CurlTalk

new guy hates my hair

subbrocksubbrock Posts: 8,212Registered Users
i met this guy recently, and he's cool and all, but he doesnt really like my hair. he says that it looks best with "tamed" curls or when its straight. so im like, "okay maybe he doesnt love my hair as much as i do, who cares? its my hair and it makes me different."

then once we were having a conversation about his old girlfriends/people he used to date and after he showed me pics of them, i told him that he could do better because all those girls were ugly. (they were! i wasnt being nasty!) then he said, they'd all probably think my hair was ugly. strike two. of course i replied with, thats a load of crap because i bet they WISH they could have naturally curly hair as cute as mine. :wink:

now the straw that broke the camel's back: once again, another hair discussion and he tells me that i have "poofy" hair. of course, i say i dont mind having poofy hair because id hate to have boring straight hair like everyone else. then he says if i were to ever meet his dad, id have to "do something" with my hair (straighten it) and make sure i stay out of the sun that day. :shock: :shock: :shock: OUCH!

so i take it his dad is a racist as well as being a curl hater like his son. i think these comments might be a deal breaker....
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Comments

  • plinkplink Posts: 103Registered Users
    subbrock,

    That guy may be cool but he is not nice and he doesn't appreciate your special beauty and your magnificent coilies. Please do not get close to a person that does not glorify you.
    I have finally realized I look my best when my hair tells me how it is going to fall, and I just make suggestions.

    3A BSL
  • amarilla505amarilla505 Posts: 164Registered Users
    child that makes me want to pick up a phone and call you if i knew you well!! that is some **** forreal. you said they "might" be a deal breaker? girl the first comment is enough please drop that mofo cuz he's not worth your beauty. i hope you tell him it's time to step! there are so many men who are all types of colors that are in love with natural beauty. a man should like/love you for who you are, not what they can make you out to be. brainwashed people are so amazing girl. i'm just so upset right now cuz this **** is the reason why woman have such a hard time in this world. please, you just saw your 3 red flags, now it's time to run.

    i think you and your hair are gorgeous! i know that sometimes you don't feel it is but please know it today. a person has to accept you for all that you are, mind body and soul. if they can't do that, then where will the relationship lead to? whew that made my blood pressure go up and i'm only 21 lol j/k have a good day girl :D
    Truly Aesthetic...mind, body and spirit ;)
  • alguma pessoaalguma pessoa Posts: 619Registered Users
    You just got out a relationships right :? ? Do not be so quick to get into a relationship because this may cause you to “settle.” Maybe it is time to enjoy being with yourself instead of jumping into a new relationship.

    When the right guy comes along you will know because he is not going to play mind games, hate your hair, or your skin color :wink: . From your other posts, you said that you had some issues with your hair/beauty. IMO it sounds like he may be using your insecurities to make you feel even worse. Get rid of him fast! This guy has shown too many red flags and you just met him :roll: .


    First thing my guy said 8 years ago was that he loves my hair! I knew then he was a keeper :love:love.gif. Only associate with people who love you for you! That is what I do.
    We're all born mad. Some remain so.

    br-flag1.gif
  • eccentric_kurlzeccentric_kurlz Posts: 4,144Registered Users
    It's not a "might be a deal breaker" situation. It's way beyond that, sweetie.

    Girl, after the first comment, I would have had to say "bye, bye". You and your hair are beautiful, and if he can't see that, screw him. :x You shouldn't have to change who you are for his affection, acceptance, or approval.

    When I met my fiance, I had relaxed hair, and he liked it then, but he loves my hair now. He thinks it's beautiful, and has never made any negative remarks about how I wear my hair, or said how I should wear it. If anything, it's me complaining about how puffy it is, and him convincing me that it's perfectly fine. :) It's a part of who I am, and he would never suggest me change who I am.

    You can do better, but you have to believe that you deserve better. You'll find someone that will appreciate all that you have to give, hair and all. :D
    A wonderful mix of coils, curls, corkscrews, and kinks.

