Need some older women's views

munchkinmunchkin Registered Users Posts: 2,909 Curl Connoisseur
I am 57 and had breast cancer 3 years ago (have been cancer free for 3 years now).

My question: I had lumpectomy just below the nipple of my left breast. It left a dimple; not too bad but a definite dimple an inch or so long. Nipple is OK. When you look at my breasts, there is a difference. I guess after all was said and done it never really bothered me because I felt I came through this so much more unscathed than a lot of women with breast cancer. My husband and I have been married for 31 years. It doesn't bother him either.

None of my drs have ever said anything except that I healed nicely and it looked good to them. I still go for 6 month checkups (have to for 5 years). I had a different oncologist the other day. She said everything was fine; my lab work was fine. When she was giving me my breast exam, she said "you could go to a plastic surgeon and get the dimple fixed if you wanted. They would just take some fat from somewhere, probably your buttocks, and fill it in." I asked if insurance would pay for it. She said it would be considered reconstructive so it would.

I knew you could have reconstructive surgery for a mastectomy, but never thought about my "dimple."

I ran it past my husband. He said it didn't bother him, but he could see where if anything ever happened to him and I was on my own (dating) that it might be a concern for me. Honestly, I thought about that once and figured if some man didn't like my dimple then he probably wasn't the man for me. My breast isn't "normal," but it surely isn't something that should scare someone away.

My question: Is this something you think you would have done? It would mean surgery. I just can't figure out in my mind if I should be more concerned than I am. Just wondered what other older women thought. . . how would you feel if it was you?
3b/c

Comments

  • scorpiofirescorpiofire Registered Users Posts: 122
    My mom is fighting breast cancer,it started 11 yrs ago and re-occured twice.She also had two lumpectomies and wears the scars like a badge of honor. we discussed our scars a few years back( i've had a breast reduction in my twenties) and we both agreed that since they were both done for health reasons ,once we got past the first time getting undressed in front of our spouse, it didnt really matter after.

    After my divorce, i gave thought to what another man would think of my scars and i was a bit nervous about it. But when the time came and i was with someone who cared deeply for me and i for him, we both forgot about the scars and we were just glad to have found each other.

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  • starinastarina Registered Users Posts: 665 Curl Neophyte
    I think that men care so much less about these kinds of things when they are older. I doubt that it would matter to anyone. I guess it boils down to how you feel about it.
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  • ninja dogninja dog Registered Users Posts: 23,780 Curl Neophyte
    I would say that if it's a fairly minor procedure, and you're not fearful about surgery, let alone that insurance may foot the bill, why not?
  • RedCatWavesRedCatWaves Registered Users Posts: 31,259 Curl Connoisseur
    My question: Is this something you think you would have done? It would mean surgery. I just can't figure out in my mind if I should be more concerned than I am. Just wondered what other older women thought. . . how would you feel if it was you?


    Given the circumstances you describe, I don't think I would be concerned enough about it to want to go through surgery to fix it. It doesn't sound disfigured, and as long as it didn't show under clothing, I wouldn't care. I also wouldn't worry about future men...any man who was bothered by it wouldn't be the man for me.
  • SuburbanbushbabeSuburbanbushbabe Registered Users Posts: 15,402 Curl Neophyte
    I probably especially if insurance covers it. And I'd ask them to tighten everything up while there in there LOL
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  • g-stringrannyg-stringranny Registered Users Posts: 2,701
    If insurance would pay for it, then I would have it done. I wouldn't care if my husband or SO said they didn't have a problem with it. I'm sorry, but I believe men are more into the visual then women are & if one said it didn't bother him, I wouldn't believe him.
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  • munchkinmunchkin Registered Users Posts: 2,909 Curl Connoisseur
    And I'd ask them to tighten everything up while there in there LOL

    I thought about that. . . if I could get more done (a few tucks here and there), I probably wouldn't hesitate!!

    Guess I have to figure out how much this bothers me. Apparently, up to now, not all that much. Thanks for everyone's opinions.
    3b/c
  • CurlyinColoradoCurlyinColorado Registered Users Posts: 3,093
    I would if insurance covered it. Unless I had a fear of surgery, then no, I wouldn't consider it.
    2b/3a.
  • susancnwsusancnw Registered Users Posts: 1,374 Curl Novice
    If you are okay with it...leave it alone. It's minor, not 'disfiguring' and there are other things you can spend you co-pay on - like hair products
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  • VerityVerity Registered Users Posts: 616 Curl Neophyte
    Something fairly minor that isn't visible when I'm wearing clothes would not bother me.
  • love yourself firstlove yourself first Registered Users Posts: 5,398
    munchkin wrote: »

    I ran it past my husband. He said it didn't bother him, but he could see where if anything ever happened to him and I was on my own (dating) that it might be a concern for me. Honestly, I thought about that once and figured if some man didn't like my dimple then he probably wasn't the man for me. My breast isn't "normal," but it surely isn't something that should scare someone away.

    The dimple sounds really minor and not worth a second thought. But if insurance covers it and there aren't real medical complications, it might be worth doing. I say this mainly because of what your husband said to you. If it was truly minor to him *as a man* and not as your loving husband of so many years, he would probably have brushed it off. The fact that he mentioned it possibly bothering other men, means that to the *objectively, visual-oriented man* it is probably worth fixing if health risks are minor.

