Love story: Need advice

spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Posts: 17,898Registered Users Curl Virtuoso
edited April 2018 in Non-hair discussion
So back when I was a freshman in high school this boy was totally into me. He asked me out 27 times and I said no each time. But on his 28th try, he wore me down and I said yes. And despite my reservations, he turned out to be the sweetest, most attentive, fun boyfriend a girl could have. But there was this strange "issue" at play and after several months, I ended things with him. I knew he was sad but I never understood, until very recently, how truly heartbroken he was over the break up. So we reconnected about three weeks ago and I learned that he's been looking for me since 1988! 

We've been texting daily and talking on the phone several nights out of the week. I can't stop thinking about him and he says he can't stop thinking about me either. He says he really wants to see me. He's a single parent, like me. But we live about 1100 miles apart. 

He's still just as adorable and perfectly suited to me as back when we were 14. The issues that caused me to end things btwn us are no longer a factor. When I think about how many times he tried to reach out to me over the years, I'm very touched. I would love to see him again but I'm sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo scared. (I suffer from generalized anxiety disorder so it makes thing a lot worse.) The fact that yet another of my horrible adult Ohio relationships has ended tells me it's not going to happen for me here. I just really want what me and this guy had back in high school, but the adult version. I want my high school sweetheart back!

Can someone guide me thru this???

(Yes, I'm actually in contact w/ several others guys I dated during high school. But I don't feel anything for them. This one is special and 100% for me.)

«1

Comments

  • LotsawavesLotsawaves Posts: 9,777Registered Users Curl Virtuoso
    Take it slow & get to know each other as adults.  High school is over & life has changed us.  That is a big distance.  Neither should relocate without spending time together.  I've been thru this & I have 2 friends who are going thru this now. 
    From Michael Berg:

    Every person has a unique connection to the Creator that can never be extinguished, and every person has a great soul that can manifest important things in our world. To make a person feel less than they are because of something inside themselves, be it faith, race, or sexual orientation, is the greatest sin of all."
  • GretchenGretchen Administrator Posts: 10,840Moderators Curl Virtuoso
    What a beautiful story!  Thank you for sharing it with us.  I agree; take it slowly. It it's meant to be, it will withstand the test of time. Is either of you willing to relocate if it comes to that? 

    Gretchen
    NaturallyCurly.com co-founder
    3A

    You are beautiful!
  • spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Posts: 17,898Registered Users Curl Virtuoso
    Thanks! He wants to come out to Columbus to visit. But I'm so scared. I suggested we meet up somewhere else instead & he said what about Vegas?! That sounds like a lot of fun but I'm  still scared. I need to lose weight! Plus, I'm scared of getting attached to someone i can never really be with. I know i cannot relocate at this time. I'm too scared to start talking about this with him & so soon. What if all be wants is a wknd fling. I've been talking with a male friend of mine & he says all this guy wants is sex bc we never actually had sex back in high school & he prbly just wants to finally finish what he started so many yrs ago.

  • CurlyCanadianCurlyCanadian Posts: 10,904Registered Users, Curl Ambassador Curl Connoisseur
    Go meet up, have raunchy sex, take it from there! You got this Xox
    I believe in manicures. I believe in overdressing. I believe in primping at leisure and wearing lipstick. I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles.
    Audrey Hepburn
  • rouquinnerouquinne Posts: 13,737Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    2 years ago, someone i dated in high school looked me up and everything was awesome before we met. it was one day and i think he just needed to unload on someone who knew him when everything was easier.

    i didn't tell him how much i liked him back in high school, there was no point. and i haven't seen him since that one day in January 2016 or talked to him since about a month after that. and before that day we met, we talked on the phone for hours on end for a couple of months.

    take my experience with a BIG grain of salt, but there you go.
    My blog:

    http://labellatestarossa.blogspot.ca/

    Little Mother of all the Roaches, President-for-Life of the MAC Harlots!
  • GretchenGretchen Administrator Posts: 10,840Moderators Curl Virtuoso
    Thanks! He wants to come out to Columbus to visit. But I'm so scared. I suggested we meet up somewhere else instead & he said what about Vegas?! That sounds like a lot of fun but I'm  still scared. I need to lose weight! Plus, I'm scared of getting attached to someone i can never really be with. I know i cannot relocate at this time. I'm too scared to start talking about this with him & so soon. What if all be wants is a wknd fling. I've been talking with a male friend of mine & he says all this guy wants is sex bc we never actually had sex back in high school & he prbly just wants to finally finish what he started so many yrs ago.
    Would you be opposed to just a weekend of fun, even if it meant nothing else? 

