] & Wile. Like the connection oil has to water. I almost can't speak of it. Wait....my eyes are misting. ~asq
    Let’s just stay together and tell the world to kiss our ass. ~P


  • redcelticcurlsredcelticcurls Curl Neophyte Posts: 17,502Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Keewee wrote: »
    Wow that is great!!! I wish you luck..Don't you have other children..

    No. I prefer being the Aunt to being Mom.

    It has been great to see suck support here. Thanks ladies!
    :lol:
    meryn, well said.
    I will say that I can relate...

    Oops! :oops: that was supposed to be such!
    Kiva! Microfinance works.

    Med/Coarse, porous curly.
  • yagottaloveyacurlsyagottaloveyacurls Curl Connoisseur Posts: 5,766Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    meryn wrote: »
    You gave her an incredible gift. Two, in fact. Life, and a fighting chance to thrive.

    Good luck and good thoughts being sent your way for the reunion!

    wow. That made me tear up.. that was very beautifully put, Meryn.

    Best of luck, rcc... and (((((( hugs )))))))
  • geminigemini Posts: 3,325Registered Users
    How exciting--good luck with everything!
  • CurlyinColoradoCurlyinColorado Posts: 3,093Registered Users
    I'm so excited and nervous for you too, RCC, please keep us posted and lots of ((hugs)) coming your way!
    2b/3a.
  • merynmeryn Curl Novice Posts: 1,807Registered Users Curl Novice
    ETA: My bio mom wrote a poem at my mom's bon voyage party, that started.... "thank you, Elizabeth, it was you that gave living to the life I grew....."

    It gets even more powerful, rose petal/circle of life analogies...I can't even bare to type it out right now, I have been crying too much lately.

    RCC, I'll send you the poem when I can actually TYPE, it really is beautiful and may help you in this new chapter.
  • fraufrau Curl Neophyte Posts: 6,130Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    support hug!!
  • SystemSystem Administrator Posts: 39,060 Administrator
    I didn't know, RCC! What a fantastic opportunity! God bless!
  • SystemSystem Administrator Posts: 39,060 Administrator
    I hope it all goes well.
  • selfcurledgirlselfcurledgirl Curl Connoisseur Posts: 518Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    I just wanted to add something as I read these posts. When we all met my daughter's birth mom again, we were all together at a lunch too, but before the lunch we let my daughter and the bm walk around for an hour just with the translator so she could ask any questions she had and she did have questions, like how do you feel now about the adoption? However, affording them this private time was based on my daughter's desire, so as others have said, I would just leave it up to your daughter to initiate the kind of contact she wants. If she wants to speak with you alone, she or her adopted parents should ask you about that, I think, as we arranged. She initiated the contact and the type should be up to her with your respectful cooperation. That is my experience. It is a very touching experience and so good when all is open and honest. I think future contact will take care of itself based on the desires of the parties, not to worry really.
    Hair type, thin, 3b, past my shoulders always looking for length. Use jessicurl hair cleansing cream, devacurl one c, angel, set it free, Always see a deva trained stylist for cut and Aveda Institute for color.
  • SpiderSpider Curl Neophyte Posts: 3,381Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    What a precious opportunity. And I think your daughter will be relieved if you will at what a lovely person her birthmom (you) is. I've heard so many stories of reunions gone bad mainly because the birthparents were a total mess. In your case it sounds like a matter of age and you wanting to do the best thing for the baby and she's with wonderful and supportive adoptive parents.

    Like others said, it's unlikely she's looking to replace them, but she may have questions about her family history on both your side as well as her birth father's side- do you know if she's got his information or made contact? How would you feel if she wanted the two of you together to meet with her?