    /home/leaving?target=http%3A%2F%2Fs211.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fbb133%2Fshyygirl_2007%2F" class="Popup
    PW: curlyhair

    I have a blog now. Follow meeeee! :)

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    "You see, when it comes to language competence, a true patriot must hit that sweet spot between "job-stealing immigrant" and "liberal elitist." ~Eilonwy

    Wanna have access to the top names in fashion and luxury at up to 70% off retail? Sure you do. /home/leaving?target=http%3A%2F%2Ftinyurl.com%2F3yxneol" class="Popup

    DC metro area
  • LadydncingLadydncing Posts: 964Registered Users
    subbrock wrote:
    Now the straw that broke the camel's back: once again, another hair discussion and he tells me that i have "poofy" hair. of course, i say i dont mind having poofy hair because id hate to have boring straight hair like everyone else. then he says if i were to ever meet his dad, id have to "do something" with my hair (straighten it) and make sure i stay out of the sun that day. :shock: :shock: :shock: OUCH!

    so i take it his dad is a racist as well as being a curl hater like his son. i think these comments might be a deal breaker....

    OUCH! I still have my mouth open! :shock:
    I don't think you should have to defend your
    sense of style. It's who you are take it or leave
    it. Not up for discussion.
    I certainly wouldn't want to be part of that
    family. These are red flags!!!

    How dare he!! :evil:
    Maya
    3b/c CG routine
    HG line DevaCurl
    Password: Locks

    event.png
  • skywatcherskywatcher Posts: 429Registered Users
    :shock: Wow, the nerve!!! Get rid of him now before you get in deep.

    I had always hated my "poofy" hair, especially before I found nc.com & learned how to properly care for it. But, my DH said that it was one of the things that first attracted him to me!!! Even way back then, when my hair was very poofy & I was wishing I had straight hair like all my friends, he loved my hair!!! :couple:couple.gif

    You & your hair are just beautiful!!! Do not let some new guy come into your life & tell you any different. He is already trying to change who you are *warning bells!!* Don't let him, ditch the curl hater!!!
    3a/2c
    Long layers, past BSL
    Loving: CON poo, Elucence MBC, Jessicurl WDT, B&A Gel.
    SLS free poos since Feb 6/05
  • GracedGraced Posts: 10Registered Users
    Don't just walk away....RUN! Who needs someone that tears away at something that makes you uniquely beautiful? YOu can do so much better. Hold out for someone better.
    To everything there is a season. Make the most of the moment wherein you find yourself.
    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
    Corkscrew canopy atop a botacelli foundation--3C over 3B.
  • subbrocksubbrock Posts: 8,212Registered Users
    the good thing is his comments have actually made me like my hair even more.

    sidenote: maybe hes just jealous...hes balding and his dad is bald too :twisted:
  • shorty448shorty448 Posts: 52Registered Users
    He probably is. You can definitely do better than someone who's actually mean enough to make rude comments about your appearance to your face. You don't tell him that he needs to use Rogaine before meeting your parents, do you? I'm with the other girls. This guy sounds like a prick--head for the hills. I'm glad you don't let him get to you though, because you and your hair really are beautiful.
    With your feet in the air and your head on the ground
    Try this trick and spin it, yeah
    Your head will collapse
    If there's nothing in it
  • miacurlmiacurl Posts: 332Registered Users
    If he is disrespectful so early in the relationship--it will probably just get worse :?

    What doesn't kill us makes us stronger :wink:
    2C/3A auburn hair.
    between shoulders and BSL
  • Laura P.Laura P. Posts: 23Registered Users
    I agree with the other posters, dump this guy ASAP! It's not your hair he doesn't like, he's just using that to make you feel bad about yourself, the last thing you want in a boyfriend. Any more time you spend with him won't be happy, so get out soon.
  • WhiteFiberWhiteFiber Posts: 2Registered Users
    Subbrock, after viewing your photo albums it is plain to see that you are confident, beautiful, happy and have great self esteem. MANY people are jealous of your beautiful hair, and envy you for being able to wear it in such cute styles. Your clothes are fabulous, your makeup, your whole look. And of course I love the vans (I'm the one who told you I loved them and about the others on the vans website.) Anyway, it is obvious that you are a unique and lovely gal, who loves being happy.

