Texture?not what i wanted!!??

Flower princess

So ..i'm in the process of transitioning and I've realize that i don't have the texture i wanted (3c) it looks like 4a or 4b?.I don't know what to do i feel like quiting :thumbdown:.What can i do i don't want to use any texture softener or any chemical to make my hair look like that.One of my sisters have a somehow wavy pattern why is my hair so different !I'm really disappointed.What should i do.I know i have to accept it but i can't !

cclark1

Wow! I'm not sure what to say. You don't have to transition. You can wear a relaxer for the rest of your life. But 4a/4b is the hair God gave you. I'm sure we all have these sometimes unrealistic ideas about what our hair will look like after we've transitioned. But during this transition we are learning or relearning how to take care of our hair. And there are a lot of 4a/b ladies on this board with beautiful hair check out their profiles and fotkis!

lovinmylocs

I'm here to say I feel your pain...there are some great curlies on this board and sometimes I wish I had their texture. (I hate to say it but I go through curl envy as well). Because you have 4a/4b hair, it doesn't meant that you can't have great hair. I love to see twists, braids and coils on kinkier textures. I think they look great.

Part of being natural means accepting your hair the way it is (if you don't want to silken or texlax). I'm pretty sure your hair is beautiful the way it is. There isn't any good or bad, beautifu or ugly textures. It's only the way we perceive them. You may just need to give yourself some time. It takes time to adjust...the mental changes sometimes take longer than the physical.

I have 4a/4b texture and while I don't always love it...I have more days where I do (vs. dont). I always have my hands in it. It's thick and full, I'm loosing alot less than before. All in all I feel this is much better for me and my hair. Everyone has to do what's best for them. If you really, really hate it then you have options. I feel that this was the best thing for me but if it doesn't feel the same for you then you can always go back...at the end of the day it is just hair.

gharp001

How long have you been tranisitioning? Have you BC yet? The reason, I ask, is that it is really hard to determine what your true hair type is until after you have cut off the relax ends. When I decided to transition my goal and focus was always for healthy hair, no matter what the hair type ended up being. Like the previous Poster stated, you do not have to transition, there are plenty of people who go back to relaxer and softners, the choice is yours. I also agree that you should check out the 4a/b forums, I'm confident that you will find that there are some beautiful and positive ladies posting with tips that may help you through your transitioning, should you decide to continue.

HTH

jada1111

cclark1 wrote: »

Wow! I'm not sure what to say. You don't have to transition. You can wear a relaxer for the rest of your life. But 4a/4b is the hair God gave you. I'm sure we all have these sometimes unrealistic ideas about what our hair will look like after we've transitioned. But during this transition we are learning or relearning how to take care of our hair. And there are a lot of 4a/b ladies on this board with beautiful hair check out their profiles and fotkis!

Wow, perfect post Cclark. I was about to say the same thing.

Flower princess, it's obvious from your post that you're not MENTALLY ready to accept your afro-cottony hair texture. If you don't like it, then you need to stay with the relaxer until you awaken from the "matrix" of hating what God gave you NATURALLY.

Your post is quite sad actually.

For the record, if your spongy afro cottony hair coils when wet, then you're considered 4a. Meaning you can still preserve your coils with product, but your hair will probably grow OUT instead of DOWN.

Good luck to you on whatever you decide.

mariag002

I'm sorry you feel this way. When I cut my hair it was a little hard for me sometimes to look in the mirror and not see long hair anymore. I thought my hair was 3b like my daughter but its 3c and its taken me some time but I absolutely adore my hair now. Please give it some time before you make your final decision. Not everybody can have hair like the women you see on tv... well half the time they don't either because its a weave. I spend more time in the 4a column because those women are not only beautiful, but they have great advice and are quite knowledgeable.

I can't go back to relaxed because I have to accept my cotton ball afro for what it is, the hair God gave me.

Ladydncing

Regardless of our hair type, it's very hard to transition. Remember that some of us were in denial of our true texture before coming to this site. Some of us are still transitioning. It's not an easy journey.
We are here if you need the support.

