Newcomer...Thinking about transition

GlamGurl85GlamGurl85 Posts: 4Registered Users
Hey Everyone! I am a new member and a naturally curly-haired gal undercover. I stumbled upon this website, and I have to admit, it has made me think a lot about the way I feel about my hair. Like many other naturally curly-haired women, I straighten my curly locks since the age of 13 (I am 22.) I have always HATED my hair. It is REALLY curly, I believe it's in between type 2b and 2c hair. My hatred began as a kid because I was constantly teased by everyone all the time. I always cried and I envied my straight-haired friends. It has eventually made me completely and totally ashamed of it. It is sad to say, but I never leave the house without blowdrying...EVER! Most of the people I know have no idea my hair is naturally curly. My boyfriend didn't even know, until he saw a picture of me whe I was a kid and said " Wow, u had curly hair as a kid, what happend? " I told him I have naturally curly hair, but I choose to straighten it. He gave me a strange look and to this day he still forgets I have curly hair because I ALWAYS straighten it, so I have to remind him once in a while that I do have curly hair and it still surprises him.
It is an awful burden keeping up with my hair. To tell you the truth it has been damaged so much that the ends don't curl anymore; it is one big frizzy, dry, dull mess. The only nice curl is on top, where the newly grown in hair is. So with that pretty picture, I can't even where it curly now. I have no choice but to straighten it. I feel trapped because I can't do a lot of things, such as swimming, working out...anything that attracts water or moisture. I am sure you all know once water hits ur head u go "POOF!" I get really embarassed when I hang out with friends and all the girls are swimming and I am the only one hiding from the water. I am terrified of the rain...H 2 O is not my friend. They look at me like "What's her deal?"

I wish I would of never touched my hair and just let it be. At least it would be healthy and I wouldn't have to hide it. I've thought about growing it all out, and not relaxing it anymore so i can wear it natural, but that is gonna take a loooonngg time. It would be such a relief though! My hair has been a burden....since day one. I've been teased as a kid, frustraded as a teenager, and shamefully hiding my hair as an adult. :oops: I am scared for my future children because my boyfriend also has curly hair, so that means my kids will definately have some very curly hair. I don't want my daughter to go through all of this. I want her to be proud of her hair and be able to manage it in a healthy way. This is my stress of the tress story. I've been thinking about growing it all out and leaving my hair curly, but I always end up straightening it when I get impatient. Any words of wisdom will help! Hope to hear from someone soon! :lol: [/b][/size][/color]


  • mariag002mariag002 Posts: 3,557Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    i feel your frustration. I'm sure your hair is beautiful and the truth is its going to take a least a year of not relaxing for it to look how it used to. The good part is that you don't have to do it alone, we're here for you! :D

    I have been in transition for 5 months now and I have approximately 4 inches of natural hair growth, the rest is chemically relaxed. I've had to be nothing but patient in these past few months. One thing I've learned is that relaxing TO ME is a lie (no offense to those that choose to relax) because its saying to myself I have to alter my appearance in order to confirm to society's view of beauty. My hair is nappy (3a) and I love it, its me, its who God made me. I have to accept it as part of me. I can hardly wait to chop off all my straight hair and be a curly head :lol:

    Oh and I DEFINITELY know what you're talking about.. me and pools, the rain, anything with H2O..don't mix. People don't understand. Even my husband looks at me crazy if he tries to hug me while he's sweating and i say "Oh hell no, unless you got 30 bucks to pay for the salon" LOLOLOL
    - Maria

    Big Chop: 9/23/07
    Relaxer free for almost 5 years!

