Does anyone treat you like an invalid?

jcejce Posts: 512Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
I'm getting sick of it!

Every time my boss sees me coming back from the bathroom, he asks if I've been puking. This is just getting old. I can cut him a bit of slack, as he is in his 60's and probably didn't share as much in his wife's pregnancies as men do today.

However, what is really p$%sing me off is the statements from a friend of mine. A woman who is in her late 40's and has been pregnant before. So far she has....

...asked me if I've quit work yet or plan to any time soon. That was at 6 weeks.

...continually asked me to sit down when she is around.

....made the statement that I shouldn't be out in the heat. On a day the wind was blowing and we were sitting in the shade.

...asked about a half dozen times if we know if it's a boy or girl (kind of hard to know at 8 weeks)

...stopped herself short from telling me about the dead bird they found in the gutter because she didn't want to talk about such things in case it would make me sick. I'm doubting words will make me yak at this point.

...informed us that her New Year's Eve party, to which we are invited, will not go until midnight, as I won't be able to stay up that late. I will be around 26 or 27 weeks by then and will not have to work on Jan 1.

...told me "don't listen to the nurses, ask for the epidural as soon as you get to the hospital," even though I have told her (several times) that I have a fear of needles. I also told her that I didn't have an epidural with my first child and plan on not having one with this one either. She then said it wasn't as bad as and didn't hurt like everyone said. "And the risks of side effects are really small." I DON'T CARE! I would probably be that 1 in whatever! I have 'issues' with normal pain meds and local anesthetics, so I don't want to risk it with something like that.

....told me who she's planning on inviting to the shower she is throwing me! Since when does the showeree not get a say-so in who is invited?!? :banghead: :angry4: :angry5:

OK, I feel a little better now. Thanks for letting me vent.

And feel free to share your stories or vent too.
3b/c normally, 3a/b in the winter

Comments

  • picklesgirlpicklesgirl Posts: 1,955Registered Users
    Good vent

    My thing was when my mother-in-law would throw her two cents in, it drove me bonkers.. I had those fake nails when I was pregnant with my first and she said "well when the baby is born you'll have to stop getting those you can't change a diaper with those things on" I shut her up by saying "really 'cause I had them when I was changing diapers all day at the daycare and did just fine" (she just hated the fact that I had the fake nails and was looking for a reason for me to get rid of them) Oh and she's one of those if she doesn't like to eat it then it's gross kind of people. Well I was on the crawfish kick when I was pregnant and it just drover he nuts (I didn't eat them a lot but a few times while pregnant) she told me "well when you start nursing you're not going to be able to eat those nasty things" I think I said something about not eating as many lol just to tick her off.
  • AmnerisAmneris Posts: 15,117Registered Users
    yes, and I hated that. Everyone seemed so shocked that I was still keeping up with my normal routine, activities and social life and that I was planning to work up until delivery... and that I didn't have much back pain and was sleeping well at night. I had swollen feet and ankles and everyone who saw them freaked out and said I should be in bed....

    I got the epidural comments too and I feel the same way as you and hating needles. I didn't have one, or any pain relief, and it was awesome - you can do it!

    my suggestion is, since you're only 8 weeks, why tell people you're pregnant? I would wait a few more weeks as that is less time for them to bug you about it! I'm grateful that, since I didn't really show till 7 months, I had a lot of my pregnancy in peace!

    And the same people who bug you now about being pregnant will bug you when the baby's here about your parenting skills, so deal with them now!!!!!
    Get used to me. Black, confident, cocky; my name, not yours; my religion, not yours; my goals, my own; get used to me. -Muhammad Ali


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  • inheritedcurlsinheritedcurls Posts: 2,954Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    My husband got this way at the end of my pregnancy. He didn't want to take me to the movies because I would have to get up and pee 10 times. He didn't want me to drive anywhere over an hour. Should I really be staying up late???
  • KaiaKaia Posts: 8,815Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    I have the opposite problem at work. I guess because I look more or less normal, my feet aren't swollen, etc, everybody assumes I should feel fine too. Anytime I mention I'm tired, I get a surprised "why?" Um, I'm making a baby here and I can't sleep at night... DUH! Most people aren't like this though, so I guess I'm lucky in this regard.

