CurlTalk

concerned about weight, conception and pregnancy

rhubarbarinrhubarbarin Posts: 22Registered Users
I've been doing a lot of thinking about having children. I am still very young (22), but I would like to be done having babies by the time I'm 30. I've been doing a lot of research because I always like to be completely prepared for everything.. My main concern is that I am (and always have been) abnormally underweight.

As a kid I was hyperactive and not interested in food.. my mother had to force me to eat at home, and I didn't eat when I was at school. I was always the skinniest kid in the class and when I got older, I was depressed and my eating habits weren't great (although not disordered - just not eating breakfast, junkfood during the day, pasta at night, no vegetables. Typical teenager). My parents were worried and I had all kinds of testing and bloodwork done, but everything came back normal. My family are all naturally slim, but not bony like me.

I'm much happier now and have made a commitment to healthy eating, but am unable to gain. Just out of vanity I would love to have another 10 lbs or so, but I can't seem to gain even one. I tried shakes and bars with meals, but got no results so decided I would stick to real foods and big portions. All that happens when I overeat is I get overheated. I eat as much or more than my BF, who is 60 lbs heavier than me. Other than the extreme thinness I feel great - I am in perfect health, have plenty of energy, am strong and have muscle tone (though I don't exercise much since I start losing with any cardio), and I look okay - very thin but not Nicole Richie or anything. I have fat on my body (well, only on my butt and thighs. I would like some on my CHEST).

When I first got my period I wasjk 89 lbs. Since I was 16 I have consistently weighed in at 95-100 lbs. This puts my BMI at about 15-16.. according to all the pregnancy websites you are 'underweight' if your BMI is under 20. Apparently people my size aren't even supposed to be ovulating, although they do say 'everyone's different'. I have always had a period that comes like clockwork every 29 days, and since I started paying attention to my cervical fluid recently, it seems that it is textbook also. I haven't had health insurance for years..I am planning on getting it this month though, and going to the doctor and gyno, and I will ask them questions.

Am I damaging my fertility? Am I going to have trouble conceiving? Would it be a bad idea to even start trying at this weight? I mean, if Posh Spice can do it I probably can too, but I don't want complications for myself or my future baby.

I have been trying to gain now for 7 years, and have remained exactly the same. I assume my metabolism will change someday (soon, hopefully!) but what if it doesn't? Maybe I just need to try harder, follow a meal plan and really stuff my face until I pack on the 25 lbs I need to be 'normal'.

I don't know if any of you have any of the same issues, but I guess I would just like your opinion. You guys are all so smart and down-to-earth.
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Comments

  • geekygeeky Posts: 4,995Registered Users
    I think talking to a doctor is a good idea.

    BMI is a guideline. There are some healthy people who fall outside the recommended ranges of the BMI, and probably some unhealthy people that make the cutoff on either side.

    The regular ovulation and cervical fluid is a good sign. You can also try charting your basal temperatures - that would be another sign of whether you are ovulating.

    You can also meet with a nutritionist. They can evaluate your diet.

    Also, you say you are 22 and want to be done having babies by 30. Are you married? Seriously involved? Not saying it's not a fine goal, but lots of things can happen in life that you don't always control, so it's good to be flexible about your plans.
    To Trenell, MizKerri and geeky:
    I pray none of you ever has to live in a communist state.

    Geeky is my hero. She's the true badass. The badass who doesn't even need to be a badass. There aren't enough O's in cool to describe her.
  • mad scientistmad scientist Posts: 3,530Registered Users
    My understanding (and I am not a doctor) is that if you are unhealthily underweight your periods will likely stop. The fact that you have regular periods is a promising sign.

    What you feel is your ideal weight aesthetically doesn't have to match up with what is actually right for your body. It may well just be that you are a healthy skinny gal. Lots of skinny girls have healthy (and even big) babies.

    A doctor will run some tests that can hopefully put your mind at ease regarding your weight. But if you are living a healthy lifestyle, feeling good and your weight is stable, it may be that underweight is "normal" for you!
  • rhubarbarinrhubarbarin Posts: 22Registered Users
    You can also meet with a nutritionist. They can evaluate your diet.