    Best of luck and big hugs. I know this isn't easy, but it's important to her.
    Don't let your heart be broken. Let it love.
  • SpiderSpider Curl Neophyte Posts: 3,381Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    I just wanted to add something as I read these posts. When we all met my daughter's birth mom again, we were all together at a lunch too, but before the lunch we let my daughter and the bm walk around for an hour just with the translator so she could ask any questions she had and she did have questions, like how do you feel now about the adoption? However, affording them this private time was based on my daughter's desire, so as others have said, I would just leave it up to your daughter to initiate the kind of contact she wants. If she wants to speak with you alone, she or her adopted parents should ask you about that, I think, as we arranged. She initiated the contact and the type should be up to her with your respectful cooperation. That is my experience. It is a very touching experience and so good when all is open and honest. I think future contact will take care of itself based on the desires of the parties, not to worry really.

    What a positive story you have as well. A close friend of my sister and her husband adopted a Russian girl a few years ago, and the adoptive mom has tried to keep the girl's heritage strong, even though she has no idea who her real family is (she found her in a Russian orphanage). The adoptive mom's family is Czech, so she understands and respects that connection for her daughter as she gets older as well.
    Don't let your heart be broken. Let it love.
  • AmandacurlsAmandacurls Curl Neophyte Posts: 6,252Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    If I found out I was adopted I would want to meet my birth mother, more to see where I came from, and just to know her. I don't know how I'd feel about a continued relationship with her after, that I would have to play by ear, but I would want to meet her. I do have a cousin and a best friend that were adopted and neither of them have any desire to ever meet their birth mother or know anything about them. I guess it's just different for everyone.
  • automaticflowersautomaticflowers Posts: 3,465Registered Users
    Wow, that is exciting! Best of luck! :toothy7:
  • KaiaKaia Curl Connoisseur Posts: 8,815Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    This thread is making me tear up. Good luck to you RCC! I'm sure it will go fine. (((HUGS)))
    *Poster formerly known as Bailey422*

    Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. ~ George Carlin
  • 2happy2happy Posts: 5,138Registered Users
    I don't even know what to say. You are an amazing woman and I have no doubt she will think so too - and probably already does!
    Handle every stressful situation like a dog. If you can't eat it or hump it.....Piss on it and walk away.
    Location - WI
  • MarMar Curl Neophyte Posts: 3,004Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Good luck to you,sweetie-you are truly amazing for doing what you did.
    I am in awe of women like you.
    "what's so funny 'bout peace, love and understanding?"



    "If you judge people,you have no time to love them"
    -Mother Theresa
  • redcelticcurlsredcelticcurls Curl Neophyte Posts: 17,502Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    OMG, meryn, your story is so poignant it just makes me cry.

    I'm really touched to see this thread get so long so quickly on a subject in which most people don't have first hand experience. It really means a lot.

    I never really felt brave at the time when doing this. I actually felt more selfish - along the lines of "Oh my God I'm 16/17 and I can't have a kid! I'm still in school!" Even back then teen pregnancy was fairly common, so I was unusual in my decision. Most of my classmates either aborted or became single Moms. Had to be the odd one out I guess. My brother is still angry about the decision when he thinks about it because he doesn't think that someone should give up their own kid. We'll just have to dosagree on that one I guess.

    I haven't heard if she wants to contact her birth father. The last I heard from was 5 years ago when he was in Atlanta.

    At this point, I can only go with what she wishes. I'm sure she must be nervous too, and I don't want to run her off or anything crazy.
    Kiva! Microfinance works.

    Med/Coarse, porous curly.
  • redcelticcurlsredcelticcurls Curl Neophyte Posts: 17,502Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    everyone has alread given good advice but can i just say i had to read it twice and do the math a few times to come to this conclusion

    you are no way the age that the math adds up to!

    seriously you are way way younger loooking than your age!
    i thought you were my age (or younger and i am 25!)

    rock on with your hot self!

    Lol, thanks! I'm 38. The powers of sunscreen!:wink:
    Kiva! Microfinance works.