    At 8 weeks, I also wouldn't tell everyone unless you work somewhere where you're exposed to toxic chemicals or something like that. And when people offer childbirth "advice," you can either tell them you're not thinking about that yet or just nod and say you'll consider it. They can only talk for so long when you say nothing to encourage them, hopefully.
    *Poster formerly known as Bailey422*

    Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. ~ George Carlin
  • AmnerisAmneris Posts: 15,117Registered Users
    Bailey422 wrote:
    I have the opposite problem at work. I guess because I look more or less normal, my feet aren't swollen, etc, everybody assumes I should feel fine too. Anytime I mention I'm tired, I get a surprised "why?" Um, I'm making a baby here and I can't sleep at night... DUH! Most people aren't like this though, so I guess I'm lucky in this regard.

    At 8 weeks, I also wouldn't tell everyone unless you work somewhere where you're exposed to toxic chemicals or something like that. And when people offer childbirth "advice," you can either tell them you're not thinking about that yet or just nod and say you'll consider it. They can only talk for so long when you say nothing to encourage them, hopefully.

    I found that people at work and elsewhere were too focussed on how I felt physically (was I tired, was I puking) or on stuff like the baby's gender or type of delivery, and not enough on how I felt emotionally. Not that I was having hissy fits or bursting into tears all the time, but towards the end of my pregnancy, I got more introspective and started really internalizing that I was becoming a mother... and no one really acknowledged that shift or change, and it felt very lonely.
    Get used to me. Black, confident, cocky; my name, not yours; my religion, not yours; my goals, my own; get used to me. -Muhammad Ali


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  • wavezncurlzwavezncurlz Posts: 1,814Registered Users
    The woman who monitors the lobby at my building is always so worried about me. If I run to get lunch, she says "be careful out there, it's hot" or "should you be out there in that weather?" YES I AM HUNGRY & I DIDN'T BRING LUNCH TODAY. I HAVE TO EAT....

    Today she said "You are looking bigger today - do you think you can make it to December?" WELL I HAVE TO MAKE IT AT LEAST UNTIL END OF NOVEMBER. PLEASE DON'T JINX MY BABY TO COME EARLY...

    I think she thinks she's helping me or being concerned but she's annoying as hell.


    My sister-in-law who is a big woman (could be pregnant and you wouldn't know it) always says I look "swole" SWOLLEN IS THE WORD...
    She also likes to mention how my nose is spreading and my face is dark. She mentioned this way before it started... The reason she feels she needs to inform me of my ugliness is beyond me...
    HAIRCOLLAGE2010-1-1.jpg[

    mini-album w/ various styles for the past 10 years of natural hair:
    http://s29.photobucket.com/albums/c252/wavezncurlz/hair/
    password: curlzorwavez
  • AmnerisAmneris Posts: 15,117Registered Users
    LOL at "swole."

    And how could I forget the pregnant lady food police? I can't even count the number of people who informed me that being a vegetarian was bad for me and the baby, or told me to eat more because I was "eating for two."
    Get used to me. Black, confident, cocky; my name, not yours; my religion, not yours; my goals, my own; get used to me. -Muhammad Ali


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  • MunchyMunchy Posts: 5,206Registered Users Curl Novice
    I did a coffee run for my brother and my husband and the woman at Dunkin Donuts told me about 10 times that there was caffiene in the coffee. I wanted to stab her. It wasn't for me, and if I wanted the caffiene anyway, you can't stop me.
  • wavezncurlzwavezncurlz Posts: 1,814Registered Users
    Munchy wrote:
    I did a coffee run for my brother and my husband and the woman at Dunkin Donuts told me about 10 times that there was caffiene in the coffee. I wanted to stab her. It wasn't for me, and if I wanted the caffiene anyway, you can't stop me.
    I stayed away from caffiene last time (didn't want a hyper child)... I have a hyper child.

    I am drinking my one cup a day if I want to this time.
    HAIRCOLLAGE2010-1-1.jpg[

    mini-album w/ various styles for the past 10 years of natural hair:
    http://s29.photobucket.com/albums/c252/wavezncurlz/hair/
    password: curlzorwavez
  • cymprenicympreni Posts: 9,609Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Oh I hated that. Everyone treated me like I would break or something.

    I used to live right across the street from a gas station, and we had some friends over one night, and I decided I wanted some milk or something, so I walked across the street to get some. And when I came back one of my sisters friends said to my husband like I wasn't even there "You LET her go pick up her own milk???!!!" and I said to him "I"m PREGNANT not dying!"