I suggest that you find an inspiration (a curly buddy), who has a texture similar to yours. Someone who has successfully transitioned and let that person be your inspiration. Trust me they are not going to turn you away. Actually if you don't feel comfortable approaching a member, stalking works!, but seriously, you need to feel comfortable with your decision. If you can't accept you hair texture, then I don't think, you should. Don't feel guilty about it either. Maybe you are just not ready yet. It took me 7 years to transition, but this site made it easier for me.
Good Luck with whatever you decide.

Flower princess

Thanks for answering.Also detangling is difficult for me is there any easier way of doing it?I can't part my hair coz i not too long in some areas so i'm always running to the blow drier (i try to use the lowest heat)

jcurlady

You should try detangling your hair in the shower w/ conditioner only. That's one of the most important things that I learned from this site.

Chelle547

I'm sorry that you are disappointed with your hair. It seems almost all of us are guilty of wanting what we don't have. Just remember that while you are envying someone elses hair there may be many who are envying yours. I have 3a hair that is getting curlier as I get older, currently I have 3b(and some 3c) outgrowth with the 3a on the ends. I like that it is getting curlier, but I know it will never reach 4a, which I happen to love. I envy those of you who have 4a hair, it's beautiful. I love how it grows out instead of down, I probably love everything about it that you hate.lol I would gladly trade if I could. I also remember mysteryflavored mentioning that she loves this hair type as well. My favorite style is 4a/b hair worn with a headband or scarf as a headband with the explosion of curls behind it. Beautiful!! Gorgeous!! I want! When you have an "I hate my hair day" just remember you have admirers who would love to have your hair. Hope that cheers you up.:icescream:

multicultcurly

ITA w/ ladydancing. There is no written rule that you have to like your hair just the way it is, although I do think that you eventually have to accept it the way it is in order to accept yourself. This does not mean that you have to wear it naturally. If you look at this site or some of the curly gurus, such as Ouidad among others, you'll see mentions of gentle relaxers, roller setting, manipulation of the hair while wet and using certain products to achieve a different look.
I would advise that you give your hair tlc and stay away from chemicals for at least 3 months. Stop blowdrying your hair (unless it's w/ a diffuser on low speed). If you want a looser style, then roller set or put your hair in pixie curls or large twists. When your hair dries, it will be closer to your desired texture. Also, look at the routines and products recommended on the 3c and 4a boards. If after doing all of this, you still don't like your hair, then look at gentler relaxing options.

System

Your hair is probably beautiful and just a shock because you're not used to the curl/texture. There are gels and other styling products you can use that will loosen the curls and not cause any damaged.

My hais is 3A, 3B & 3C. My curls look like jerrycurls (think Soul Glow from coming to American) to Shirley Temple banana/sausage curls day to day depending on which products I use. Washing my hair and using a good gel and reconstruction cream, I twisted my hair into loveknots and let it stay/dry all day. I sleep in them and the next day take it down and I have wavy/loose spirals. My hair is not nearly as curly as 4a but I image you'd get similar results.

Speckla

Suburbanbushbabe

I sympathize. I tried to be "natural" for many years with jheri curlsthen texlaxing. I was just not ready to accept the qualities of my natural hair. I wish I had let go of the relaxer habit much sooner.

There's nothing wrong with a chemical relaxer to texturize other than the emotional and physical separation from your natural beauty and the irreversible chemical damage. ("Softening" and "silkening" are just self-defeating and self-hating euphemisms IMO) Thing is, when you are transitioning the contrast is even worse because you have this wicked demarcation; on one side is the hair you are used to, on the other is this wilderness. Under all this, your new growth may contain waves and coils and textures that you can't see and won't see until fully transitioned.

It does get better if you can hang in there. Keep your hair soft with water, conditioners, butters, glycerin mixes, etc. Keep it strong with protein DT's. Get a good detangling conditioner (I list some at the endof this post) And keep the texture as uniform as possible with protective styles. You won't know your true natural texture until you fully transition.

