Ladies who didn't change their last names...

sariroo

If you married (or didn't) but have a child with someone with a different last name, did you hyphenate your child's (children's) name? I say we are going to and my husband thinks the kid should just carry his name. I told him I'm not going to fight about it but my child is going to carry my name too, end of story. Just wondering what others did.

WileE-Dead

Ah, yes, yes...lol
I still don't have everything carried over in both names.
Hubby was intense about me not hyphenating my name, so, after 14 yrs, I still have stuff in both...
As for the little one.....First name is a family name on both sides, middle is one side & last is another side....

confused, yet...lol

I don't know why men tend to get hung up on this.....
I have one diploma in my maiden name..one will be in both......my social is in both & so is my DL..:dunno:

btw..have you made choices on what you will do depending on the sex & will you find out the sex?

Kaia

DS has my name as a second middle name, so he's Dylan Alexander mylastname DH'slastname. I wasn't all that hung up about it, I just wanted my name somewhere in there.

sariroo

We have not yet decided on finding out the sex. We both kind of want to but also think being surprised would be nice. We don't really care if it is a boy or a girl, either one works for us. If it is a boy, it will get hubby's first and middle names but will not be a true junior because I'm throwing my last name in there. Maybe this is his hang up about it but I really don't care. :tongue5:

Sigi

Our kids have my husband's last name.

webjockey

kids have husband's last name. i dont hypenate. if anyone needs to verify, they can check dna.

RedCatWaves

I use my birth last name, and gave my younger two children my last name as well. We don't hyphenate anything...too confusing. Luckily, my husband is very liberal and was all for naming the kids what I wanted, because he understands where I'm coming from (my older two sons carry their bio-fathers' names...which really burns my butt because their fathers are not involved in their lives and don't deserve to have these fine young men carrying their last names.)

Anyway...it works fine for us. We use husband's name socially, like when we need to be named as a family for something, but that's it.

cosmicfly

I did not change my name when I was married. My older 2 kids have their father's last name. My baby (different father) has my last name, but we went back and forth about it (neither of us had a strong opinion on whose name he should have, we just kept changing our minds. Ultimately, I used mine for reasons similart to RCW's).

Cynaminbear

My sister didn't change her name when she got married. Her husband has insisted on their kids having his last name. They have 2 girls and a boy right, and she's due in September with #4. I wonder if it's a boy he'll 'let' her give the baby her last name. She really wants my dad's name to continue on, and it's looking like the only 2 men with that last name won't be having kids.
One thing my BIL does to make sure the kids have his name is he's the one who fills out the birth certificate and SSN paperwork. I wouldn't put it past my sister to do whatever she wants to do.

Delma

My son's name is hyphenated , but generally in school he only writes his father's name and not mine. I did this for several reasons 1. being that we were not married 2. because I'm the only child of the only son I wanted someone to carry on the name 3. because I thought my son might feel more comfortable using amore ethnic name and i wanted him to have that option.

Our son due in august will probably only have his father's name ,I'm not too excited about that but I promised .

iris427

We are having some last name issues as well (I'll save that for another post) but I think we're going to follow the Spanish naming tradition which is the father's last name and then the mother's last name, no hyphen. E.g. Firstname Middlename Fatherlastname Motherlastname

But it could cause some confusion here in the US, since people usually put the mother's name first here if they use both.

I definitely wanted the baby to have my last name somewhere too. Can you put your last name as a middle name? E.g. Firstname Yourlastname Hislastname. Or you can put your last name, then his, with no hyphen and your child can choose whether to use both names or not. E.g. Firstname Middlename Yourlastname Hislastname.

Personally, I think hyphenated names complicate things.

firelily

We aren't even close to having kids yet, but I feel very strongly that our kids should have my last name. Because (1) it is very unique, and (2) my family is much stronger and tightly knit than his, and therefore the last name carries more meaning.

I think he's kind of bummed because although his last name is very common, he's the last in his line, in his family at least. He does seem to be coming around to my point of view.

I do think that hyphenating is too complicated, but I also like the Spanish way of doing things, but
if I used it his last name would just become the middle name. 4 names might be a bit too much for me.

mayim

no hyphen

first middle hispaternal mypaternal

(i use both my maternal and paternal, which, as iris mentioned, is typical in latin culture)

m

curly_keltie

SO and I are not married. This is what we did.

DS's First Name is one we both liked - Evan

DS's Middle Name is a family name from SO's family

DS's Last Name is the same as mine..as per SO's recommendation. Because DS and I look so different, SO thought it would make my life easier (travelling, medical etc etc) if DS and I had the same last name.

If I could do it all over again, I would have added SO's last name as DS's second middle name (fortunately, SO's last name can also be a first or middle name).

subbrock

i mentioned something about hyphenating majerle's name and my SO basically flipped. i didnt understand why he was so against it but he said that no matter what her last name was, everyone is always going to see her as my child. he felt like its easy to forget about dads. we're not married. so her first name is a family name from his side, middle name is a family name on both sides, and last name is his.

cajuncurls

My situation is a little complicated. After a long marriage my ex and I divorced and I kept his name, our girls have it and to tell the truth it was just too much of a pain to change. Well, now I'm engaged and I STILL have my ex's last name. Our child has my fiance's last name and this one will, too. I figure I may as well just wait til we get married to change mine instead of changing it twice.