    Oh and the pregnancy hormones comments made me the most mad:

    -Everything I wanted or didn't want to eat: PREGNANCY HORMONES!!

    -Everything I got upset about, no matter if there was good cause or not: PRENANCY HORMONES!!!

    My sister's BF insulted and disrespected me in my own home, after I had cooked him a nice supper and after confronted him about it he started making cracks about pregnancy hormones, I 'bout killed him.
  • AmnerisAmneris Posts: 15,117Registered Users
    cympreni wrote:
    Oh I hated that. Everyone treated me like I would break or something.

    I used to live right across the street from a gas station, and we had some friends over one night, and I decided I wanted some milk or something, so I walked across the street to get some. And when I came back one of my sisters friends said to my husband like I wasn't even there "You LET her go pick up her own milk???!!!" and I said to him "I"m PREGNANT not dying!"

    Oh and the pregnancy hormones comments made me the most mad:

    -Everything I wanted or didn't want to eat: PREGNANCY HORMONES!!

    -Everything I got upset about, no matter if there was good cause or not: PRENANCY HORMONES!!!

    My sister's BF insulted and disrespected me in my own home, after I had cooked him a nice supper and after confronted him about it he started making cracks about pregnancy hormones, I 'bout killed him.

    Oh yeah, the pregnancy hormones thing - the replacement for 'must be PMS."
    Get used to me. Black, confident, cocky; my name, not yours; my religion, not yours; my goals, my own; get used to me. -Muhammad Ali


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  • PixieCurlPixieCurl Posts: 5,656Registered Users
    Amneris wrote:
    Oh yeah, the pregnancy hormones thing - the replacement for 'must be PMS."

    I hate when people say that, as though to say our feelings aren't really valid.
    Faith, 3Aish redhead
    Mama to two wild superheroes and a curly-headed baby boy :love5:
  • mad scientistmad scientist Posts: 3,530Registered Users
    You know I wonder if first-time moms give off some kind of vibe (including me) because I haven't noticed any of that this time around. I walk around campus in my high heels, chugging a grande latte while carrying a deli sandwich and I don't hear a thing from anyonoe. Whereas last time, everytime someone saw me with a coffee cup "Oh, is that herbal tea??" Um, yeah.

    Mind you, I could have used a little help in the Costco parking lot last weekend while trying to hoist 4 x 6-packs of large S Pelligrino bottles into my car. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but I thought I was going to die about half way through.
  • spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Posts: 17,898Registered Users Curl Virtuoso
    Mostly people just chuckle at me because I'm getting so big. But honestly, I'm grateful when they tell me not to worry about driving...going somewhere...picking something up...being a little late for something. I haven't been feeling well and everything is harder for me now. At this point, I'll take whatever special consideration or pampering they give. :cheers:

  • MunchyMunchy Posts: 5,206Registered Users Curl Novice
    PixieCurl wrote:
    Amneris wrote:
    Oh yeah, the pregnancy hormones thing - the replacement for 'must be PMS."

    I hate when people say that, as though to say our feelings aren't really valid.

    My department comments on my b*tchiness. I can't hold it in, I just CAN'T!
  • KaiaKaia Posts: 8,815Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    Amneris wrote:
    Oh yeah, the pregnancy hormones thing - the replacement for 'must be PMS."

    And yet they still insist on making rude comments to the woman with the "raging pregnancy hormones." If we're so hormonal and unpredictable, you'd think they'd be a little more careful. No telling what we might do next. :roll:
    *Poster formerly known as Bailey422*

    Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. ~ George Carlin
  • geekygeeky Posts: 4,995Registered Users
    PixieCurl wrote:
    Amneris wrote:
    Oh yeah, the pregnancy hormones thing - the replacement for 'must be PMS."

    I hate when people say that, as though to say our feelings aren't really valid.

    The correct response to that is "I will be sure to use that as my defense when I am on trial for murdering your stupid, insensitive ass"
    To Trenell, MizKerri and geeky:
    I pray none of you ever has to live in a communist state.

