I am so discouraged with my 2 a/b hair!

It makes me feel like the ugly stepchild or something! My hair, especially in the winter, will not really do any curling on it's own, but it's definitely not straight hair because I get so frizzy if I don't use gel. I've been conditioning (not over conditioning, though), only washing with a shampoo every other day, and being very gentle with it overall. I feel like I have to wash every other day because my hair gets weighed down by styling products and feels nasty. I just wish it would either be straight hair or curly, not this in-between crap! I've been scrunching the crap out of it while it's wet and I'll get some pretty nice waves and even a spiral or two. But about an hour after it's dry and I've scrunched out the crunch, it starts falling and losing it's definition. I'm using all CG products, so it's not silicones weighing it down or anything. Also, any curl I do get after scrunching is thin and stringy looking. The only place I get nice, fat, soft curl is in the hair underneath in the back, right next to my neck. My hair is much thicker back there, so that helps, I'm sure.

Sighhhh...I just don't know what to do. I'm really, really trying to accept the hair I've been given, but that acceptance isn't coming very easily.

I could really use some words of encouragement. :binky:

Comments

  • agent_003bdagent_003bd Posts: 142Registered Users
    :(

    You poor thing! I'm sending you a long-distance-hug right now... Just remember, we are so much more than just our hair.

    I hope that some people here can give you some good advice about your hair.

    I only have a few thoughts:

    1) How long have you been CG? Sometimes it takes several weeks to adjust.

    2) How many products are you using? Sometimes the sheer amount of product can weigh hair down. My hair is very thin and (as much as I kid myself) more wavy than curly. How does your hair react when you put some conditioner in as a leave-in and use nothing else? My hair will give nice curl/wave with only a good conditioner. You might try it for a few days.

    3) Have you tried "plopping"? I recently discovered plopping, and I find it greatly improves the clumping of my curls. I plop overnight after I CO wash my hair.

    4) Some people find using epsom or sea salt rinses/sprays to help encourage curls. You might look into the "Recipies - for hair and body" section of the forum for some ideas.

    5) I know you are trying to accept the hair you've been given, but have you ever considered getting a slight perm to help it along? When I first started to wear my hair "natural", I found that the back was frustratingly less-defined than my front and sides. I permed the back (with what my stylist called a "candle stick perm") to even it out. Luckily, my hair has improved since then. I would recommend, however, that you think about a perm as a last resort.

    Good Luck, chica!
    2/3a mix

    Shampoo-free since 09/04
  • tabithatabitha Posts: 28Registered Users
    Thanks for the hug - I needed that, LOL!

    Some answers to your questions:

    I am not full CG. I tried it for a couple of weeks, only shampooing once a week, and my hair got soooo weighed down by all the conditioner. I have fine hair and it's quite thin on the sides and the top. I also couldn't stand how greasy and dirty it felt. I just couldn't do it. I only use CG friendly shampoos, however, and I now only shampoo every other day, or sometimes every third day, depending on how weighed down my hair is.

    Too much product is definitely a possibility. I think part of my problem is that because I only have wavy hair (not truly curly), I think it looks unkempt when I just let it do its wavy thing and I've been trying really hard to create curls by adding product. I look like I just rolled out of bed when I leave it to do its wavy thing. I am starting an experiment this morning by conditioner washing with a light conditioner, not using a rinse out conditioner but just using [buylink=http://www.curlmart.com/Jessicurl-Weekly-Deep-Conditioning-Treatment-p-106.html?utm_source=naturallycurly.com&utm_medium=text-link&utm_content=curltalk-post-text&utm_campaign=jessicurl-weekly-deep-conditioner-treatment]Jessicurl WDT[/buylink] as a leave-in, and only using gel and no other products. We'll see...

    I have done the plopping thing, but I still need to figure out how long my hair needs to be plopped. If I leave it for too short a time, it really doesn't make much of a difference, and if I leave it too long, I get some frizz. Still working on this one.

    Salts - hmmmm...I'm afraid I'll end up with seawater hair, LOL! But I just might try it and see what happens.