What was really odd and some thing I didn't think about was that when I had Elli, they wanted to put my last name on the crib, and I had to ask them not to, because it's MY EX'S LAST NAME!!!

PixieCurl

iris427 wrote: »

Can you put your last name as a middle name? E.g. Firstname Yourlastname Hislastname.

This is what we did, except with my maiden name, since I chained my last name to DH's when we got married.

CGNYC

We didn't hyphenate because it just seems like such a PITA. It's a pain with forms, it confuses teachers, no one ever knows what to call you and Ms. Mom'sLastName-Dad'sLastName is always a mouthfull and to me, always seems like too much (as in over-the-top. Yeah, yeah, we get it, you're your own person).

I thought about using my last name as her middle name but in the end, I thought that might make things even more complicated for her if she eventually decides to get married.

Eventually, I will probably just add his last name after mine (we've only been married ten years) and keep all my names and if she's old enough, we can ask her if she wants to put my last name in there somewhere.

CocoaCoily

I didn't change my name (I see no reason I should lose my identity, and be reduced to a "Mrs").

Our daughter has my last name as her middle name. the only reason she doesn't have a hyphenated last name is because my husband's last name is 12 characters long.

subbrock

oh, interesting story i forgot to mention before--my SO has a cousin who just had a baby and they just made up a new last name for the baby and themselves. so baby's name is firstname middlename newmadeuplastname. mom's name is firstname maidenname newmadeuplastname. dad is firstname orginallastname newmadeuplastname. weird, yet interesting.

Yes, Still Paula

My input here probably won't help much since my situation was different. I had my daughter take my last name and no part of her father's last name (my former BF) b/c he is no good for her...period. I wish I could cut him off altogether, but I can't afford it right now while I am receiving much needed child support....

Amneris

I didn't change my last name. My husband and I each have our own last names and with our son, we did the Latin thing and he has my last name and then my husband's last name, no hyphen, but that is our family tradition. My husband hates hyphens and said no way, and I tend to agree.

If I have a girl I will push for his last name to be first and then mine....

sariroo

subbrock wrote: »

oh, interesting story i forgot to mention before--my SO has a cousin who just had a baby and they just made up a new last name for the baby and themselves. so baby's name is firstname middlename newmadeuplastname. mom's name is firstname maidenname newmadeuplastname. dad is firstname orginallastname newmadeuplastname. weird, yet interesting.

There were two options when we got married. I keep my last name or we both change to a totally different last name (we would have used my husband's middle name as it can be a last name too). He almost agreed to this but then decided he didn't want to change his name. So hence, I also kept mine.

I don't really want to get into why it is so important for the kid to have my name too but there are family issues and issues with my husband's last name and his father that lie very deep and are too personal for a message board. Thank you to everyone who gave their input. At least it lets me know what is being done with other children.

Amneris

I have friends who combined both names - his name was also a common first name and her name ended in a -son (or maybe it with the other way round?) So say one last name was James and the other was Johnson - now both of them and their child are Jameson. I also know a guy who took his wife's last name.

Kaia

DH wanted to come up with a new madeup name for us when we got married, but we couldn't think of anything that sounded good, so we both kept our own.

Simbathekat

webjockey wrote: »

kids have husband's last name. i dont hypenate. if anyone needs to verify, they can check dna.

Hahaha!!! :laughing7:

On another note, I had no idea how common it was to add mom's and dad's last names to a child's name. I guess it works out with one last name being prominent socially and on paperwork, and the other name just hangs out on the birth certificate???

luvmylocs

subbrock wrote: »

oh, interesting story i forgot to mention before--my SO has a cousin who just had a baby and they just made up a new last name for the baby and themselves. so baby's name is firstname middlename newmadeuplastname. mom's name is firstname maidenname newmadeuplastname. dad is firstname orginallastname newmadeuplastname. weird, yet interesting.

i heard of a couple doing this. they actually created the new name when they got married. i'm sure their kids will have their new name. different but interesting.

do you think if the woman never changes her name and all the kids and the hubby have the same last name it's like mom isn't part of the team?

goldy

i don't have any input for the original question.. but since it's being discussed my husband and i both changed our last names when we got married.. we both took each other's last name, and we now have the same last name which is now our family name.. neither one of us wanted to give up our last names but we really wanted us to have the same last name and have a family name.. our kids we'll have our last name..

Zinnia

goldy wrote: »

i don't have any input for the original question.. but since it's being discussed my husband and i both changed our last names when we got married.. we both took each other's last name, and we now have the same last name which is now our family name.. neither one of us wanted to give up our last names but we really wanted us to have the same last name and have a family name.. our kids we'll have our last name..

I am a bit slow...did you two create a new last name to be the new family name? how can you have the same last name if you both took each other's last name? Wouldn't you have just switched names?

Does your name read like this?
Firstname OriginalLastName HusbandsLastName CreatedFamilyLastName

goldy

we are both firstname middlename hislastname-mylastname..

Amneris

Simbathekat wrote: »

webjockey wrote: »

kids have husband's last name. i dont hypenate. if anyone needs to verify, they can check dna.

Hahaha!!! :laughing7:

On another note, I had no idea how common it was to add mom's and dad's last names to a child's name. I guess it works out with one last name being prominent socially and on paperwork, and the other name just hangs out on the birth certificate???

For me culturally they are both his names and I intend for him to use both when he signs his name.