My mom hates my CG look



  • CanItBeChristineCanItBeChristine Posts: 6,343Registered Users
    What on earth IS it with moms and our hair???? First off, I have never had any desire for straight hair. I get compliments on my hair from strangers and friends constantly. I wouldn’t be me without it.

    I went through a HORRIBLE, frustrating jobhunt last year. Instead of my mom saying, “Oh, it’s a bad economy, keep at it, I’m sure you’ll find something” she automatically blamed the fact that people with curly hair don’t get jobs. She tried to convince me for almost two years to straighten and cut my hair. She wanted me with a blunt, boring bob. I think if I had one of those I would look odd, older and ugly. I wouldn’t feel good about myself and that would come off in interviews.

    I haven’t had much luck with guys in recent past. My mom told me that, “Guys look at you and all they can see is your hair.” (Forget that guys compliment me on my hair too. And I have gay guy friend who thinks my hair is awesome…and those are usually the toughest critics )

    My sister is getting married and told me the first time I saw her after her engagement that I was to straighten my hair for the wedding. (My sister is just as bad as my mom when it comes to my hair.) AND she made an obnoxious comment that if I don’t straighten my hair, she’ll make all the other bridesmaids wear curls so I don’t “stand-out” and don’t think I’m special. (Since when do bridesmaids have to look like Stepford Wives anyway???)


    My mom’s biggest thing is that I “need a change.” No, I don’t. My hair is my best feature. I am happy with it. Why should I change it for the sake of changing it?
  • Leilani42Leilani42 Posts: 200Registered Users
    My mom’s biggest thing is that I “need a change.” No, I don’t. My hair is my best feature. I am happy with it. Why should I change it for the sake of changing it?

    Amen, sista. :D
    modified CG since July 2004.
    searching for products that work...
  • ChrematisaiChrematisai Posts: 85Registered Users
    Not to mention the fact that your hair changes from day to day due to things like humidity, etc. Us curlies get our fill of change on a daily basis without having to cut, colour, straighten, or anything. Curliness is never boring :D. Go curls!
    "A face without freckles is like a night without stars"

  • LadyCurlyLocksLadyCurlyLocks Posts: 341Registered Users
    My mom was a little skeptical last night when I told her about my starting CG. She did not understand how you could clean your hair without using shampoo. I told her about the harsh sulfates, and compared it to bathing with Comet instead of Dove soap. She laughed at that and went and got her shampoo and *gasp!* there were sulfates in it (of course). She did a COwash today, and agreed that it felt better, but she's still not ready to jump the gun and begin CG. I recommended her look for a sulfate-free shampoo. No word yet as to if she's gotten any or not.
    3B Corkscrew... I'm back on the boards now! Just got The Big Chop on Monday, pics coming soon.
  • one way streetone way street Posts: 772Registered Users
    My mom doesn't know about CG, I'll never tell her. She says that my hair is prettier than hers, and that she likes it, but she also likes it straight. I even convinced her to grow it out!
    mod. CG 2C-3A/M/iii
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    Currently: Trying to stop straightening so much. Using Elucence conditioner and whatever works for me.
  • JoshGroban'sRockin'CurlsJoshGroban'sRockin'Curls Posts: 54Registered Users
    I love my mom I really do. But she has some serious control issues. She had long hair growing up but it was straight with a little bit of the Farrah flip, but cut it when I was born. Ever since them it has been short. I think this has made her want to control our hair (my sisters both have long, mostly striaght hair. Teresa's is really REALLY thick. We ae talking soup can ponytail) I was not allowed to cut my hair growing up and even though I am in college and living 4 hours away I am afraid of her reaction. She loves long hair and I do to but I really wish that I could have made the decision myself. We got into a huge fight during my senior year because I decided to cut my hair. I was positive it was what I wanted and I knew how long I wanted it. I am a medical assistant while going to school. This translates to I usually end up with hair up in a twist or something. I completed my medical assisting certificate during my senior year and as a result of my hours (240 while taking AP classes) I wore my hair up a lot of the time. We had a myriad of fights over that. "Your hair is so pretty, Carli. Why do you where it up all the time?" (I have long, to my bum long, light brown mixed curly hair that looks a little red or blonde in the sun. I found the CG system my junior year and I made the mistake of telling her about it. "You don;t wash your hair? Doesn't that mean its dirty?" And the fact that I don't comb it out anymore baffles her. My sisters both have long almost straight hair and they can comb it and shampoo wothout too much disaster following it, bt my hair is dryer and corser and it is hard for her to understand it. She cannot grasp it that if I comb my hair out after conditioning it disrupts the delicate balance of my hair. If I don;t feel loke dealing woth my hair I will braid it and she doesn't like that either. I think its because it looks slightly poligamist, because the top will poof. She doesn't understand the concept of if its not broke don't fix it. I like my hair the way it is. I do a modified CG and use only a tiny bit of baby shampoo to wash my scalp once or twice a week. I difuse and use a clear gel and straighten nce every six months or so just to do something "radical". It works for me. I don't tell my mom anything anymore. It really is sad.

