CurlTalk

When did you tell people?

iris427iris427 Posts: 6,002Registered Users
I am only 6 weeks and a few days. Normally I would not be telling people I was pregnant yet, especially since we haven't heard a heartbeat or anything yet.

However--

1. We have a whole bunch of people who think they are coming to our wedding in September. A lot of them are out of town. Since I know that is not going to happen, I feel like I owe people as a courtesy to tell them fairly soon, so they don't make plans to travel, take off work, etc.

2. My being in the third trimester this summer could affect my job. I spend the summer on my feet outside all day, and our summer days are typically 95 degrees with high humidity, often reaching into the 100s. I will need to talk to my supervisor about my options for working this summer. This job is technically seasonal and summer is when I work the most hours.

But I know I am still at a relatively high risk of miscarriage since I'm so early and we have not heard a heartbeat yet. I am hesitant to tell people until we have at least confirmed that it's a healthy pregnancy. I have my next appointment and an ultrasound set for 5 weeks from now, but I am going to try and get in to see some other doctors (see my other post about finding a practitioner I like) so I don't know whether they will do ultrasound/doppler any earlier.

Thoughts? When did you decide to tell people you were pregnant?
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Comments

  • PhDCowPhDCow Posts: 1,621Registered Users
    I told my boss (dissertation advisor) as soon as I got the positive because I wanted him to know the reasons why I was always so tired and kept running to the bathroom. I didn't want him thinking I was shirking my duties when I could no longer pull an all-nighter to do research for him.

    And I told my best friend immediately.

    Family we told around maybe 8-9 weeks.

    General announcement was after the first ultrasound (11 weeks or so).

    In your case, I would just tell everyone that, due to some scheduling issues, the wedding date has been changed and you'll let them know when it is later.
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  • Brown_Eyed_GirlBrown_Eyed_Girl Posts: 1,353Registered Users
    I meant to wait until late in the first trimester, but my parents guessed way before that. (Didn't have anything to do with me being grumpy and sleeping all the time, I'm sure! :wink:) They pretty much spread the word to the rest of the family.

    I waited until I was about 10 weeks to tell my boss and people at work, but since I'm in grad school and my assistantship will be over before I deliver, I could have waited until whenever. I don't know what I would do in your case!
  • sarah42sarah42 Posts: 4,034Registered Users
    With DS, we told people pretty much immediately. We were living abroad, and planning to be there for several more months at least, but the pregnancy necessitated us coming back to the States right away (not by my choice, though).

    With #2, I wanted to wait until after the first trimester and have some time to savor the news between me and DH, especially since we told everyone right away the first time. But someone at a family Thanksgiving dinner (~8 weeks) jokingly asked when we were having another baby, and silly DH and I just broke the news right there. I told people at work at about 12 weeks. I wanted to wait to make a general announcement until we heard a heartbeat and the highest risk of miscarriage had passed.
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  • AmnerisAmneris Posts: 15,117Registered Users
    Right away - best girl friend and best guy friend and both were sworn to secrecy.

    9.5 weeks, after I heard the heartbeat - my mama, and she was sworn to secrecy.

    10.5 weeks or so - the whole family (because it was Christmas and we wanted to surprise them, otherwise I probably would have waited another couple of weeks.)

    16 weeks - work, and after that announcements as they seemed fit.
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  • cymprenicympreni Posts: 9,609Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    When I started showing, 4-6 months or so, when I couldn't hide it anymore. In real life, I'm a pretty private person, way more so then on this board sometimes :laughing7:.
  • spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Posts: 17,495Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    I had to fess up to my job, etc., when I started showing, which, for me, was very early. I told close friends even earlier, though. I told one friend about my first the day after I got the positive home pregnancy test result because I was so geeked!

  • geekygeeky Posts: 4,995Registered Users
    We told our parents pretty much right away. Everyone else, we started telling after our 1st trimester ultrasound results.

