Long distance relationship?

pacammipacammi Posts: 206Registered Users
Has anyone actually had one work out?

There's this guy, that wants to go steady (when was the last time you heard that word?!), but he lives about 2 hours away. He's coming into town tomorrow, and staying until Sunday. I'm a little wary of even going steady, because it's not like we're really going to get to see each other. I'm not much of a phone person. The bill last month was like a house payment (that got my Mom all worked into a lather!), so now we text message or use yahoo messenger.

Every relationship I've had has been with someone in close proximity of my side of town. He lives in VA, but in the frippin boonies!

Have any of you guys ever had a long distance relationship that didn't end up in the toilet?
CGNYC wrote:
Oh y'all, that's just her crazy showing.
Trenellm wrote:
I guess lying on my back, in the middle of a studio, breathing and making vowel sounds for an hour for two years paid off. :)
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Comments

  • geminigemini Posts: 3,325Registered Users
    Yes, it can work, Dh and I have been married for 6 years after starting out in a LDR. Someone posted a similar poll awhile back. I'll see if I can find it for you. :wink:
  • AnnaDMBAnnaDMB Posts: 13Registered Users
    I'm in one right now. I'm in school in NC, and my boyfriend is in his last year of college in Florida. We've been in a LDR for the past 2 years while he's in school...it sucks, big time, and the biggest issue we've had to deal with is trust. It's so hard knowing that he's in school in Florida, and going out and I don't know who he's with! The same thing with him, he doesn't know what I'm doing on the weekends here in NC. But if you can't trust that person, then I think it's pointless to try a long distance love. We've had our problems and fights over the past 2 years, but hopefully we're in the home stretch now. He's only got about 7 months left down there, then hopefully he's back to NC for good. We visit each other as often as we can...Southwest is having a great deal on airfare between Raleigh and Orlando, and we've got plane tickets to see each other once a month.

    I should mention, we've been dating for 5 years...3 of which we were in NC together, so that probably has something to do with how we've lasted so long being far apart from each other.
  • AnnaDMBAnnaDMB Posts: 13Registered Users
    I'm in one right now. I'm in school in NC, and my boyfriend is in his last year of college in Florida. We've been in a LDR for the past 2 years while he's in school...it sucks, big time, and the biggest issue we've had to deal with is trust. It's so hard knowing that he's in school in Florida, and going out and I don't know who he's with! The same thing with him, he doesn't know what I'm doing on the weekends here in NC. But if you can't trust that person, then I think it's pointless to try a long distance love. We've had our problems and fights over the past 2 years, but hopefully we're in the home stretch now. He's only got about 7 months left down there, then hopefully he's back to NC for good. We visit each other as often as we can...Southwest is having a great deal on airfare between Raleigh and Orlando, and we've got plane tickets to see each other once a month.

    I should mention, we've been dating for 5 years...3 of which we were in NC together, so that probably has something to do with how we've lasted so long being far apart from each other.
  • pacammipacammi Posts: 206Registered Users
    AnnaDMB wrote:
    the biggest issue we've had to deal with is trust.

    That's my bigi thing! Most of the guys I've been with have cheated and they lived close to me! I've only had 3 boyfriends in my life, and 2 of them cheated on me! It's hard to trust anyone anymore, but it's even harder since he's in a different city. I don't want him to feel like he has to play clean up and make up for what someone else did. Besides the fact that I'm a HUGE flirt, I don't want him to feel like he can't trust me! He knows I don't mean anything by it, but I still try to reel it in, out of respect for him. We're supposed to be talking about the trust thing when he gets here tomorrow. He was supposed to be here tuesday, but it fell through. We'll see if he shows up.

    You guys are great! There may be hope for us yet...
    CGNYC wrote:
    Oh y'all, that's just her crazy showing.
    Trenellm wrote:
    I guess lying on my back, in the middle of a studio, breathing and making vowel sounds for an hour for two years paid off. :)
  • Lydyybuggin76Lydyybuggin76 Posts: 219Registered Users
    pacammi wrote:

    Have any of you guys ever had a long distance relationship that didn't end up in the toilet?

    h*ll to the naw! :twisted:
    Here lies Jan Smith, wife of Thomas Smith, marble cutter. This monument was erected by her husband as a tribute to her memory and a specimen of his work. Monuments of this same style are two hundred and fifty dollars.
    -Gravestone Inscription
  • pacammipacammi Posts: 206Registered Users
    :lol:

