My husband hates my natural hair (sigh)

missmoniemissmonie Posts: 920Registered Users
I'm home on maternity leave so I like to experiment with my hair (I won't have a strech of time off like this for a while so I'm taking full advantage!). Today, I'm attempting the "coil-out" from the Miss Jessie's website. My coils are still drying and when my husband came home from work today he said "what are you doing with your hair??? I don't like it at all. It makes you look domestic". Domestic? He hadn't even seen the end result of the coil-out!

Since I cut my relaxer in April, I can sense that he doesn't like my hair natural. He's so used to my straight hair. Being that he's from West Africa....I would think that he would appreciate my natural hair. It's really frustrating because I do care about his opinion...but I know for a fact that I'm not getting another relaxer. Anyway, I just wanted to vent....

Update: I just asked what he meant by domestic and he said "domestic servant" aka "maid" aka slave". Geez...and he's from the mother land.
4a: Combo of tight coils and waves; Last relaxer - 11/05 (LC - 4/07) - http://public.fotki.com/missmonie/ - updates as of Mar '09

Products: Trader Joe's condish * Giovanni Direct Leave in * Fantasia Gel or KCCC for curl definition * Karen's Body Beautiful Hair Cream as moisturizer

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Comments

  • curlynikkicurlynikki Posts: 2,420Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Missmonie, your hair is gorgeous! It's shiny, healthy and you have such a cute cut!

    Keep rockin' it with confidence and he'll come around. Change (even the kind that has absolutely nothing to do with anyone but YOU) is always tough, especially for the opposite sex. I know it sucks, but in time, he'll love it. Big kinky hair=sexy bedroom hair :wink:
  • taflogtaflog Posts: 130Registered Users
    your hair is absolutely beautiful. i hope that my hair will look something like yours when i get some length(4in right now). ive been visiting the forum for a while and you are one of the ladies that inspired me to bc. thanks alot and keep your head up. God loves you just as he made you. :D
  • ItsiRCItsiRC Posts: 335Registered Users
    my husband doesn't like it when i wear my hair in coils either. but i rocked it all of last week, he prefers big, wild hair. if you like it, that's all that matters. btw i think your hair looks cute.
    I'm going to Mexico until this bills business blows over.

    pw:master shake

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  • afrosheenqueenafrosheenqueen Posts: 5,400Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    I looked at your album and your hair is beautiful. It's very cute on you. I'm sorry your hubby isn't more supportive. I'm not married but I recieved negative comments too when I first started going curly (I texturize). Now my family loves it and my Mom want to style her hair like mine.
    4a/b Texlaxed hair w/ highlights. Medium texture & high porosity.

    HG's: CJ Daily Fix, Bobeam Cheris Hibiscus shampoo bar, KC Spiral Spritz, Knot Today, CJ Rehab, KBB LL Hair Mask, Cassia, KCCC, oil blend of Avocado, Camellia, Jojoba, & Meadowfoam oils

    SL APL BSL MBL
  • missmoniemissmonie Posts: 920Registered Users
    Awwwww, thanks for the encouraging posts ladies! I look in the mirror and I think "wow.....I really like this new look on me"....but then it's hard when he doesn't compliment me or support me. I would just love for him to say "your curls are beautiful". The only compliment I got was last weekend when I flat ironed my hair!!!! But you're right....it's a change so he's going to have to adjust and it won't necessarily happen over night. I'd been transitioning for 17 months so I was prepared for the change and now I realize that he wasn't prepared. He's still a little confused by it all. I hope he comes around.....he's going to have to, because the hair isn't going to change darn it!! :D
    4a: Combo of tight coils and waves; Last relaxer - 11/05 (LC - 4/07) - http://public.fotki.com/missmonie/ - updates as of Mar '09

    Products: Trader Joe's condish * Giovanni Direct Leave in * Fantasia Gel or KCCC for curl definition * Karen's Body Beautiful Hair Cream as moisturizer

    comic-p.jpg
  • SuburbanbushbabeSuburbanbushbabe Posts: 15,402Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Missmonie, you know your hair looks gorgeous. I think your husband being from another country may be having self-esteem issues about your hair. Immigrants can be the worst deniers of their culture because they want so badly to assimilate. I don't know of any domestic that gets $80 hair cuts, for one. He needs to be made aware that this is his internal issue. I think if he sees your look accepted in social situations, he'll simmer down.
    My blog - http://suburbanbushbabe.wordpress.com/
    My FOTKI - http://whatsnew.fotki.com/suburbanbushbabe/
    comic-p.jpg

    Playing with my hair is a hobby. Fluffy, fine natural 4a. Goal= Healthy, beautiful hair that retains its length.
    Hear that crash? It's me falling off the CG wagon.
  • luvmylocsluvmylocs Posts: 7,578Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    dont second guess yourself. do yourself a favor and don't talk to him about your hair....if he senses insecurity he'll just be all over that...your hair really is great. i love your length, and your look...

    i'm not sure how your husband defines beautify but maybe you can accentuate your makeup or your clothing. i don't buy into the notion that we should ignore what our man likes BUT we have to find that delicate balance of pleasing him and being true to ourselves....take care girl!! you look great!
    a dreamy pisces :fish:
    please recycle, it matters...
    i change lives...through fitness
    i'm more relaxed being natural
  • missmoniemissmonie Posts: 920Registered Users
    luvmylocs wrote:
    do yourself a favor and don't talk to him about your hair....if he senses insecurity he'll just be all over that

    this is good advice. thanks!
    4a: Combo of tight coils and waves; Last relaxer - 11/05 (LC - 4/07) - http://public.fotki.com/missmonie/ - updates as of Mar '09