    I feel like I could be a nutritionist. I eat pretty much the perfect diet - 3 meals/2 snacks a day, yogurt with flax seed meal every morning, multivitamins and calcium supplements, a variety of whole grains.. 5 servings of fruit/veg every day, 2 servings of nuts. I avoid wheat and dairy, and am mostly vegetarian, but eat eggs 3 times a week and sardines on occaision. I get most of my protein from beans and chickpeas.. I love chickpeas. The only thing I eat that isn't good for me is caffeine.. I do love my tea and coffee, and sometimes I have more than 2 cups a day.
    Also, you say you are 22 and want to be done having babies by 30. Are you married? Seriously involved? Not saying it's not a fine goal, but lots of things can happen in life that you don't always control, so it's good to be flexible about your plans.

    I have been in a serious relationship for 3 years, but we do not live together and haven't seriously discussed having children. My only real aim in life is to have a family and be a parent, so we are going to have to have a big talk soon. He is much older than me and financially stable, and he would be a great dad. If this isn't what he wants to do with his life, though, my plans will have to change. I want to be a young mother and focus on a career later in my life. if I have to I will try to swing it financially as a single parent. I even have a sperm donor lined up in the form of one of my best friends, who is gay and not interested in parenting.

    At this point I am just trying to be more goal oriented. Right now isn't the ideal time to get pregnant, but I am thinking of what I need to do to get there. My own physical and mental health, insurance and savings are all necessary.. and I am doing a lot of reading about birth, parenting and education. I want to do the best I can with my kids.
  • PixieCurlPixieCurl Posts: 5,656Registered Users
    geeky and mad scientist are both very wise. I agree with them that (1) BMI is just a guideline and if you are living a healthy lifestyle and menstruating regularly, you are most likely okay and (2) I would definitely recommend discussing your concerns with a doctor.

    Also, along the lines of setting a timeline for having children, I think it's great that you are goal-oriented and seem to have ideas for how to achieve your goal of being a young mother, but your backup plan of being a single mom with your gay male friend as a sperm donor worries me. Would you still want to do this young, and worry about your career later? Not that there aren't plenty of great single parents out there, but it is certainly not easy. And if you haven't yet established your career, how do you plan to make a living and afford childcare as a single mom?
    Faith, 3Aish redhead
    Mama to two wild superheroes and a curly-headed baby boy :love5:
  • rhubarbarinrhubarbarin Posts: 22Registered Users
    PixieCurl wrote:
    Also, along the lines of setting a timeline for having children, I think it's great that you are goal-oriented and seem to have ideas for how to achieve your goal of being a young mother, but your backup plan of being a single mom with your gay male friend as a sperm donor worries me. Would you still want to do this young, and worry about your career later? Not that there aren't plenty of great single parents out there, but it is certainly not easy. And if you haven't yet established your career, how do you plan to make a living and afford childcare as a single mom?

    Well to be honest I am not interested at all in having a career. I prefer to spend my time how I choose and at home.. reading, learning, taking care of my many pets (2 dogs and 2 cats, plus caged animals), cooking and doing art. There's no job that I would enjoy more than that. I see life as a balance between enjoying my time how I wish/making enough money to pay the bills.. and I try to keep my bills to a minimum. Rent, phone and food is all I have to worry about right now. Currently I waitress because the money is good, the hours are flexible and it is easy and low-stress (for me anyway). I also get to move around, which is very important to me. It's hard to find a job that doesn't involve sitting or standing for long periods of time.. I like to walk and move about. Anyway after I am 30 or 40 I think I should at least make an effort to get some sort of education and maybe get a job that will provide me with a pension.. even if I don't want to.

    I know there is an expectation in our culture that children are ridiculously expensive.. but my parents raised the 3 of us on 30 thou a year, owning a house, car, and with credit card and student debts. We never had luxuries but we had enough. With careful budgeting and management I believe you can support your family well below the 'poverty line'. I know a few people who are raising children comfortably while doing a minimum of work, and still saving for college. Of course they also have a minimum of things (nice cars, new clothes, vacations).

