Morbid question for married women...sorry

spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Posts: 17,898Registered Users Curl Virtuoso
If your husband were to die, would you want to stay living in your current home or move somewhere else? Would the existence of children have any impact on your decision? What if money were not an issue? And let's assume he did not die in the house...



  • PoodleheadPoodlehead Posts: 6,959Registered Users
    No, no, no and a thousand times no. I would get a condo with zero maintenance. There are plenty in my area that are still near parks and my kids' school, so it wouldn't change our lives too much more than they will have already been changed.
    Minneapolis, MN
  • Who Me?Who Me? Posts: 3,181Registered Users
    My mother moved. I think there were a lot of reasons. For one, everytime she went out of the house everyone in the town would talk to her in a way that was all about pity, and it really bothered her. Also, I don't think she could have "moved on" to the next phase of her life if she had stayed with all his stuff and his memories everywhere. He still has a huge presence in her new place, but in a different way. And finally, he died when my brother and I were 17 and 18, so it was an all-of-a-sudden-the-big-house-is-empty type of thing. I think she feels less alone being alone in a cute little place than if she had stayed in the big house with the gaping emptyness. She was 40 when he died, btw.
    "I don't know! I don't know why I did it, I don't know why I enjoyed it, and I don't know why I'll do it again!" -BART SIMPSON
  • M2LRM2LR Posts: 8,630Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    I would probably stay here for a while. Only because if he were to die, his life ins. would cover paying off our house.

    After a while, I imagine I would move.
  • GuardianBGuardianB Posts: 1,905Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    If your husband were to die, would you want to stay living in your current home or move somewhere else?
    If my wife were to die I don't believe I would move. I have support where I am at and while moving closer to family (hers or mine) would be nice I think the job I have with that support and "family" would keep me close or unmoved.

    Would the existence of children have any impact on your decision?
    Yes, definately. The fact that I have children make any move on them and adjustment more difficult. They are also at the age that I would be asking them what they may want and take it under advisement.

    What if money were not an issue? We aren't living above or below our means now so I'm not sure how I would react to anything if money weren't an issue because it always has been. But I guess we've never made a decision based on money alone or without money as part of it either. I can't say.
    ~Two friends, one soul inspired~ anonymous
  • webjockeywebjockey Posts: 2,786Registered Users
    I'd absolutely keep the house. Over the years, I've learned one very harsh lesson - never mix emotions with investments.
  • CynaminbearCynaminbear Posts: 4,476Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    I would stay in the house. It's cheap for the area, easy to maintain, and I wouldn't want two huge changes in my kids' lives so quickly.

    If money weren't an issue, I'd still stay for a while, probably a couple years, until we've adjusted somewhat to life. My decision would be heavily influenced by how my children were doing and if they would be ready for another change in their lives.
    There's no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold so he turned up the sun.
  • internetchickinternetchick Posts: 6,191Registered Users
    I wouldn't move(if we had a house, right now we are in an apartment) unless I felt our needs changed, just like I would while he's living.
  • AmnerisAmneris Posts: 15,117Registered Users
    If your husband were to die, would you want to stay living in your current home or move somewhere else? Would the existence of children have any impact on your decision? What if money were not an issue? And let's assume he did not die in the house...

    For now, I would live here, because the insurance would pay off the house and for now, my parents live close by and I'd need the support. The existence of my son would definitely impact the decision. If I didn't have him, I'd be more likely to move somewhere else that I have friends living, for a fresh start. Money wouldn't really be an issue in my case.
    Get used to me. Black, confident, cocky; my name, not yours; my religion, not yours; my goals, my own; get used to me. -Muhammad Ali



  • battinlashbattinlash Posts: 1,850Registered Users
    I would sell our current home whether money was an issue or not. If we didn't have children I'd leave the country to be alone for a while. I don't know what I'd do if we did have children...I haven't thought that many years ahead.
  • PhDCowPhDCow Posts: 1,621Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    Would probably move in with my grandparents and sell this house.
    God doesn't give special kids to special parents. He takes ordinary, imperfect people, and gifts them with his greatest treasures. And therein, he creates special parents.

  • echokittenechokitten Posts: 1,751Registered Users
    I'd stay in my house. I love my house even though it still needs a bunch of work. I like my neighborhood also, problems and all.
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  • journotravelerjournotraveler Posts: 2,816Registered Users
    i'd buy a condo in a heartbeat. having kids would affect my decision--depending on how many we had.
    3B corkscrews with scatterings of 3A & 3C.
  • SigiSigi Posts: 2,379Registered Users
    We rent a duplex so I'd most likely move out if DH died(I don't work so I wouldn't have rent money). I would box up most of his stuff and bring it with us (probably to my dad's house temporarily). I guess when I got his life insurance money I'd buy a place in the neighborhood where my son goes to school.

    I'd like to move to the neighborhood where my son goes to school because he's in a unique program there. We don't live in that neighborhood now so one of us has to drive him to and from. If we lived in that zone he could ride the bus when he's older. So in my case my kids do have a factor in the decision to move.

    Sadly in my case money would probably be a factor. I haven't worked in many years and the job I had before having children was in retail management which didn't pay me enough to support a family. When he dies, I will come into a nice amount of money, but I'd have to think very carefully about what I do with that money. I'd buy a house and then consult with a financial advisor or something like that.
  • duckyducky Posts: 927Registered Users
    I'd have to move - we're currently staying in student housing based on his status as a student, so I would not be able to stay on my own.