    So, do NOT continue to date this guy! I have been there, so happy and unique, and started dating someone like this. I SLOWLY lost pieces of myself, only to become a completely different person. :( Because the transition was so slow, I didn't realize it, but everyone around me did. It starts with hair or clothes, and ends up telling you which friends to hang with, where you can and can't go, so on and so forth. PLEASE, as a member of a board where MANY people care about you, do NOT do that to yourself. You're too good for him!

    By the way, I now date an awesome guy who loves me without makeup and doesn't care how insane my hair is. He cares about me, not my frizzy hair. I say this because he popped up at a point when I was NOT looking for someone, and he just accpeted me from the beginning. I almost didn't believe it and thought I was being tricked, as the last guy messed me up so badly. Don't feel the need to jump right back into dating jerks, just to date.

    By the way, you sound like you have a great sense of humor about the situation right now, please keep it that way and don't give him anymore of your time. You have BEAUTIFUL natural hair and it's time to let someone appreciate it!

    Wow..... that was long. I got on a roll, sorry. :oops:
    Believe you can, believe you can't. Either way, you're right.

    PW:acceptance
  • mrspoppersmrspoppers Posts: 7,223Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    He doesn't have to love your hair, but he should be nice to you! How rude! :x
    When are women going to face the fact that they don’t know their own bodies as well as men who have heard things?

    Don Langrick
    Bonsai Culturist
  • Athena's OwlAthena's Owl Posts: 45Registered Users
    point and laugh at this fool, and tell him good luck elsewhere because with that attitude he's going to need it. tell a woman what to do with her hair, indeed!
    Mixed AA 3b/3c hair. past shoulders. superfine texture. Natural - no colours or relaxers in over 4 years.
  • love yourself firstlove yourself first Posts: 5,398Registered Users
    Subbrock-

    I sincerely hope that you have drop kicked this a**hole to the curb by now... UNBELIEVABLE! Unfortunately, this type of man will dish out as much as you are willing to take. I've been fortunate never to date such a horror show but have heard stories... they are not pretty.
    "Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people."
    "I think that somehow, we learn who we really are and then we live with that decision."
    - Eleanor Roosevelt (both quotes)

    (taking a break from posting starting late august 2009)
  • subbrocksubbrock Posts: 8,212Registered Users
    oh dont worry, he hasnt contacted me in about a week or two now. :(
  • love yourself firstlove yourself first Posts: 5,398Registered Users
    EXCELLENT NEWS Subbrock. :D

    But why the crying smiley :?: People do tend to show you their true colors right up front when you first meet them, and this guy was a big red light! Just move on, head held high. You'll find someone better who can appreciate you and make you feel special. That's what every woman deserves and should expect/demand!!!
    "Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people."
    "I think that somehow, we learn who we really are and then we live with that decision."
    - Eleanor Roosevelt (both quotes)

    (taking a break from posting starting late august 2009)
  • LipGlassHoneyLipGlassHoney Posts: 230Registered Users
    Thank God he isn't callling. Appearantly there was something that he liked about you when he met you. I am a very straight up person and I defend my hair everytime and let people know that if they want to be around me that they are to never say anything bad about natural hair. Was this guy Caucasian? I don't even like straight hair so he would've gotten a BIG laugh in the face.
    Black and Puerto Rican 3c Natural since '95 (15). Growing hair to waist. PJ and Certified MAC JUNKIE and a freakin' DEMOCRAT!!! Visit my other page @ www.myspace.com/LipGlassHoney
    Me @ 6 mos. looking just like my son
  • subbrocksubbrock Posts: 8,212Registered Users
    Was this guy Caucasian?

    yeah, he is.
  • LipGlassHoneyLipGlassHoney Posts: 230Registered Users
    subbrock wrote:
    Was this guy Caucasian?

    yeah, he is.

    Oh my. I love all people and have all types of races in my immediate family. We do not tolerate things like that. You are such a beautiful woman and I pray that you find a man, no matter his color, that will love, nurture, protect and compliment you for the beauty he saw when he met you and the beauty he sees in you heart. I admire you for your patience with him because he would have gotten kicked to the curb with a suitcase full of names to let him know how I really felt.
    Black and Puerto Rican 3c Natural since '95 (15). Growing hair to waist. PJ and Certified MAC JUNKIE and a freakin' DEMOCRAT!!! Visit my other page @ www.myspace.com/LipGlassHoney
    Me @ 6 mos. looking just like my son
  • sidewindersidewinder Posts: 24Registered Users
    I am ITA with the consensus-run far, run fast!
    Trust us girls who have been "around the block," nothing will kill your self-esteem faster than a hyper-critical man. My father was (is) this way,and I once dated a guy like this. I was a nervous wreck by the time I got out of the relationship. My DH sees me "from the inside out," and loves me no matter what. I'm sure you'll find someone worthy of you, so unless you want to be miserable, don't give this guy a second thought.