    As far as being a single mom.. I just don't know. Some possibilities are doing childcare in my home (might have to get certifications for this), working from home in some other way, or finding some sort of job that will let me bring my kids to work. Nannying might be a possibility as well, I know several nannies who care for their own children at the same time as their employers. I don't want my kids to be in daycare.

    Really I don't expect anything about parenting to be easy. It is always a huge change to anyone's life and presents problems that are challenging.. but I will make it work just like everyone else does. It is what I feel called to do.
    .
  • RedCatWavesRedCatWaves Posts: 31,258Registered Users
    PixieCurl wrote:
    Also, along the lines of setting a timeline for having children, I think it's great that you are goal-oriented and seem to have ideas for how to achieve your goal of being a young mother, but your backup plan of being a single mom with your gay male friend as a sperm donor worries me. Would you still want to do this young, and worry about your career later? Not that there aren't plenty of great single parents out there, but it is certainly not easy. And if you haven't yet established your career, how do you plan to make a living and afford childcare as a single mom?

    Well to be honest I am not interested at all in having a career. I prefer to spend my time how I choose and at home.. reading, learning, taking care of my many pets (2 dogs and 2 cats, plus caged animals), cooking and doing art. There's no job that I would enjoy more than that. I see life as a balance between enjoying my time how I wish/making enough money to pay the bills.. and I try to keep my bills to a minimum. Rent, phone and food is all I have to worry about right now. Currently I waitress because the money is good, the hours are flexible and it is easy and low-stress (for me anyway). I also get to move around, which is very important to me. It's hard to find a job that doesn't involve sitting or standing for long periods of time.. I like to walk and move about. Anyway after I am 30 or 40 I think I should at least make an effort to get some sort of education and maybe get a job that will provide me with a pension.. even if I don't want to.

    I know there is an expectation in our culture that children are ridiculously expensive.. but my parents raised the 3 of us on 30 thou a year, owning a house, car, and with credit card and student debts. We never had luxuries but we had enough. With careful budgeting and management I believe you can support your family well below the 'poverty line'. I know a few people who are raising children comfortably while doing a minimum of work, and still saving for college. Of course they also have a minimum of things (nice cars, new clothes, vacations).

    As far as being a single mom.. I just don't know. Some possibilities are doing childcare in my home (might have to get certifications for this), working from home in some other way, or finding some sort of job that will let me bring my kids to work. Nannying might be a possibility as well, I know several nannies who care for their own children at the same time as their employers. I don't want my kids to be in daycare.

    Really I don't expect anything about parenting to be easy. It is always a huge change to anyone's life and presents problems that are challenging.. but I will make it work just like everyone else does. It is what I feel called to do.
    .


    The best thing you can do for your future children is to choose their father very carefully. And there is no way to raise children well below the poverty line. I've been there...I know. You will always be struggling and doing without. Get your education now and get some sort of career started, or at least have something you can fall back on. Waitressing isn't a reliable enough career...you could suddenly get an injury and be out of work, and health insurance and everything else. If you don't want to go to regular college, then acquire a skill with a license...hairdressing, nursing, whatever. Those are careers you can pick back up again at any time. There are vocational schools where you can get a skill in less than a year. It's 10 times harder to get an education and career going after you have children. Please don't have children if you don't have a viable way to support them.
  • geekygeeky Posts: 4,995Registered Users
    You say you know people who are doing OK with minimum work, but how many single moms that live below the poverty line or working for minimum wage do you know? Raising kids with no health insurance? Plenty of people in this country are doing this out of necessity, but I doubt that anyone having that experience would do it by choice.
    To Trenell, MizKerri and geeky:
    I pray none of you ever has to live in a communist state.

    Geeky is my hero. She's the true badass. The badass who doesn't even need to be a badass. There aren't enough O's in cool to describe her.
  • YolyCYolyC Posts: 3,758Registered Users
    It's 10 times harder to get an education and career going after you have children. Please don't have children if you don't have a viable way to support them.