    Med/Coarse, porous curly.
  • journotravelerjournotraveler Posts: 2,816Registered Users
    sending positive vibes to you. this is very exciting. and unnerving. i think i can understand a little about what you are feeling.

    when i was 24, i found out that i had a half sister 10 years older than me. it was bizarre meeting a total stranger who looked a lot like me. she'd known about me all along, but i didn't know about her. we've kept in touch over the years, and see each other from time to time. but i have to say, the feelings/connection i have with her are more like that of a distant relative, if that makes sense.

    at any rate, just wanted to wish you well.
    3B corkscrews with scatterings of 3A & 3C.
  • UsodaUsoda Posts: 918Registered Users
    Lots of luck, I hope all goes well!

    For the record, I too had to work the math, I've always thought you were in your early 20's. You have some serious uber-genes going on there.

    :)
  • CurliLocksCurliLocks Curl Connoisseur Posts: 10,573Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    I just want to wish you luck rcc. I have a cousin who was adopted and my BIL was adopted, although they have never met their birth parents. As others have mentioned, you must be a jumble of emotions. (((HUGS))) I'll be waiting to hear how it goes. :)
    SF Bay Area, CA * "The Angel-Goddess-Guru of Haircoloring" :D
    3b/c/a mix. medium texture, low porosity
    My Motto: Strand Test! some hair pics
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  • redcelticcurlsredcelticcurls Curl Neophyte Posts: 17,502Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    OMG, I just got off of the phone with her. how surreal!

    We kept it short because she wanted to save some questions for when we meet in person.

    She thanked me for not having an abortion, and I teared up. then she asked if I got to hold her, and I about lost it becuase I still remember getting to hold her in the nursery. How could I forget that? She had wondered if she got her tall (she'd 5'10") from me, but those aren't from me. She told me that she is pale, blue-eyed and has strawberry blonde hair.

    She hasn't told her mother yet. She and her Dad plan on talking to her tonight. She wants to meet on Sunday if that all goes well with her Mom. I hope that her Mom takes it OK. I don't want her to feel bad.

    She said that she has a great family and has been having a wonderful life, and how it was God's plan for her to be with her family. She asked how old I was when I had her, and I told her that I was 16 when I got pregnant and was 17 when I had her.

    She hoped I wouldn't be mad about her contacting me first, and I told her that, although I often thought about her, I prefered that she initiated contact as she was only 21. It was cute that she sounded surprised that I knew how old she was, lol. I told her that I could not forget the day she was born if I tried!

    That was so emotional, but it felt good. It brought up stuff that I thought I had dealt with years ago. I guess it doesn't take much to bring some things back.
    Kiva! Microfinance works.

    Med/Coarse, porous curly.
  • misfitcurlsmisfitcurls Curl Novice Posts: 736Registered Users Curl Novice
    how cool for you!
    (and as for the age i figured it out, but decided not to post it and let anyone else do the math!)

    sounds like you both have a pretty good head on your shoulders and this meeting should be great!

    have fun:wink:
    HENNA HEAD
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  • RheannaRheanna Posts: 2,614Registered Users
    What a wonderful story. I have chills and tears in my eyes, and there's not too many things on this site that does that for me. :)

    I hope it all goes well this weekend.
    DPTFm5.png
  • journotravelerjournotraveler Posts: 2,816Registered Users
    wow. how wonderful!
    3B corkscrews with scatterings of 3A & 3C.
  • 2poodles2poodles Curl Connoisseur Posts: 2,485Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    She sounds wonderful! Good luck this weekend - hope it all goes well. We'll be thinking about you!
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]2Poodles :flower: Southeast PA
    fine, med porosity, normal elasticity
    Currently using the following 2 - 3 x/week:
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  • SpunkyCurlsSpunkyCurls Posts: 1,523Registered Users
    I told her that I could not forget the day she was born if I tried!

    That is very sweet. I bet that alone meant a lot to her, knowing that you cared about her all this time
    <insert signature line here>

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