    2A, very thin,fine.
  • HeatherNicoleHeatherNicole Posts: 1,316Registered Users
    Yeah that guy's a piece of poo. And if he was trying to hit on you he was doing a terrible job of it. One, If he wants Beyonce or JLo or some other ethnic girl that fries their hair straight and has a tan so they can fit the mold then he should go find one and leave you alone. Two, you're too much woman for him. Obviously, he liked you enough to try to talk to you in the first place so why try to change your hair now? Three, doesn't he know never to make bad comments on a girl's hair? I mean come on that's as bad as a weight comment.

    My b/f is white and I thought that I'd hear it from his family when they saw my hair natural and ask me a bunch of crazy sounding questions, but they didn't they all like my hair better curly and so does my b/f. Which I was happy about because I really don't like being mean to people and that's exactly what they would have forced me to do if they had made a snooty comment about my do. lol.
    Thick coarse 3c/4a prone to dryness.
    Staples
    Aphogee 2 Step treatment
    Generic Biolage Conditioning Balm
    Tigi MM Conditioner
    Creme of Nature Shampoo for dry hair
    KCCC
    Denman D3
    Giovanni Direct Leave-in
    SheaMoisture Leave-in
    /home/leaving?target=http%3A%2F%2Fpublic.fotki.com%2FMsHeatherNicole%2F" class="Popup

    "Make it work!"- Tim Gunn
  • swirlsswirls Posts: 5Registered Users
    Your hair is so cute. It looks like a bunch of slinkys. Also, you're a very pretty color. I think something's wrong with that guy.
  • saronbellasaronbella Posts: 70Registered Users
    Girl,
    You have beautiful curls and you better rock them! Straight hair is SO played. On top of that, anyone can have straight hair, just flat iron it. Curly hair is not only beautiful,it's unique and what seperates you from the crowd. I went through the same drama when I grew out my relaxer from family members and co-workers but I LOVE my curls and you couldn't pay me to change them!
  • AmnerisAmneris Posts: 15,117Registered Users
    subbrock wrote:
    i met this guy recently, and he's cool and all, but he doesnt really like my hair. he says that it looks best with "tamed" curls or when its straight. so im like, "okay maybe he doesnt love my hair as much as i do, who cares? its my hair and it makes me different."

    Yes, there is nothing particularly sacred about curly vs. straight hair - some people like it one way, some another and that's their right to do so, and who cares, you should wear your hair how YOU want, BUT they don't need to be telling you their opinion all the time. That's just rude. My husband likes it curly, straight and everything in between but even if he didn't like it curly, I would still wear it that way because wearing my hair straight all the time is bad for it and it is MY repsonsibility to take care of myself.

    then once we were having a conversation about his old girlfriends/people he used to date and after he showed me pics of them, i told him that he could do better because all those girls were ugly. (they were! i wasnt being nasty!) then he said, they'd all probably think my hair was ugly. strike two. of course i replied with, thats a load of crap because i bet they WISH they could have naturally curly hair as cute as mine. :wink:

    Well, his rude comment that time stemmed from yours. I would never criticize someone's exes like that. It makes you look insecure, jealous or b*tchy, and how would you like your ex's next girl to say that about you? You are basically questioning the guy's taste so of course he is going to get defensive and bite back...

    now the straw that broke the camel's back: once again, another hair discussion and he tells me that i have "poofy" hair. of course, i say i dont mind having poofy hair because id hate to have boring straight hair like everyone else. then he says if i were to ever meet his dad, id have to "do something" with my hair (straighten it) and make sure i stay out of the sun that day. :shock: :shock: :shock: OUCH!

    so i take it his dad is a racist as well as being a curl hater like his son. i think these comments might be a deal breaker....