    Thanks gemini! I don't know how I missed that thread before! Must've been doing PJ experimients. He's coming in tomorrow, and we're going to talk about trust, and whether or not we really want to work at a relationship. Neither of us are ready to jump into anything, that's why we decided to go steady first. No commitment, so strings attatched. We're not seeing anyone else, but we're not boy/girl friend either. He knows my theory on the boyfriend thing. Never ask for a boyfriend, because that's just what you'll get. A selfish, immature child. But that's just my opinion. We're just taking things at a snail's pace, because we want to retain our friendship. Sometimes that's lost when you start a relationship with a best friend. We know too much about each other... :oops:
    CGNYC wrote:
    Oh y'all, that's just her crazy showing.
    Trenellm wrote:
    I guess lying on my back, in the middle of a studio, breathing and making vowel sounds for an hour for two years paid off. :)
  • AnnaDMBAnnaDMB Posts: 13Registered Users
    pacammi wrote:

    That's my bigi thing! Most of the guys I've been with have cheated and they lived close to me! I've only had 3 boyfriends in my life, and 2 of them cheated on me! It's hard to trust anyone anymore, but it's even harder since he's in a different city. I don't want him to feel like he has to play clean up and make up for what someone else did. Besides the fact that I'm a HUGE flirt, I don't want him to feel like he can't trust me! He knows I don't mean anything by it, but I still try to reel it in, out of respect for him. We're supposed to be talking about the trust thing when he gets here tomorrow. He was supposed to be here tuesday, but it fell through. We'll see if he shows up.

    You guys are great! There may be hope for us yet...

    Good luck! I hope things work out for you two. Keep us posted!
  • puffinpuffin Posts: 205Registered Users
    DH and I were together for a year before I moved away (about a 9-hour drive). We did the long-distance thing for about 8 months and then he moved here and we got married 6 months later. It was tough, but we saw each other every 6 weeks or so and talked on the phone and emailed every day. I think it worked b/c we'd been together for a year before I left and we were very committed to each other - we knew each other was "the one."

    Good luck on whatever you decide to do!
  • Lydyybuggin76Lydyybuggin76 Posts: 219Registered Users
    pacammi wrote:
    [ It's hard to trust anyone anymore,


    So true.... :cry:
    Here lies Jan Smith, wife of Thomas Smith, marble cutter. This monument was erected by her husband as a tribute to her memory and a specimen of his work. Monuments of this same style are two hundred and fifty dollars.
    -Gravestone Inscription
  • CurlyCanadianCurlyCanadian Posts: 10,904Registered Users, Curl Ambassador Curl Connoisseur
    Pacammi, I know this is going to come across as bitchy, but it's really not meant that way!

    I think you should just spend some time with this guy and see what happens. Did you not post about 2 weeks ago about worrying about a relationship with another guy? I think maybe you need to meet these guys first (I'm assuming from your other posts that there chat line guys) and see how it goes before worrying about how the relationship is going to work. Since you've been here (about two months) you've had a boyfriend, been in love with someone else, just wanted to be friends with a guy you had never met in person and now worried about a long distance relationship (maybe this guy is one of the other 3?) with one.

    Just relax hun and have some fun! Not all these guys are going to be "The One". Take some time to get to know them, hang out, then worry about a relationship :D
    I believe in manicures. I believe in overdressing. I believe in primping at leisure and wearing lipstick. I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles.
    Audrey Hepburn
  • mad scientistmad scientist Posts: 3,530Registered Users
    Worked for me.... DH and I dated for one year while living in the same city and then 5 years long distance. We actually didn't move to the same city until we had been married for 4 months (this was a bad timing issue, not intentional).

    A few things worked in our favour: we'd already been dating for a year. I think it would have been really hard to get to know each other initially while living apart. We were both insanely busy with work/school so I'm not really sure how much we would have been seeing each other if we were in the same town (actually, one dedicated weekend a month was probably more than I saw my husband once we moved in together). And our families were both in the same city so we both went home to the same place for holidays.

    The hard parts were: for the last year, DH was on the west coast and I was on the east coast - the time difference was a killer. I don't think we would have been able to sustain a LDR like that for very long. Also, it really took an effort to stay connected in each others lives - we were both in new cities experiencing new things and I can see how it would have been easy to drift apart.

    Anyways, we've now been married for almost 6 years, and the whole LDR became a distant memory almost immediately after we got together. You can make it work if you want to. good luck, whatever you decide!
  • pacammipacammi Posts: 206Registered Users
    Pacammi, I know this is going to come across as &%$@#!, but it's really not meant that way!

