Chances of having a boy or girl and gender disappointment

sarah42sarah42 Posts: 4,034Registered Users
I was at the doctor the other day, and she said that after you have a baby of one gender, the odds are about 60-40 that you'll have the same gender with baby #2. She said that the actual sperm are divided 50-50, but the man or woman's body chemistry or some combination of the two can be more favorable to one or the other. And if you have two babies of the same gender, the chances with the third are like 70-30. Has anyone else heard this?


On a related note, right now I do not want to find out the sex of baby #2. I'm afraid that if I find out in an ultrasound that it's another boy, I'll be disappointed. But, if I find out in the delivery room after I've had him, I'll be so happy to have him that I won't care. Or is it better to find out in advance and have that time to mentally prepare?
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  • mad scientistmad scientist Posts: 3,530Registered Users
    I'm not sure about the link from one baby's gender to the next but I think that gender disappointment is a pretty natural thing. I wanted my first to be a girl, he wasn't. I want this second one to be a girl, and I'll find out when he/she is born.

    I opted to go the "I won't be disappointed when I actually have a baby in front of me" route and didn't find out before hand with either. I can't really say it worked - I was a little bummed when DH announced "its a boy!". But obviously I got over it really fast.
  • medussamedussa Posts: 12,993Registered Users
    My first was a boy. We wanted a boy. Our second was conceived through fertility treatment and turned out to be a girl. After the long and painful journey to conceive, we were over the moon that our baby was healthy and the fact that it was a girl was delightful (I had expected and wanted another boy). Then, to our surprise, we conceived on our own and that baby wasn't meant to be. It was a boy.

    This most recent pregnancy, I had hoped for a boy again and the baby turned out to be another little girl. It worked out perfectly since my girls will be closer in age than a boy would have been to my oldest (8 year difference). I love my Lilly to pieces, but I still get a little twinge whenever anyone has a baby boy. You all make it look so easy.

    Anyway, our pattern was: boy, girl, boy, girl. We didn't find out what we were having with any of our children.

    Sending you girl vibes. Think Pink. :)
  • geekygeeky Posts: 4,995Registered Users
    I think your doctor is wrong. I was looking at an article about this recently, that showed real statistics from a pretty sizeable population sample. The odds are not 50/50 but pretty close. Here is the link, if you are interested.
    I did not have much gender preference. I expected a boy because that is what my husband's family seems to have, and we got a boy. I personally think that gender is such a small part of overall personality and temperament, so does not matter to me. We did not find out last time or this time, just because we thought it would be more fun to have a surprise, and because it really does not matter to us.

    I don't know what you should do, go with your gut, I guess.
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  • RedCatWavesRedCatWaves Posts: 31,259Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    I think your doctor is wrong. I was looking at an article about this recently, that showed real statistics from a pretty sizeable population sample. The odds are not 50/50 but pretty close. Here is the link, if you are interested.


    I have a hard time believing articles that contain so many typographical, spelling and grammatical errors.
  • SweetPicklesSweetPickles Posts: 850Registered Users
    Based on my conception date in relation to when I ovulated (a full 5 days before ovulation), I had a pretty strong feeling we would be having another girl (see the Shettles Method for gender prediction info here. And I was right.
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  • jcejce Posts: 512Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    I'm glad I found out what this one will be. This one is not the particular gender I was hoping for, and I'm glad I've got the time to deal with it now. Don't get me wrong, I'm not depressively despondent or anything over it, but it was a bit of a disappointment, and I feel that I can deal with it now and be totally over it once the baby arrives.

    There will be so much to do when the baby is born, I won't really have to time to process it then, and for me, it needs processing, the same way I can now. Also, I had PPD last time, and wouldn't want to add this in as well if I'm unfortunate enough to get PPD again.
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  • mrspoppersmrspoppers Posts: 7,223Registered Users Curl Novice
    I think your doctor is wrong. I was looking at an article about this recently, that showed real statistics from a pretty sizeable population sample. The odds are not 50/50 but pretty close. Here is the link, if you are interested.
    I have a hard time believing articles that contain so many typographical, spelling and grammatical errors.
    They also didn't note the error rate and the link to the original article was dead. Perhaps the study isn't flawed, but it would have been nice if they had noted that.

    My mom defied the odds in that she had five girls and no boys. Her best friend had five boys before she had a girl, then she had another boy. Her other good friend had 5 boys only. While I'm sure statistically speaking, the odds really are 50/50, that doesn't mean there aren't some women whose chemistry is more hospitable to either boy sperm or girl sperm. Maybe this is an old wives tale too, but I've heard that Y sperm swim faster and die sooner and X sperm swim slower but live longer. Statistics are great but they don't account for everything.
    When are women going to face the fact that they don’t know their own bodies as well as men who have heard things?