    ITA. I dropped out of college with 2 classes to go because I couldn't afford child care, tuition and books. Plus work 60 hours a week to support my daughter. When I finally went back 11 yrs later I had to retake 7 classes because it had been so long. It took me another 2 yrs to get that degree. The topper, it's only a 2 yr degree, but it took me 13 yrs to get it. Life is F'n hard as a single parent. I know from experience. I didn't get pregnant planning on being one, but circumstances made it what it is. I only have one child. We by no means have a lavish lifestyle. I earn way more than minimum wage, but guess what? The cost of health care, college tuition, food, gas all are much higher than they were when we were younger. My parents raised 3 of us too. We had a nice house, a nice car. My situation is one where I know I'm limited in my choices. I have to choose between owning a home, saving for my daughter's college education or paying for my own. I wish I could do all three but even with my middle income I can't.
    Location: Chicago

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    "If you don't stand for something you will fall for anything."
    Malcolm X
  • geminigemini Posts: 3,325Registered Users
    Why did you even post? You seem to have it all figured out.

    In another era the sugar daddy set up would have been a shoe in but times have changed. If you can stay at home and that is what you WANT that is great, but there should always be a realistic plan B in the form of education or training yourself as RCW suggested. It is okay to limit yourself if that is your desire, but really unfair to purposely limit your (future) kids by saying you can raise them below the poverty line and to purposely choose to do so as a single mother.
  • ScarletScarlet Posts: 3,125Registered Users
    I hope your plan doesn't include public assistance, because that's not what it's for.
    The first lesson of economics is scarcity: There is never enough of anything to satisfy all those who want it. The first lesson of politics is to disregard the first lesson of economics - Thomas Sowell
  • AmnerisAmneris Posts: 15,117Registered Users
    A few thoughts.

    I do know what you mean about knowing all your life that you are called to motherhood as a vocation. I always had that feeling too. I always knew I would have a decent-sized family and could not wait to have kids. I also would like to have at least 2 of them before I am 30. However, I do plan to work outside the home (ideally I wouldn't mind not doing so, but I want to provide materially for my kids as much as possible, and I think I can set a good example and satisfy my own needs by working.) And I just had my first at 27 - myself and my husband (especially him) did not want to rush into having a family after marriage. We wanted to travel, enjoy each other's company, own a home first, etc. etc. and we did. And we don't want another baby until maybe 3 years from now when I'm 30, even though part of me wants to get pregnant again soon. Careful planning is important! I think the goal of having kids is great, but you have to balance it with other things in life.

    I would not deliberately become a single mother because, as others have said, it is extremely hard, and I don't think it is fair to your kid/s to intentionally put them in that situation... plus what happens down the line when they ask about their father? I am not sure that that approach is being the best mother that you can be. I also would not bank on being a stay at home mother without any education or career or savings as a back-up, because you never know what could happen (like what if your husband dies?) You said you don't even have health insurance - how can you raise kids without it? What if you have a child with severe health problems? This time, while you are young and not attached or with kids, is your time to get an education and a career and put some money aside, as well as do things for you. You love art - you should take the opportunity to go to the galleries in Europe and see some of the world's great art.

    As to your weight and cycle issues, reproduction is strange and no one can really predict anything. I have a good friend about as underweight as you who also had regular cycles and she is currently pregnant - it did take a few months but everything has gone well since. Regular cycles are generally a sign of health, but not always - there are people with clockwork cycles who are infertile. I have irregular and weird cycles and I was worried about being able to conceive also, but I got pregnant, at least this time, on the first try. The best thing you can do is get in a position to have health insurance and see a doctor.
    Get used to me. Black, confident, cocky; my name, not yours; my religion, not yours; my goals, my own; get used to me. -Muhammad Ali


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  • AmnerisAmneris Posts: 15,117Registered Users
    Oh, and you said your parents had credit card debt, raising 3 kids on under 30 thou owning a home and a car. I'm not really surprised - it must have been a LOT of debt. Credit card debt is expensive.