    And finally - YES, I've been fighting the urge to just get a perm and be done with it, but I just don't want the damage to my hair that it would cause. I already do some coloring to cover gray, and I figure that's bad enough. Since I discovered this website, I've really been trying to be gentle with my hair. Believe me, this is an urge I'm really struggling with, LOL!

    I have an appointment for a trim next week, and I'll probably whine to my hairdresser and see if she can help me. She has beautiful 3a hair that makes me jealous, LOL!

    Thanks again for the hug!
  • ConfusedcurlConfusedcurl Posts: 243Registered Users
    If this helps at all.... I just posted somewhere else on how I always dream of having 2c hair lol !


    I second the plopping notion - give it another shot. And I don't know if it works on wavies - but have you ever tried [buylink=http://www.curlmart.com/Curly-Hair-Solutions-Curl-Keeper-p-28.html?utm_source=naturallycurly.com&utm_medium=text-link&utm_content=curltalk-post-text&utm_campaign=curly-hair-solutions-curl-keeper]Curl Keeper[/buylink]? I looooove it!
    3b, and increasingly c pieces... my curls will always be a little confused, but that is just fine!
    http://public.fotki.com/confusedcurl/
    PW: naturallycurly

  • swirldropsswirldrops Posts: 152Registered Users
    Owwww, I feel your pain! I know our hair's a different type, but I can really relate to alot of the issues you brought up. I think agent_003bd gave some great advice though.

    I know it took awhile for my hair to adjust to moving towards CG. I say moving towards b/c right now I poo every 3 - 4 days.

    Too much product definitely creates problems for me. The more I add to the mix, the more I'm guaranteed to look like a mess.

    I too have some major experimenting to do with plopping so I'm with you there!

    As for the perm, talking to your stylist and getting her expert advice is probably your best bet, especially since you color. My gut feeling is to tell you to try and embrace the waves versus fight for the curls, but easy for me to say! I just think wavy hair can look sooo beautiful. Not more beautiful than curly, just beautiful in its own right.

    Oh, one thing I just thought of... have you ever clarifyed? That really seems to help me every once awhile.

    Ok, enough of my rambling. More than anything I just wanted to say I feel your frustration, but hugs to you and hang in there!
    Type: Course & thick. According to everyone's input, 2c w/ 3a potential.
    Color: Brown w/ highlights & annoying grays which I color.
    Length: Past shoulders w/ layers.
    Issues: Dryness, knots & more dryness!
    Poo: Deva Lo-Poo 1 x week, Clarify 1-2 x month
    CO Wash: Suave Tropical Coconut (but looking for something else b/c I suspect protein issues)
    Condish: GVPCB, LVPNG
    Leave-Ins: Was loving KBB Milk & Nectar, but overused them. Usually just leave-in some of what I CO with.
    Styling: Biolage Gelee
  • agoldenloveragoldenlover Posts: 64Registered Users
    Hi!
    How's your hair doing now? I remember reading this post a few weeks ago and I'm wondering if you've had any improvement. I wish I had curlier hair, also. Agent 003bd's reply was very helpful.

    I also sometimes feel disappointed with my wimpy waves. Some days my hair is great, but other days I am tempted to think about getting a little chemical help in the way of a perm.

    I love my Jessicurl products and [buylink=http://www.curlmart.com/AG-Recoil-p-24.html?utm_source=naturallycurly.com&utm_medium=text-link&utm_content=curltalk-post-text&utm_campaign=ag-hair-cosmetics-recoil-curl-activator]Re:coil[/buylink] (but I can only use it a couple times a week or my hair gets weird) and just recently I started using CK which really cuts down the frizz. Plopping and diffusing (regular and Pixie curl technique) have also helped. My hair is in excellent condition but sometimes my hair just looks saggy.

    In this modern world, are perms really sooo damaging? Don't get me wrong, there are days when I just adore my wavy, shiny hair but I really have to force it along to get those waves to pop and stay... and even then, it just isn't curly.

    Just wondering....would a careful perm and then following CG routines produce better results?

    Any thoughts?

    Thanks,
    Linda in Illinois
    2b-c
    _______________________________________
    2B-3A fine hair with waves and ringlets
    co-wash with Suave Coconut or Vo5 Vanilla Mint Tea, condition with AOHR, HE BE or TT gel, and once a week Jessicurl WDT

    A happy life is just a string of happy moments. But most people don't allow the happy moment, because they're so busy
    trying so hard to get a happy life.
    Abraham-Hicks
  • msgibletmsgiblet Posts: 5,825Registered Users
    You have been given excellent advice from all of the above. I could have missed it, but I don't think I read where you say exactly what products you're using?
    http://public.fotki.com/msgiblet/ - pw: gibber -- Pics Added 7/10/11
    Fine, Thick, Normal Porosity, Normal Elasticity

    Countess Balashi of Divi Beach in the Order of the Curly Crusaders :occasion5:

    If I'm Going To Have A Bad Hair Day, It Might As Well Be In Aruba!

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • tabithatabitha Posts: 28Registered Users
    Hey, all! Thanks for all the help! I got a haircut last week and shortened my hair up a bit, and it seems to help a little with the curling. My stylist and I spent a lot of time talking about it before I decided to go a bit shorter, however. (She's wonderful - she's a curly girl so she understands, LOL!) My hair is now just above shoulder length and I like the way it feels. I think the weight of my hair was causing the little bit of curl I have to droop. I'm still having some trouble finding the right products, though. You name it and I've probably tried it, LOL! Right now I've got a little CK with some SMU mousse over it, but the mousse isn't giving me as much hold as I'd like. However, I am sooooo in need of some volume and mousse seems to be better at that than gel. I think I've decided that less is definitely more for my fine hair - I've just got to find that magic product or combo of products that will give me the hold and frizz control I'm looking for.

    I've tried Jessicurl's RR and CC (too heavy), Recoil (have to be careful not to apply too much), Alagio CC (like it but it does kinda dry me out), BRHG (my favorite gel so far, but I think I've been applying too much of it), JoiWhip (I think I used too much of this too - it left me feeling kinda oily), and I could go on and on. I really think the trick for me is finding out just how much conditioning my hair needs (my stylist said my hair is quite healthy and she didn't think I really needed a leave-in), and how to combine products that work for me so that I don't put in too much or too little. I really, really don't want to wash my hair every night to get products out (since I color my hair too), but most nights I just feel sooo weighed down that I HAVE to.

    By the time I figure all this out, it will be summer and I'll have to start all over again, LOL!
  • bostonwavesbostonwaves Posts: 727Registered Users
    Hi Tabitha - I'm a fine haired wavy that colors my hair too. My hair gets easily weighed down, so for me less is more. I use [buylink=http://www.curlmart.com/DevaCurl-No-Poo-p-53.html?utm_source=naturallycurly.com&utm_medium=text-link&utm_content=curltalk-post-text&utm_campaign=devacurl-devacurl-nopoo]Devacurl No-poo[/buylink] or co-wash daily and once a month or so I wash with Elucence Volume Clarifying Shampoo. I find Devacurl OneC to be a nice light weight conditioner or Back to Basics Jasmine Curl Enhancing Conditioner.
    For curl enhancement, I ALWAYS use Curlkeeper on soaking wet hair and then a very lightweight gel for hold, like [buylink=http://www.curlmart.com/DevaCurl-Angell-p-57.html?utm_source=naturallycurly.com&utm_medium=text-link&utm_content=curltalk-post-text&utm_campaign=devacurl-devacurl-angell]Devacurl Angel[/buylink] or a curl cream like Boots. That's it. No leave-ins, nothing applied dry.
    I do find using products specifically designed to enhance curls work best for my hair.
    Jessicurl products worked wonders on my hair to when first started, but they are too heavy for my hair now.
    Good luck.
    "What's the good of having naturally curly hair if nobody's jealous?" Freida - Peanuts

    ~CG 8/06 ~
    fine, wavy - 2b/3a
    KCNT and KKCC

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