    Don Langrick
    Bonsai Culturist
  • deezee02deezee02 Posts: 1,509Registered Users
    I wanted a girl sooo bad when I found out I was pregnant. When I found out he was a boy, all I could think was "I am not a boy mom"

    Now that he is 15 months old, I love it. I love being the only girl in the house. Yes, I do get jelous when people get to dress thei little girls up in dresses I hate the fact that there are never any cute boy clothes at this age. BUT I would not change anything about Steven...He is such a loving little boy.

    I know with Mike's genes, we will probably have mainly boys. I also know, after going through all we did last time with Steven, a healthy baby is all we want.
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  • iris427iris427 Posts: 6,002Registered Users
    deezee02 wrote: »

    I know with Mike's genes, we will probably have mainly boys.

    What do you mean, with his genes?
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  • RedCatWavesRedCatWaves Posts: 31,259Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    iris427 wrote: »
    deezee02 wrote: »

    I know with Mike's genes, we will probably have mainly boys.

    What do you mean, with his genes?


    There are families that seem to have mostly one gender or the other.
  • iris427iris427 Posts: 6,002Registered Users
    iris427 wrote: »
    deezee02 wrote: »

    I know with Mike's genes, we will probably have mainly boys.

    What do you mean, with his genes?


    There are families that seem to have mostly one gender or the other.

    But is there an actual genetic basis for that? Or is it just the roll of the dice?

    For example, in my fiance's family, all the recent babies have been girls. The last 5 babies have been girls. So it might seem that it's "in their genes" to have girls. But the 8 babies before that were all boys. So I don't think it's genes at all in their case. It's just a fluke that happens sometimes.
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    TickerTicker.aspx?&TT=bdy&TT1=bdy&CL=29&CT=&CG=F&O=m_nestbirds&T=t_b14&D=20080913&M1=&D1=2009&T2=&T1=Baby+Iris&CC=0&CO=&step=5&radio=A
  • RedCatWavesRedCatWaves Posts: 31,259Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    iris427 wrote: »
    iris427 wrote: »

    What do you mean, with his genes?


    There are families that seem to have mostly one gender or the other.

    But is there an actual genetic basis for that? Or is it just the roll of the dice?

    For example, in my fiance's family, all the recent babies have been girls. The last 5 babies have been girls. So it might seem that it's "in their genes" to have girls. But the 8 babies before that were all boys. So I don't think it's genes at all in their case. It's just a fluke that happens sometimes.



    I think if you look at some families in a direct line (not distant cousins twice removed) you can see generation after generation of nothing but one gender. For instance, my ex husband fathered 5 boys (1 of them is mine), and was one of two boys himself. His father was one of 5 boys, his grandfather was one of 5 boys, and his great-grandfather was one of a dozen or so boys. That's all the info we have, but there are no girls in that direct line for over 100 years. I knew when I married him that due to his family history, and his own personal history of 4 boys in his first marriage, that we would likely have a boy, and we did. Now there are girls elsewhere in the family, but not in this specific direct line. I'm sure there are other similar families. I've heard of women who have only girls, whose mothers had only sisters, whose grandmothers had only sisters, etc.
  • iris427iris427 Posts: 6,002Registered Users
    iris427 wrote: »


    There are families that seem to have mostly one gender or the other.

    But is there an actual genetic basis for that? Or is it just the roll of the dice?

    For example, in my fiance's family, all the recent babies have been girls. The last 5 babies have been girls. So it might seem that it's "in their genes" to have girls. But the 8 babies before that were all boys. So I don't think it's genes at all in their case. It's just a fluke that happens sometimes.



    I think if you look at some families in a direct line (not distant cousins twice removed) you can see generation after generation of nothing but one gender. For instance, my ex husband fathered 5 boys (1 of them is mine), and was one of two boys himself. His father was one of 5 boys, his grandfather was one of 5 boys, and his great-grandfather was one of a dozen or so boys. That's all the info we have, but there are no girls in that direct line for over 100 years. I knew when I married him that due to his family history, and his own personal history of 4 boys in his first marriage, that we would likely have a boy, and we did. Now there are girls elsewhere in the family, but not in this specific direct line. I'm sure there are other similar families. I've heard of women who have only girls, whose mothers had only sisters, whose grandmothers had only sisters, etc.