    Did your parents send you guys to your choice of college? I would be really surprised if they did. Were you able to take family vacations? I am not saying that everyone HAS to do that - not everyone can - but if you know that you can get yourself in a position to do it, versus not doing so, wouldn't you want to?
    Get used to me. Black, confident, cocky; my name, not yours; my religion, not yours; my goals, my own; get used to me. -Muhammad Ali


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  • iris427iris427 Posts: 6,002Registered Users
    My thoughts are that you should see a doctor about your weight. The fact that you have regular periods is a good sign. Like others said, BMI is a guideline.

    Your parents may have raised you on a low income, but I bet they didn't let on how tough it was. I bet you didn't hear the fights they had over money or which bills not to pay that month so that they could afford groceries. I bet you didn't know how they worried what they would do if one of you ever got seriously ill. Planning to raise a child in poverty and rack up credit card debt is NOT a good plan. We are around the same age and I can tell you that living a life where you barely have any financial cushion is not fun and gets old fast.

    You may not feel like you really want a career right now but again, you are young, and I think you will soon realize that the reality is that if you just live doing whatever you want and not working hard, life is going to be tough. How will you pay your child's medical bills? How will you afford decent health insurance? And I know this seems far away, but think about when you are older and you will want to retire.

    If you are going to be a single mother, you will need a career. If you want to be a stay at home mom, then you will need a partner who has a career. I don't see how you can be a single, stay at home mom.
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  • AmnerisAmneris Posts: 15,117Registered Users
    iris427 wrote:
    My thoughts are that you should see a doctor about your weight. The fact that you have regular periods is a good sign. Like others said, BMI is a guideline.

    Your parents may have raised you on a low income, but I bet they didn't let on how tough it was. I bet you didn't hear the fights they had over money or which bills not to pay that month so that they could afford groceries. I bet you didn't know how they worried what they would do if one of you ever got seriously ill. Planning to raise a child in poverty and rack up credit card debt is NOT a good plan. We are around the same age and I can tell you that living a life where you barely have any financial cushion is not fun and gets old fast.

    You may not feel like you really want a career right now but again, you are young, and I think you will soon realize that the reality is that if you just live doing whatever you want and not working hard, life is going to be tough. How will you pay your child's medical bills? How will you afford decent health insurance? And I know this seems far away, but think about when you are older and you will want to retire.

    If you are going to be a single mother, you will need a career. If you want to be a stay at home mom, then you will need a partner who has a career. I don't see how you can be a single, stay at home mom.

    I agree with your assessment, iris, but I do see a few ways someone can be a single SAHM:

    1) be on public assistance/welfare (but as Scarlet said, not a good idea)

    2) have wealthy parents willing to support you (doesn't apply to the OP... but maybe other members of her extended family qualify?)

    3) be a single mother whose child's father is wealthy and go after him for child support

    4) have substantial savings and/or investments

    5) earn money from the home in some kind of home-based business, writing, computer work etc.
    Get used to me. Black, confident, cocky; my name, not yours; my religion, not yours; my goals, my own; get used to me. -Muhammad Ali


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  • CGNYCCGNYC Posts: 4,937Registered Users
    Well to be honest I am not interested at all in having a career. I prefer to spend my time how I choose and at home.. reading, learning, taking care of my many pets (2 dogs and 2 cats, plus caged animals), cooking and doing art.

    Then your best bet is not to have kids, ever, and certainly not by yourself.

    Oh honey, grow up. This is like a twelve year old's idea of what life should be like.
  • iris427iris427 Posts: 6,002Registered Users
    Amneris wrote:
    iris427 wrote:
    My thoughts are that you should see a doctor about your weight. The fact that you have regular periods is a good sign. Like others said, BMI is a guideline.

    Your parents may have raised you on a low income, but I bet they didn't let on how tough it was. I bet you didn't hear the fights they had over money or which bills not to pay that month so that they could afford groceries. I bet you didn't know how they worried what they would do if one of you ever got seriously ill. Planning to raise a child in poverty and rack up credit card debt is NOT a good plan. We are around the same age and I can tell you that living a life where you barely have any financial cushion is not fun and gets old fast.

