Love story: Need advice
spiderlashes5000
Posts: 17,898Registered Users Curl Virtuoso
So back when I was a freshman in high school this boy was totally into me. He asked me out 27 times and I said no each time. But on his 28th try, he wore me down and I said yes. And despite my reservations, he turned out to be the sweetest, most attentive, fun boyfriend a girl could have. But there was this strange "issue" at play and after several months, I ended things with him. I knew he was sad but I never understood, until very recently, how truly heartbroken he was over the break up. So we reconnected about three weeks ago and I learned that he's been looking for me since 1988!
We've been texting daily and talking on the phone several nights out of the week. I can't stop thinking about him and he says he can't stop thinking about me either. He says he really wants to see me. He's a single parent, like me. But we live about 1100 miles apart.
He's still just as adorable and perfectly suited to me as back when we were 14. The issues that caused me to end things btwn us are no longer a factor. When I think about how many times he tried to reach out to me over the years, I'm very touched. I would love to see him again but I'm sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo scared. (I suffer from generalized anxiety disorder so it makes thing a lot worse.) The fact that yet another of my horrible adult Ohio relationships has ended tells me it's not going to happen for me here. I just really want what me and this guy had back in high school, but the adult version. I want my high school sweetheart back!
Can someone guide me thru this???
(Yes, I'm actually in contact w/ several others guys I dated during high school. But I don't feel anything for them. This one is special and 100% for me.)
We've been texting daily and talking on the phone several nights out of the week. I can't stop thinking about him and he says he can't stop thinking about me either. He says he really wants to see me. He's a single parent, like me. But we live about 1100 miles apart.
He's still just as adorable and perfectly suited to me as back when we were 14. The issues that caused me to end things btwn us are no longer a factor. When I think about how many times he tried to reach out to me over the years, I'm very touched. I would love to see him again but I'm sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo scared. (I suffer from generalized anxiety disorder so it makes thing a lot worse.) The fact that yet another of my horrible adult Ohio relationships has ended tells me it's not going to happen for me here. I just really want what me and this guy had back in high school, but the adult version. I want my high school sweetheart back!
Can someone guide me thru this???
(Yes, I'm actually in contact w/ several others guys I dated during high school. But I don't feel anything for them. This one is special and 100% for me.)
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Every person has a unique connection to the Creator that can never be extinguished, and every person has a great soul that can manifest important things in our world. To make a person feel less than they are because of something inside themselves, be it faith, race, or sexual orientation, is the greatest sin of all."
Gretchen
NaturallyCurly.com co-founder
3A
You are beautiful!
Audrey Hepburn
http://labellatestarossa.blogspot.ca/
Little Mother of all the Roaches, President-for-Life of the MAC Harlots!
Gretchen
NaturallyCurly.com co-founder
3A
You are beautiful!
Gretchen
NaturallyCurly.com co-founder
3A
You are beautiful!
IDK how to convey to him that I am NOT looking for just a casual hook-up, without sounding paranoid and prudish tho. Bc I think he's trying really hard to not give off a sleazy vibe.
Our situation is so weird. How can it not be ambiguous?
Rou - so do you mind saying whether or not you and your old bf had sex when you met up? Or at least can you say if he tried? Had you had sex w/ him in hs? Did you have fun when you met up?
Gretchen
NaturallyCurly.com co-founder
3A
You are beautiful!
And, if the issue that made you break up with him is no longer an issue and the only thing essentially stopping you from going there is distance, I'd say go for it.
To add another layer to this story, his birthday is in a few weeks. I noticed it when we became friends on fb but then in a phone conversation, he mentioned it. (I had in passing asked if anything big was coming up for him.)
I really want to get him a gift. And I'd like for it to be a surprise. I ~think~ I know his address based on a Whitepages search. I'd rather not ask him to confirm if that's his address bc it will kill the surprise. But then again, I don't want to creep him out by sending something to his home that he's not expecting.
Also I have no idea what to get him. Like none. I have posted this group ad nauseum asking for advice on buying ppl gifts. I am hopeless at this. I want it to be kind of sweet and sentimental or something that reminds him of me! He's a mechanic and is self employed and working on buying a garage. I thought maybe something cute for it. We were not in touch at the times we both got our first cars (we broke up right after he turned 15 and we didn't get cars til we were 18.) But ironically, we both bought the exact same make, model and year car as our first.
Every person has a unique connection to the Creator that can never be extinguished, and every person has a great soul that can manifest important things in our world. To make a person feel less than they are because of something inside themselves, be it faith, race, or sexual orientation, is the greatest sin of all."
Gretchen
NaturallyCurly.com co-founder
3A
You are beautiful!
was it fun.... yes and no. i think Darren had been going through a really rough patch. he had been estranged from his family for a long time and had recently reconnected with them after his second marriage had ended a couple of years before that. when we met up, about 4 months before that, he had accepted a massive buy-out package from his employer, and was looking for a new life.
while we were reminiscing about some of our friends and being at school, it was okay. but after that he just spilled his soul out and it was odd. i think he needed to tell someone who knew him in his life before everything went wrong everything that had happened. i hope it helped him.
that summer in 1977 when we dated was pretty amazing - Darren was a seriously nice and decent guy - even as a teenager. i was deeply hurt when i got back to school a couple of weeks after i last saw him and he was dating our classmate Robin, and he had decided to drop out. he told me 2 years ago that he had cared about me too much then and it scared him. but that's why i stuck in his mind for 40 years.
i don't know why he disappeared again, maybe i still scared him. who knows.
i know i'll never give him another chance - twice is enough.
http://labellatestarossa.blogspot.ca/
Little Mother of all the Roaches, President-for-Life of the MAC Harlots!
Darren and i had talked for hours on the phone every night for 6 weeks before we met up again.
again, grain of salt....
http://labellatestarossa.blogspot.ca/
Little Mother of all the Roaches, President-for-Life of the MAC Harlots!
Every person has a unique connection to the Creator that can never be extinguished, and every person has a great soul that can manifest important things in our world. To make a person feel less than they are because of something inside themselves, be it faith, race, or sexual orientation, is the greatest sin of all."
I got a suggestion from a friend and stalked Whitepages.com for his address. I didn't want to tip my hand to any of it bc I personally think the surprise factor of getting a gift can be just as important as the gift itself.
So I by the gift on Monday, April 30 and take to the post office on Tuesday, May 1. I took pics of everything - the card, the addressed envelope, the gift I put in the card, the receipt for the purchase of the gift, the receipt for metered postage, even his address on Whitepages.
So it's now Wed, May 9 and he still hasn't gotten the freakin gift. So awkward. My surprise was ruined and it looked like I had forgotten all about his bday. And even now that I told him I'd sent him something, he prbly doesn't believe me, like i'm just trying to gas him up. I'm close to tears over this. He lives about 1100 miles away but priority mail to anywhere in the contiguous 48 shouldn't take more than 5 days, sent Priority. I'm sooo frustratede. And I asked him after the fact what his address is and I'd gotten it right.
Gretchen
NaturallyCurly.com co-founder
3A
You are beautiful!
I hope the gift gift gets their quickly!
Audrey Hepburn
He seemed really happy about it and said it was his only gift & thoughtful, etc. But didn't really say that I'd nailed it...which is what I want to hear as my confidence in gift giving is so low. lol
No, we still haven't met up. I reeeeeeally want to but I need to lose weight. And I'm losing like 1 lb a week! I've just weaned myself off all of my meds (for multiple reasons) so i'm hoping I can lose now. But obviously, I will be nowhere near my goal,. (Has anyone heard from....oh gosh, what's her name, the boardie who collects the expensive sunglasses and is married w/ no kids, an admin asst and has a black pit bull...she was doing that mindful weightloss experiment. What's her name??? how is she and did she lose the weight she wanted?)
There's really no status. I like him a lot more than I should....and I'm trying to keep that in check by not talking to him too much. When we were 14, he was like obsessed w/ me. And now I feel maybe the tables have turned and i'm sweating him? Maybe he has the upper hand? IDK. LOL It could be that I just feel needy bc of ending my recent relationship and the ongoing drama w/ that. Something happening from this thing just seems so unlikely....so i'm trying not to get my hopes up. I just don't know what i'm supposed to do here or how to act or what to say or even how often to talk to him. And I hate that I am not really slim anymore.....Aggghhhh I'm being so stupid over this guy.
Oh yeah, I love the Key West idea! And another friend suggested New Orleans. I'd be happy with either of those.
Soooo On Saturday night I was rushing around & I locked myself out of my car and I was stranded in a desolate parking lot in the rain, all alone w/ 20-0% charge on my phone for over 2 hrs. And I posted it to FB after I finally got home. And he didn't comment on FB but texted me asking if I was OK and saying he was worried about me. Soooooo why didn't he comment on FB, I wonder?
Oh yeah, since it's a smaller group now, I hope I can become FB friends with more of you.....
We text every day but the phone calls have slowed down. He was calling nightly in the beginning. It wasn't like we got bored talking and it slowed down. It was like we were getting too exciting and it slowed down. It feels like he intentionally slowed it down. Not sure if he did that bc it's just not reasonable to talk that much w/ someone you aren't dating. Or bc it was taking his time away from a girlfriend, etc. (According to him, he's not in a relationship, but who knows.) Or, I guess it's possible the novelty has worn off for him and it's not a big deal to him anymore.
And he goes to sleep really early and I am usually not free to talk until late (tho there is a one hour time zone delay that should help that but doesn't seem to).
IDK maybe we actually talk on the phone twice a week now.
Why am I putting so much energy into this???
***
What's your current situation, Josephine?
***
Oh yeah, we talked more about his gift and he did say I nailed it! So glad he liked it.
Every person has a unique connection to the Creator that can never be extinguished, and every person has a great soul that can manifest important things in our world. To make a person feel less than they are because of something inside themselves, be it faith, race, or sexual orientation, is the greatest sin of all."