    Shoot for the moon and even if you miss you'll still be among the stars.
  • Charming NotionCharming Notion Posts: 697Registered Users
    i think my mom is a long haired mom, even though she keeps her hair in like a layered pixie cut thing with long bangs. it's hard to describe. anyway, i had longish hair where the front came a little past my shoulders and the back was a little above bsl. i wanted to cut it short to make it more managble and she was totally against it, i have no idea...

    anyway, my mom thinks my hair looks dirty, too. last week, i was going to my friend's birthday party and my mom kept saying my hair looked dirty. and i get so frustrated i wanna have a temper tantrum. them, when i went to the party, i asked a bunch of my friends and none of them said it looked dirty.

    she says she had my hair she was a kid, too [she straightens her hair everyday now :shock:] but i just wanna go "well, obviously you didn't know how to take care of it if you cut it all off and blow dry it everyday!" but i restrain in. i even showed her the curly girl book! she just doesn't understand...

    and it wasn't like she would cut all my curls off when i was little...because i didn't have any. my hair was stick straight until about 5/6th grade. it's happening to my sister, too. she had a straight bob now, but you can see a litle curl in the front.
    formerly;; girl anachronism

    politics is like me and my buddy going hippo hunting. we shoot a hippo and it falls on us. now, instead of using our joint effort of pushing the hippo off of us, we arue for 5 1/2 years on who's idea it was in the first place to go hippo hunting.
  • rubyloxxrubyloxx Posts: 89Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    ivmeer wrote:
    Before you ask, my friends have complimented me on it (only one tiny shampoo in 2 weeks) and my fiance thinks its sexy beyond belief.

    My mother says my hair looks dirty and I need to shampoo and brush it. Incidetnally, she's also of the opinion that I should get my hair cut the way I had it 14 years ago (blunt, chin-length cut which I used to diffuse every day and then shellac with hairspray to keep it from falling. Now I've got it shoulder length with long layers)

    Are any other posters getting similar reactions from mom? How much does mom's opinion of your hair affect your opinion of your hair. As for me, I went home and shampooed and brushed my hair after she said it. I didn't like the results and have vowed not to do it again.

    sounds like mom is just jealous.
    3 b/c curls with bangs.
  • chelleyboochelleyboo Posts: 10Registered Users
    i guess im one of the lucky ones, my mom is awesome and loves my hair curly. I use to straighten all the time and she convinced me to go natural.
    2b modified cg co washes and once a week shampoo.
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  • aladyfortyaladyforty Posts: 10Registered Users
    as a child my hair was shortish and i always looked scruffy but my mother always loved my curls. She kept my hair short while I was very small but i was allowed to grow it when I was about 9 or so years old onwards. Mum has wavy hair that she wears mid length and soft even now in her seventies. She has always hated it when i straightened my hair no matter what length. I notice lately that she is encouaging me to grow it out a little and keep it natural. Guess i have nothing to complain about
    3 to 3A, a mess of layers of different lengths, I just want to get it looking good at whatever length.
  • Shelbynicole91Shelbynicole91 Posts: 72Registered Users
    haha my mom is totally diffrent actually, she loved it when i decided to go "au naturaul" lol but i get what you mean, my friends used to always be like "why dont you straightne your hair!" or "you would look so gorgeus if you straightned, cut, and dyed your hair" eventally i was just like ya know what this is my hair, i love it, im not changing it, get over it. lol and i still get the accasional comment that i should strighten, but i just tune it out, my aunt tried to straighten my hair once..and everyone saw just how wrong it looked =D
  • AmandacurlsAmandacurls Posts: 6,252Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    No lie, my mom had the perfect long blonde, stick straight hair parted down the middle a la Marcia Brady. When she got older it turned darker and she cut it off shorter than shoulder length. She married my dad who has jet black, kinky hair and has always kept it really short because it is so curly/kinky. She hoped if I was a girl that I would have curly hair, since she didn't know what to do with a little girl's hair. Well when I finally got hair, it was curly, I looked like Shirley Temple as a small child. When my hair got longer my mom knew nothing about doing curly hair, hair brushings were an absolute nightmare! When I finally started wearing my hair curly (at the urgings of an older curly-haired cousin) it was like a total transformation. I mainly straightened it in hs and then when I got to college I wore it curly all the time. In hs my mom had made the comment that my hair wasn't curly enough to wear that way, so I didn't. In college everyone loved my hair and was constantly complementing me. My mom is actually very supportive of the CG routine, because she was at a loss on how to handle my hair when I was younger, and I believe had she known how to do it, she would have. She loves my hair, and always has. I definitely hated my hair for many years and now I love it and can't imagine having straight hair! I'll never straighten my hair again!!!
  • twistedwhimsytwistedwhimsy Posts: 13Registered Users
    My mom (who has straight, fine hair) says that I should get it thinned out and straighten it. But sometimes she tells me she likes it.

    To be truthful, I dunno anymore. :P
  • AmandacurlsAmandacurls Posts: 6,252Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Gemini13 wrote:
    AudioAngel wrote:
    No matter our age, I guess we never totally grow out of being a child when around our parents.

    A lot of that has to do with the fact that many of our parents never grow out of treating us like children. *shakes head* :?

    I agree with this. Seriously sometimes some of the things my parents do leave me shaking my head. I'm 25 and I live on my own, but have a tendency to run late to work, and my dad has been known to "check up" on me because he was "just driving by". It's ridiculous!!
  • MaloryMalory Posts: 379Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    When my hair got longer my mom knew nothing about doing curly hair, hair brushings were an absolute nightmare

    I think that curly or wavy people who grew up in families where they were the only curly/wavy had different experiences than people who had other curlies/wavies in the family.

    Everyone else in my family has straight hair, and I was raised in an environment where combing and brushing your hair every day was considered to be part of regular grooming, like brushing your teeth.
  • curlqueendom:]curlqueendom:] Posts: 23Registered Users
    omg mee tooo !!!!!! :bounce: in elementary i had gorgeous long ringlets down to my butt and my mom copped it to above my ear.... thankfully my hair grows fast but my mom is always like 'do something with that hair... y are u trying to act all grown..... curly is too sexy and i don't like it on you (yes she actually said it i was kinda flattered tho lol) but i'm going to grow it long and curly no matter WHAT she says lol and i'm going to wear it down and flirt with all the guys so what then lol (luv u mommy :laughing9: )
    don't know what my curls will do next n luvin it :]]... modified CG and growing my hair out to waist length
  • sparkybishsparkybish Posts: 27Registered Users
    My mom also cut my hair boy short when I was five! I started competitive swimming then and apparently dealing with my chin length Shirley Temple curls was just too much for her. In my mother's defense, she does have five kids. :wink:

    She never says anything negative about my curls, but she only says my hair looks nice when I straighten it. My older sister on the other hand loves the curls and is fascinated by the fact that I don't use shampoo very often anymore. I tried to explain emulsification to her, but she never was good at science. :happy7:

    My husband is just amazed that my hair can be as curly as it is now. I was blow it out and often times flat ironing it too for so long.
    low poo transitioning to no-poo
    Getting curlier every day!
  • i_am_awkwardi_am_awkward Posts: 43Registered Users
    I had my hair ridiculously long (you know, long wavy pony tail jerked VERY tightly back) from the time I started doing my own hair until I was about.. uhm. 14 or 15 maybe. Then my mom talked me into hacking it all off and getting layers. "LET THE CURLS BE FREE"
    I never looked back.
    Constantly battling my oodles and oodles of 3b[?]
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  • BlondeSpiralsBlondeSpirals Posts: 19Registered Users
    Wow, my mom is the opposite. She gets mad when I cut my hair short. The only thing that irritates is that she does not understand that playing with my hair messes it up.