    You may not feel like you really want a career right now but again, you are young, and I think you will soon realize that the reality is that if you just live doing whatever you want and not working hard, life is going to be tough. How will you pay your child's medical bills? How will you afford decent health insurance? And I know this seems far away, but think about when you are older and you will want to retire.

    If you are going to be a single mother, you will need a career. If you want to be a stay at home mom, then you will need a partner who has a career. I don't see how you can be a single, stay at home mom.

    I agree with your assessment, iris, but I do see a few ways someone can be a single SAHM:

    1) be on public assistance/welfare (but as Scarlet said, not a good idea)

    2) have wealthy parents willing to support you (doesn't apply to the OP... but maybe other members of her extended family qualify?)

    3) be a single mother whose child's father is wealthy and go after him for child support

    4) have substantial savings and/or investments

    5) earn money from the home in some kind of home-based business, writing, computer work etc.

    True.

    I'm assuming options 2, 3 and 4 are not available to the OP based on her posts.
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  • KaiaKaia Posts: 8,815Registered Users
    Amneris wrote:
    I agree with your assessment, iris, but I do see a few ways someone can be a single SAHM:

    1) be on public assistance/welfare (but as Scarlet said, not a good idea)

    2) have wealthy parents willing to support you (doesn't apply to the OP... but maybe other members of her extended family qualify?)

    3) be a single mother whose child's father is wealthy and go after him for child support

    4) have substantial savings and/or investments

    5) earn money from the home in some kind of home-based business, writing, computer work etc.

    1) is no way to raise a family and not a reliable income
    2) like you said, doesn't apply
    3) not a reliable source of income. What do you do when he stops paying, go on public assistance?
    4) doesn't sound like this one applies to the OP either
    5) could work, but this would require a skill set that would require some sort of education. Also, once again, not a very reliable source of income.


    I'm sorry, but I have to agree with CGNYC. If you're not willing to work, you shouldn't be having kids in the first place. Of course we all just want to spend our time however we want, but unfortunately real life doesn't work that way. You need to grow up and take responsibility for yourself before you even think about being responsible for another human being.
    *Poster formerly known as Bailey422*

    Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. ~ George Carlin
  • CGNYCCGNYC Posts: 4,937Registered Users
    Also, I am a SAHM and I would naver say it's harder than being a working mom but please, ask me how much time - ask ANY mom how much time - I spend "how I choose." HA. My child is nearly two and I'm only just starting to get some free time and it's ONLY because I have a terribly involved husband.

    I just keep thinking this must be a joke or the OP must be much younger than she claims. I can't imagine anyone actually thinks, oh I'll just pop out some babies, do some hobbies, and let the state take care of us. It's just terribly unreaslistic.
  • MunchyMunchy Posts: 5,206Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    CGNYC wrote:
    Also, I am a SAHM and I would naver say it's harder than being a working mom but please, ask me how much time - ask ANY mom how much time - I spend "how I choose." HA. My child is nearly two and I'm only just starting to get some free time and it's ONLY because I have a terribly involved husband.

    I just keep thinking this must be a joke or the OP must be much younger than she claims. I can't imagine anyone actually thinks, oh I'll just pop out some babies, do some hobbies, and let the state take care of us. It's just terribly unreaslistic.

    I agree 100%
  • spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Posts: 17,495Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Well, In the OP's defense she said she has been involved with a man for 3 years who is financially stable. Rewind 45 years or longer and this would be what 75% of young American women would have said they aspired to. The main differences would be that 1) they wouldn't be willing to "start trying" till after marriage...and 2) they would already know how the bf felt about settling down and raising a family etc. long before 3 years had passed.

    It's none of my business and not relevant to the original question...but i am curious how the OP spends her days now...school, a job she likes, a job she hates, unemployed, etc.?

  • geminigemini Posts: 3,325Registered Users
    please, ask me how much time - ask ANY mom how much time - I spend "how I choose."

    CGNYC wait a minute...you're telling us you're not painting, taking care of your flock of pets, and cooking up a feast every night? I refuse to believe it. Refuse!

    Joking--sorry, I couldn't resist. This thread is like watching an impending trainwreck. And I keep coming back.