    I think you should just spend some time with this guy and see what happens. Did you not post about 2 weeks ago about worrying about a relationship with another guy? I think maybe you need to meet these guys first (I'm assuming from your other posts that there chat line guys) and see how it goes before worrying about how the relationship is going to work. Since you've been here (about two months) you've had a boyfriend, been in love with someone else, just wanted to be friends with a guy you had never met in person and now worried about a long distance relationship (maybe this guy is one of the other 3?) with one.

    Just relax hun and have some fun! Not all these guys are going to be "The One". Take some time to get to know them, hang out, then worry about a relationship :D

    It doesn't come across mean! :wink: I did meet the guy a few weeks ago on the yahoo personals, but we're just friends. Neither of us were interested in a relationship as it turns out! The guy in :?: is T, some may remember the post(s). We've decided to be friends, not with benefits or any of that other stuff. Just friends, but we're not getting serious with anyone. I'm having too much fun being single to jump into another relationship. I like not having to answer to anyone where I've been who I've been with and what I was doing! Trying to keep my options open, I've never been one to burn bridges!
    CGNYC wrote:
    Oh y'all, that's just her crazy showing.
    Trenellm wrote:
    I guess lying on my back, in the middle of a studio, breathing and making vowel sounds for an hour for two years paid off. :)
  • MephistoMephisto Posts: 555Registered Users
    My wonderful SO and I (her mostly due to her work schedule) did a round trip of nearly 500 miles every other week for the better part of 7 months. Personal circumstances and a job change gave me the opportunity to move and now we're a mere few feet apart and loving every minute of each other despite some extranneous baggage that needs regular tending to.

    What the future holds no one can say... but we're doing greater than either of us ever imagined.
    The good people do is interred with their bones. Their mistakes live on forever...
  • CurlyCanadianCurlyCanadian Posts: 10,904Registered Users, Curl Ambassador Curl Connoisseur
    Thats very sweet Meph :D

    I'm assuming this is the same woman from around Christmas time? Good for both of you, glad to hear it's still going so well :D
    I believe in manicures. I believe in overdressing. I believe in primping at leisure and wearing lipstick. I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles.
    Audrey Hepburn
  • MephistoMephisto Posts: 555Registered Users
    Yes.
    The good people do is interred with their bones. Their mistakes live on forever...
  • pacammipacammi Posts: 206Registered Users
    Yay for mephisto!

    I'm still sticking by the taking things slow, because T is coming into town today, and I don't want a "moment of weakness" to cause me to do something I'll regret. Luckily, nature has taken over, so there is no way anything sexual will be happening! He sent me a message last night that makes me think he may want to do more than go steady, but I'm sticking to my guns. I settled in the last relationship I had, and I'm not making a move until I know for sure whether or not this is where I'm supposed to be.

    I must say, I'm looking mighty cute today. Cute brown and blue skirt, cute cap sleeved sage shirt, cute tan sling backs...good hair too!
    CGNYC wrote:
    Oh y'all, that's just her crazy showing.
    Trenellm wrote:
    I guess lying on my back, in the middle of a studio, breathing and making vowel sounds for an hour for two years paid off. :)
  • CurlyCanadianCurlyCanadian Posts: 10,904Registered Users, Curl Ambassador Curl Connoisseur
    pacammi wrote:
    I must say, I'm looking mighty cute today. Cute brown and blue skirt, cute cap sleeved sage shirt, cute tan sling backs...good hair too!

    Very cute outfit! Drive him nuts and send him on his way :wink:
    I believe in manicures. I believe in overdressing. I believe in primping at leisure and wearing lipstick. I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles.
    Audrey Hepburn
  • Curlee QCurlee Q Posts: 523Registered Users
    Im in a long distance relationship now. I think it depends on the type of person you are also. Do you like or feel the need for the person you are involved with to be around alot. Or are you okay being away from them. I pretty much have work and school, so I am pretty busy alot. It works out for me. I think he has move of a problem than I do. He said hes planning on moving closer. We will see Im sort of a loner. :roll:
    http://www.youtube.com/Kittykat1374
    ____________________________

    natural since 6/05
  • pacammipacammi Posts: 206Registered Users
    pacammi wrote:
    I must say, I'm looking mighty cute today. Cute brown and blue skirt, cute cap sleeved sage shirt, cute tan sling backs...good hair too!

