So, my daughter wants to meet me. (with wedding pics 5/7/11

redcelticcurls

I've brought it up before, but just to fill in for those who don't know -

I had a child in high school when I was 17 and put her up for adoption. She is now 21.

So, now to current events in that regard.

Her father (adoptive, not birth) called my Dad and said that she want to meet me. My Dad called me and we talked, and now my daughter has my phone number.

I'm nervous and excited and God knows what all else. I'd love to meet her and see how her life is, but I don't want to butt in or to try and take on a mother role. She already has a mother.

WileE-Dead

I can understand your situation.
(((hugs)))
Let her lead...

redcelticcurls

WileECoyote - Daddy's grl wrote: »

I can understand your situation.
(((hugs)))
Let her lead...

Thanks!

Yes, I do intend to let her lead on this.

selfcurledgirl

I can just relay my experience and hope it is of use. We adopted our daughter in Romania at birth and her birth mom was 17. Last summer we located her in Romania after losing contact with her. My daughter is now 17. She always wanted to meet her. Well, we traveled to Romania and they met twice. We even stayed over at her house with her husband and son. After this experience, my daughter does not initiate contact with her. I write to her and she texts my daughter sometimes. She only speaks Romanian so it is hard. I hired a translator to translate her and my letters. It seems, my daughter just wanted to actually see her and know who she is but she never talks about her and shows no desire to reconnect. The bm wants to maintain contact and I don't mind writing. Perhaps your daughter too just is curious and wants to see you. That is understandable I think. Good luck.

redcelticcurls

Thank you selfcurledgirl, it is always good to hear first hand experiences.

I feel that I can deal if she just wants to meet once. I'm sure she must have questions. The harder part, to me, is deciding what type of contact afterwards. I just would feel weird trying to jump into her life after so long. Heck, I guess I just to make it to that first meeting and she how it goes.

All I know so far is that she wants me and my parents to meet with her and her parents at a restaurant local to her. That is fine, and she should at least feel safer having her parents with her.

Lilah

I can't relate to your situation at all, but I'm sending you lots of good vibes.

As you said, she already has a mother-figure, but everyone can use another role model or someone to confide in.

love yourself first

Lilah wrote: »

I can't relate to your situation at all, but I'm sending you lots of good vibes.

As you said, she already has a mother-figure, but everyone can use another role model or someone to confide in.

I absolutely agree with this post.

Also, I want to say that it sounds really exciting for you to meet her and I hope it is an enjoyable experience for both of you. Thanks for sharing news of it with us.

internetchick

Best of luck to you. (((hugs)))

cympreni

I wanted to send some good vibes your way as well.

I can't really relate as I've always known my birth mom. I don't even know how to describe my relationship to her. It's a unique blend of family and friendship. Although lately it's been leading itself more to family, as I have cut off contact with my adopted family. It's a slow process but it feels right for both to us.

I hope you too can find just the right spot with her as well.

mayim

i am so excited for you, rcc. i too am a birth mom; my son just turned 14 yesterday.


we have a semi-open adoption, and his folks asked me a few years ago whether i'd be open to the idea of meeting him, so they'd know what to tell him if he ever asked. i hope we get the chance someday. i'd be just as nervous as you are right now!

i agree with the advice to let her lead. you guys will be just fine.

(i have tears in my eyes right now).

m

redcelticcurls

Thank you everyone! The support means a lot. I get misty eyed reading the responses.

I had been hoping to meet her, but really didn't expect to hear from her so soon. I guess I just thought that if she didn't try at 18, she'd wait until a lot older.

I am glad that her parents will be there, and also mine. I think it'll help with awkward moments, and she'll have support with her.

Interestingly my father and her father had a working relationship together before my Dad retired. Her father ended up working with a handful of my relatives, so it's sort of odd. Her father is now seeing mannerisms in his daughter that he attributes to family members of mine that he knows. Well, that's what happens when growing up in a not-so-large town in West Virginia. Six degrees of separation indeed. Of course, this is all related by what my dad just told me as he just got off of the phone with her dad.

mrspoppers

Good luck to you! I think it's great that her parents and yours will be there too.

