This kind of worries me

SCGSCG Posts: 5,416Registered Users
So, lately there has been a guy from my school who has been kind of... Dare I say, stalker-like?

I don't know if I'm blowing things out of proportion, and maybe he just likes me, but I'm having a hard time figuring out how to handle this.

Every time I sign on IM, he sends me a message almost immediately. And when we talk, the conversation can only be described as similar to an interrogation. It's really awkward.
On Facebook, he has sent me "roses" and (even though I don't have the application itself on my page), he's clicked "Yes" to me on some type of "are you interested" application.

All in all, he's just kind of made me feel uncomfortable. And I can't tell if it's just because I don't like him very much, or if it's because I really SHOULD feel uncomfortable.

We're going somewhere with our school next week, and have to be (well, we don't HAVE TO be, but it's almost un-avoidable) together for both the trip there, and during the trip itself. I just don't know how to handle it.

On one hand, i really don't want to be mean. He's told me before that I'm the "only one at school who's actually nice" to him, and so doing anything other than what I have been doing (which is basically just being polite) feels like it'd be rude. At the same time, I don't want him to get the wrong idea! I mean... I want to be nice. I want to be a "good Christian kid", and do the right thing. But I need a way to do this without making the wrong impression.

I need to talk to my parents, I know, and I keep meaning to talk to my youth pastor about it, but I haven't gotten a chance. Most of all, I need to pray about it.

But... Anyone care to give some insight on the situation? I'm really nervous about having to spend three days with him. I just... Don't like the idea of it. Lots of thanks in advance.

"And death is at your doorstep
And it will steal your innocence
But it will not steal your substance
But you are not alone in this"

“My ability to turn good news into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn anxiety into chin acne.” - Tina Fey

Comments

  • JayneeJaynee Posts: 2,039Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    I think that if you feel uncomfortable about him and his actions, there is a reason for it. Don't think that you're somehow in the wrong for being weirded out by him. Make it clear to him that you are not interested in him and don't make any effort to be too nice just because you feel bad for him.

  • battinlashbattinlash Posts: 1,850Registered Users
    His actions are pretty non-threatening. I'd say he has a crush, and probably has no idea that he's coming on waaayyy too strong. No need to be rude...just tell him how you feel. Explain to him gently that you are flattered by the attention, but it's too much and you really aren't interested. If he persists, talk to your parents and see what can be done.

    In the future, if you don't like someone you should probably not encourage their attentions by IMing them, communicating via Facebook, etc. I know you're trying to be nice, but if he isn't someone you want to date or even a friend, you might have given him the wrong idea. I mean, why communicate at all with a person you have zero friendship with?
  • MunchyMunchy Posts: 5,206Registered Users Curl Novice
    tantrum wrote: »
    His actions are pretty non-threatening. I'd say he has a crush, and probably has no idea that he's coming on waaayyy too strong. No need to be rude...just tell him how you feel. Explain to him gently that you are flattered by the attention, but it's too much and you really aren't interested. If he persists, talk to your parents and see what can be done.

    ITA. Also, don't be afraid to assert yourself and let him know you're not interested. He will live. :)
  • SystemSystem Posts: 39,060 Administrator
    Good advice.

    Think of this as an opportunity to develop a skill that will be really valuable as you go through life. There is an art to being friendly while at the same time discouraging unwanted attentions.
  • wyldchildcurlswyldchildcurls Posts: 393Users Awaiting Email Confirmation
    I think you should listen to your gut feeling and stay away from him. If he makes you uncomfortable then you aren't under any obligation to continue letting him do so or to be his friend. I think if he actually makes you nervous then you need to stay away from him.

    On the trip recruit a buddy who can (hopefully without being too obvious) play interference so you don't get stuck with him following you around. Occupy yourself with other people so you aren't having any solo conversations with him. Basically start to step away from your friendship with him. Block him from your IM and don't respond to him on facebook unless absolutely necessary.
    There is no rule that says you have to socialize with everyone- just have to be nice and avoid maliciously hurting feelings.
  • spiderman5000spiderman5000 Posts: 673Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    I had a big problem with "stalkers" in high school. I was nice to everyone. Because of that, some guys latched on to me. They were always the kind of guys who were misunderstood and teased by others, didn't have any friends, etc etc. The instant I said hi to them or asked them to be my partner in class they'd latch on and not stop bugging me. It had nothing to do with them being "losers". I mean, come on. I was one too. But they always ended up having a creepy-stalkerlike personality. Waiting for me outside of all my classes, bringing flowers, waiting for me to come out of the bathroom, sitting and staring at me, following me home, etc etc. I had to talk to the principal about two of the guys because they went a little too far.

    It's sad because they don't have any friends and just want someone to talk to. Unfortunately, because of their lack of social interaction (I'm just guessing), they're not good with people at all.

    I don't have much advice here. The only way they stopped bugging me was because I ignored them and/or talked to someone about it. I even went as far as not going on a field trip because of one of the guys. But he was getting a little too extreme with the touching.

    You'll either have to tell him you don't want to be bugged (which will hurt his feelings) or try to avoid him. I'm sure there are other options, but that's all that really worked for me...

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