    SL5000--I agree--in an earlier era, this "plan" would've worked, but now, not so much.
  • geekygeeky Posts: 4,995Registered Users
    gemini wrote:
    please, ask me how much time - ask ANY mom how much time - I spend "how I choose."

    CGNYC wait a minute...you're telling us you're not painting, taking care of your flock of pets, and cooking up a feast every night? I refuse to believe it. Refuse!

    Don't forget the all the bon-bons she's eating.

    I think it's fine to feel a calling to motherhood. And if you want to stay home with the kids and you find a partner that is on board with that plan, that's great. (But you would be a dumbass to not get an education and have no prospects for any career, because there are no guarantees in life).
    But to say that if you don't have a partner you can just have a kid and live below the poverty line and all witll be fine and dandy is pretty short-sighted, immature and not based in reality.
    To Trenell, MizKerri and geeky:
    I pray none of you ever has to live in a communist state.

    Geeky is my hero. She's the true badass. The badass who doesn't even need to be a badass. There aren't enough O's in cool to describe her.
  • CGNYCCGNYC Posts: 4,937Registered Users
    CGNYC wait a minute...you're telling us you're not painting, taking care of your flock of pets, and cooking up a feast every night? I refuse to believe it. Refuse!

    I know you guys all look up to me as some hybrid of Super Mom, the Perfect Wife, and Martha Stewart so I hate to bring it all crashing down but...wait, sorry. Hang on. Let me catch my breath and settle down. I can't stop laughing.

    Yeah, motherhood is a fine career goal! SAHM is a perfectly legit career path but if you think that being a SAHM is all fine dining, hobbies, pet interestes, reading, and hobbies then you really REALLY need some reality. SAHMing is the death of all that (for at least a while) unless you really ARE some hybrid of Super Mom, the Perfect Wife, and Martha Stewart. Or your parner is.
  • rhubarbarinrhubarbarin Posts: 22Registered Users
    Wow, I started a very controversial thread. I don't know why I aired my unconventional opinions on living.. I already know no one agrees with me. But now I feel compelled to defend myself.

    I bought insurance from Blue Cross yesterday (only $118 a month!). I am going to start looking for doctors.
    geeky wrote:
    You say you know people who are doing OK with minimum work, but how many single moms that live below the poverty line or working for minimum wage do you know? Raising kids with no health insurance? Plenty of people in this country are doing this out of necessity, but I doubt that anyone having that experience would do it by choice.

    The 'poverty line' is very high, at least where I lived. Like I said my family was making about 30 thou (or a little under) a year. We still qualified for discounted school lunches and CHIP.

    I know about 9 women (mostly other waitresses, one a bank teller, one a vet technician) with 1-4 children, who make very little money. Most of them don't have SOs. Some have dads paying child support, but most don't. A lot of them have family or friends who help out with childcare, but several don't.. they manage. It's not easy but they manage, and their kids seem fine.. in fact, all of their kids are good kids (though they're all young yet). As far as I know all their kids have insurance, though some of the women themselves don't.. which I think is unwise.

    None of them live on minimum wage, but neither do I! I couldn't. But it's not hard to find a job that doesn't require skills that still makes all right money. I make at least $10 an hour waitressing. On a really good day I have made an average of $22 an hour. Tax free. I make more a month than my friend who is a vet tech (2 years of college) and my friend who works back-breaking doubles at a half-way home for pyschologically disturbed children (4 years of college).
    please, ask me how much time - ask ANY mom how much time - I spend "how I choose."

    By 'how I choose' I really meant that I would choose to work 5 hours 4 days a week and spend the rest of my time cooking, going grocery shopping, breaking up the kid's fights, taking them to dance/soccer/piano/whatever, making them do their homework, walking the dog, cleaning endlessly.. and all the other things you have to do for your family, rather than stay at the office for 9 hours 5 days a week. Even if that means I can't own a car or a house, and we never go on vacation, I am okay with that.