2poodles

Good luck, RCC. I would think that if you're open to her questions and honest about how you're feeling now - and let her lead, as another person said, it should all work out. How scary, nerve-wracking and exciting! I'll be thinking about you all....

Caleilani

Good Luck and hope everything turns out well!

RedCatWaves

I would think the presence of both your parents at the first meeting would make it more awkward between you two, but that's her preference, so I guess you have to go with it. I think it's a good idea to let her lead the relationship. Best wishes to you as you meet her and get to know her. I wish you both peace and happiness together.

Riot Crrl

I have no related experience, but I wanted to wish good luck to you and your family.

iris427

Wow, good luck! ((hugs))

texascurly

I can only imagine all the different emotions you must be feeling all at the same time. Best wishes to you and your family.

YolyC

Good Luck! I hope it all goes well.

Suburbanbushbabe

That's a tough one. {{hugs}} You're right, just get to the first meeting. This is a once in lifetime opportunity.

ninja dog

Yes to what everyone else said!

I think you're brave.

Carroll

I myself am adopted & met my birth mother a few years ago.....it was so surreal for me to finally meet the woman that gave birth to me.

Good luck & I hope everything goes well......it is truly a life changing experience!!!!!!!:)

wild_sasparilla

ninja dog wrote: »

Yes to what everyone else said!

I think you're brave.

ITA.

medussa

What an amazing gift. I hope the meeting goes well.

LoloDSM

Wow! I am happy and excited for you. I cannot imagine what you must be feeling right now. I hope the meeting goes well and that it is a positive experience for everyone. Best wishes!

misfitcurls

everyone has alread given good advice but can i just say i had to read it twice and do the math a few times to come to this conclusion

you are no way the age that the math adds up to!

seriously you are way way younger loooking than your age!
i thought you were my age (or younger and i am 25!)

rock on with your hot self!

CurlyCanadian

Wow! I'm so excited/nervous/giddy for you, I couldn't even imagine what you're going through!

I agree with the others that think its a great idea to have everyone there. It should keep the awkward moments to a minimum, especially with the Dads knowing each other already. Plus, you two can always go for a walk if you want some alone time together!

Keewee

Wow that is great!!! I wish you luck..Don't you have other children..

redcelticcurls

Keewee wrote: »

Wow that is great!!! I wish you luck..Don't you have other children..

No. I prefer being the Aunt to being Mom.

It has been great to see suck support here. Thanks ladies!

meryn

I'm an adoptee. I looked my mom up at about 24, fifteen years ago. It was a wonderful reunion, then had a several year gap and reconnected. At this point we talk on the phone, travel together, trade books, email silly ideas, etc. We're more like girlfriends than mother/daughter, we're only 14 years apart in age. That hasn't changed even with my adopted mother's death a year and a half ago. Renée (bio mom) actually spoke at my mother's funeral, and was an incredible support, as she had lost her own mother (my grandmother) just a few years earlier.

I don't know the situation, but I can say with confidence, your daughter isn't looking for a replacement mom, aunt, or even extended family. She's searching her roots to define herself in this very pivotol part of her life. Mom and Dad will always be Mom and Dad, but seeing your eyes, your hair, your body type, your mannerisms, etc... that familiarity is very powerful. It's comforting to know you weren't hatched out of an egg.

You gave her an incredible gift. Two, in fact. Life, and a fighting chance to thrive.

Good luck and good thoughts being sent your way for the reunion!

Carroll

meryn wrote: »

I don't know the situation, but I can say with confidence, your daughter isn't looking for a replacement mom, aunt, or even extended family. She's searching her roots to define herself in this very pivotol part of her life. Mom and Dad will always be Mom and Dad, but seeing your eyes, your hair, your body type, your mannerisms, etc... that familiarity is very powerful. It's comforting to know you weren't hatched out of an egg.

You gave her an incredible gift. Two, in fact. Life, and a fighting chance to thrive.

Good luck and good thoughts being sent your way for the reunion!

YES EXACTLY!!! Thanks Meryn.....you put into words exactly how I felt/feel.