    You THINK? That sounds like HE is also a racist and I can tell you from personal experience that with regards to racism, often, as West Indians say "sheep don't have goat" ie. kids tend to be like their parents. If Papa is racist, what do you think son has been subconsciously learning at home? Do NOT get involved with anyone who is racist or has a racist family. I thjnk hair is the most minute issue in this little scenario - I see red flags of your insecurity and his bigotry.
    Get used to me. Black, confident, cocky; my name, not yours; my religion, not yours; my goals, my own; get used to me. -Muhammad Ali


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    534Pm5.png





  • alguma pessoaalguma pessoa Posts: 619Registered Users
    Amneris wrote:
    I think hair is the most minute issue in this little scenario - I see red flags of your insecurity and his bigotry.

    ITA :wink:
    We're all born mad. Some remain so.

    br-flag1.gif
  • vivasmomvivasmom Posts: 312Registered Users
    The stay out of the sun comment is what really burns me up.

    Oh boy does that make me mad.

    Run as fast as you can.


    My big chocolate-y husband loves me warts and all and says I look better now than when we got married. Which is clearly a bald faced lie, b/c I'm in dumpy mom-mode right now, but as the mother to his child it makes me beautiful to him in a different but equally sexy way. THAT is the kind of man worth getting your feelings hurt over.
    Barely wavy mommy to a fine, silky with thready corkscrew 4 1/2yr old girl. HG's Moisture Maniac, PM The Conditioner, Cactus leave-in (original formula)"Mommy I want to look like a lion!" = hair loose and flowin'.
  • pacammipacammi Posts: 206Registered Users
    subbrock wrote:
    i met this guy recently, and he's cool and all, but he doesnt really like my hair. he says that it looks best with "tamed" curls or when its straight. so im like, "okay maybe he doesnt love my hair as much as i do, who cares? its my hair and it makes me different."

    then once we were having a conversation about his old girlfriends/people he used to date and after he showed me pics of them, i told him that he could do better because all those girls were ugly. (they were! i wasnt being nasty!) then he said, they'd all probably think my hair was ugly. strike two. of course i replied with, thats a load of crap because i bet they WISH they could have naturally curly hair as cute as mine. :wink:

    now the straw that broke the camel's back: once again, another hair discussion and he tells me that i have "poofy" hair. of course, i say i dont mind having poofy hair because id hate to have boring straight hair like everyone else. then he says if i were to ever meet his dad, id have to "do something" with my hair (straighten it) and make sure i stay out of the sun that day. :shock: :shock: :shock: OUCH!

    so i take it his dad is a racist as well as being a curl hater like his son. i think these comments might be a deal breaker....
    :shock: wha-wha-wha-??? Has he misplaced his manners? Or just completely lost his mind? Your hair is gorgeous, and so are you! I just got out of a year long relationship with a man that claims to love natural hair, but really doesn't. Everything was love until I cut off my relaxer. I guess the fangs come out when you want to be an individual. You may be single, but you're not alone girlie! :grouphug:grouphug.gif
    CGNYC wrote:
    Oh y'all, that's just her crazy showing.
    Trenellm wrote:
    I guess lying on my back, in the middle of a studio, breathing and making vowel sounds for an hour for two years paid off. :)
  • finallycurlyfinallycurly Posts: 18Registered Users
    subbrock wrote:
    ...and make sure i stay out of the sun that day. :shock: :shock: :shock: OUCH!

    What kind of sh*t is that to say!?!

    Funny, this is the same bull that we ("African American") are fed from our own families and peers while growing up, and this **** has the nerve to continue the legacy. It’s as if to say that if you were to "stay out of the sun" that your color would some how diminish? WTF!! He should have just asked you to wear white face. As if the hair comments weren’t bad enough.
    You better stay away before he whips out his whole arsenal! :shock:
    3c with some 3b curls in the back (weird how that works).
  • kittykat3kittykat3 Posts: 63Registered Users
    I say say go meet his dad
    make sure you wear your hair as big as you can get it
    then embarrass him right ther in front of his family AAAAAAHAHAHA
    no im joking

    seriously the first negative remark about anything he has 2 say about you is the sign to STAY AWAY! nice ppl shouldnt have 2 waste their time with ignorance
    ...
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