Tell me about this dating thing again

How typical is it for a guy to act like he likes you, take you out, TM you that you're hot but then stop responding to your messages? No sex involved! He could've found someone else. And that's cool. But I'm new (again) to dating and I find it a little weird. I don't know what's normal. Are there any rules? Things to know or keep in mind when dating nowadays? Very broad question, I know.

Comments

  • MeghuneyMeghuney Posts: 4,263Registered Users
    No rules in dating! LOL

    What I've learned: Expect anything, but don't accept anything. The minute you start accepting the BS is the minute someone knows they don't HAVE to respect you.
  • automaticflowersautomaticflowers Posts: 3,465Registered Users
    How long has it been since the date? Maybe he's been busy lately.

    Or, maybe he's dating around too, that's plausible. But to flat-out not answer seems weird.

    It's been a while since I dated, but I've known people who quit responding to phone calls and whatnot if they didn't want to take things any further. Kind of a chicken-y way to go about it.
  • AmandacurlsAmandacurls Posts: 6,252Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    And this is just for me, and what I've learned in my experiences. In the beginning I don't call the guy, unless it's to call him back because I missed his call. If we go out once or twice and he doesn't call anymore, I just let it drop. I just figure if he's not interested then I shouldn't waste anymore time on it.
  • BiancaBianca Posts: 2,492Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    Meghuney wrote:
    The minute you start accepting the BS is the minute someone knows they don't HAVE to respect you.

    I couldn't agree more. I say forget about him. If a guy likes you, he'll call you. He'll secure the second date. He won't blow you off because he'll be afraid that you'll get pissed/meet someone else and won't bother with him anymore.

    Which is what I think you should do in this case.


    *eta

    Unless he's a player and likes to string woman along. Then he'll call you again after an unacceptable amount of time and lay on the excuses. Refer to Meg's quote to see how you should handle that one! :wink:
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  • love yourself firstlove yourself first Posts: 5,398Registered Users
    Bianca wrote:
    If a guy likes you, he'll call you. He'll secure the second date. He won't blow you off because he'll be afraid that you'll get pissed/meet someone else and won't bother with him anymore.

    ITA.
    "Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people."
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  • YolyCYolyC Posts: 3,758Registered Users
    Meghuney wrote:
    No rules in dating! LOL

    What I've learned: Expect anything, but don't accept anything. The minute you start accepting the BS is the minute someone knows they don't HAVE to respect you.

    so, so, true.
    Location: Chicago

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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    Malcolm X
  • SystemSystem Posts: 39,060 Administrator
    Yeah, forget him. I wasn't that into him anyway. I spoke to an older woman the other day who's been single (happily) for 25 yrs or so. She said guys do this stuff all the time and she hears it from her 24 yo nieces too.
  • j'adorej'adore Posts: 1,966Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    And this is just for me, and what I've learned in my experiences. In the beginning I don't call the guy, unless it's to call him back because I missed his call. If we go out once or twice and he doesn't call anymore, I just let it drop. I just figure if he's not interested then I shouldn't waste anymore time on it.

    Totally, totally agree. In the beginning, let him show his interest in you, period. I think everybody has the right to bail within that first or second date time period and not answer any questions. LOL. He just did it in a messed up way.

    Just be ready for anything. :wink:
    "Don't play me...I'm over 30, and I don't smoke weed"
    -Prince

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  • AmandacurlsAmandacurls Posts: 6,252Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    j'adore wrote: »
    And this is just for me, and what I've learned in my experiences. In the beginning I don't call the guy, unless it's to call him back because I missed his call. If we go out once or twice and he doesn't call anymore, I just let it drop. I just figure if he's not interested then I shouldn't waste anymore time on it.

    Totally, totally agree. In the beginning, let him show his interest in you, period. I think everybody has the right to bail within that first or second date time period and not answer any questions. LOL. He just did it in a messed up way.