    Products: Trader Joe's condish * Giovanni Direct Leave in * Fantasia Gel or KCCC for curl definition * Karen's Body Beautiful Hair Cream as moisturizer

    comic-p.jpg
  • naiha1naiha1 Posts: 209Registered Users
    Missmonie:

    OMG how funny. When I went natural my hubby did not like it either, and sure enough he's also from west africa (specifically Ghana) You would think they'd appreciate it but NOPE! They've been brainwashed like everybody else :roll: My husband is more used to mine now but I know deep down I'd get no objection if I went bak to my long flowing permed hair. Girl your hair is so gorgeous Keep pressin on. I see your hubby and my hubby share a similar trait; They truly express their thoughts without the sometimes needed filter!!! :lol:
    Happy, Nappy, and Kinky 24/7!!
    4/b very coily
  • missmoniemissmonie Posts: 920Registered Users
    naiha1 wrote:
    Missmonie:

    OMG how funny. When I went natural my hubby did not like it either, and sure enough he's also from west africa (specifically Ghana)

    o.k. i'm glad i'm not alone!!! i feel like he'll only start to accept it when it gets longer. i guess he would have lost his mind if i would have BC to a TWA. lol!

    By the way my hubby is from Ghana too!!! i visited back in 2004 and saw the funniest billboard for a hair relaxer product which is posted in my Fotki under "hair inspiration". i guess the brainwashing runs deep...
    4a: Combo of tight coils and waves; Last relaxer - 11/05 (LC - 4/07) - http://public.fotki.com/missmonie/ - updates as of Mar '09

    Products: Trader Joe's condish * Giovanni Direct Leave in * Fantasia Gel or KCCC for curl definition * Karen's Body Beautiful Hair Cream as moisturizer

    comic-p.jpg
  • SuburbanbushbabeSuburbanbushbabe Posts: 15,402Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Missmonie, just checked out your coil-out photos. They are so beautiful. Your husband drank too much koolaid. He needs cultural detox :lol:
    My blog - http://suburbanbushbabe.wordpress.com/
    My FOTKI - http://whatsnew.fotki.com/suburbanbushbabe/
    comic-p.jpg

    Playing with my hair is a hobby. Fluffy, fine natural 4a. Goal= Healthy, beautiful hair that retains its length.
    Hear that crash? It's me falling off the CG wagon.
  • Mya_wannaBeMya_wannaBe Posts: 141Registered Users
    omg!!! your hair is soo pretty! dont worry about how your husband is reacting to your hair, he will get use to it sooner then you think!!
    http://public.fotki.com/Romeosgirl81
    pw:mohair
    Staples:blob7:
    * con detangling poo.
    * giovanni direct LIC.
    * giovanni SAS con.
    * Fantasia IC gel (green)
    * coconut oil. (HG)
    * alma oil.
    * amla powder
    * shikakai powder.(HG)
    * Shea butter.
    * Lustrasilk shea butter and mango cholestrol.(HG)
    CHL:10.5 to 14.5 inches long
    GHL: 14-15 inches all around!
    Hair type:4a/ with some 4b
    Transitioning again with no BC!
    21 weeks post relaxer!:toothy7:
  • digitaltempestdigitaltempest Posts: 8Registered Users
    Your coils came out beautifully! I wish my hair would hurry and grow up so I can do all these beautiful styles I see. Allow me a second to be envious (a friendly envious, not a stank envious :D) of your hair.

    Anyhow, that's the beautiful thing about sites like these. You always have a support system to fall back on, others to make sure you know that your hair is beautiful no matter what.

    Now, my husband did not like my TWA at first, but he's quickly come to love my hair and he's very supportive now. However, I know how much it can hurt when a SO say something like that.

    He's your husband, though, and he'll come to appreciate your hair. It may take time, especially if it stems from a cultural dislike rather than a personal dislike. Keep doing you and being confident in it. Your husband will come around. :D
    4a, currently looking like Michael Jackson's hair off the Thriller cover :sad8:
    album: http://public.fotki.com/digital-tempest/
    pw: water
    BC: June 29, 2007
  • naiha1naiha1 Posts: 209Registered Users
    missmonie:

    LOL I saw the picture in your Fotki from Ghana, TOO FUNNY!
    See girl it really does run deeper than you'd think!

    I haven't been to Ghana yey but cant wait to go. :D
    Happy, Nappy, and Kinky 24/7!!
    4/b very coily
  • ParasolParasol Posts: 291Users Awaiting Email Confirmation
    Your hair is so pretty. Your curls are great. I can understand how you feel ,but don't let anyone bring you down. Your hair is a part of you, why should you change it for someone else.
    Keep on rockin' your curls.

  • AmberWavesAmberWaves Posts: 231Registered Users
    I think you hair looks GREAT!!! Your hubby will get used to it.
    AmberWaves
    3c/4a
  • CaleilaniCaleilani Posts: 728Registered Users
    Missmonie,I love your hair.I'm sorry your hubby isn't more supportive.I'm shocked being that he's from Africa,too.My hubby is Italian and Loves my natural hair,I was natural when we got married 14 years ago,so he met me natural.I hope your hubby will see the beauty of your natural hair. :D
    3B-3C, alittle past tailbone length,age:41 years
  • DunwithitDunwithit Posts: 13Registered Users
    Hi Missmonie,
    I feel your pain with the hubby. Mine who is African American, has issues as well...I never heard the words nappy so much in all my life! (said derogatorily) I think length will definitely help the situation and also my increased confidence in styling. Partly it is my fault as I thought I would flat iron it more and I had related that to him so he was shocked when I thought it looked fine as it was. *shrug*
    I could only wish my hair looked as great as yours! Your hair looks terrific!! I am confident your hubby (and mine) will see the light. :)

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