  • GlamGurl85GlamGurl85 Posts: 4Registered Users
    It's such a relief to know that there are people out there who know how I feel!! :D It is going to take me about 1 1/2 or 2 to completely get rid of all the straight relaxed hair. I completely agree with you when you said that relaxing your hair is like lying. I feel like I am lying to myself and everyone else everytime I straighten my hair out :oops: Everyone who knows me has no clue I have curly hair, not even my best friend!! That to me is a big time lie, because if there is one person who should know everything about you, it's your best friend and or your spouse or boyfriend. I guess I am afraid of their reactions when I say "I have curly hair" Because I have straightened my hair so much it looks naturally straight and they always say "You have such pretty straight hair" and I love hearing it, so telling them my hair is a curly mess won't be too comfortable to me because I am not comfortable with it. I know that people should love you for who you are, but it still scares me to death to admit that to someone close to me. I don't know why it's so hard. I have been through a lot of teasing throughout my life because of my hair and I am afraid to feel ridiculed again. I have just become so used to living the lie, and it is such a burden. But I still have not reached the point where I can say I truly love my hair, although I am taking a big step towards that right now. I need all of the support I can get. The more relpies I get the more determined I am to go natural!
  • keikokkeikok Banned Posts: 585Banned Users
    I know what you mean. When I flat iron my hair I always leave a little bit of curl in it tho because i dont want anyone to think I'm pretending to have straight hair.
  • Laura3705Laura3705 Posts: 5Registered Users
    This may sound ridiculous, but depending on what type of relaxer you have, you may be able to get a perm. I had thermal reconditioning and hated it, it was too straight --- couldn't deal with growing it out so my hairdresser permed the bottom of my hair. I was pretty scared it would all fall out, but it turned out okay! Now I'm back to just "normal" relaxed hair that I can wear straight or curly....
  • multicultcurlymulticultcurly Posts: 5,136Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    GlamGurl, I wouldn't add any more chemicals -- relaxers or perms. Going natural will probably be a slow process for you because you seem to not like curly hair. There is nothing wrong with that; we are all different. But instead of focusing on having naturally curly hair again, first focus on having healthy hair. This means using better hair products, no more relaxers, not flat ironing so much, eating better, etc. For instance, only flat iron once a week. Don't go full curly all at once. Maybe on a day where you don't have to be somewhere important, where your hair naturally, but where it pulled back, with a few tendrils framing your face. You can even pull hair back to dry. This way you can slowly accept your hair without feeling so self-concious.

    The going natural process is not easy, especially if you've been ridiculed about the way your natural hair looks. Also, depending on how damaged your hair is, this could affect the way your hair looks. I personally think that if you start slowly you will gradually begin to like your hair. And let's say, you get your hair healthy again, but you don't genuinely like your hair curly, then there are less damaging ways to loosen your curl pattern. But I would give it at least a year before you did anything drastic.
    3b/c, medium-coarse, low porosity, high density
    HG: Jessicurl Too Shea and Kinky Curly Curling Custard
    Shampoo: nonsulfate shampoo and Suave Naturals sulfate shampoo when needed
  • mariag002mariag002 Posts: 3,557Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Oh man if i had the option of getting a perm on my ends I'd be all over that LOL I know somebody who got her hair relaxed, then she didn't like it so a few weeks later she got a perm. Well her hair fell out when she was washing it. As she was telling me the story I couldn't stop laughing because she said she went to the emergency room and the nurse said "Ma'am, you don't need a hospital. You need a hairsalon" :lol:
    - Maria

    Big Chop: 9/23/07
    Relaxer free for almost 5 years!

  • NesssyNesssy Posts: 6Registered Users
    I'm also going natural. I've not relaxed my hair for 4 months. I'm biracial and my curls are tight to medium tight. I was thnking of perming my hair but now that I read about your friend's hair that fell of after perming, I'll opt out. Thanks for sharing that.

    "Oh man if i had the option of getting a perm on my ends I'd be all over that LOL I know somebody who got her hair relaxed, then she didn't like it so a few weeks later she got a perm. Well her hair fell out when she was washing it "
  • mariag002mariag002 Posts: 3,557Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Well the woman relaxed her curls (she was a 2a), decided she didn't like it straight anymore and a week later permed it to make it curly. She said she had bald spot and her hair fell out in clumps. She ran to the emergency room LOL I laughed because it had already happened years before and her hair was very long, curly and beautiful.

    I lived in the Dominican Republic when I was a teenager and down there everybody and their momma wants to have a salon. Well in the 80's there really weren't as many good products as there are now, especially not down there. I must've had my hair fall out from wannabe-beauticians like 10 times. I'd wait 4 months to get it relaxed only to have some dummy over process the hair and it would fall out, then I'd have to start all over again.

    If this makes you feel any better, in the 9 months of me transitioning.. when I wash and comb my hair I get a few strands of hair in my comb. The myth that transitioning makes your hair fall out is a LIE. Or maybe a LYE LOL ok that was corny :laughing9:
    - Maria

    Big Chop: 9/23/07
    Relaxer free for almost 5 years!

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