    Gretchen
    NaturallyCurly.com co-founder
    3A

    You are beautiful!
  • spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Posts: 17,898Registered Users Curl Virtuoso
    edited April 2018
    Gretchen said:
    Thanks! He wants to come out to Columbus to visit. But I'm so scared. I suggested we meet up somewhere else instead & he said what about Vegas?! That sounds like a lot of fun but I'm  still scared. I need to lose weight! Plus, I'm scared of getting attached to someone i can never really be with. I know i cannot relocate at this time. I'm too scared to start talking about this with him & so soon. What if all be wants is a wknd fling. I've been talking with a male friend of mine & he says all this guy wants is sex bc we never actually had sex back in high school & he prbly just wants to finally finish what he started so many yrs ago.
    Would you be opposed to just a weekend of fun, even if it meant nothing else? 

    What do you mean nothing else? Like would I be upset if there was no sex? In theory, no, I would not be upset with a sexless wknd. That's how it should be, considering we're practically strangers to each other now. But I would be highly surprised. So surprised that it might start to mess with my head. When we were 14, we were all over each other, to the point that teachers had to practically pull him off me and we could have easily been arrested for what we were doing on many, many occasions. And we've joked about the things we used to say and do to each other. If we met up and he kept me at arms' length, I'd feel very strange and like I had disappointed him in a major way....just based on our personalities and how strong the chemistry was and currently is on the phone. IDK, wow, I guess I assumed there'd be at least kissing or something. 

  • GretchenGretchen Administrator Posts: 10,840Moderators Curl Virtuoso
    Would you be opposed to a weekend of JUST sex? Like it was clear that was JUST what he was after? 

    Gretchen
    NaturallyCurly.com co-founder
    3A

    You are beautiful!
  • spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Posts: 17,898Registered Users Curl Virtuoso
    edited April 2018
    Gretchen said:
    Would you be opposed to a weekend of JUST sex? Like it was clear that was JUST what he was after? 
    I would NOT be OK with that at all!! That sounds nuts to me. Why would he contact me after 31 yrs and call me almost nightly and plan an out of state trip just for sex? Surely, he can find that much closer to home. (I know I can!) No, I'd be appalled if we got there, wound up having sex and I never really heard from him again...or only to plan for more sex. (Not yelling at you, Gretchen. haha)

    IDK how to convey to him that I am NOT looking for just a casual hook-up, without sounding paranoid and prudish tho. Bc I think he's trying really hard to not give off a sleazy vibe.

    Our situation is so weird. How can it not be ambiguous?

    Rou - so do you mind saying whether or not you and your old bf had sex when you met up? Or at least can you say if he tried? Had you had sex w/ him in hs? Did you have fun when you met up?

  • GretchenGretchen Administrator Posts: 10,840Moderators Curl Virtuoso
    Gretchen said:
    Would you be opposed to a weekend of JUST sex? Like it was clear that was JUST what he was after? 
    I would NOT be OK with that at all!! That sounds nuts to me. Why would he contact me after 31 yrs and call me almost nightly and plan an out of state trip just for sex? Surely, he can find that much closer to home. (I know I can!) No, I'd be appalled if we got there, wound up having sex and I never really heard from him again...or only to plan for more sex. (Not yelling at you, Gretchen. haha)

    IDK how to convey to him that I am NOT looking for just a casual hook-up, without sounding paranoid and prudish tho. Bc I think he's trying really hard to not give off a sleazy vibe.

    Our situation is so weird. How can it not be ambiguous?

    Rou - so do you mind saying whether or not you and your old bf had sex when you met up? Or at least can you say if he tried? Had you had sex w/ him in hs? Did you have fun when you met up?
    LOL. I know you're not yelling at me. :)  I think you should meet him and see where it goes. I just saw this story online where a couple met by mistake on Facebook. She in Canada; he, Germany.  They fell in love and made it work! So you never know!