    Tucking or tightening seems like something to ask about if you are going to do it. But could go either way. Really comes down to how you feel about minor, elective surgery, since it's your body and health.
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  • munchkinmunchkin Registered Users Posts: 2,909 Curl Connoisseur
    munchkin wrote: »

    I ran it past my husband. He said it didn't bother him, but he could see where if anything ever happened to him and I was on my own (dating) that it might be a concern for me. Honestly, I thought about that once and figured if some man didn't like my dimple then he probably wasn't the man for me. My breast isn't "normal," but it surely isn't something that should scare someone away.

    The dimple sounds really minor and not worth a second thought. But if insurance covers it and there aren't real medical complications, it might be worth doing. I say this mainly because of what your husband said to you. If it was truly minor to him *as a man* and not as your loving husband of so many years, he would probably have brushed it off. The fact that he mentioned it possibly bothering other men, means that to the *objectively, visual-oriented man* it is probably worth fixing if health risks are minor.

    Tucking or tightening seems like something to ask about if you are going to do it. But could go either way. Really comes down to how you feel about minor, elective surgery, since it's your body and health.

    It really honestly means nothing to my husband. I seriously think he was just saying I had to weigh in my mind if it was something that might bother another man if something happened to him. Personally, if it bothers another man, that would confuse me because to me it is something minor. Therefore, I could do without that "other" man!
    3b/c
  • WiregirlWiregirl Registered Users Posts: 1,695
    I wouln't, surgery of any kind scares me. If they don't have to put you out, go for it!
  • lioneselionese Registered Users Posts: 140 Curl Neophyte
    If you're asking, maybe it is important to you. That's who you really need to ask-you. Nobody else matters. Or maybe it's just that this new doctor put a little doubt in your mind. Anyway, doesn't matter, you have to do what you feel is right for you.
  • WileE-DeadWileE-Dead Banned Banned Users Posts: 24,963 Curl Neophyte
    munchkin wrote: »
    munchkin wrote: »

    I ran it past my husband. He said it didn't bother him, but he could see where if anything ever happened to him and I was on my own (dating) that it might be a concern for me. Honestly, I thought about that once and figured if some man didn't like my dimple then he probably wasn't the man for me. My breast isn't "normal," but it surely isn't something that should scare someone away.

    The dimple sounds really minor and not worth a second thought. But if insurance covers it and there aren't real medical complications, it might be worth doing. I say this mainly because of what your husband said to you. If it was truly minor to him *as a man* and not as your loving husband of so many years, he would probably have brushed it off. The fact that he mentioned it possibly bothering other men, means that to the *objectively, visual-oriented man* it is probably worth fixing if health risks are minor.

    Tucking or tightening seems like something to ask about if you are going to do it. But could go either way. Really comes down to how you feel about minor, elective surgery, since it's your body and health.

    It really honestly means nothing to my husband. I seriously think he was just saying I had to weigh in my mind if it was something that might bother another man if something happened to him. Personally, if it bothers another man, that would confuse me because to me it is something minor. , I could do without that "other" man!
    :iconbiggrin:
  • munchkinmunchkin Registered Users Posts: 2,909 Curl Connoisseur
    I guess in all honesty it doesn't bother me. I was just wondering if I was odd because it didn't.
    3b/c
  • ZinniaZinnia Registered Users Posts: 7,339
    munchkin wrote: »
    I guess in all honesty it doesn't bother me. I was just wondering if I was odd because it didn't.

    Why would you be odd because you like your body, flaws and all? It is great that it doesn't bother you. :)
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  • lioneselionese Registered Users Posts: 140 Curl Neophyte
    Exactly! Actually that's what this site is all about too. We're all individuals with our own perfect imperfections. That's what makes us human. That's what makes us beautiful! I've spent 52 yrs. trying to live up to someone else's opinion of what I should look like. Now, finally, I'm happy with the way I look. Curly hair, a few scars from past surgeries, and 53 yrs. old.
  • munchkinmunchkin Registered Users Posts: 2,909 Curl Connoisseur
    Thanks! I guess a dimple in my boob that might have bothered me at 27 and doesn't at 57 is like a life lesson in what is really important and what isn't!
    3b/c
  • banjocurlbanjocurl Registered Users Posts: 1,031 Curl Connoisseur
    i personally would not mess with it if it were me. congratulations on your healing from breast cancer. i am a big believer in not disturbing an area which is healed.
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  • CurliLocksCurliLocks Registered Users Posts: 10,573 Curl Connoisseur
    munchkin wrote: »
    Thanks! I guess a dimple in my boob that might have bothered me at 27 and doesn't at 57 is like a life lesson in what is really important and what isn't!

    There you go. :) I have plenty of scars from surgery, wounds, etc. Some are very visible, but most people don't notice. I have learned to live with them, they are part of me now. Most of them were before DH came along, they don't bother him.

    If it doesn't bother you or hubby, I'd leave it be. Maybe the doctor was just offering information, some people need to have everything as back to normal as possible. Don't let it bother you. You have your health and you are a survivor. :)
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  • mandyvmandyv Registered Users Posts: 2,437 Curl Connoisseur
    munchkin wrote: »
    My question: Is this something you think you would have done? It would mean surgery. I just can't figure out in my mind if I should be more concerned than I am. Just wondered what other older women thought. . . how would you feel if it was you?

    Congrats on staying healthy. In the bigger scheme of things, the dimple doesn't really matter, but being vain as I am, i'd probably opt for it because it seems really simple to do.

    I'm not surprised that a woman doctor suggested it. Male doctors tend to pat us on the head and tell us not to worry about things whereas a woman might understand our feelings about our bodies better. Or at least my feelings about my body. JMO
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