Moisturizing, Detangling conditioners (both cheap & expensive, some available in stores, some online -- all work well) in no particular order

Wen [buylink=http://www.curlmart.com/Wen-Sweet-Almond-Mint-Cleansing-Conditioner-p-595.html?utm_source=naturallycurly.com&utm_medium=text-link&utm_content=curltalk-post-text&utm_campaign=wen-by-chaz-dean-sweet-almond-mint-cleansing-conditioner]Sweet Almond Mint Cleansing conditioner[/buylink] (or Wen Fig)
[buylink=http://www.curlmart.com/Blended-Beauty-Herbal-Reconditioner-p-380.html?utm_source=naturallycurly.com&utm_medium=text-link&utm_content=curltalk-post-text&utm_campaign=blended-beauty-herbal-reconditioning-treatment]Blended Beauty Herbal Reconditioner[/buylink]
Trader Joe Nourish
[buylink=http://www.curlmart.com/Elucence-Moisture-Balancing-Conditioner-p-39.html?utm_source=naturallycurly.com&utm_medium=text-link&utm_content=curltalk-post-text&utm_campaign=elucence-elucence-moisture-balancing-conditioner]Elucence Moisture Balancing conditioner[/buylink]
Suave Toasted Vanilla & Sugar
Robert Craig conditioner
John Masters Citrus & Neroli detangling conditioner
Qhemet Olive Detangling conditoiner
Lustersilk Sheabutter cholesterol

Flower princess

Chelle547 wrote: »

I'm sorry that you are disappointed with your hair. It seems almost all of us are guilty of wanting what we don't have. Just remember that while you are envying someone elses hair there may be many who are envying yours. I have 3a hair that is getting curlier as I get older, currently I have 3b(and some 3c) outgrowth with the 3a on the ends. I like that it is getting curlier, but I know it will never reach 4a, which I happen to love. I envy those of you who have 4a hair, it's beautiful. I love how it grows out instead of down, I probably love everything about it that you hate.lol I would gladly trade if I could. I also remember mysteryflavored mentioning that she loves this hair type as well. My favorite style is 4a/b hair worn with a headband or scarf as a headband with the explosion of curls behind it. Beautiful!! Gorgeous!! I want! When you have an "I hate my hair day" just remember you have admirers who would love to have your hair. Hope that cheers you up.:icescream:

REALLY GREAT QUOTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!When you said this something sparked in my head!!Love ur answer thanks for encouraging me!

Flower princess

Suburbanbushbabe™ wrote: »

I sympathize. I tried to be "natural" for many years with jheri curlsthen texlaxing. I was just not ready to accept the qualities of my natural hair. I wish I had let go of the relaxer habit much sooner.

There's nothing wrong with a chemical relaxer to texturize other than the emotional and physical separation from your natural beauty and the irreversible chemical damage. ("Softening" and "silkening" are just self-defeating and self-hating euphemisms IMO) Thing is, when you are transitioning the contrast is even worse because you have this wicked demarcation; on one side is the hair you are used to, on the other is this wilderness. Under all this, your new growth may contain waves and coils and textures that you can't see and won't see until fully transitioned.

It does get better if you can hang in there. Keep your hair soft with water, conditioners, butters, glycerin mixes, etc. Keep it strong with protein DT's. Get a good detangling conditioner (I list some at the endof this post) And keep the texture as uniform as possible with protective styles. You won't know your true natural texture until you fully transition.

Moisturizing, Detangling conditioners (both cheap & expensive, some available in stores, some online -- all work well) in no particular order

Wen [buylink=http://www.curlmart.com/Wen-Sweet-Almond-Mint-Cleansing-Conditioner-p-595.html?utm_source=naturallycurly.com&utm_medium=text-link&utm_content=curltalk-post-text&utm_campaign=wen-by-chaz-dean-sweet-almond-mint-cleansing-conditioner]Sweet Almond Mint Cleansing conditioner[/buylink] (or Wen Fig)
[buylink=http://www.curlmart.com/Blended-Beauty-Herbal-Reconditioner-p-380.html?utm_source=naturallycurly.com&utm_medium=text-link&utm_content=curltalk-post-text&utm_campaign=blended-beauty-herbal-reconditioning-treatment]Blended Beauty Herbal Reconditioner[/buylink]
Trader Joe Nourish
[buylink=http://www.curlmart.com/Elucence-Moisture-Balancing-Conditioner-p-39.html?utm_source=naturallycurly.com&utm_medium=text-link&utm_content=curltalk-post-text&utm_campaign=elucence-elucence-moisture-balancing-conditioner]Elucence Moisture Balancing conditioner[/buylink]
Suave Toasted Vanilla & Sugar
Robert Craig conditioner
John Masters Citrus & Neroli detangling conditioner
Qhemet Olive Detangling conditoiner
Lustersilk Sheabutter cholesterol

thanks for your help!

missmonie

FlowerPrincess...I hope you are feeling better and more confident about your hair texture. When I first started transitioning two years ago, I almost gave up after 5 months because I thought my curls would be "too tight" and "too hard". At least that's how my new growth looked. I almost have to laugh at myself now because I absolutely love my hair and wouldn't want a relaxer ever again in life.

