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Am I the only one grossed out by this??

CurlieGlamourGirlieCurlieGlamourGirlie Posts: 1,198Registered Users
Link to article on "push presents"

Is it just me or is entitlement in America reaching mass saturation? Maybe I'm just a fuddy duddy.

Comments

  • curly_keltiecurly_keltie Posts: 791Registered Users
    If the gift is given without expectation - then I guess it is a nice thought. As with ANY gift - it should never be expected. IT is the expectation that disgusts me.

    After my c-section (and I was less foggy) my SO was holding our son and said 'Thank you!' That sent me over the moon.
    Long, blonde, 3a/mostly b hair.

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  • Brown_Eyed_GirlBrown_Eyed_Girl Posts: 1,353Registered Users
    It might be a fun idea if my DH thought of it, but not if I have to sit him down and say "I've been through all this work, so I want you to get me this!" (although I have joked occasionally when I'm feeling bad that I wish we could take turns being pregnant :wink: ).

    I thought getting help with household chores was a better idea.
  • geekygeeky Posts: 4,995Registered Users
    It rubs me wrong. Like it's payment, or something. Truth is we both want a child, we both do what it takes to have one. Yeah, I am the one carrying it and having it because that is the way biology works. It does not entitle me to bling. I prefer some extra love and consideration and help as needed during pregnancy and the postpartum period.
    To Trenell, MizKerri and geeky:
    I pray none of you ever has to live in a communist state.

    Geeky is my hero. She's the true badass. The badass who doesn't even need to be a badass. There aren't enough O's in cool to describe her.
  • inheritedcurlsinheritedcurls Posts: 2,954Registered Users
    I would take a housekeeper as a push present. :) Someone to come in once a week and clean for a few hours!!!
  • KaiaKaia Posts: 8,815Registered Users
    I think it's nice, but it shouldn't be something that's expected. I do expect my husband to help me out and cut me a little more slack than usual since I'm doing all the "work" and I'm tired a lot. If he bought me a present, I would think it was really sweet. Most of the things I really want though are baby-related anyway.
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  • spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Posts: 17,495Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    I'm not one to begrudge any woman a nice gift...but yeah, there is something a little icky about this. Like a Christmas bonus at work or something.

    I dunno, the way I see it, kids aren't ours. God just gives them to us to raise. We don't make them and we shouldn't be taking credit for them. Yeah, give me diamond earrings if you want...but don't make them a "reward" for having produced a baby.

  • CGNYCCGNYC Posts: 4,937Registered Users
    The phrase "push present" is disgusting, but this isn't exactly a new thing. Almost everyone I know (even going back to like my parents and grandparents friends) has some kind of little token (or sometimes a really big one) from the first baby, at least. It's kind of just the way things are done around here. Of course, I don't because a. my baby was early and we were totally unprepared and b. my husband isn't from around here and didn't know. Also, I don't tend to wear jewellery. Usually it's a keepsake piece of some sort with either diamonds or the baby's birthstone or something. Those fancy pants baby shoe charms were big for a while too (those are really cute, I think). It's just a little commemorative something, a nice husband to wife moment. Unless someone is all, WHERE IS MY REWARD (which is just gross), it doesn't bother me.
  • AmnerisAmneris Posts: 15,117Registered Users
    I got one (I didn't ask for it.) I thought it was sweet.
    Get used to me. Black, confident, cocky; my name, not yours; my religion, not yours; my goals, my own; get used to me. -Muhammad Ali


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  • rainshowerrainshower Posts: 4,420Registered Users
    i guess i would only not like the idea of a gift if it were given out of guilt for not being involved in the pregnancy, i.e., not acknowledging the pregnancy or the wife's pregnant state, not going to even one prenatal exam, not showing excitement or involvement in preparing for the baby (clothes, nursery, birth classes, etc.), and not being a supportive partner during labor. and i'm not talking not being there because of work or circumstances that would make it difficult for him to, i'm talking choosing not to go or be involved.

    my husband was excited during both our pregnancies. he touched my belly, talked and sang to my belly, was giddy picking out newborn clothes, head-over-heels to hear 'hold your baby boy!' after our daughter was born, he delivered a soliloquy that was totally out of character for him and which brought me to tears. it was about how much respect he has for women to be able to bring life into the world, that he didn't think he could go through anything like that. (well, hon, you can't! :laughing7::laughing7::laughing7:). that was thanks enough. no gift needed or desired! :love6:

    ETA: after our daughter was born, i also enjoyed noticing how much more confidence he had in holding a newborn than with our first baby (he held our son like he was afraid he'd break him!). he held our daughter and they just looked at each other. when i asked him when she could date, he said, "seriously, i don't want to talk about that for a long time!" and she's been daddy's princess ever since.
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  • mad scientistmad scientist Posts: 3,530Registered Users
    I also think the term "push present" is icky. But of course its not surprising are that the jewellery industry is going to jump on some new jewellery giving occasion.

    But I have no issues with the concept of a new mother getting a present from her husband or family.

    I received a pair of earrings from my Mom and a pendant from my MIL which I guess were "Thank you for giving us a grandchild" gifts. I thought it was sweet. DH gave me a pair of sapphire earrings a few months after my September baby was born.
  • SuburbanbushbabeSuburbanbushbabe Posts: 15,402Registered Users
    It sounds like a marketing plant from deBeers.
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  • RedCatWavesRedCatWaves Posts: 31,258Registered Users
    No, my husband didn't give me any gifts after our children were born. He was (and is) a very involved father with our pregnancies and our babies and older children. With our last baby, he was IN the hottub with me, pushing right along with me, face to face. We pushed that baby out together.

    When we were done having babies and decided to have surgical sterilization rather than have to worry about years of birth control, he willingly had a vasectomy, without me having to push him into it, and without even complaining. I thought that was a nice acknowledgement of the fact that I went through a lot to have our babies and the very least he could do was be the one to be sterilized.
  • CurlieGlamourGirlieCurlieGlamourGirlie Posts: 1,198Registered Users
    Thanks guys for all the input. I guess I was just wondering if I was being overly hormonal or if the tone of the article was weird.

    I don't begrudge anyone a gift at all - I think my issue was with a.) the term "push present" and b.) just the awful sense of entitlement - the "I did this to my body and went through all this, I deserve something for it" attitude.

    My sister asked if her $100 Nike alarm watch that she bought so she could keep track of feedings counted as a "push present"!!!
  • geekygeeky Posts: 4,995Registered Users
    Yeah, the term "push present" pretty much makes me want to :pukeright:
    To Trenell, MizKerri and geeky:
    I pray none of you ever has to live in a communist state.

    Geeky is my hero. She's the true badass. The badass who doesn't even need to be a badass. There aren't enough O's in cool to describe her.
  • spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Posts: 17,495Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Just my morbid curiosity...but what happens if the baby is stillborn? Or if it dies later? Do the earrings go back to the store? Does the husband hold them until the wife performs more satisfactorally the next time? And (as the article hinted) would a medicated delivery justify a less valuable gift? What if they adopt? Nothing?

  • jcejce Posts: 507Registered Users
    Ok, this oogs me out too. And the fact that stores do registries for it! That is just so wrong on so many levels.

    I went into pregnancy knowing what it could do to my body, so I don't feel I deserve a prize for that. And for the record, I don't consider my body "ruined." Changed, altered, different than before, but definitely not ruined.

    I don't even remember if I got anything from DH for the first child, but I didn't want or expect anything material, nor do I for this one. All I want is for my husband to take an active role in taking care of the child. He did/does with the first, so I expect no less this time around.
    3b/c normally, 3a/b in the winter

  • curlygirlymecurlygirlyme Posts: 1,340Registered Users
    I would take a housekeeper as a push present. :) Someone to come in once a week and clean for a few hours!!!

    That sounds like the best "push present" ever lol. I don't know diamonds seems a little much. Ok I admit I'm guilty my husband got me a Starbucks Coffee the morning after I had my son (I gave up caffine for 9 months). :compress:
    I would feel weird getting something like that. I just did what I had to do and what women have been doing for a very long time. I think a little extra TLC and a White Chocolate Mocha work
  • RedCatWavesRedCatWaves Posts: 31,258Registered Users
    And for the record, I don't consider my body "ruined." Changed, altered, different than before, but definitely not ruined.

    My body was (is) ruined from pregnancy. I wouldn't turn down a tummy tuck gift from anyone, including my husband. If there was something that could fix the permanent ankle edema I was left with, I'd take that as a gift too.
  • curlygirlymecurlygirlyme Posts: 1,340Registered Users
    And for the record, I don't consider my body "ruined." Changed, altered, different than before, but definitely not ruined.

    My body was (is) ruined from pregnancy. I wouldn't turn down a tummy tuck gift from anyone, including my husband. If there was something that could fix the permanent ankle edema I was left with, I'd take that as a gift too.

    Amen to the tummy tuck and the edema problem I'm with you on this. I love my kids but my body is ruined.
  • cymprenicympreni Posts: 9,609Registered Users
    I would take a housekeeper as a push present. :) Someone to come in once a week and clean for a few hours!!!


    I would take one of those too.

    I think excpeting expensive gifts is weird too. I did get a few gifts, but nothing major. DH got me a stuff animal, and some flowers, and fast food so I wouldn't have to eat that god awful hospital stuff they pass as food.

    And with Korbin he also stayed the night in the hospital with me, in the most uncomfortable chair ever, because I confessed I was extremely lonely when he went home at night when I had Kade. With Kade we had just gotten a new puppy, and we didn't think it was a good idea to leave her alone so much so soon. Just him staying with me that time was the best gift ever.
  • medussamedussa Posts: 12,993Registered Users
    I gave birth to my son two days before my 30th birthday. My husband surprised me with beautiful diamond earrings. It really was to mark the special occasion; the birth of our first child and the big 3-0 for me.

    I hate the term push present. It's disgusting.

    ETA: The idea behind the term bothers me even more.
  • wild~hairwild~hair Posts: 9,890Registered Users
    Gross.

    We are ridiculously materialistic in this society — this being the latest in a long line of examples.

    ETA: If someone wants to get someone a gift for whatever reason, I don't think there's anything wrong with that. It's this labeling of gifts, the setting aside more and more occasions of being gift-worthy, or even gift-necessary, that I find repulsive.
  • PoPo Posts: 2,607Registered Users
    DH got me a stuffed animal, and some flowers, and fast food so I wouldn't have to eat that god awful hospital stuff they pass as food.

    That's what I got, except replace the flowers with balloons. My aunt sent me flowers.
    3c/4a
  • velvet pawsvelvet paws Posts: 1,250Registered Users
    wild~hair wrote: »

    ETA: If someone wants to get someone a gift for whatever reason, I don't think there's anything wrong with that. It's this labeling of gifts, the setting aside more and more occasions of being gift-worthy, or even gift-necessary, that I find repulsive.

    Yes this. Real emotion is getting replaced by commercialized sentimentality, and it's repulsive.
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  • deezee02deezee02 Posts: 1,509Registered Users
    I was not expecting anything after I had Steven.

    when he was 6 or 7 weeks old, right after we brought him home from the hospital, I woke up to do one of our nightly feedings. Since he was in the room with us, i grabbed him and took off out of the room. When i set him back down there was a pair of new earrings with a "note from Steven". I cannot remember all it said right now, but it was something along the lines of "thank you for being my mommy"

    It was a very sweet gesture from Mike, and really did mean a lot to me.
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  • picklesgirlpicklesgirl Posts: 1,955Registered Users
    I think it would be a sweet sentiment but I never would wanted anything for myself but I wouldn't turn it away either:wink::laughing6:
  • AmnerisAmneris Posts: 15,117Registered Users
    Thanks guys for all the input. I guess I was just wondering if I was being overly hormonal or if the tone of the article was weird.

    I don't begrudge anyone a gift at all - I think my issue was with a.) the term "push present" and b.) just the awful sense of entitlement - the "I did this to my body and went through all this, I deserve something for it" attitude.

    My sister asked if her $100 Nike alarm watch that she bought so she could keep track of feedings counted as a "push present"!!!

    Oh, I have never heard the term 'push present' before (guess you can't get one if you have to have a scheduled section, then....) My husband certainly didn't call it that, nor did I ask for it or feel entitled to it. It was a nice surprise. My son's birth stone happens to be my favourite (ruby) so it was really special to me.
    Get used to me. Black, confident, cocky; my name, not yours; my religion, not yours; my goals, my own; get used to me. -Muhammad Ali


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