    That's really interesting.
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  • mrspoppersmrspoppers Posts: 7,223Registered Users Curl Novice
    As I said, my mom had 5 girls. Of my 4 sisters, 3 of them have 2 girls each. My oldest sister has a boy, but I think that was a fluke. She had a really hard time getting pregnant and I can't remember what the reason was, but I remember my mom saying at the time that because of it, she'd probably have a boy. Sure enough, she did.

    Then there was some sort of study that said men who work in the cold (e.g. Alaska fishermen) tend to father boys, while men who work in heat (e.g. bakers and chefs) tend to father girls. My friend's sister has a whole boatload of kids (8 maybe). They're all boys but one. Her husband is an Alaska fisherman and the one girl was conceived when he took two years off from fishing.

    I dunno; all anecdotal evidence. :)
    When are women going to face the fact that they don’t know their own bodies as well as men who have heard things?

    Don Langrick
    Bonsai Culturist
  • cymprenicympreni Posts: 9,609Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    I wanted a boy the first time around, and my wish was granted. For the second I really wanted a girl. Someone to be girly with, buy pretty dresses and do her hair and all that. And when I found out he was a boy, I admit I was really disappointed, and felt really guilty about it. It took every ounce of strength I had not to cry during the ultrasound. And then the whole autism thing with Kade happened and at that point I was just happy that he was healthy. After thinking about it a while, I realized 2 boys would be fun.

    Every now and then I still want a girl, but I think I'm done with pregnancy, and I don't want any more kids right now. When and if I do, I hope to adopt or foster one, though I probably wouldn't be so picky as to gender when it came down to it.

    And for the family line thing, my adopted family had all girls. There were 4 children by birth and 3 more via adoption, and all were girls. The adopted kids weren't chosen, it was just a coincidence. She had 2 husbands the 2 from the first bio kids had 1 boy and 2 girls, the bio kids from the 2nd marriage both had 1 boy and 1 girl. Adopted kids: there's me who had 2 boys, and the other 2 had 2 girls. My great grandma had 12 children and only 1 boy. My birth mom after me had 1 boy and 1 girl by a man who through a previous marriage had 1 boy and 1 girl. I never thought about this before, kinda interesting.
  • subbrocksubbrock Posts: 8,212Registered Users
    the science of it all is fascinating...especially what you were saying rcw about having a family history of only one gender.

    has anyone here ever experienced gender disapoointment or know someone who has? is it a serious....affliction (for lack of a better word) or is it like, "oh nuts we're having a boy and i really wanted a girl. time to go make dinner!" and youre over it?
  • RedCatWavesRedCatWaves Posts: 31,259Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    subbrock wrote: »
    has anyone here ever experienced gender disapoointment or know someone who has? is it a serious....affliction (for lack of a better word) or is it like, "oh nuts we're having a boy and i really wanted a girl. time to go make dinner!" and youre over it?



    Hate to admit to it, but I was disappointed with each of my 3 boys. I adore them all...now...but at first, I really wanted all of them to be girls. I got over it, but I'm very glad that I found out they were boys at an ultrasound mid-pregnancy, rather than at birth, so that I had time to adjust. I would hate to be disappointed with the brand new baby I had just birthed.
  • medussamedussa Posts: 12,993Registered Users
    I had Christmas dinner with my husband's family last night. His stepmother's niece is a pretty materialistic and self-centered person. She kept going on and on about how awful middle-school aged girls are (she teaches PE in a very wealthy school district here) and how vicious they are, blah, blah, blah. Then she says, "no offense but I don't want any girls. I want all boys." Then she kissed the top of my son's head and said, "I want all boys just like M."

    Is it evil of me to wish all girls on her?

    Anyway, if there's one person who's a prime candidate for gender disappointment, it's this woman.
  • sundaysunday Posts: 535Registered Users
    I think the reason I would like a girl for my next baby is because I have such a close relationship with my mother. I am close to my dad as well, but it's different. I feel like I'll miss out on that type of ralationship with a boy. Of course I could be completely wrong too.

    Medussa - I teach junior high as well, and trust me, the boys can be just as bad!
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  • sarah42sarah42 Posts: 4,034Registered Users
    jce wrote: »
    I'm glad I found out what this one will be. This one is not the particular gender I was hoping for, and I'm glad I've got the time to deal with it now.
    I got over it, but I'm very glad that I found out they were boys at an ultrasound mid-pregnancy, rather than at birth, so that I had time to adjust.


    These are the stories/perspectives I am looking for. Neither of our families have a long history of having one gender or the other, so anything is possible, but I do really want a girl. We might stop having babies after this one, so this could be our last chance.