Curly hair needs moisture, moisture and more moisture....which is the complete opposite of what straight hair needs, so if you are wearing your hair straight while transitioning, your new growth probably looks and feels very different from the texture you "want". Try to be patient, let it grow and you may be surprised at what you find. And if you absolutely hate it, then go ahead and texturize or relax...but you never know until you try.

Chelle547

You are very welcome, Flower princess!!!! I'm so glad I could make you feel better about your hair. Makes me soooo happy.:toothy4:

Jodenyse

You guys are all very accepting:) Some other hair boards have this "get it right or get left" attitude that I dont like.

I think that you should find some hair inspirations with a simalar hair texture. There is a woman featured on www.southerntease.net with a pretty free form flowy afro. I think she probably got the look from blowdrying it and then letting it be.

I got some avice from another person an this board who said dont have any expectations for your hair texture. Just love whatever comes out of your scalp (but that kinda contridicts what i said before doesnt it)

mariag002

We have to at lest give Flower Princess some credit for being honest with herself and expressing her feelings.

When I wake up in the morning with half my hair plastered to my head and the rest of my hair sticking up in different directions... it can be quite scary LOL I will sometimes think Oh Good Lord, but I have no regrets. This is me, its who I am. You can alter the texture and do whatever works for you, but I'm telling you now there is nothing more freeing and gratifying than just coming to accept your hair in its natural state. It took me years to get to this point and if you're not ready yet I'm sure you will be one day.

missmonie

mariag002 wrote: »

We have to at lest give Flower Princess some credit for being honest with herself and expressing her feelings.

ITA Maria. While I love my natural hair texture, I realize that everyone's not ready for it for themselves. I suppose it's all about expectations.

I've had people say "I couldn't wear my hair like that...it's just not for me." The initial feeling for me is "wow....was that an attack against MY hair"? But I've learned not to let things like that bother me since it's all relative. Everyone has different standards of beauty for themselves which will hopefully evolve with time and an open mind...

legette68

This is a great thread and I want to thank the original poster for being honest and open in posting this thread. We are/were so indoctrinated in hair textures and what society says is good/bad hair. It is great that we can talk about this and encourage each other.

Flower princess

legette68 wrote: »

This is a great thread and I want to thank the original poster for being honest and open in posting this thread. We are/were so indoctrinated in hair textures and what society says is good/bad hair. It is great that we can talk about this and encourage each other.

missmonie wrote: »

mariag002 wrote: »

We have to at lest give Flower Princess some credit for being honest with herself and expressing her feelings.

ITA Maria. While I love my natural hair texture, I realize that everyone's not ready for it for themselves. I suppose it's all about expectations.

I've had people say "I couldn't wear my hair like that...it's just not for me." The initial feeling for me is "wow....was that an attack against MY hair"? But I've learned not to let things like that bother me since it's all relative. Everyone has different standards of beauty for themselves which will hopefully evolve with time and an open mind...

legette68 wrote: »

This is a great thread and I want to thank the original poster for being honest and open in posting this thread. We are/were so indoctrinated in hair textures and what society says is good/bad hair. It is great that we can talk about this and encourage each other.

Thanks guys i believe that honesty is one of the most precious things!!I'm still marching on with my transitioning!I've realized that i have 2 different textures,from my temples till the end of my neck my hair feels softer and i even thought that i didn't have growth at that area,but i think my hair texture there is more wavy/curly than the rest of my head and more soft (i'm wondering why?)i really want to see how my hair looks like there but i don't have eyes at the back of my head :happy6:!ALSO>>>>>>>>>>>>> MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL OF YOU!!!:santa:

mariag002

Hooray! So glad you're going to give it a shot
Merry Christmas to you too!!! :santa: :rendeer: