Books on handling ummm..."spirited" toddlers

MeghuneyMeghuney Registered Users Posts: 4,263
Tyson is driving me nuts. Seriously. I take him to the grocery store and if anyone comes up to us to say hello to him, he throws a FIT. Throws things, falls back and screams..its all the time.

Spanking is not the answer because when I have lost it and spanked his diapered bottom, he either hits me back or he screams. It's bad. It's just at the point where I am near tears A LOT.

I know this is probably typical toddler behavior or at least an extreme version of it. I've looked up books on it, but there are SO many! Pocket Parenting (or something like that), the book by Super Nanny, etc. If anyone has any good reccs...please..BRING EM ON! :lol:

Comments

  • medussamedussa Registered Users Posts: 12,993
    Here you go, babe. It's a really good book. I have a spirited one at home too.

    Link
  • noellenoelle Registered Users Posts: 377
    There are A LOT of parenting books out there, aren't there?! Some of them you wonder "How did this get published?"

    A book I found helpful when my son was your son's age was "Who's In Control? Dr. Balter's Guide to Discipline Without Combat" by Lawrence Balter. It's real. You won't feel like a Stepford wife if you try one of his suggestions.

    Another good one has a title something like "Stop Tantrums Now!" I'll have to check on that one.

    Hang in there...you sound like a terrific mom! Doing the tough stuff now will make parenting MUCH easier down the road.
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  • DarkAngelDarkAngel Registered Users Posts: 2,671 Curl Neophyte
    ^^ That one is on my nightstand. Good stuff.

    Edit: Oops, I meant the Raising your Spririted Child book that Medussa linked.
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  • noellenoelle Registered Users Posts: 377
    Medussa--you are very wise! That book was so important to me when my son was little.
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  • cosmicflycosmicfly Registered Users Posts: 1,814
    It is a good book. I'm on my 2nd "spirited" toddler. Good times.
  • MeghuneyMeghuney Registered Users Posts: 4,263
    Oh thank you all! I'm at my wit's end. :(


    I did notice something today. Since I'm doing this alone, when I get home, I automatically slip into RELAX mode. I DON'T want to dance to Doodlebops, I DON'T want to sit down on the floor and watch DRAKE & JOSH, I DON'T want to play piggy back ride. I just don't. Sometimes I catch myself not spending enough time with Tyson because I am WORN out.

    Today I made an effort to play with him more, we took a bath together and played, we raced around the house - and his attitude had a slight improvement. It wasn't a big difference, but I noticed when I told him to stop doing things (i.e. playing with the plug of the vaccuum cleaner, taking mommy's cell phone and trying to throw it in the toilet, throwing cookies from his snack bag all over the room) he didn't fall out screaming or hit me! :lol: Hey...it's a start.
  • cosmicflycosmicfly Registered Users Posts: 1,814
    Meg, I'm alone, too, and I have 2 of them, and you are so right- but some days it really sucks. It's hard not to slip into relax mode. Some days I just want to hide from them :oops: .

    My older child is 6, and he's more forgiving (I can tell him "mommy worked all day, too, she needs a break"), but Maya's 2 and she has n o interest in my well being, lol. Today I was distracted, trying to get some work done, ignoring her as she threw toys until she said "stupid mama, you poopyhead". I took a break and colored with her for a bit and she was great for the rest of the evening.
  • MeghuneyMeghuney Registered Users Posts: 4,263
    cosmicfly wrote:
    Meg, I'm alone, too, and I have 2 of them, and you are so right- but some days it really sucks. It's hard not to slip into relax mode. Some days I just want to hide from them :oops: .

    My older child is 6, and he's more forgiving (I can tell him "mommy worked all day, too, she needs a break"), but Maya's 2 and she has n o interest in my well being, lol. Today I was distracted, trying to get some work done, ignoring her as she threw toys until she said "stupid mama, you poopyhead". I took a break and colored with her for a bit and she was great for the rest of the evening.

    Wow. Two? You feel my pain..to the second power.

    Not that married mommies don't. I think this would be just as bad if his dad was here or not. :?
  • RedCatWavesRedCatWaves Registered Users Posts: 31,259 Curl Connoisseur
    Toddlers can be infuriating, for sure. Babies are very easy by comparison. I was never one to follow parenting books...I mostly just used the Redcatwaves-parenting-method...but the key to parenting toddlers, I think, is to try really hard to maintain a sense of humor, and employ "redirection" whenever possible. Ignore the tantrums and redirect him to something more acceptable when he's feeling better.

    If you think toddlers are hard, wait til you get to the adolescent stage...if I only knew then what I know now, I would have enjoyed the toddler stage a helluva lot more.
  • curlyninercurlyniner Registered Users Posts: 130
    Here you go, babe. It's a really good book. I have a spirited one at home too.

    Link
    ^^ That one is on my nightstand. Good stuff.

    Edit: Oops, I meant the Raising your Spririted Child book that Medussa linked.

    Love love love the Raising Your Spirited Toddler book. Excellent on communication techniques (IMHO), regardless if your child is spirited or not.
    "Things are exactly as they should be, all evidence to the contrary."

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  • geekygeeky Registered Users Posts: 4,995
    I find that my mental state REALLY matters. I am not alone in this parenting gig, but I still get into "leave me alone" mode or "hurry lets get to work" mode. I find myself thinking "We have to do X Y Z and here you are screwing around with your pants on your head". SO I try to remember that for a toddler, running around in circles with his pants on his head is HIS JOB right now, and it's just as important to him as my job and paying the bills and all the grownup things are to me. So a little humor, a little redirection go along way.
    To Trenell, MizKerri and geeky:
    I pray none of you ever has to live in a communist state.

    Geeky is my hero. She's the true badass. The badass who doesn't even need to be a badass. There aren't enough O's in cool to describe her.
  • AmnerisAmneris Registered Users Posts: 15,117
    cosmicfly wrote:
    Meg, I'm alone, too, and I have 2 of them, and you are so right- but some days it really sucks. It's hard not to slip into relax mode. Some days I just want to hide from them :oops: .

    My older child is 6, and he's more forgiving (I can tell him "mommy worked all day, too, she needs a break"), but Maya's 2 and she has n o interest in my well being, lol. Today I was distracted, trying to get some work done, ignoring her as she threw toys until she said "stupid mama, you poopyhead". I took a break and colored with her for a bit and she was great for the rest of the evening.

    I know that was rude and probably not funny at all at the time, but it's kind of cute!!!!!

    Meg... hope you find a solution soon! It's hard to believe that little cutie head can be that bad!
    Get used to me. Black, confident, cocky; my name, not yours; my religion, not yours; my goals, my own; get used to me. -Muhammad Ali


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  • WileE-DeadWileE-Dead Banned Banned Users Posts: 24,963 Curl Neophyte
    geeky wrote:
    I find that my mental state REALLY matters. I am not alone in this parenting gig, but I still get into "leave me alone" mode or "hurry lets get to work" mode. I find myself thinking "We have to do X Y Z and here you are screwing around with your pants on your head". SO I try to remember that for a toddler, running around in circles with his pants on his head is HIS JOB right now, and it's just as important to him as my job and paying the bills and all the grownup things are to me. So a little humor, a little redirection go along way.
    :lol:
    Thanks for the laugh...I soooo needed that!

    Meg...bargain, bargain, bargain..let them think they're in control, when they really aren't :twisted:
  • geminigemini Registered Users Posts: 3,325
    http://www.naturallycurly.com/curltalk/viewtopic.php?t=106700

    I got some good suggestions in here. I'm just beginning to feel your pain. Elise is 21 mos. old and very "spirited." :lol:

    And major hats off to single moms. There have been so many times where I said, "I don't have the patience" and completely handed my daughter off to my husband. I fully admit that it's nice to have someone else around so you can be each other's back up on the days when your patience just isn't there.
  • wavezncurlzwavezncurlz Registered Users Posts: 1,814
    I gotta get this book.
    KD is almost 22 months - and is very trying some days! :)
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  • SpiderSpider Registered Users Posts: 3,381 Curl Neophyte
    geeky wrote:
    I find that my mental state REALLY matters. I am not alone in this parenting gig, but I still get into "leave me alone" mode or "hurry lets get to work" mode. I find myself thinking "We have to do X Y Z and here you are screwing around with your pants on your head". SO I try to remember that for a toddler, running around in circles with his pants on his head is HIS JOB right now, and it's just as important to him as my job and paying the bills and all the grownup things are to me. So a little humor, a little redirection go along way.
    :lol:
    Thanks for the laugh...I soooo needed that!

    Meg...bargain, bargain, bargain..let them think they're in control, when they really aren't :twisted:

    Be conservative with that or you'll have a monster on your hands! I still (to keep the peace) do a bit of that with DD (almost 12) but when she pushes it, get demanding or tries to be the princess diva, that's when all negotiation is off and "I'm THE PARENT AND YOU'RE THE KID AND WILL DO WHAT I SAY" is the only trick that works. :wink:
    Don't let your heart be broken. Let it love.
  • MeghuneyMeghuney Registered Users Posts: 4,263
    geeky wrote:
    I find that my mental state REALLY matters. I am not alone in this parenting gig, but I still get into "leave me alone" mode or "hurry lets get to work" mode. I find myself thinking "We have to do X Y Z and here you are screwing around with your pants on your head". SO I try to remember that for a toddler, running around in circles with his pants on his head is HIS JOB right now, and it's just as important to him as my job and paying the bills and all the grownup things are to me. So a little humor, a little redirection go along way.

    Thanks for your post. I feel like a b*tch but sometimes I DO feel like I want to say "Tyson..cant you play by yourself? Mommy is tired and wants to watch Girlfriends...I do NOT want to let you run between my legs and dance..go away..". :oops: But sometimes, I feel like that.

    And the underlined part is just too funny. Thats what I want to say sometimes. I'll be trying to leave the house for work/daycare. I'll say "Tyson, lets put your shoes on!" What does he do? He erupts in giggles and takes off down the hall. :? I'M ALMOST LATE, CHILD!!! :evil:

    But you're right - that's just who he is at this age. There is no point getting upset over it.
  • geekygeeky Registered Users Posts: 4,995
    It's also OK to tell him "I am tired right now and need to sit for 5 minutes. You play with your trains and I will rest and then I will play with you afterwards" They grasp the concept of "I need to do A in order to get B" pretty quick, and if you follow through on your promises (and play with him after your 5 minutes) he will know that he will get what he needs from you.
    To Trenell, MizKerri and geeky:
    I pray none of you ever has to live in a communist state.

    Geeky is my hero. She's the true badass. The badass who doesn't even need to be a badass. There aren't enough O's in cool to describe her.
  • WileE-DeadWileE-Dead Banned Banned Users Posts: 24,963 Curl Neophyte
    Spider wrote:
    geeky wrote:
    I find that my mental state REALLY matters. I am not alone in this parenting gig, but I still get into "leave me alone" mode or "hurry lets get to work" mode. I find myself thinking "We have to do X Y Z and here you are screwing around with your pants on your head". SO I try to remember that for a toddler, running around in circles with his pants on his head is HIS JOB right now, and it's just as important to him as my job and paying the bills and all the grownup things are to me. So a little humor, a little redirection go along way.
    :lol:
    Thanks for the laugh...I soooo needed that!

    Meg...bargain, bargain, bargain..let them think they're in control, when they really aren't :twisted:

    Be conservative with that or you'll have a monster on your hands! I still (to keep the peace) do a bit of that with DD (almost 12) but when she pushes it, get demanding or tries to be the princess diva, that's when all negotiation is off and "I'm THE PARENT AND YOU'RE THE KID AND WILL DO WHAT I SAY" is the only trick that works. :wink:
    This is true...hubby says I shouldn't call it bargaining...I'm like, you know what I mean...lol...especially if you've got one that is smarter than you...always keeping you on your toes...arrrggh!
    Now, can someone teach me some patience...I'm at my wits end here!pullhair.gif
  • spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Registered Users Posts: 17,898 Curl Virtuoso
    medussa wrote:
    Here you go, babe. It's a really good book. I have a spirited one at home too.

    Link

    I have this one, too. But I haven't gotten around to reading it yet. Any good?

  • medussamedussa Registered Users Posts: 12,993
    I highly recommend it.
  • WileE-DeadWileE-Dead Banned Banned Users Posts: 24,963 Curl Neophyte
    I just got the workbook.
    Did y'all find it helpful?

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