    There are still a few friends of my husband's that don't know. He wanted to tell them in person and never got to see them. We are having dinner with his friend T on Friday and he has no idea. He's in for a bit of a surprise when he sees me, as I am huge. :tongue5:
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  • subbrocksubbrock Posts: 8,212Registered Users
    the only person i told was my SO. everyone else figured it out on their own.
  • SweetPicklesSweetPickles Posts: 850Registered Users
    We were very conservative in our telling, both times. With #1, my parents and brother were the only people we told right away (didn't tell my husband's family at all, as they so cannot keep a secret). I told just a few friends around 8 weeks or so. Other family, not till after the first trimester ended. And the rest of the world (including work, school, etc.), not till after the big ultrasound and genetic testing results.

    With #2, we tried the same approach. But my husband told a couple of his siblings right away, and naturally word spread through his whole family. And my mother, despite my having directly asked her to keep quiet, pretty much told the whole freaking world as soon as she found out. I'm still really annoyed about it. Everyone else found out when you all here did, when I posted the announcement a while back :wink: after we'd had both the u/s and the amnio results
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  • PixieCurlPixieCurl Posts: 5,656Registered Users
    We told our parents and my sister right away.

    I told my boss right after my first doctors appointment.

    We wanted to wait until after the first trimester to tell our friends, but I was coaching cheerleading with 2 of them and knew I had to tell them because I could no longer demo stunts/tumbling. Since we had to tell them and we knew news would spread anyway, we just told our whole "group" of friends. That was at around 8-9 weeks.

    As far as your wedding, I would just tell the people you're concerned about that the wedding will not be in September, but you're not sure when yet. They may be a little confused at first, but in a couple of months when they find out about your pregnancy they will understand.

    As far as your job, I would realistically think to yourself if your boss will have some sort of alternate assignment for you. If not, I would start looking for other work - or try to see if you can swing it financially to take the summer off. Then I would wait until a little later in your pregnancy to discuss with your employer.
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  • RedCatWavesRedCatWaves Posts: 31,258Registered Users
    I'm a blabbermouth...I always told everyone right away. I had no reason to keep it to myself.
  • DarkAngelDarkAngel Posts: 2,671Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    I found out before I was 4 weeks and told everyone I could think of immediately.
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  • geminigemini Posts: 3,325Registered Users
    12 weeks for our parents (which happened to be April fools day--meanies that we are, we made a joke out of it!) We already had a couple of ultrasounds by then.

    The monday after we told the parents, I told my managers at work and everyone else in the office figured it out as I grew bigger (women seemed to know immediately, the men, not so much).
  • deezee02deezee02 Posts: 1,509Registered Users
    About 8 weeks for parents and my boss and a few work friends(I was on my feet 8-10 hours a day, constintally having to leave to use the bathroom) I did not tell anyone else at work until 12 weeks. My friends knew between 8-15 weeks)

    Next time we are waiting until we get the all clear on the heart aspect. I just cannot deal with the "is the heart OK" badgering I know I will get.
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  • velvet pawsvelvet paws Posts: 1,250Registered Users
    I told a few people (close friends, immediate family) after we saw the heartbeat on ultrasound. Everyone else, I waited until the second trimester.
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  • AmnerisAmneris Posts: 15,117Registered Users
    iris427 wrote: »
    I am only 6 weeks and a few days. Normally I would not be telling people I was pregnant yet, especially since we haven't heard a heartbeat or anything yet.

    However--

    1. We have a whole bunch of people who think they are coming to our wedding in September. A lot of them are out of town. Since I know that is not going to happen, I feel like I owe people as a courtesy to tell them fairly soon, so they don't make plans to travel, take off work, etc.

    2. My being in the third trimester this summer could affect my job. I spend the summer on my feet outside all day, and our summer days are typically 95 degrees with high humidity, often reaching into the 100s. I will need to talk to my supervisor about my options for working this summer. This job is technically seasonal and summer is when I work the most hours.

    But I know I am still at a relatively high risk of miscarriage since I'm so early and we have not heard a heartbeat yet. I am hesitant to tell people until we have at least confirmed that it's a healthy pregnancy. I have my next appointment and an ultrasound set for 5 weeks from now, but I am going to try and get in to see some other doctors (see my other post about finding a practitioner I like) so I don't know whether they will do ultrasound/doppler any earlier.

    Thoughts? When did you decide to tell people you were pregnant?

    Re: #2 - I think it was a combination of luck and stubborness/determination born of financial and personal necessity, but I didn't change my schedule or anything right up until the day my baby was born. I worked throughout the third trimester, and while generally my job was an indoor desk job, for the last 3 weeks or so before my baby was born, we ran an outdoor theatre festival and I was on my feet for hours a day in July heat and humidity - and I survived. I also did an opera at about 7 months where I was constantly on my feet. People I worked with were very helpful in trying to get me to take breaks and so on, and I am sure that that will happen for you, too. I worked until the day I went into labour, and baby was fine. I personally don't think you should ask for a job modification unless there are health reasons and it is recommended by your doctor - but that's just me.

    If you do decide that you need accomodations at work, I don't think you need to bring it up for at least a couple more months.
    Get used to me. Black, confident, cocky; my name, not yours; my religion, not yours; my goals, my own; get used to me. -Muhammad Ali


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  • medussamedussa Posts: 12,993Registered Users
    1st pregnancy 8 or 9 weeks

    2nd pregnancy 12 weeks

    3rd pregnancy 12 weeks

    4th pregnancy 22 weeks

    With all my pregnancies, I told my mom right away.
  • CynaminbearCynaminbear Posts: 4,476Registered Users
    Tthe circumstances of my all my pregnancy timing were bad in other people's eyes, so we waited longer for different reasons with each pregnancy.
    We waited until around the 10th week with my first to tell several close friends (namely the wedding party and our pastor). I was showing by then and it was getting really obvious, anyway. My parents didn't know until after that. I had to tell my work at 9 weeks when I was put on a day of bedrest.
    With the second, my sister figured it out quickly, and I think we told friends/family before 8 weeks.
    #4, told husband when I took the test, about 4 weeks and family about 6 weeks, when I had to take it easy for a week. I think church/close friends knew about then, too. Didn't make it to announcing to anyone else.
    With the 3rd, I told my now closest friend at about 4 weeks, but I hadn't had a test to know for sure. I told my husband after the positive test around 6 weeks, and at 9 weeks m/c. I'd planned to wait until 12 weeks, which was when I wanted to hear the heart for the first time. At 13 weeks, still growing and tired, but thinking something was terribly wrong I found out I was still pg, so I just had to tell the whole world.

    I like the suggestion of not giving the reason for changing the wedding date, just making a general announcement that the day you had chosen won't work due to scheduling conflicts. People will think all different reasons, anyway.
    I fully understand wanting to wait a certain amount of time before announcing. I've heard it's good to wait until the beginning of the 2nd trimester to announce to work.
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  • cosmicflycosmicfly Posts: 1,814Registered Users
    1st- around 10 weeks, after we heard the heartbeat.

    2nd- right away, I think it was less than 3 weeks as I had gotten a very early positive (I was pretty sure I was pregnant about 5 days after conception. We were neither trying nor not trying, so it was definitely a possibility, and I just knew).

    3rd- I told his cousin, who is close friends with both of us, before I told him, because I hadn't gotten a positive yet and I didn't want to freak him out. We told close friends and his family around the beginning of the 2nd trimester. I haven't told everybody in my family yet.


    All 3 times, I told my work about it at around 15 weeks, when I started to show more visibly.