    Just be ready for anything. :wink:


    I also let them pursue me in the beginning. I won't necessarily go out of my way to "run into him" or you know like befriend him on myspace or facebook or something like that. If he wants me, there are ways he can go about asking me out. He can contact me through friends, or get my contact info from someone he knows in common. I just figure if they were really serious about pursuing me, they'll make a big effort. Guys are capable of making an effort and calling and all that, but they only do it when it's something they really want. Most of the time though if the guy stops calling I've wanted him to stop calling, so it works out pretty well for me.
  • StarrwithoutniteStarrwithoutnite Posts: 1,732Registered Users
    to the OP--I know what you mean, guys do that. But girls do too, if I am not digging someone I just quit calling or texting back. Its not always about him, sometimes its just not there.

    But seriously, I HATE games girls play. If you like a guy, freaking call him! Dont play hard to get, or let him pursue you...its lame. Its almost like protecting yourself, thinking he is going to hurt you if you open up. (I have a two call rule though, if I call or text you twice in a row...maybe one Wednesday then again Friday...and you dont call or text back then I cut you loose and dont call back) but I watch my best freind do this time and time again, she plays the games, she thinks she is weeding out the bad guys, the idiots...keeps telling me that 'if he is really interested then he will call'. I just dont see the harm in calling or letting him know you are interested too. Guys need to be slapped in the face every now and then to let them know you like them :) If he doesnt like you then at least you know you did what you needed to do to let them know. Also, if you arent calling them after the first or second date, how do they know you like them? They are supposed to be the only ones putting themselves out there? <<ok, end rant, I guess Im just so sick of watching my best freind do this and get NOWHERE, and now she is getting all burnt out and bitter towards guys, and nothing I say is changing her mind, she has to realize it on her own>>

    I dont know, dating sucks :) But its worth it to find the good ones :)
    "Someday love will find you...break those chains that bind you!!"


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  • AmandacurlsAmandacurls Posts: 6,252Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    To me playing hard to get or not pursuing him isn't about not getting hurt, it's just about not being an option for him. In college it always seemed like there would be several girls going after one guy (and sometimes I've been one of those girls) and he'd keep all of them going and interested in him, and then lo and behold he'd see some girl he really liked and pursue her. She'd keep him at arms length and he'd just keep chasing after her. Everytime I've pursued a guy it's never been a good situation. They would always just see what they could get from me, or any other girl who was pursuing them. I'm not saying girls that pursue guys are bad, or guys who accept their advances are either, but I'd rather not be one of many options for a guy. I'd rather him choose me and come after me. I know not one relationship where the girl has pursued the guy and they have actually worked out. There may very well be, but I wouldn't want our "how we fell in love story" to be "Well she chased me until I finally gave in". (not saying that's how anyone's is, but that's just not my cup of tea). I'm not trying to sell everyone on old-fashioned ideas or saying women aren't capable of pursuing a guy, or that we should all act like we're in the old days, but back then the guys didn't seem to have a problem pursuing women.
  • goldygoldy Posts: 5,463Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    Meghuney wrote: »
    No rules in dating! LOL

    What I've learned: Expect anything, but don't accept anything. The minute you start accepting the BS is the minute someone knows they don't HAVE to respect you.

    that sounds like some sound advice!

    (i don't have advice of my own..)
    Poodlehead wrote:
    Ah, it all makes sense now. Goldy is the puppet master! :lol:
  • cymprenicympreni Posts: 9,609Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    I made the first move with DH. Just because your pursuing a person doesn't mean you gotta give it all up.
  • AmandacurlsAmandacurls Posts: 6,252Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    cympreni wrote: »
    I made the first move with DH. Just because your pursuing a person doesn't mean you gotta give it all up.


    I know that and that's not what I'm saying. I know I gave examples of the extremes. I would just rather not pursue a guy, I'm sure there are girls who would rather not wait around on a guy to make a move. It's just not my cup of tea.
  • wyldchildcurlswyldchildcurls Posts: 393Users Awaiting Email Confirmation
    If he likes you then he will call no matter how busy his schedule is or what else he has going on. One benefit of letting a man pursue you is that you know he is actually interested and not just returning your calls to be polite.

    I try not to text men at all and tend to ignore texts from them unless they are simple leaving a message about a previous conversation or answering a question type ones. Texts in the beginning of relationships are like saying "I want to contact you but don't have the balls to step up and call you so I will send you a message because I have a fear of rejection but my phone doesn't". I have too many friends that will not hear from a guy so they send a text because they have convinced themselves it is more casual and less desperate than calling- it isn't.
  • cymprenicympreni Posts: 9,609Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    cympreni wrote: »
    I made the first move with DH. Just because your pursuing a person doesn't mean you gotta give it all up.


