so i'm a big jerk (mother's day saga)

mayimmayim Posts: 2,301Registered Users
i hinted boldly and specifically about how much i need/want a post-natal massage. really really really need. the other option was a robe. i'm not hard to please, i'm really not.

but he got me a very expensive chain (much more than we can afford right now) that, though gorgeous, i'm not likely to wear because it's longer than is my style, and i don't have a pendant for it and it sort of needs one.

i cried, he feels awful ... i feel like a jerk. it was more than the fact that he didn't get what i wanted, i just feel like he doesn't get that i need to be pampered in the specific way a massage would - that he doesn't appreciate what my body has been and is going through ... it's more the intention than anything.

he's offered to return the chain and wants me to arrange the massage ... but ugh. it just all feels so wrong. i feel bad and ungrateful and wish i'd been able to keep myself from crying and let him think i loved it.

my mom says we just both need to get over it and we'll laugh about it years from now. at least he didn't get me an iron like my dad did her!!

hormones.

m
coarse, thick 3a
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Comments

  • KaiaKaia Posts: 8,815Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    Must be something in the air b/c I've been sitting here bawling about how I can't believe this is my life, what I've gotten myself into, and how I can't possibly handle being a mom. (((HUGS))) to you mama. You're not a jerk.
    *Poster formerly known as Bailey422*

    Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. ~ George Carlin
  • AmnerisAmneris Posts: 15,117Registered Users
    Girl, I am HOPING for a massage too, because my body NEEDS it with this heavy kid... but I don't think I'n getting one either.

    At least your guy made the effort to do something sweet for you and that's good... but I can understand the disappointment. Hugs to you and your little one.
    Get used to me. Black, confident, cocky; my name, not yours; my religion, not yours; my goals, my own; get used to me. -Muhammad Ali


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  • afrosheenqueenafrosheenqueen Posts: 5,400Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    So now you know hints don't exactly work for this guy. :laughing7:

    I think its sweet that he went the jewelry route. He wanted to really please you with your first year being a Mom. You guys are still learning about each other though so don't feel too bad. Remember Father's day is a month away so it'll be your turn in the hot seat.:wink: Be thankful you didn't get an iron. Jeez. :laughing7:
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  • fuzzbucketfuzzbucket Posts: 996Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    I don't even think DH got me a card. And he has to work today. :thumbdown:
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  • PixieCurlPixieCurl Posts: 5,656Registered Users
    My husband isn't a big fan of commercial holidays AND he hates greeting cards. For my birthday or our anniversary he always gets me a nice gift but no card. Money is tight right now so I told him I didn't expect or want a gift for Mothers' Day but I flat-out told him I expected a card from him and from Solomon. I told him he could even make them himself - which he did, on notebook paper! But he wrote a wonderful heartfelt message in each card and it made me cry (in a good way).

    My birthday is in a couple weeks and I think he has something up his sleeve for that.
    Faith, 3Aish redhead
    Mama to two wild superheroes and a curly-headed baby boy :love5:
  • sundaysunday Posts: 535Registered Users
    This is why I have learned to purchase my own gifts and thank my dh later.
    3 something
    fotki pw: sunday
  • Brown_Eyed_GirlBrown_Eyed_Girl Posts: 1,353Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Awww, that's no fun. <<Hugs>>

    Like some others said, I don't hint either. If I want something specific, then I just say "This is what I want for ___". If I don't care, then I let him surprise me. Since we don't always do gifts for each holiday, we/I also usually talk about it a little in advance, like Pixie described.
  • RedCatWavesRedCatWaves Posts: 31,259Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    I have to tell my husband exactly, and directly, what gifts I want for holidays and birthdays. He's a darling man, but he just doesn't get subtle (or bold) hints. My house would be overflowing with candles and ugly jewelry if I didn't give him direction.
  • medussamedussa Posts: 12,993Registered Users
    sunday wrote: »
    This is why I have learned to purchase my own gifts and thank my dh later.

    There ya go!

    I need to learn to do that! :lol:
  • WileE-DeadWileE-Dead Banned Posts: 24,963Banned Users Curl Neophyte
    medussa wrote: »
    sunday wrote: »
    This is why I have learned to purchase my own gifts and thank my dh later.

    There ya go!

    I need to learn to do that! :lol:
    No, no, no!
    lol @ RCW...so true, tho...
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  • afrosheenqueenafrosheenqueen Posts: 5,400Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    fuzzbucket wrote: »
    I don't even think DH got me a card. And he has to work today. :thumbdown:

    Console.gif

    That sucks. I hope he came through.
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  • inheritedcurlsinheritedcurls Posts: 2,954Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    I understand the spending too much. My DH does that too when he decideds to make up for all the gifts he's missed. Drives me nuts. He doesn't understand how much a massage would be appreciated. He doesn't like them so why should I???

    As for mother's day, did I get a card. No.

    My DH said...I was going to buy you a fountain for the house but our secretary said that wasn't a good gift. So what did he get me....nothing. I would have gladly taken a fountain for the house. I even said I wanted one. Geez.

    I got take home dinner because he didn't want to deal with the crowds at a restaurant. Men.

    I guess I need to go RCW route and be direct from now. You would think I would have learned to do this in the last 8 years of marriage. LOL!!!
  • webjockeywebjockey Posts: 2,786Registered Users
    One of the many reasons I don't bother with holidays, birthdays an the like. No celebration, no disappointment.

    I take care of my own pampering. That way, I know it gets done.
    hello.world.
  • cymprenicympreni Posts: 9,609Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    I had a pretty bad mother's day myself. Ever have one of those days were every thing goes wrong? Well that was my day. Murphy's law completely took over my day yesterday.

    Only thing I got was a gift Kade made in school. But it's the weirdest thing. They had them make stepping stones for mother's day. It's pretty much a cement block with beads stuck in it. It's pretty, I love it and all, but I have no clue what I'm going to do with it. I live in an apartment, I can't put it outside, and I have no place inside either.
    My DH said...I was going to buy you a fountain for the house but our secretary said that wasn't a good gift. So what did he get me....nothing. I would have gladly taken a fountain for the house. I even said I wanted one. Geez.

    I hate it when people do that! I am not a typical woman, and I have no desire for a typical gift. I hate standardized gifts. And it seems like if it's something that you want, they are more likely to listen to that advice. Luckily I've trained my husband not to listen to other people's gift advice. We pretty much do what RCW does. Sure, it takes the surprise out of it, but I'd rather get something that I really want, then more junk wasting space in my closet.
  • SpiderSpider Posts: 3,381Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Maybe he was snowballed by the jewelry industry and stereotype that women love jewelry . I'd take a massage over a trinket any day! My DH has it easy because we have a day spa nearby with a wonderful masseuse and he's gotten gift certicates a few time for me know. But now that's all I ever get LOL.

    Just take a breather, appreciate that he tried but go and enjoy the massage.

    ETA my gift from his was a kilt that I picked out and paid for myself : )
    Don't let your heart be broken. Let it love.
  • fuzzbucketfuzzbucket Posts: 996Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    fuzzbucket wrote: »
    I don't even think DH got me a card. And he has to work today. :thumbdown:

    Console.gif

    That sucks. I hope he came through.

    Nope. But, he did go get flowers after I had a major meltdown at about 8 PM (and basically told him he'd better go get some). The baby decided not to nap yesterday, so I had a clinging, crying mess on my hands and no help all day. It would have been rotten even if it weren't mother's day.

    Next year, I'm running away for the day. Maybe me and my SIL will go shopping or something.
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  • geminigemini Posts: 3,325Registered Users
    Trust me there are plenty of times when I know I repeatedly told (hinted at) my husband for things I have wanted and he still got me something entirely different. I've witnessed it happen to my sister and brother in law (she wanted a mannequin style valet and he came back with a clunky man's valet--not even CLOSE). It is pretty funny with some time, but at the moment, it feels like, "Oh my God, how did you get it so wrong? Do you know me at all?" It hurts!

    Now we just make lists of good gifts for upcoming gift bearing events. I am not promising this is fail proof, but it helps. My husband has gotten better with nailing my taste or at least asking directly what he should buy. I have no problem with that! :)

    I'm sorry!
  • medussamedussa Posts: 12,993Registered Users
    gemini wrote: »
    It is pretty funny with some time, but at the moment, it feels like, "Oh my God, how did you get it so wrong? Do you know me at all?" It hurts!

    My husband gets it so wrong with jewelry a lot of the time. I fantasize about putting some of the pieces on Ebay. :evil1:
  • geminigemini Posts: 3,325Registered Users
    medussa wrote: »
    gemini wrote: »
    It is pretty funny with some time, but at the moment, it feels like, "Oh my God, how did you get it so wrong? Do you know me at all?" It hurts!

    My husband gets it so wrong with jewelry a lot of the time. I fantasize about putting some of the pieces on Ebay. :evil1:

    I tried to be a good sport about a necklace mine had bought me a couple of years ago. I asked him if he would be happy knowing he had spent so much only to have the thing sit in my jewelry box. He returned it. :lol: I still have some other pieces that are collecting dust from the days when I accepted the gifts so I wouldn't hurt his feelings. :lol:
  • internetchickinternetchick Posts: 6,191Registered Users
    (((hugs)))

    You're not a jerk. I can still remember being exhausted with a young baby and something like that would have had me in tears too.
  • nynaeve77nynaeve77 Posts: 7,135Registered Users Curl Novice
    Aww...poor mayim! Heck, I asked my hubby for a massage as a gift for about 5 years before he finally realized I wasn't kidding. And I flat-out asked, too. My hubby is of the distracted genius variety. He thinks putting unwanted updates on my computer is a great help...poor dear! Of course, he was absolutely gleeful when I told him I wanted to upgrade my computer's memory for Mother's Day this year. (which means, of course, I get to have a decadently girly birthday present next month...;))
    "Maybe Lucy's right. Of all the Charlie Browns in the world, you're the Charlie Browniest."--Linus, A Charlie Brown Christmas


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  • KrazyblondegurlKrazyblondegurl Posts: 1,008Registered Users
    I've learned to pick out my gifts myself.

    For Christmas this year I did some online shopping and emailed my SO links to the gifts I wanted. That worked great! All he had to do was order and give.

    :toothy7:
  • mayimmayim Posts: 2,301Registered Users
    thanks everyone ...

    your responses helped me feel much better. he offered to return the chain (or maybe go together and exchange it for one that's a bit more me and less bling-y) and arrange the massage- plus made me breakfast in bed the next morning.

    he's a great guy, and i feel bad for being so disappointed ... but i think we'll both manage to get over it. (:

    m
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    modified cg



    weight.png



  • curly_keltiecurly_keltie Posts: 791Registered Users
    I totally understand where you are coming from.

    Maybe he wanted to give you something you could keep and remember your first mother's day.

    That's nice that you two can go together and pick out something that suits you better.

    Maybe you guys could get a couples' massage together too!
    Long, blonde, 3a/mostly b hair.

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