    Gretchen
    NaturallyCurly.com co-founder
    3A

    You are beautiful!
  • StarmieStarmie Posts: 7,169Registered Users Curl Virtuoso
    Have you spoken to him about your recent break-up? If so, from what you've said about how nice he is I would think he'd understand that you weren't going to be into some casual hook-up kind of thing with him. If he's been wanting to reconnect for so long it doesn't seem to make sense to me that he wouldn't be serious about seeing how things could work between you.
    And, if the issue that made you break up with him is no longer an issue and the only thing essentially stopping you from going there is distance, I'd say go for it.
    3b in South Australia.
  • spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Posts: 17,898Registered Users Curl Virtuoso
    Thanks for the encouragement!

    To add another layer to this story, his birthday is in a few weeks. I noticed it when we became friends on fb but then in a phone conversation, he mentioned it. (I had in passing asked if anything big was coming up for him.)

    I really want to get him a gift. And I'd like for it to be a surprise. I ~think~ I know his address based on a Whitepages search. I'd rather not ask him to confirm if that's his address bc it will kill the surprise. But then again, I don't want to creep him out by sending something to his home that he's not expecting.

    Also I have no idea what to get him. Like none. I have posted this group ad nauseum asking for advice on buying ppl gifts. I am hopeless at this. I want it to be kind of sweet and sentimental or something that reminds him of me! He's a mechanic and is self employed and working on buying a garage. I thought maybe something cute for it. We were not in touch at the times we both got our first cars (we broke up right after he turned 15 and we didn't get cars til we were 18.) But ironically, we both bought the exact same make, model and year car as our first. <3B) So I was thinking about trying to find a replica of it but I can't and maybe that's stupid anyway. I'm clueless. But he has cheered me up so much following my recent break up that I think he deserves something for sure.

  • spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Posts: 17,898Registered Users Curl Virtuoso
    So we're trying to decide on a place for our meet up. I think anywhere in the contiguous 48 is an option.  He's asked about Vegas, Reno and the Grand Canyon. Honestly, IDC. I don't think he does either. But i'd like to at least feel like i'm contributing in this process. So where's a fun place to go? I searched "fun places to go in the US as a couple." We're not a couple but we're two adults, not bringing kids. And they all showed up as "top romantic getaways." I'm just looking for somewhere fun. Any ideas?

  • LotsawavesLotsawaves Posts: 9,777Registered Users Curl Virtuoso
    It would depend on what you both enjoy doing.  Vegas could work since there are great restaurants & shows & gambling, if you are in to that.  The fountains at the Belagio are amazing to watch.  There are really good restaurants across from it where you can eat on the patio, if you like.  People watching would be fun.  I'm excited for you seeing each other again & I think it is great that he is taking your mind off your recent break-up.  A guy I've known since we were 12 & dated the Summer after high school drove from Texas to AZ to come see me.  He was very sweet to say he would be fine sleeping in my guest room.  Of course, he didn't.  We had a good weekend together, but I found I wasn't really feeling it.  We still keep in touch.  I consider him a good friend & he has suggested we meet in Vegas.  He is a BIG gambler & I'm not, so this may not be the best place for us to meet.  LOL!
    From Michael Berg:

    Every person has a unique connection to the Creator that can never be extinguished, and every person has a great soul that can manifest important things in our world. To make a person feel less than they are because of something inside themselves, be it faith, race, or sexual orientation, is the greatest sin of all."
  • StarmieStarmie Posts: 7,169Registered Users Curl Virtuoso
    Obviously I have no idea where you could meet, but I'm glad you're going ahead with seeing him. Better than sitting at home wondering.
    3b in South Australia.
  • GretchenGretchen Administrator Posts: 10,840Moderators Curl Virtuoso
    I think Vegas is a great idea. 

    Gretchen
    NaturallyCurly.com co-founder
    3A

    You are beautiful!
  • rouquinnerouquinne Posts: 13,737Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    nope, SL, no sex, not when we were teenagers and not 2 years ago.

    was it fun.... yes and no. i think Darren had been going through a really rough patch. he had been estranged from his family for a long time and had recently reconnected with them after his second marriage had ended a couple of years before that. when we met up, about 4 months before that, he had accepted a massive buy-out package from his employer, and was looking for a new life.

    while we were reminiscing about some of our friends and  being at school, it was okay. but after that he just spilled his soul out and it was odd. i think he needed to tell someone who knew him in his life before everything went wrong everything that had happened. i hope it helped him.

    that summer in 1977 when we dated was pretty amazing - Darren was a seriously nice and decent guy - even as a teenager. i was deeply hurt when i got back to school a couple of weeks after i last saw him and he was dating our classmate Robin, and he had decided to drop out. he told me 2 years ago that he had cared about me too much then and it scared him. but that's why i stuck in his mind for 40 years.

    i don't know why he disappeared again, maybe i still scared him. who knows.

    i know i'll never give him another chance - twice is enough.
    My blog:

    http://labellatestarossa.blogspot.ca/

    Little Mother of all the Roaches, President-for-Life of the MAC Harlots!
  • spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Posts: 17,898Registered Users Curl Virtuoso
    I'm excited for you seeing each other again & I think it is great that he is taking your mind off your recent break-up.  

