Should a relationship require work?

I was discussing this with another friend. She says that a relationship should never be work; a relationship just is and if you are the perfect match you should never “work” at it. I slightly disagree. I think that a good relationship should not be hard work but be work in the sense that sometimes you have to consciously make decisions, compromise, etc. and that nothing will run smoothly regardless of how a “perfect” match you are.
What are your opinions? How much work, if any, is too much work in a relationship?
Yes, I had some down time today…..
What are your opinions? How much work, if any, is too much work in a relationship?
Yes, I had some down time today…..
You cannot invite someone to your house in the Hamptons and when she arrives, not let her stay. Tacky. Very Tacky. ~ East Village hipster.
People in Ward Three disdain three things: cleavage, hunting and dumb people who are richer than they are. ~ David Brooks
Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it. ~Armaments 2:9-21
People in Ward Three disdain three things: cleavage, hunting and dumb people who are richer than they are. ~ David Brooks
Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it. ~Armaments 2:9-21
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3A/High Porosity/Medium Density
I agree with this.
When I stop raising issues is when I don't care anymore.
I was born to be a pessimist. My blood type is B Negative.
"Boys are bad and men are stupid", WB's
"After a while, you just want to be with the one that makes you laugh" Mr. Big
And that takes work on both our parts. But it's totally worth it because we have a wonderful relationship.
Rock on with your bad self.
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Be excellent to each other. ~ Abraham Lincoln
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Teach me! We usually communicate well, but sometimes we hit these walls... Argh. :happy2:
3A/High Porosity/Medium Density
I agree with both of these and that is how I think healthy relationships (friendships and romantic) should be.
People in Ward Three disdain three things: cleavage, hunting and dumb people who are richer than they are. ~ David Brooks
Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it. ~Armaments 2:9-21
ITA. I think it's the expectation that relationships don't require work that gets people into a lot of trouble!
It helps that we're both REALLY laidback and are natural "pleasers" - we both want the other one to be happy, you know?
Rock on with your bad self.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Be excellent to each other. ~ Abraham Lincoln
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
i can't imagine what it will do to our relationship if this job in his city comes through... but i hate living without him...
http://labellatestarossa.blogspot.ca/
Little Mother of all the Roaches, President-for-Life of the MAC Harlots!
Personally, I wouldn't be in a relationship if there were constant disagreements, or fights, and especially if there were many reoccuring arguments. In my mind, that would signal that we don't respect eachother enough to resolve the problem, and we can't communicate things across to one another in an understanding way. That person and I wouldn't be the "right one" b/c I feel like w/ the right one you balance eachother out.
My husband and I don't fight. I mean really don't "fight". Not what I would call fighting anyway. We bicker. We've argued. We argued for 3 hours about rearranging the living room.
What I would consider 'work' is me not complaining over little things like him not cleaning up the kitchen after he makes dd lunch, or leaving his dirty clothes on the bathroom floor. And he doesn't complain when I talk to him about something he doesn't care about, like my hair, or when I DO nag him about cleaning out the car b/c I've asked him to do it for the past 3 months.
Please excuse any typos. For the time being, we are blaming it on my computer.
Yes, definitely the same here.
"In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer."
4a, mbl, low porosity, normal thickness, fine hair.
Truer words were never spoken! A year together, a year apart, a year together, a . . .
The way DH & I see it, our marriage is a living thing. It requires work in the way of communication, appreciation, give & take, respect & mutual trust. I believe if you're not "working" on your relationship it's going to become stagnant. The use of the word "work" doesn't imply that you're always going thru counseling or serious introspection. Work can be dinner out without the kids or snuggling on the couch watching a favorite movie. It's not always a bad thing to work on your relationship!
I suppose I can't judge you because you married a serviceman and it is wartime. Boo hoo. You must be loney sitting at home with nothing else to do but pick on people. Why don't you go masterbate again?
Relationships have ups and downs. If you love each other, and no-one is being physically/emotionally hurt etc., then hopefully you can stick it out through the tough times instead of just taking off. I think some folks are WAY too quick to take off at the first sign of a "down" swing so to speak. I think thats pretty silly if you ask me. Is ANYTHING ELSE in life ALL roses? Hell freakin' no! So why would a relationship be any different?
For me, without those tough times...I wouldn't be as close to Mr. Yagotta.
Being able to love each other enough to work through the tough times is what really brings you closer together. imo.
"Yesterday's history, tomorrow's a mystery, today is a gift . . . that's why it's called the present." - Unknown
I like this a lot better.
I wouldn't say my relationship requires work. It's honestly the easiest relationship I've ever been in. They say the 1st year of marriage is the hardest? This was a breeze!
Please excuse any typos. For the time being, we are blaming it on my computer.
Rock on with your bad self.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Be excellent to each other. ~ Abraham Lincoln
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
I agree!
"Boys are bad and men are stupid", WB's
"After a while, you just want to be with the one that makes you laugh" Mr. Big
As for your friend, her outlook is exactly what Trump says about marriages. Looks like it's worked wonders for him. [/sarcasm]
This sounds like someone who has never been in a long term relationship to me. Of course it takes work. People change as they age, in the same way, relationships change too. In order to compensate for changes in people and/or the relationship, work is going to be required.
I think if one person is losing themself or overcompensating in the relationship, then they are working too hard.
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3A short inverted bob, auburn with red highlights colored hair
Fine, but lots of it
Yes to Cucumbers Color Care shampoo and conditioner, AOMMJ, KCCC, CJCIAB, CJRP, CJBCLI, CJCR.
AKA new2curls
:afro:
This is an extremely naive view IMO. It sets the relationship up for failure. If all individuals need work (and we do on some level), how can two people put together suddenly not need work?
-doing things to make the other person happy
-communicating well so as to avoid fighting
-not complaining about little things the other person does that may annoy you a bit
-sticking it out through tough times rather than giving up
and I would add:
-making time for each other even when you're both busy
If your friend doesn't think that kind of work/effort should be necessary in a relationship, iara, then she's got a strange idea of relationships. But I'm betting the two of you may just have had different definitions of putting work into a relationship.
Changed because the "number in place of a word" thing was bugging my no-longer-14-year-old self.
I agree with this as well. Although it does take some effort to recognize the differences between men and women, and accept them, rather than expecting the other person to act the same way you do - but still agree w/ the above.
Please excuse any typos. For the time being, we are blaming it on my computer.