    I have a couple months before I have an ultrasound, so I'll think about it and decide whether I want to find out.
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  • spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Posts: 17,898Registered Users Curl Virtuoso
    I'm not one for surprises...of any kind. I like to know everything in advance. I did have a slight preference for another girl w/ my 2nd pregnany. But by the time I delivered, I was pretty psyched for a boy.

  • AmnerisAmneris Posts: 15,117Registered Users
    I'm not one for surprises...of any kind. I like to know everything in advance. I did have a slight preference for another girl w/ my 2nd pregnany. But by the time I delivered, I was pretty psyched for a boy.

    I hoped you would be!!!!
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  • AmnerisAmneris Posts: 15,117Registered Users
    This issue is one I am already thinking about. I love my son.... but I REALLY want a girl. I always knew in my heart from the moment of conception that I was pregnant and with a boy, though I didn't find out for sure until he was born (we wanted the surprise.) I would ideally have loved a girl, but since I never thought it was an option, I was never disappointed about it. I want to have at least 3 bio children, so if I had another boy, I would still have a chance for a girl, but I would rather have the girl next so that I could have a nice surprise either way with my third. We also hope to adopt one, so that would be an opportunity to get a girl, but I would also like to have a bio daughter.

    My mama's side of the family is almost all girls, my daddy's is almost all boys, and my husband has a good mix on both sides, maybe with a few more boys. I plan to try the Shettles method to try for a girl with my next pregnancy, and we don't intend to find out the gender, so I am a little worried that if it is another boy, I'll be disappointed. However, baby boys are great and it will be nice for JJ to have a brother to play with. And of course, a healthy baby of either gender is a great blessing.

    I know of a few people who were disappointed initially with a second boy, but later say they grew to love them with no reservations. I also know several people with 4 kids of one gender.
    Get used to me. Black, confident, cocky; my name, not yours; my religion, not yours; my goals, my own; get used to me. -Muhammad Ali


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  • spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Posts: 17,898Registered Users Curl Virtuoso
    Amneris wrote: »
    I'm not one for surprises...of any kind. I like to know everything in advance. I did have a slight preference for another girl w/ my 2nd pregnany. But by the time I delivered, I was pretty psyched for a boy.

    I hoped you would be!!!!

    You wished him on me...

  • RedCatWavesRedCatWaves Posts: 31,259Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    I plan to try the Shettles method to try for a girl with my next pregnancy

    I used Shettles' Girl method for both my younger children...I got one girl and one boy. So, my results were 50/50...same as Mother Nature. Oh well, it was fun doing it like a little science experiment. ;)
  • subbrocksubbrock Posts: 8,212Registered Users
    how long does the disappointment last?
  • cosmicflycosmicfly Posts: 1,814Registered Users
    For me, it didn't last long at all. With my first pregnancy, I really wanted a girl, and I thought I was having a girl all along- I didn't believe my then husband when he said, "it's a boy", I had to see for myself. I felt a little twinge for a minute, but I was just so happy to meet my baby and I love my little boy. With my second pregnancy, it truly didn't matter to me- I already had and loved a little boy and I would have been happy with another. We opted to find out what she was at the ultrasound because Max strongly preferred a sister, and I wanted time to prepare him for a brother if need be.

    This time, I actually do have a preference, but I'm not telling which way until after my ultrasound tomorrow. Hopefully, baby will cooperate- this pregnancy was enough of a surprise and I just feel like I need to know.
  • jcejce Posts: 512Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    subbrock wrote: »
    how long does the disappointment last?

    I found out Oct. 22, and am just now getting ok with it. I had one of those 3D/4D, whatever they call them, high tech ultrasounds (the OB insisted because I'm considered high risk), so it was pretty obvious.

    I have to admit, it was hard not to show my disappointment when I found out. I have talked to someone about it, so it's not like I've kept it all to myself. But I think I'm ok with it. I'm starting to look forward to meeting the little one. Now if only I could find some names I really liked.
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  • deezee02deezee02 Posts: 1,509Registered Users
    I got over it once I was able to look around and see that not all boy stuff was sports related.

    I had such a good time picking out fun blue and green clothes/toys ect.
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  • cosmicflycosmicfly Posts: 1,814Registered Users
    I'm going to start my own thread, but... not the gender I was hoping for. And since this will be my last baby I am a little disappointed. The father, while he also wanted a girl, is not disappointed (or at least he's telling me he's not), so that is helpful. I think after I readjust my thinking of how this will go, it will feel right.

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