    ___
    This is SL5000:
    Something went very wrong with the quote function and I cannot back out of it. 

    But anyway. Thanks for saying that. This recent breakup has been difficult for me. (It was for 4 yrs and he lived with me and my kids.) I don't miss him but I'm still shaken by the whole situation. And i'm afraid I'm becoming too attached to this guy from high school. We talk to each other like we are still bf and gf. LOL it's so weird. I don't want to get hurt again. wahhhhhhh  :#

  • rouquinnerouquinne Posts: 13,737Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    yes, the board is wonky again.

    Darren and i had talked for hours on the phone every night for 6 weeks before we met up again.

    again, grain of salt....

    My blog:

    http://labellatestarossa.blogspot.ca/

    Little Mother of all the Roaches, President-for-Life of the MAC Harlots!
  • LotsawavesLotsawaves Posts: 9,777Registered Users Curl Virtuoso
    SL5000, I totally understand what you are saying about your last relationship.  I'm in the same place. I don't miss Jim, but he put a knife in my heart & I can't get it out.  
    From Michael Berg:

    Every person has a unique connection to the Creator that can never be extinguished, and every person has a great soul that can manifest important things in our world. To make a person feel less than they are because of something inside themselves, be it faith, race, or sexual orientation, is the greatest sin of all."
  • JosephineJosephine Posts: 14,408Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    Ooh sounds fun.  Vegas is a fun easy place to  meet at.  And you'll be surprised, some people will fly just for sex. I have.  It's not easy for everyone to just find that and with the emotional/mental connection.
  • spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Posts: 17,898Registered Users Curl Virtuoso
    edited May 2018
    So Monday May 7th was his bday. As you can see from earlier in this thread, I was stressing over what to get him from April 20 (actually earlier). 

    I got a suggestion from a friend and stalked Whitepages.com for his address. I didn't want to tip my hand to any of it bc I personally think the surprise factor of getting a gift can be just as important as the gift itself.

    So I by the gift on Monday, April 30 and take to the post office on Tuesday, May 1. I took pics of everything - the card, the addressed envelope, the gift I put in the card, the receipt for the purchase of the gift, the receipt for metered postage, even his address on Whitepages.

    So it's now Wed, May 9 and he still hasn't gotten the freakin gift. So awkward. My surprise was ruined and it looked like I had forgotten all about his bday. And even now that I told him I'd sent him something, he prbly doesn't believe me, like i'm just trying to gas him up. I'm close to tears over this. He lives about 1100 miles away but priority mail to anywhere in the contiguous 48 shouldn't take more than 5 days, sent Priority. I'm sooo frustratede. And I asked him after the fact what his address is and I'd gotten it right. :( 

  • GretchenGretchen Administrator Posts: 10,840Moderators Curl Virtuoso
    I'm so sorry. Darned mail service. I hope it gets there soon. 

    Gretchen
    NaturallyCurly.com co-founder
    3A

    You are beautiful!
  • CurlyCanadianCurlyCanadian Posts: 10,904Registered Users, Curl Ambassador Curl Connoisseur
    Go to Key West!! Is relaxing, it’s fun, great shops and bars, tons of people watching, it’s not a couply place, so won’t be weird if things don’t go that way, but as someone who’s had a couple of good random hookups down there, there is definitely an air about it! 

    I hope the gift gift gets their quickly!
    I believe in manicures. I believe in overdressing. I believe in primping at leisure and wearing lipstick. I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles.
    Audrey Hepburn
  • JosephineJosephine Posts: 14,408Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    Did he get the gift? Sorry it didn't make it on time.  I'm assuming you guys haven't met up yet?  What's the status?
  • spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Posts: 17,898Registered Users Curl Virtuoso
    edited May 2018
    Josephine said:
    Did he get the gift? Sorry it didn't make it on time.  I'm assuming you guys haven't met up yet?  What's the status?
    He finally got the gift on the 10th or 11th...tho I mailed it on the 1st! What kind of crap is that??

    He seemed really happy about it and said it was his only gift & thoughtful, etc. But didn't really say that I'd nailed it...which is what I want to hear as my confidence in gift giving is so low. lol

    No, we still haven't met up. I reeeeeeally want to but I need to lose weight. And I'm losing like 1 lb a week! I've just weaned myself off all of my meds (for multiple reasons) so i'm hoping I can lose now. But obviously, I will be nowhere near my goal,. (Has anyone heard from....oh gosh, what's her name, the boardie who collects the expensive sunglasses and is married w/ no kids, an admin asst and has a black pit bull...she was doing that mindful weightloss experiment. What's her name??? how is she and did she lose the weight she wanted?)

    There's really no status. I like him a lot more than I should....and I'm trying to keep that in check by not talking to him too much. When we were 14, he was like obsessed w/ me. And now I feel maybe the tables have turned and i'm sweating him? Maybe he has the upper hand? IDK. LOL It could be that I just feel needy bc of ending my recent relationship and the ongoing drama w/ that. Something happening from this thing just seems so unlikely....so i'm trying not to get my hopes up. I just don't know what i'm supposed to do here or how to act or what to say or even how often to talk to him. And I hate that I am not really slim anymore.....Aggghhhh I'm being so stupid over this guy.  :s:#

    Oh yeah, I love the Key West idea! And another friend suggested New Orleans. I'd be happy with either of those.

    Soooo On Saturday night I was rushing around & I locked myself out of my car and I was stranded in a desolate parking lot in the rain, all alone w/ 20-0% charge on my phone for over 2 hrs. And I posted it to FB after I finally got home. And he didn't comment on FB but texted me asking if I was OK and saying he was worried about me. Soooooo why didn't he comment on FB, I wonder?

    Oh yeah, since it's a smaller group now, I hope I can become FB friends with more of you.....

  • JosephineJosephine Posts: 14,408Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    About  facebook, why would he comment on facebook?  Texting is more personal.  I use facebook for people I don't keep in touch with in real life. Yea you are getting attached which happens.  I would talk a little less until it's time to meet in person or at least go through cycles.  I'm actually trying to do that now myself.
  • JosephineJosephine Posts: 14,408Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    Also, how often do you talk now?  And how much weight are you trying to lose?
  • spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Posts: 17,898Registered Users Curl Virtuoso
    edited May 2018
    Gosh, I need to lose about 40 lbs to be at my BEST. (He hasn't seen me since I was a 14 year old, starting to model, so you can imagine what I looked like. Now I'm a slightly disabled 45 y/o mother of two!) But at this point 20 lbs would be fine. I'll take whatever I can get. 

    We text every day but the phone calls have slowed down. He was calling nightly in the beginning. It wasn't like we got bored talking and it slowed down. It was like we were getting too exciting and it slowed down. It feels like he intentionally slowed it down. Not sure if he did that bc it's just not reasonable to talk that much w/ someone you aren't dating. Or bc it was taking his time away from a girlfriend, etc. (According to him, he's not in a relationship, but who knows.) Or, I guess it's possible the novelty has worn off for him and it's not a big deal to him anymore. 

    And he goes to sleep really early and I am usually not free to talk until late (tho there is a one hour time zone delay that should help that but doesn't seem to).

    IDK maybe we actually talk on the phone twice a week now. 

    Why am I putting so much energy into this??? :/

    ***

    What's your current situation, Josephine?

    ***

    Oh yeah, we talked more about his gift and he did say I nailed it! So glad he liked it.  :p

  • LotsawavesLotsawaves Posts: 9,777Registered Users Curl Virtuoso
    I think you are putting too much thought into this & stressing yourself out.  Take a breath.  He may detect how anxious you are.  If he wants to meet, let him make the 1st move.  Try to look at it as seeing an old friend after many years.  Nothing more unless it happens.  Good luck on losing at least 20 lbs.  
    From Michael Berg:

    Every person has a unique connection to the Creator that can never be extinguished, and every person has a great soul that can manifest important things in our world. To make a person feel less than they are because of something inside themselves, be it faith, race, or sexual orientation, is the greatest sin of all."

Leave a Comment

BoldItalicStrikethroughOrdered listUnordered list
Emoji
Image
Align leftAlign centerAlign rightToggle HTML viewToggle full pageToggle lights
Drop image/file