I'm done cosleeping

medussamedussa Posts: 12,993Registered Users
It has taken a toll on my body. I cannot move my neck this morning and will need to see a doctor this afternoon. Anyway, starting tonight, my daughter will not be able to use me to sleep at night. She's 10 months-old now.

Right now Lilly's crib is in our room. She will sharing a room with Catherine (almost 4 years old). Should I leave the crib in my room while I train Lilly to sleep in it through the night? Or should I move the crib to her room? My only concern is that her big sister won't get any sleep.

Of course, I can always move Catherine downstairs, where her dad will be sleeping while I train the baby.

I welcome any suggestions. Thanks.
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Comments

  • AmnerisAmneris Posts: 15,117Registered Users
    Aw, it must be hard for you. I may want to transition JJ to a crib at some point in the fall due to being in school and him having to go to bed earlier and get up earlier, and I think I will probably also send my husband to sleep elsewhere so he can get some sleep for work, and I will probably start out with him in the crib in our room next to the bed (if it fits.) I would probably take the side off the crib so he is closer to the bed and then add the side back and then move the crib to his room - this is all hypothetical since I haven't actually done it or made a firm decision yet. I also want to get him to take naps (he hardly ever does now) so I was thinking of getting him used to the crib just for that first and then gradually putting him in it more at night. I have also read that if you go from co-sleeping to a crib, babies like to have a shirt you have worn that smells like you. Good luck and keep us posted - this could be helpful info for me and for others I'm sure!
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  • curly_keltiecurly_keltie Posts: 791Registered Users
    When we moved into our 2 bedroom townhouse (from a 1 BR apartment), I was worried about DS getting used to his own room and a crib. I just put him in his own room and his own crib from the first night we were there (when he was almost 11 months old) He did great and I finally had my bed to myself! I did bring him in to bed with me early in the mornings when he woke up and wanted to nurse.

    That being said - he did need a bit of comforting to get him to sleep...but it wasn't anything excessive, just a brief backrub.

    Could you perhaps stagger their bedtimes? I know whenever DS and my friend's DD have had to share a room, we would put DS to bed first and let him fall asleep. Then we would send my friend's DD to bed. We did it that way because we could reason with her and tell her she needed to be quiet and not wake up my DS.
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  • KaiaKaia Curl Connoisseur Posts: 8,815Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    I would keep the crib in your room, maybe even push it right up against your bed to make the transition smoother.
    *Poster formerly known as Bailey422*

    Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. ~ George Carlin
  • geminigemini Posts: 3,325Registered Users
    It took a couple of nights to transition our daughter out of our bed to a crib in her own room. She was almost 7 mos. old. I'm not going to lie--she cried most of the first night and for a bit of the second (DH and I stayed in the guest room next to her room). We periodically checked on her, but did not pick her up or take her to be with us at any time. I would move your 4 YO daughter to a different room until the the baby is used to the crib. I say this with the assumption that she (baby) will adjust in a week or less.

    I know this is heartbreaking for you! Sorry. :(
  • medussamedussa Posts: 12,993Registered Users
    It is heartbreaking, Gemini. But there's no way I will be able to sleep with her tonight. I'm pretty sure I sprained a neck ligament. I really hope they can give me something because I cannot function on Advil.

    My husband had suggested moving the 4 year-old into my son's room temporarily. I just fear that she might get a little too comfy rooming in with her big bro'.

    I have to keep telling myself that I'm not harming her in any way by pushing her toward nighttime independence. I will be there for her and give her lots of love and kisses in the morning. But I'm going to miss her.

    This couldn't have happened at the worst time. She's cutting 3 top teeth. So she's not napping well, fighting sleep and looking to be comforted a lot throughout the day. I'm in pain and exhausted. :(
  • MunchyMunchy Curl Novice Posts: 5,206Registered Users Curl Novice
    Aww, M. Lots of hugs to you and LO. I have no advice...
  • RedCatWavesRedCatWaves Curl Connoisseur Posts: 31,259Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    I think a complete change might be very helpful, so I'd try putting her crib in sister's room, and leave sister in there too. I'd put them both to bed at the same time, give them kisses, tell baby to lay down, close the door and hope for the best. If baby disturbs sister too much or too long, I'd move sister out then. You might be really surprised though that baby is happy to share a room with her sister and will go right to sleep happily.
  • internetchickinternetchick Posts: 6,191Registered Users
    I think a complete change might be very helpful, so I'd try putting her crib in sister's room, and leave sister in there too. I'd put them both to bed at the same time, give them kisses, tell baby to lay down, close the door and hope for the best. If baby disturbs sister too much or too long, I'd move sister out then. You might be really surprised though that baby is happy to share a room with her sister and will go right to sleep happily.
    I agree. Sharing a room with a sibling actually made transitioning easier.


    (((hugs)))
  • SpiderSpider Curl Neophyte Posts: 3,381Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Could you move Lilly out of your bed and to the crib after she falls asleep? I did this with DD when she was a bit older but started wanting to sleep with me. That way I didn't have the fit/struggle getting her to sleep, but ended up having my bed/pillow to myself for the night.
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  • deezee02deezee02 Posts: 1,509Registered Users
    When my mom transitioned my sister to my room, she put the crib and bed in an L shape. When my sister would wake up and cry, I would put my arm in the crib and comfort her inj my sleep. That way she knew someone was there for her. i was around 6
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  • subbrocksubbrock Posts: 8,212Registered Users
    good luck!

    i personally thought that i would never get majerle to sleep in her own crib or through the night and now shes doing both. basically i did everything in baby steps. it took several months, but we finally did it. a solid night time routine and introducing a lovey helped alot.
  • KaiaKaia Curl Connoisseur Posts: 8,815Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    deezee02 wrote: »
    When my mom transitioned my sister to my room, she put the crib and bed in an L shape. When my sister would wake up and cry, I would put my arm in the crib and comfort her inj my sleep. That way she knew someone was there for her. i was around 6

    That's so cute! What a sweet big sister you were! :love1:
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  • cosmicflycosmicfly Posts: 1,814Registered Users
    Maya and Max have adjacent rooms that connect with a door. Maya screams her fool head off every night (for a loooong time), and Max still falls asleep. They go to bed at about the same time. So it might not be an issue for C even if L cries.
  • medussamedussa Posts: 12,993Registered Users
    Thanks for the suggestions.

    I just got back from the doctor and was given Flexeril (muscle relaxant). Unfortunately, I don't think I'll be able to take it due to the breastfeeding. Maybe I'll take it at bedtime and that will force me to not nurse her at all tonight.

    I'm anxious. I need to come up with a plan.
  • SpiderSpider Curl Neophyte Posts: 3,381Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    medussa wrote: »
    Thanks for the suggestions.

    I just got back from the doctor and was given Flexeril (muscle relaxant). Unfortunately, I don't think I'll be able to take it due to the breastfeeding. Maybe I'll take it at bedtime and that will force me to not nurse her at all tonight.

    I'm anxious. I need to come up with a plan.

    The flexeril should make her sleepy too, then you can move her to the crib for the night :wink:
    Don't let your heart be broken. Let it love.
  • webjockeywebjockey Posts: 2,786Registered Users
    no advice, since i'm still night feeding and co-sleeping with a 1yr old.

    ((sending happy sleepy vibes))
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  • PixieCurlPixieCurl Posts: 5,656Registered Users
    Bailey422 wrote: »
    deezee02 wrote: »
    When my mom transitioned my sister to my room, she put the crib and bed in an L shape. When my sister would wake up and cry, I would put my arm in the crib and comfort her inj my sleep. That way she knew someone was there for her. i was around 6

    That's so cute! What a sweet big sister you were! :love1:

    Dr. Sears's Baby Sleep Book mentions sibling cosleeping, and teaching the older child to "parent" the younger back to sleep in the middle of the night. It might make C feel important to help take care of her baby sister.
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  • medussamedussa Posts: 12,993Registered Users
    PixieCurl wrote: »
    Bailey422 wrote: »
    deezee02 wrote: »
    When my mom transitioned my sister to my room, she put the crib and bed in an L shape. When my sister would wake up and cry, I would put my arm in the crib and comfort her inj my sleep. That way she knew someone was there for her. i was around 6

    That's so cute! What a sweet big sister you were! :love1:

    Dr. Sears's Baby Sleep Book mentions sibling cosleeping, and teaching the older child to "parent" the younger back to sleep in the middle of the night. It might make C feel important to help take care of her baby sister.

    I'm re-reading the No Cry Sleep Solution and there are pictures of the author's children sleeping together (similar age as my kids). I just worry about one of the kids rolling onto Lilly. I wouldn't catch a wink of sleep all night worrying about it.
  • PixieCurlPixieCurl Posts: 5,656Registered Users
    medussa wrote: »
    I'm re-reading the No Cry Sleep Solution and there are pictures of the author's children sleeping together (similar age as my kids). I just worry about one of the kids rolling onto Lilly. I wouldn't catch a wink of sleep all night worrying about it.

    I can understand that worry. Maybe you could put the crib right near C's bed, like deezee said?
    Faith, 3Aish redhead
    Mama to two wild superheroes and a curly-headed baby boy :love5:
  • macluanmacluan Posts: 326Registered Users
    I feel your pain. I think we co-sleep until my daughter was two and then her own bed in our room until almost 4. I wanted her in my bed and still miss it sometimes. I wish there was someone you could still have that and not hurt.

    I would recommend seeing a chiropractor. When I hurt my neck last year I didn't want to take drugs so I tried the chiro and I'm hooked. After one appointment I felt an improvement in the pain level. And after two adjustments I felt an improvement in movement. It took about a week or so to have full mobility back and I had a severe cervical strain and I took no pills.
  • medussamedussa Posts: 12,993Registered Users
    Okay, I've decided to nightwean tonight. I will try to nurse her as much as possible before bed. When she wakes up to nurse/come into bed with me, I will lay her back down and will pat her back. Or I just might cave and nurse her back to sleep. ;) Bottom line is that she's not coming into bed with me. Depending on how it goes, her crib will be moved out of my room on Saturday.

    Wish me luck.
  • SigiSigi Posts: 2,379Registered Users
    I'm sorry your neck is all kinked up. I hope you can get some relief soon. (((HUGS)))
  • velvet pawsvelvet paws Posts: 1,250Registered Users
    Good luck, Medussa! I hope everything goes smoothly for you and baby tonight.

    I was a big fan of cosleeping, but Lucas actually sleeps much better in his own room, in his crib. He started wanting to sleep earlier, so we'd start the evening out in his crib and then I'd bring him into my bed with me when I went to bed. One night, I asked my husband to bring him in when he came to bed, because I wanted to sleep and my back was hurting, so I didn't to lift him out of the crib. My husband ended up falling asleep on the couch and Lucas slept the entire night in his crib. He didn't wake up once. It's been almost two weeks now and he sleeps from about 7:30 at night until 6am, with no night wakings at all. When he slept with me, we'd be up several times in the night. He's as happy as a clam when he wakes up in the morning too - he just coos and talks in his crib, I hear him on the monitor and he's all smiles when I get him in the morning. I still miss snuggling with him at night, but I do appreciate the uninterrupted sleep. Hopefully, you'll be getting more sleep soon as well.
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  • medussamedussa Posts: 12,993Registered Users
    Well, I was partially successful. I didn't bring her into bed with me. But I probably got about two blocks of 2 hours of sleep.

    Sleep 8:45pm-11:45pm
    Nursed her and patted her back down.

    Wake 12:40am Nursed her on the other side, patted her back down.

    Wake 2:40am Let her cry a bit. I could see the outline of her little head in the dark, as she stood in her crib screaming. I was heartbroken for her.

    I lay her down several times and patted her back. She was quiet for 15 minutes but popped back up again to continue the screaming. I finally managed to get her down.

    Wake 3:45am-5:30am Almost 2 hours of on and off crying, screaming, lip quivering cries (her specialty, especially designed to break our hearts), standing up as soon as I lay her down, etc...I kept using the same phrase, "night night Lilly," and shushing her. Finally I picked her up and nursed her until she was groggy. I put her down and kept my hand firmly on her bottom, to prevent her from standing up again. She fell asleep until 7:30am.

    I feel like I have a newborn again. I'm so tired. Will I be nursing her every 2-3 hours until she's 2? I just feel like the fastest way to get her back to sleep is by nursing her. But she doesn't need it. She's 10 months and almost 18 pounds. She's just used to comforting sucking back to sleep. Breaking her of that habit is going to break me.

    The stiffness has radiated to the other side of my neck. I'm taking 600mg of Ibuprofen. This blows.

    Thanks for reading. I just needed to write this out.
  • WileE-DeadWileE-Dead Banned Posts: 24,963Banned Users Curl Neophyte
    (((hugs)))
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  • fuzzbucketfuzzbucket Curl Connoisseur Posts: 996Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    Hugs for you Medussa! You have to do what is best for you! I have no advice, but I know I'm going to be where you are soon.

    I really wanted to wait until a year to night wean, since Harry has reverse cycled with me at work, but I'm getting to the end of my rope physically and mentally. Right now, I sleep on a mattress with him in his room, getting ready for the transition to him alone in his room. I'm so uncomfortable! The only thing that keeps me in there is that I can't bear the thought of getting up and down all night. I need to plan night weaning during a vacation or something. My goal is to have him on his own by the Fall.

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  • SpiderSpider Curl Neophyte Posts: 3,381Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Does she normally nurse that often at night? She's 10 months, right?

    Is she on any (baby) food, esp at dinner time?

    You mentioned she was teething, that can be disrupting her night sleep a bit, as they are uncomfortable.

    It will get better for you, I know it!!
    Don't let your heart be broken. Let it love.
  • marielle448marielle448 Posts: 1,823Registered Users
    definitely check out the dr. jay gordon article. It's tough and I can only imagine the pain considering the meds you're on. This time in that first year is very typical for sleep disruptions (whether or not a baby is still nursing) and to add her teething on top of that must be exhausting. Do you have plenty of teething tablets on hand? When mine are getting up at night due to teething pain I have upped the dosage on the Hylands (and if you ask around to docs & homeopaths they'll okay that) as well as the frequency to make sure the child is more comfortable than without.
  • medussamedussa Posts: 12,993Registered Users
    I love you guys. You've been so helpful. I know the teething is making it worse. I just gave her 3 Humphrey's teething pellets. And let her cry on and off for 20 minutes in her crib. This is before I read Dr. Gordon's article (thanks Fuzz). His method fits with what I've been doing and I like that it's gradual. I will continue with what I've been doing until Saturday. Then I will move the crib.

    This is my fault, as I've trained her to use me as a pacifier *all night.* I did it because I wanted to preserve my husband's sleep (and my own). Of course Lilly is going to put up a fight after the change in status quo. And a good one it is. My children have always been spirited. This baby is no different.

    I'll keep you updated.
  • marielle448marielle448 Posts: 1,823Registered Users
    If it were my kid (i.e. this is in no way medical advice, yada, yada) I'd up the dosage on the humphrey's and as long as the teething is keeping her up give her a dose.

    The good thing is that nightweaning over the course of a few nights does work. Mine were a bit older but after a couple of nights of "nursies are sleeping, they'll wake up with the sun" the sleeping fell into place both for mom and baby.

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