    I don't like living in San Fran, so I would move either back to Alaska or to Oklahoma to live with my sister. I would possibly move back to Montana, but I would not stay in SF.

    If we had kids, we would probably not be living in student housing, so I would try to make the transition between having Dad and not having Dad easy on them - move if it would make it easier, otherwise stay.
    Location: Napa, CA
  • guinnessguinness Posts: 351Registered Users
    Well, I'm not married per se, but I have been..

    Anyway whether married or living together, yes, I would stay in the house unless I wanted to move out of the area completely. I love my house, and it's very comforting to me. If we had kids, then that would further seal the deal. We would stay.
  • RedCatWavesRedCatWaves Posts: 31,259Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    I'd probably move. Not because of him dying in the house, because that wouldn't bother me. The house would be too big for me and the kids (he currently takes up a LOT of space for his home offices), and I'd want to downsize to something requiring less maintenance.

    I would either move back to Arizona (I loved living there...we only moved back east for his job), or I'd move to Europe. I'd move my kids with me, of course. If it were to occur at a time that they were still in high school, I might stay long enough for them to finish and then move.
  • KaiaKaia Posts: 8,815Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    I would probably move to be near my parents. I imagine, I'd move in with them while I got my life back together, found a new job, etc.
    *Poster formerly known as Bailey422*

    Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. ~ George Carlin
  • geekygeeky Posts: 4,995Registered Users
    I'd have to really look at the financial situation, and see if it made more sense to downsize the house.
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  • geminigemini Posts: 3,325Registered Users
    I woiuld initially stay in the house and come to a decision later (within 1-2 years). If I moved, it would likely be a major relocation, so I wouldn't jump into doing that right away.
  • MarMar Posts: 3,004Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    I would not leave,even if my boys were grown and moved out.
    "what's so funny 'bout peace, love and understanding?"

    "If you judge people,you have no time to love them"
    -Mother Theresa
  • LilahLilah Posts: 916Registered Users
    It depends when.

    If he were to die in the near future, I would definitely move out of the area. I have no ties here and would want to be near my family.

    If this took place further down the road when there are kids involved and I've built relationships with people in this area I would have to weigh the options.
  • rainshowerrainshower Posts: 4,420Registered Users
    i don't know what i'd do.
    "Dogs stink too, but I like dog stink." ~ rileyb
  • BiancaBianca Posts: 2,492Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    I'm gonna go ahead and put my personal biz out here.

    My mother died and my father didn't sell the house like he said he was going to. Then he remarried and Stepmother moved into the house that my mother and father built from the ground up. Redecorated our rooms to her liking and didn't have any consideration for his children.

    It's pretty much destroyed our family.
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  • mad scientistmad scientist Posts: 3,530Registered Users
    I would probably move closer to my work (right now we live where we do because of DH's work).

    But if it was convenient to stay, then we would stay. We've only lived here for a year and I've been married for 8 years so I'm not especially attached to the house.
  • 2happy2happy Posts: 5,138Registered Users
    I LOVE our house (more than he does!!), but I'd move back to MY town. We only moved to be more centrally located between his daughter and my daughters school (different schools).
    Handle every stressful situation like a dog. If you can't eat it or hump it.....Piss on it and walk away.
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  • mrspoppersmrspoppers Posts: 7,223Registered Users Curl Novice
    I would love to stay, but I don't think I could keep up with all the work. I guess if money were no object, I could hire out the things I couldn't do myself.

    My dad died when I was a kid and my mom kept the house. There was no way, with 5 kids, she could downsize. However, when we all started moving out on our own, she realized she needed to sell the house and move into the condo. The thing is, the real reason she stayed in the house all those years was the dog, not us kids. She couldn't bear the thought of giving him up, even though my sister assured her that she'd take him.
    When are women going to face the fact that they don’t know their own bodies as well as men who have heard things?

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  • SpiderSpider Posts: 3,381Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    I wouldn't move unless I couldn't afford it. We had our house built, so from the raw lot to move in day we did everything together (decisions, not actually building it), This has only been a happy home the 2 years we've had it and it great for the kids- I wouldn't want to uproot them and their remove them from their comfort source.
    Don't let your heart be broken. Let it love.
  • jcejce Posts: 512Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    I stayed in the house. I was 27, and we had no kids, but a dog and cat. I felt great comfort being in the house that we bought together, even though he was no longer here. I did get angry sometimes about having to mow the lawn, take out the garbage, etc, but it was still my home.

    13 years later, I'm still here with my current husband and son. Now, it would depend on how my son handled the situation. I'm not particularly tied to the house, but I'm sure I would stay here at least until we were 'stable,' if not indefinitely.
    3b/c normally, 3a/b in the winter

  • StarmieStarmie Posts: 7,169Registered Users Curl Virtuoso
    I don't know what I'd do. I've always said I'd move back to England if anything happened to my SO as I feel I really don't have a support network/close friends here and I've never been here without him - Australia was our thing together, if that makes sense. As time has gone on though things have changed, I have two boys who are very much Aussies, this is their home and I don't think it would be fair to uproot them given that they would've lost their father. It would be my needs against theirs really - how do I/we make that decision?
    If we did stay I wouldn't move house, can't see the point of that at all.
    3b in South Australia.
  • gekko422gekko422 Posts: 4,869Registered Users
    My Mom always says that if Dad dies before her, that the day after he dies she is putting their house on the market. It's 4000sq ft, on 2 acres of land, and over 100 years old. No way she would keep it.
    Democracy is not a spectator sport.

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