    My mom is the same way. She doesn't get the point that if she plays with my hair a lot she will make it frizzy. She likes my curly hair though. She used to get mad when I was in high school and I would want to straighten my hair. I would never straighten it now!
  • SalsalitSalsalit Posts: 41Registered Users
    Does this hit close to home or what?

    When I was little, I had long wavy hair. My mom would insist on combing and brushing it very carefully and styling it into a ponytail with one big banana curl. It took ages, but that was the only way my hair would look "nice." When I was 6, I got my first haircut and it was short, but now I had to spend ages with my mom blowdrying it and putting in waves with a curling iron. That styling routine eventually stopped, but the damage was done- I hated my hair because it always looked messy and it wouldn't do what I wanted. My mom taught me well- hair has to be smooth and perfect or it won't look "nice."

    Since I had no patience to brush and comb and blowdry and set my hair, my mom kept bothering me to get it cut short. In fact, she insisted that it be supershort for my cousin's wedding and for my bat-mitzvah party because it had to look "nice." I hated it.

    Then, when I was 15, I discovered that I had curls, but it took me a while to get past the old ideas. When I was 16, I finally went curly, and it was amazing. My hair finally looked good. I haven't gone straight since then, and I love my hair.

    Only problem is that to this day, my mom hates my curls. Whenever she talks about it, she says that I used to have beautiful wavy hair but then I hit puberty and it went poof. I'm not really sure how she knew that I had beautiful wavy hair because she always combed and brushed it out. About 1 1/2 years ago, I decided that I wanted a shorter look, and I got it. My mom noticed and she liked it, but she said that now I have to brush it out and make it look "nice."

    The worst is that she insists on combing out my daughter's wavy hair whenever she sees her and I'm not around to tell her no. She keeps insisting that my daughter's hair is messy and needs to be combed. I say that my daughter has beautiful wavy hair and does not need to be combed or brushed. Unfortunately, it's a running argument.
    "There is such a thing as natural beauty, but every woman needs a little help to bring it out."
  • midtheory23midtheory23 Posts: 9Registered Users
    I used to straighten my hair all the time, then I decided to embrace my curls, everyone loooooves my curls and actually hates when I do anything else with my hair, my mom complains all the time and begs me to straighten it but it looks poofy and pretty bad when i straighten it
  • CurlyEyesCurlyEyes Posts: 2,983Registered Users
    I have a lot of mommy issues. My mom doesn't like my hair curly. She often tells me to go straight for a while, or to comb out my hair. Once, I was explaining that conditioner helps detangle, and she looked at my curls and said that if only I combed out those tangles, I would look nice. :sad8:

    I had short hair every since I was a little kid. I finally took styling into my own hands, and I am so glad I did.
    made up of 98.822% silliness!!

  • PT_CudaPT_Cuda Posts: 329Registered Users
    I feel so lucky that I have a mom who has wavy hair who did what she could to make sure that was not at the mercy of people who think that "Straight is right". Back in the late 70's early 80's she had me sitting on the end of the bed after a bath with her little rat tooth comb and the J&J no more tangles and it took forever for her to comb out my hair which was down to my butt. But she did it every couple of days.

    Unlike my grandma who would just grab the brush and start at the top of my head and just pull straight down and wondered why I started screaming..

    My mom almost killed someone on a picture day at school when I was forced to have my hair brushed out, principal didn't understand why I fought with them. Mom set them straight in a hurry. She also just about killed someone when they took out my pig tail holders and replaced them with rubber bands cause they thought the jems on my holders would hurt someone. She made that moron at daycar sit there and slowly wiggle those bands out. She was not happy having to sit there for over an hour pulling tiny strands of hair out while holding the rubberband..