    Right now I do not have those responsibilities, so I am able to make art and bake in my free time. OBVIOUSLY I won't when I have 2 kids!
    Planning to raise a child in poverty and rack up credit card debt is NOT a good plan. We are around the same age and I can tell you that living a life where you barely have any financial cushion is not fun and gets old fast.

    I have a financial cushion. I have several thousand dollars in the bank.. enough to support myself for several months if I got hurt, and more than plenty of people I know, many with high-paying jobs, who don't save any money at all. I am a big believer in saving. I am also a big believer in never getting into credit care debt!

    NOTE TO EVERYONE: I don't recall anywhere saying I am planning on being a stay-at-home mom. Even if I have kids with my BF I am not planning on letting him be the sole breadwinner for any length of time. I am only saying that I will chose to work LESS and make LESS, even though this entails some sacrifices, in order to spend time doing things that are more valuable to me (even if they aren't fun, and are 'work' in themselves).
    Oh honey, grow up. This is like a twelve year old's idea of what life should be like.

    Ouch. This is what my life IS, dude. Right now, this is actually what I do.. and it's nice, yes, but it is a luxury. Later it will change (duh). I am not a retard. I helped my mom run a house and raise my sisters (and later take care of my father when he was severely brain-injured and we couldn't afford in-home care), so I do have some concept of the work that entails.
    It's none of my business and not relevant to the original question...but i am curious how the OP spends her days now...school, a job she likes, a job she hates, unemployed, etc.?

    I have my own apartment. I waitress and work at a coffee shop part-time. I used to work 7 days a week but that got old, now I've cut my hours back and I'm spending way too much time on the internet :) I cook, clean, take care of my many pets, read a lot, make art, and hang out with my BF. That's about it.[/quote]
  • BiancaBianca Posts: 2,492Registered Users
    Wow, I started a very controversial thread. I don't know why I aired my unconventional opinions on living.. I already know no one agrees with me.

    That should tell you something... :idea:
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  • geminigemini Posts: 3,325Registered Users
    I don't know why I aired my unconventional opinions on living.

    Me neither.
  • rhubarbarinrhubarbarin Posts: 22Registered Users
    I should have said, no one who lives in the normal American way agrees with me.

    People who have the same lifestyle I do obviously understand where I am coming from. And yes, I do know some personally.
  • deezee02deezee02 Posts: 1,509Registered Users
    By 'how I choose' I really meant that I would choose to work 5 hours 4 days a week and spend the rest of my time cooking, going grocery shopping, breaking up the kid's fights, taking them to dance/soccer/piano/whatever, making them do their homework, walking the dog, cleaning endlessly.. and all the other things you have to do for your family, rather than stay at the office for 9 hours 5 days a week. Even if that means I can't own a car or a house, and we never go on vacation, I am okay with that.

    How do you plan on taking them to dance/soccer/piano/whatever if you do not have the extra money to pay for it. That stuff is not cheap.
    I used to work 7 days a week but that got old, now I've cut my hours back

    welcome to motherhood. It is 7 days a week 24 hours a day. And if it gets old, you cannot just quit.

    personally, I think you are being a bit delusional, but hey, not my life.
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  • ScarletScarlet Posts: 3,125Registered Users
    Tax free

    Just how is it tax free?
    The first lesson of economics is scarcity: There is never enough of anything to satisfy all those who want it. The first lesson of politics is to disregard the first lesson of economics - Thomas Sowell
  • RedCatWavesRedCatWaves Posts: 31,258Registered Users
    We still qualified for discounted school lunches and CHIP.

    taking them to dance/soccer/piano/whatever

    I make at least $10 an hour waitressing. On a really good day I have made an average of $22 an hour. Tax free.



    This "unconventional" lifestyle sounds an awful lot like you plan on relying on taxpayers to raise your children...in other words...Welfare. Reduced school lunches are paid for by taxpayers. CHIP is paid for by taxpayers. You obviously are not a taxpayer, since you appear to be illegally not paying your taxes.

    Wait til you find out how much dance and piano lessons cost. My daughter takes dance and piano lessons...about $500 for both per month, just for her. Taxpayers aren't going to pick up that tab.
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