    I know that and that's not what I'm saying. I know I gave examples of the extremes. I would just rather not pursue a guy, I'm sure there are girls who would rather not wait around on a guy to make a move. It's just not my cup of tea.


    Not meaning to be argumentative. But in my experience, how much a person pursues you doesn't really prove nothing. I've known plenty of men who went above and beyond to pursue when his only interest is getting laid.

    But this is just who I am. I don't have a lot of patience for the whole "dating game". If I like a person I call them, I ask them out. If it doesn't work out, then it doesn't work out, I don't worry about it. I don't like siting around wondering if they like me, wondering if they're call, I have other things I'd rather do. I don't like "hiding my crazy" I am who I am, and I am not going to pretend to be I'm something I'm not in hopes of catching a guy. I am a very straightforward and at times quite blunt. And I will not change for any person, so I show my true colors from the first meeting. They either like me or they don't. But that works out for me, because I like guys who think and feel like me. Guys who don't like me, usually don't last long enough for me to even care.
  • AmandacurlsAmandacurls Posts: 6,252Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    If he likes you then he will call no matter how busy his schedule is or what else he has going on. One benefit of letting a man pursue you is that you know he is actually interested and not just returning your calls to be polite.

    I try not to text men at all and tend to ignore texts from them unless they are simple leaving a message about a previous conversation or answering a question type ones. Texts in the beginning of relationships are like saying "I want to contact you but don't have the balls to step up and call you so I will send you a message because I have a fear of rejection but my phone doesn't". I have too many friends that will not hear from a guy so they send a text because they have convinced themselves it is more casual and less desperate than calling- it isn't.


    ITA with all of that!
  • ScarletScarlet Posts: 3,125Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    I've finally learned to stop trying to figure it out. Maybe he's busy... maybe he wasn't that into you ... maybe he just doesn't want to date... It's impossible to get into someone else's head, so whatever the case may be, it has nothing to do with you personally. Move on to the next one.
    The first lesson of economics is scarcity: There is never enough of anything to satisfy all those who want it. The first lesson of politics is to disregard the first lesson of economics - Thomas Sowell
  • SystemSystem Posts: 39,060 Administrator
    Dating? What's that? I'm not allowed to date other men since getting married. :laughing7: My husband is just weird like that. :compress:

    I'd gather that's kinda common with men...

    Speckla
  • violetsviolets Posts: 1,689Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Well, its kind of hard to sit around and wait for a guy to be interested in you.
    If I am interested in someone, I won't ask them out, but I see now harm in sending an email or making yourself available somehow. I am talking, letting the guy know you are alive, kind of a thing.

    If he is interested he WILL take it from there.

    IF he doesn't respond, its a clear and cut case. HE IS NOT INTERESTED. period.
  • FallOutCurlFallOutCurl Posts: 339Registered Users Curl Novice
    to the OP--I know what you mean, guys do that. But girls do too, if I am not digging someone I just quit calling or texting back. Its not always about him, sometimes its just not there.

    But seriously, I HATE games girls play. If you like a guy, freaking call him! Dont play hard to get, or let him pursue you...its lame. Its almost like protecting yourself, thinking he is going to hurt you if you open up. (I have a two call rule though, if I call or text you twice in a row...maybe one Wednesday then again Friday...and you dont call or text back then I cut you loose and dont call back) but I watch my best freind do this time and time again, she plays the games, she thinks she is weeding out the bad guys, the idiots...keeps telling me that 'if he is really interested then he will call'. I just dont see the harm in calling or letting him know you are interested too. Guys need to be slapped in the face every now and then to let them know you like them :) If he doesnt like you then at least you know you did what you needed to do to let them know. Also, if you arent calling them after the first or second date, how do they know you like them? They are supposed to be the only ones putting themselves out there? <<ok, end rant, I guess Im just so sick of watching my best freind do this and get NOWHERE, and now she is getting all burnt out and bitter towards guys, and nothing I say is changing her mind, she has to realize it on her own>>

    I dont know, dating sucks :) But its worth it to find the good ones :)

    ITA, a simular thing happened with me and my friend a while back, she being the one playing games

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