    Ignore them and move on.
  •  Brihoggy Brihoggy Posts: 3Registered Users
    Whenever I straighten my hair, my mum [and my dad for that matter] says it looks so much better curly. And when I wanted to get it cut chin-length [it's about 6" past my shoulders], she was like, "if you want to, sure, but please don't."
  • snowgoosesnowgoose Posts: 76Registered Users
    as a toddler I had curls. They disappeared and my hair was so straight it wouldn't even kink if I swam with a plait in and left it to dry! As a young adult it changed. My mum just said it was because I wasn't blowdrying it , I had already discovered that if I used any kind of heat it became 5 times bigger than it was......but she would not believe me. My sister has similar hair to me, and her hiardresser tld her to put some mousse in it and it would be curly. Mum would not have it. Mum died 5 years ago, so I never got to show her my hair curly. I'm still trying to convince my sister , she tells me how her hair is dry, frizzy, has to be tied back and I say that's just like mine was...she says, my hair would never be as curly as yours....aaargh.

    on another point, have read your stories and think that in may instances it's really sad. I have 3 girls, they all have long hair at the mo, cos they are at the girls have long hair stage....sure I threaten that if they don't let me brush it, tie it back for school (if relevant) I'll get it cut short, don't think I ever could though. BUT my eldest's hair is definitely wavy, maybe even getting a spiral at the ends, it's midback and really thick and I have to say I really don't know what to do with it. Do I treat it as straight, what do I do, cos in a few years time I really don't want he going on a website saying how awful I was to her hair :( but I genuinely don't know what to do. My hair was straight as a kid, and now I ond't have to tie it up if I don't feel like it. I don't want them having loose hair at school.MD's hair is def straight, yd's hair may go I really need to know, and cg book seems to be for kids who already are curlies.
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  • rosieposierosieposie Posts: 2Registered Users
    growing up i had the same pulling with a brush from the top of my head experience. my mom would always brush fiercely then section of into two braids always making sure that my hair was "nicely pulled back and out of the way". after a very harsh store bought relaxer experience at 14, which pretty much burned every inch of my scalp i am now in the process at 27 of trying to figure out my hair and what to do with it instead of my routine of pulling it back in the now dubbed "rosie bun".
  • a curly qa curly q Posts: 248Registered Users
    PT_Cuda wrote: »

    Unlike my grandma who would just grab the brush and start at the top of my head and just pull straight down and wondered why I started screaming..

    Ok, so not only do i have a mum who says how nice my hair would look if i brushed my hair once in a while, i have a step-mum who puts my baby sis through what i had to go through. we both had/have the same curls and every morning my sis reacts exactly how i did when i was little and had to face the brush - screaming, crying and fussing.

    but as most of us know, people with straight hair will say 'but it'll get tangly if it's not brushed'...
    2b, medium, lots of them
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  • PT_CudaPT_Cuda Posts: 329Registered Users
    a curly q wrote: »
    PT_Cuda wrote: »

    Unlike my grandma who would just grab the brush and start at the top of my head and just pull straight down and wondered why I started screaming..

    Ok, so not only do i have a mum who says how nice my hair would look if i brushed my hair once in a while, i have a step-mum who puts my baby sis through what i had to go through. we both had/have the same curls and every morning my sis reacts exactly how i did when i was little and had to face the brush - screaming, crying and fussing.

    but as most of us know, people with straight hair will say 'but it'll get tangly if it's not brushed'...

    Yeah right it will tangle, it was always 10x worse after I had it brushed out straight then went out to play and it was flying all over the place, then it was tangled... Argh.. Glad I'm sorta grown up well I grew up but refuse to grow old..
  • th1th1 Posts: 98Registered Users
    It might be a generational thing... my Mom is African American and started putting relaxers on my hair when I was about 8 yrs. old (1963). She grew up when people did not wear their hair naturally curly.

    I stopped the relaxers briefly in high school when Afros was popular, but even then, my hair never stood up or had the thickness like other people's fros. When the wind would blow, there went my Afro!!

    So I went back to relaxing my hair until 2003 when I decided that I wanted to give my hair a rest and see my curls, not frizz.

    The first time I wore my curls to work, everyone thought I'd gone out and had a permanent. I told them "this IS my hair, how it is naturally". They were flabbergasted!!! LOL!

    I said all this to say that my Mom never told me that she did not like my curls, but she never said that she did either. We really have never discussed it.

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  • JournalistJournalist Posts: 366Registered Users
    I think in every mom, there's those feelings of "That's my baby!" Some moms still want you to be their baby, so they use (often times, anyway) the only way they know how to influence you. Your appearance. Some moms love curly hair, either because they want your hair, or they have it and love it, or they don't like it because they don't have that look, they DO have it and hate it, or think you look better straight. Of course as my best friend says, "I'm always the exception!" There are always going to be people who are just mean.
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