    Very cute outfit! Drive him nuts and send him on his way :wink:

    Gurl I'm killin 'em over here! Jaws droppin all over the place! :lol:

    I'm the type that in the beginning I like to have a person close, but after awhile they start getting on my nerves and I want to be left alone for a few weeks. I run hot and cold, as y'all can probably tell!
    CGNYC wrote:
    Oh y'all, that's just her crazy showing.
    Trenellm wrote:
    I guess lying on my back, in the middle of a studio, breathing and making vowel sounds for an hour for two years paid off. :)
  • eccentric_kurlzeccentric_kurlz Posts: 4,151Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    It can work, but only if you both are truly committed to making it work. If you are not on the same page, it will be extremely difficult.

    I was in a long-distance relationship about 7 years ago(we were HS sweethearts). He went into the military(Air Force) and was stationed in S. Dakota, before being stationed over seas. It would have worked out, but he chose to shut me out. He was dealing with some issues involving racists officers(amongst other things), and just put a huge wall up. I couldn't get in contact with him, other than through email, and even then the tone was less than comforting. He wanted to deal with his problems on his own, but at the expense of our relationship. He became a cold and distant person, unlike the person that I had fallen in love with, and just seemed to not care how I felt. I tried to be understanding of his situation, but instead of letting me be there for him, he felt like my presence wasn't important enough, and made me feel that way.

    Since his address and phone number constantly changed, I had to break-up with him via email. That absolutely sucked. And I then stopped using that email address because I wanted to move on. I had put alot of my life on hold for him, and felt like I was putting more into the relationship at that point than he was, and felt it was time to be selflish.

    We finally touched basis years later, and he was pushing for us to get back together. At that point, I had moved on, and quite frankly, wasn't the same person, as well as he.

    The same questions would always come up, like:

    "What went wrong?"
    "Can we make this work again?"
    "What happened between us?"

    Like I REALLY needed to tell him why for the umpteenth time. :roll:

    We eventually were able to resume our friendship many years later, and are cool now. Both of us have moved on are are completely content with our lives.


    BASICALLY, if you are willing to put in the necessary work, time, and effort, then it is possible. But it will NOT be, by any means, easy......as with most relationships, it takes alot work from both sides.


    Sorry for the long response. :wink:
    A wonderful mix of coils, curls, corkscrews, and kinks.

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  • pacammipacammi Posts: 206Registered Users
    Hey shy,

    my high school bf does the same thing. I saw him 2 weeks ago, and he's still doing the "we can make it work". :shock: Are you high?!? that was 7 years ago!

    I think they go into denial after awhile.

    He's not coming to town, I told him I have things to deal with around the house, so he's going to hold off. We've decided to see how this LD thing works before we start commuting. He said he's willing to put in the work, and he's been willing all along, but I got scared. We're older now, so we'll work on it together. We've always held each other up through rough times. Maybe this will make our bond stronger? :? :D

    Don't feel bad about the long posts, I'm a talker, so you can imagine how much I would type if I weren't at work. :wink:
    CGNYC wrote:
    Oh y'all, that's just her crazy showing.
    Trenellm wrote:
    I guess lying on my back, in the middle of a studio, breathing and making vowel sounds for an hour for two years paid off. :)
  • eccentric_kurlzeccentric_kurlz Posts: 4,151Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    pacammi wrote:

    Don't feel bad about the long posts, I'm a talker, so you can imagine how much I would type if I weren't at work. :wink:

    That's me. :lol: I'm a talker, as well.

    Anyway, good luck with this.
    A wonderful mix of coils, curls, corkscrews, and kinks.

    http://s211.photobucket.com/albums/bb133/shyygirl_2007/
    PW: curlyhair

    I have a blog now. Follow meeeee! :)

    http://naturalurbanista.blogspot.com/

    "You see, when it comes to language competence, a true patriot must hit that sweet spot between "job-stealing immigrant" and "liberal elitist." ~Eilonwy

    Wanna have access to the top names in fashion and luxury at up to 70% off retail? Sure you do. http://tinyurl.com/3yxneol

    DC metro area
  • curlykerricurlykerri Posts: 8Registered Users
    My fiance and I were in a long distance relationship for 2 of the 3 years we've been together, and we are getting married sept. 10. It was great for both of us because we learned never to take each other for granted and to appreciate each moment we had with each other. It also forced us to communicate well. I was in school at the time, and it gave me a chance to hang out with my friends and have fun time alone during the week, and every weekend we'd visit and it would feel like a vacation.

    Of course, we knew each other for 4 years before we even got together - and he's great at communicating, not jealousy, and completely trustworthy - from my experience that's not common.

    Good luck!
    "and everybody knows, it sucks to grow up "
    -ben folds

    3b
    too many stying products to list

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