    As an aside, I also worked up until the baby was born both times with no modifications, and I intend to do so this time as well barring any unforeseen circumstances. People are usually really accomodating about letting you sit for a minute or get a drink of water or whatever. My job involves working directly with small children with special needs, on the floor or wherever, and while some things were more uncomfortable as time went on, nothing was really unbearable.
  • rainshowerrainshower Posts: 4,420Registered Users
    iris427 wrote: »
    When did you decide to tell people you were pregnant?

    we didn't tell people either time until i was out of my first trimester. we did this for 2 reasons: 1. to see the babies healthfully into the second trimester, and 2. to respect our private and intimate time. my husband and i relished knowing that we had such a tremendous secret growing in me that no one else was in on. i remember to this day the smiles and looks that we exchanged among family and friends long before we decided to tell them. soon enough, everyone would know and everyone would see. but until then, for those first few months, it was just for the two of us to know. that is precious to me.
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  • WileE-DeadWileE-Dead Banned Posts: 24,963Banned Users
    We did want to say something around a holiday, but decided against it since we were not exactly in our first trimester end...
    When we did decide after the holiday, but what happened to be a family event that was special, we did announce then...
    Everything turned out great...
    In fact my cousins said something about us already knowing, I said, 'yes' we did, but wanted to wait until the 12 weeks was up...
    We did tell my folks..the look on their face was priceless! Since it was 10 years in the making!
    And our good friends...that's it! :)
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  • iris427iris427 Posts: 6,002Registered Users
    Amneris wrote: »
    iris427 wrote: »
    I am only 6 weeks and a few days. Normally I would not be telling people I was pregnant yet, especially since we haven't heard a heartbeat or anything yet.

    However--

    1. We have a whole bunch of people who think they are coming to our wedding in September. A lot of them are out of town. Since I know that is not going to happen, I feel like I owe people as a courtesy to tell them fairly soon, so they don't make plans to travel, take off work, etc.

    2. My being in the third trimester this summer could affect my job. I spend the summer on my feet outside all day, and our summer days are typically 95 degrees with high humidity, often reaching into the 100s. I will need to talk to my supervisor about my options for working this summer. This job is technically seasonal and summer is when I work the most hours.

    But I know I am still at a relatively high risk of miscarriage since I'm so early and we have not heard a heartbeat yet. I am hesitant to tell people until we have at least confirmed that it's a healthy pregnancy. I have my next appointment and an ultrasound set for 5 weeks from now, but I am going to try and get in to see some other doctors (see my other post about finding a practitioner I like) so I don't know whether they will do ultrasound/doppler any earlier.

    Thoughts? When did you decide to tell people you were pregnant?

    Re: #2 - I think it was a combination of luck and stubborness/determination born of financial and personal necessity, but I didn't change my schedule or anything right up until the day my baby was born. I worked throughout the third trimester, and while generally my job was an indoor desk job, for the last 3 weeks or so before my baby was born, we ran an outdoor theatre festival and I was on my feet for hours a day in July heat and humidity - and I survived. I also did an opera at about 7 months where I was constantly on my feet. People I worked with were very helpful in trying to get me to take breaks and so on, and I am sure that that will happen for you, too. I worked until the day I went into labour, and baby was fine. I personally don't think you should ask for a job modification unless there are health reasons and it is recommended by your doctor - but that's just me.

    If you do decide that you need accomodations at work, I don't think you need to bring it up for at least a couple more months.

    I've thought about this more and I agree with you that I will be fine this summer, assuming no complications. I have decided not to talk to my supervisor for a while. I will be able to work without asking for any modifications. And I just found out that I have a coworker who is due only 4 days before me! She is on her second pregnancy and does not seem worried about working this summer, so that reassured me as well.

    But I did cave and tell my friends :)
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  • susancnwsusancnw Posts: 1,366Registered Users
    I'm a blabbermouth...I always told everyone right away. I had no reason to keep it to myself.


    Me too...I was so excited. We told my folks about #3 by giving my mom a set of baby shoes.
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  • KaiaKaia Posts: 8,815Registered Users
    I had 2 co-workers tell me I was PG before I got the positive test, so I told them as soon as I got the positive at a little under 4 weeks. We told family after seeing the heartbeat at the 8 week ultrasound, and I "officially" told work at 12-13 weeks.
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