Older children of divorce...Long

echokittenechokitten Registered Users Posts: 1,751
My parents have just completed their divorce after 34 years of marriage. My mom is at peace with her decision to file after his infidelity. She is doing very well, went to group counciling, is becoming timidly interested in dating and generally coping in a healthy way.
My dad on the other hand is getting really clingy, calling repeatedly, always telling my sis that he is lonely and generally pestering her. He has bought a new house, car and has a new girlfriend that he is pestering us to meet. Now, to keep is straight...we are not clingy girls. We were raised very independent. We only call occasionally. We only visit occasionally, have dinner about a couple of times a month. My sis moreso because she has a kid but he is dayschool/daycare so you get the idea.
Here's the thing, I don't want to meet my dad's girlfriend because I have no interest in the whole "Hey isn't it great I'm dating your dad?Let's have lunch/go shopping/hang out!!!" Yeah, no. I feel nothing. I don't hate her, I don't even know her to hate her. I don't really care that my dad is dating, I don't find it odd or irritating that he started dating her right after he moved out last June (the divorce was final in April of 2007). I just really don't like to be expected to like someone. I don't feel bad about that. That is how I am with everyone. If I meet you and I like you great, if not well that's that. My First instincs are usually correct. Should I feel different since it's my dad's girlfriend? (I decided I will play nice, because I want my mom to know who she is. I think she has a right, and I am the only person that tells her the straight truth anymore it seems.)
Cincinnati Ohio>>>Coarse protein sensitive 3a, Jessicurl WDT as a leave in, Biotera gel, White Boots, PW= coffeecurls

"Man tries to exaggerate what nature has given him," Charles Darwin (1809-1882).

"Nothing makes a woman more beautiful than the belief that she is beautiful." -Sophia Loren

Comments

  • JaxieJaxie Registered Users Posts: 1,282
    I think that you should probably meet her, but that does not mean that yo have to like or be friends with her. But if you want your mom to know about her than I think that you really have to meet her.
    I don't think that I could ever be friendly with a person who contributed to the breaking up of my parents. (If this is the woman that your father was unfaithful with) If it id not, I may be friendlier toward and may even come to like her. I think that you need to go with your gut instincts when you meet her.
    I always go with my gut and never had a problem with them being wrong!
    HTH
    ~~jax
    2c or 3a Cut most of my hair off in July '12 and am working on regrowing it.
  • iris427iris427 Registered Users Posts: 6,002
    I don't think you should feel differently, there's nothing wrong with the feelings you express here. You can't control how you feel about something. However, you can control how you react.

    I understand what you are saying. My parents are divorced and I don't like meeting my dad's girlfriends either, especially because the last two I really got to know, so it was hard on me too when things didn't work out. But if you value your relationship with your father, I think it's best to put your feelings aside here and meet her. It's a little thing but it may mean a lot to your father. I don't know you or him obviously, so there may be more to it, but why potentially hurt his feelings and damage your own relationship with him just because you're indifferent? I think this may be one of the times where it's best to put your feelings aside and do something because it matters to someone else. JMO.
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  • JosephineJosephine Registered Users Posts: 14,408 Curl Connoisseur
    iris427 wrote:
    I think this may be one of the times where it's best to put your feelings aside and do something because it matters to someone else. JMO.

    I agree, but I don't think I'd be indifferent, probably resentful - so I would rather not meet her unless I got over it.
  • echokittenechokitten Registered Users Posts: 1,751
    Jaxie wrote:
    I think that you should probably meet her, but that does not mean that yo have to like or be friends with her. But if you want your mom to know about her than I think that you really have to meet her.
    I don't think that I could ever be friendly with a person who contributed to the breaking up of my parents. (If this is the woman that your father was unfaithful with) If it id not, I may be friendlier toward and may even come to like her. I think that you need to go with your gut instincts when you meet her.
    I always go with my gut and never had a problem with them being wrong!
    HTH
    ~~jax
    We are pretty sure that he was seeing her before the divorce filing because she works for him. But she wasn't the first.
    Cincinnati Ohio>>>Coarse protein sensitive 3a, Jessicurl WDT as a leave in, Biotera gel, White Boots, PW= coffeecurls

    "Man tries to exaggerate what nature has given him," Charles Darwin (1809-1882).

    "Nothing makes a woman more beautiful than the belief that she is beautiful." -Sophia Loren
  • roseannadanaroseannadana Registered Users Posts: 5,633 Curl Connoisseur
    echokitten wrote:
    Here's the thing, I don't want to meet my dad's girlfriend because I have no interest in the whole "Hey isn't it great I'm dating your dad?Let's have lunch/go shopping/hang out!!!"

    Maybe she feels the same way. Are you sure that she wants to be your buddy? I think you should at least meet her but you can set the boundaries for what sort of relationship you want with her.

    I was born to be a pessimist. My blood type is B Negative.
  • gggg Registered Users Posts: 1,865
    Maybe I have a different perspective because my parents divorced when I was a child (11) so I got used to my mother having boyfriends. My father didn't date after the divorce. I'm happy when my mother has someone to share her life with even if it doesn't last. We were not put on this earth to be alone.

    I can understand the resentment you might feel because of the new relationships but look at it for what it is. Your parents didn't work out they are going out and getting to know other people to go through their life journey. At least they are not sitting around the house being miserable.

    You don't know this person, if your father wants you to meet her go meet her. Look at her as just another person. Who knows you may even like her, but that doesn't mean you no longer have loyalty to your mother just because your father has a new person in his life. Try to look at it from their point of view. Be glad that they are enjoying life and getting to know different people. That's what we're here for.
    You don't have to blow out my flame to make yours burn brighter.

    When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself.

    How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours.
  • Oregano  (formerly babywavy)Oregano (formerly babywavy) Registered Users Posts: 5,297 Curl Neophyte
    I understand the feelings you're having, but being an adult, it's probably just one of those things you have to put up with. If you were still a child, I could understand even more the lack of desire to meet the boyfriend/girlfriend of one of your parents. However, being an adult, and no longer under the responsibility of your parents anymore, you have to realize that they are human beings too, and have needs of their own.
    ~ the artist formerly known as babywavy ~

    Please excuse any typos. For the time being, we are blaming it on my computer.
  • cosmicflycosmicfly Registered Users Posts: 1,814
    I used to feel that way about my dad's girlfriends, too. I really had no interest in meeting them, and it was never an issue until I moved back to my hometown after my son was born and he wanted to bring them over. It never seemed right, you know? Anyway, the one he's with now, he's been with for a few years, and I like her. She doesn't overstep her bounds- she's friendly, she's offered me help through my father, and she is kind to my children. I wasn't excited to meet her initially, either.
    You can meet your father's girlfriend without being obligated to establish a relationship IMO.
  • echokittenechokitten Registered Users Posts: 1,751
    Hey! Thanks for all the advise. It's just nice to vent, and get feedback to the yukky messy parts of life we have to suck up and deal with. :wink:
    Cincinnati Ohio>>>Coarse protein sensitive 3a, Jessicurl WDT as a leave in, Biotera gel, White Boots, PW= coffeecurls

    "Man tries to exaggerate what nature has given him," Charles Darwin (1809-1882).

    "Nothing makes a woman more beautiful than the belief that she is beautiful." -Sophia Loren
  • slinky1slinky1 Banned Banned Users Posts: 1,612
    ...

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