    Geeky is my hero. She's the true badass. The badass who doesn't even need to be a badass. There aren't enough O's in cool to describe her.
  • PixieCurlPixieCurl Posts: 5,656Registered Users
    geeky wrote:
    The correct response to that is "I will be sure to use that as my defense when I am on trial for murdering your stupid, insensitive ass"

    LOL, that's good! :lol:

    But seriously, I sometimes get really down and depressed before my period. When I was a teenager and would be feeling this way (before I even realized I was premenstrual) my mom would point that out and even though I knew she meant well, I always felt like she was discounting my feelings.
    Faith, 3Aish redhead
    Mama to two wild superheroes and a curly-headed baby boy :love5:
  • velvet pawsvelvet paws Posts: 1,250Registered Users
    One of my clients has been making some very snarky remarks about me being "stupid" with pregnancy, because I couldn't remember one little thing off the top of my head - I did have it written down inside, I just didn't have instant recall on it at that moment.

    Never mind the fact that I need to tell her the same things constantly - verbally, in writing, in emails, etc and she still asks me the same questions over and over again. What's her excuse?

    I don't know if pregnancy has made me scatterbrained or not (I don't think so, but maybe I'm not the best judge), but I can tell you that my tolerance for other people has gone way down. Take those hormones and shove them where the sun doesn't shine.

    *phew* that felt good. :lol:
    3A / 2B / 2C wavicelli

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  • jcejce Posts: 512Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    I'm glad I'm not the only one!

    As far as not telling anyone, I sort of had to at work, as I do spend part of my work in a laboratory, and there a few things in there I do need to avoid. I feel bad for the guy who's going to have to deal with that stuff, but he's been really nice about it.

    And regarding my friend, I thought she would be more supportive, especially since she's been through this before. Little did I realize she would be so annoying. And it's not like I'm even asking for her advice! This is my 2nd child, and I've "been there/done that" more recently than she!

    Also, I'm having to wear maternity clothes already as I can't fit into any of my regular clothes anymore. :( So it's getting sort of obvious.
    3b/c normally, 3a/b in the winter

  • LaVidaCurlyLaVidaCurly Posts: 58Registered Users
    I am an invalid! And I wish people would cut me some slack. I have SPD (pelvic pain, round ligament pain and sciatica) but because I "look so good" the nasty HR ladies did not believe me when I finally gave up and decided to take disability for the last few weeks of my pregnancy. Funny, how it's the nasty women who have never had children that really want to screw you over or better yet how they had perfect pregnancies.

    Oh, and of course since everything is fine with the baby it's just me that is in pain, I should just get use to it and deal with it.

    But, most of my buddies at work were really understanding there wives all had pregnancies and knew it was painful. The guys all former fire chiefs talked about how they would get me down the stairs or deliver the baby if something happened and we couldn't get out of the building. (we work in Arlington near the Pentagon so bomb threats and escape plans are the norm around here.)
  • sarah42sarah42 Posts: 4,034Registered Users
    I didn't have a ton of issues with being treated like an invalid, but there was one incident that comes to mind. At the school where I work, it was finals week, and I was about a week away from my due date. Someone anonymously phoned in a bomb threat, and we had to evacuate the students. Everyone knew that the bomb threat was phony and was just made by some disgruntled student who didn't want to take finals. But I must've had 20 people say stuff to me like, "Hope this doesn't make you go into labor right here!" Ummm, no. Does that kind of stuff really happen outside of the world of TV? If it were that easy, the kid wouldn't have been born two weeks late.
    ehLB.jpg
  • wavezncurlzwavezncurlz Posts: 1,814Registered Users
    The guys all former fire chiefs talked about how they would get me down the stairs or deliver the baby if something happened and we couldn't get out of the building. (we work in Arlington near the Pentagon so bomb threats and escape plans are the norm around here.)

    LaVida,
    Sorry you are in pain. This too shall pass. You are near the end.
    I work in DC and take the train. I often worry about the threats and emergencies myself. I was stuck in the metro a few weeks ago during one of their frequent stoppages. I am considering working from home closer to the end of the pregnancy. I wouldn't want to be stuck in rush hour traffic either once I'm so close to the end (DD came in less than 4 hours from start to finish)...
    HAIRCOLLAGE2010-1-1.jpg[

    mini-album w/ various styles for the past 10 years of natural hair:
    http://s29.photobucket.com/albums/c252/wavezncurlz/hair/
    password: curlzorwavez

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