I hate my hair so much? Was I born with bad hair?

melaniethewondermelaniethewonder Registered Users, Curl Ambassador Posts: 3 Curl Neophyte
edited February 2018 in Coarse-Width Hair
So to start this off, I have very thick, wavy, poofy, and frizzy hair and I ABSOLUTELY hate it. I can never wear it down because it will just poof up with its ugly wavy strands and my wavy hair is so big and thick it looks like a lion's mane. This is why I'm always in pony-tail mode, my hair just makes me feel so bad and ugly all the time! I got it straightened about 3 weeks ago and I loved it so much I wanted to keep it straight and thin forever, but I knew at some point I'll have to wash my hair and make it go back to it's naturally bad texure. I'm always tempted to go straighten my hair but I know I can't because they say heat on hair will damage it even more. I've used a ton of hair products such as pantene curl conditioner and shampoo, garnier fructis anti frizz serum, pantene curl mousse, garnier fructis sleek and shine system brazilian straightening but they never work, my hair just ends up the same way it is after i use these products. im in my teenage years and i've seen a lot of articles online that say hair gets frizzier during this time and it will end soon but I feel like I will never have as good as hair as some girls that have straight, healthy, and fine hair and I'm absolutely sick of it. My hair is the type of hair that makes you want to cry, it's like every single day is a bad hair day for me. I used to wear my hair down when I was younger but I started wearing it in a pony tail all the time once I saw it was getting pretty bad and frizzy, poofy. I wish I could just change my hair forever, advise please?? thanks.
(Also I saw this home remedy thing online where you can use milk as a natural hair straightener, it's where you basically spray milk onto your hair and let it sit there about 20 mins and then rinse it out but I don't know if it will work.)

Best Answers

  • bomegabomega Registered Users Posts: 1,355 Curl Virtuoso
    edited February 2018 Accepted Answer
    Hi @melaniethewonder,

    Welcome to nc.com. I'm sorry you are struggling with your hair. But I disagree that there is even such a thing as being born with bad hair Hair can look frizzy, or do something we don't want it to, but the thing to remember is that this is your hair that and it is just on your head doing it's thing. If it is frizzy or something, it just isn't getting what it needs to settle down. You just need to figure out what it needs to be the gorgeous locks you were born to have. If you read hair gets frizzier in your teen years, well, that isn't exactly accurate. It is true that during times of major hormonal changes (like puberty and the teen years) hair can change its texture, but it is only frizzier because it isn't getting what it needs, not because you are a teen. But you came to the right place to learn about how to take care of your curly locks! 

    For starters, many people around nc.com and Curltalk follow the Curly Girl Method (or a modified version of it) first developed by Lorraine Massey. You can read about it in her book, the Curly Girl Handbook, but I learned about it by reading articles around nc.com, and reading the newbie threads here on Curltalk. I highly encourage you to do all of those things.

    A cornerstone of the Curly Girl Method is to avoid ingredients that harsh and/or drying to curly hair. This includes shampoos with sulfates (SLS), and products with non-water-soluable silicones (to identify these please see this article: Silicone Ingredient Solubility List.) You should also avoid petroleum based products which can build up (mineral oil, petrolatum) and parabens for your health. I mention all this because the product lines you mentioned above are all known for using silicones and sulfates. It is likely your hair is frizzy because of it is dry from using these ingredients.

    To deal with this, you need to start by clarifying the silicones, either with a sulfate shampoo that does not contain silicones or with a sulfate-free shampoo with an ingredient known to remove them. A very inexpensive sulfate that will work is VO5 Normal Shampoo, and Kinky Curly Come Clean is a popular sulfate-free shampoo. After washing with one of these clarifying shampoos, you should follow with a deep treatment. You can use any silicone-free conditioner, or a special masque product as a DT- apply it to you hair, put on a shower cap and lay a washcloth warmed with hot water on top of that for some heat. Leave it on for 20-30 minutes, then rinse. As I Am Hydration Elation and Camille Rose Naturals Algae Treatment are good DT products. All four of the above products are available at Target. 

    Then for your regular routine, you will want to start either co-washing or using a low-poo (non-sulfate shampoo) and rinse-out conditioner in the shower on a schedule that suits you and your hair. Then you will want to develop a styling routine that help bring out the best in your hair.

    However, to get started you will want to first determine your hair properties (especially hair width, porosity, density). These will provides clues as to what types of products and techniques will work best with your hair. Try using the Texture Quiz on nc.com to figure this out: https://www.naturallycurly.com/quiz

    As for the milk treatment, I've heard milk can be a good conditioner, but I have never heard that it can be used as a hair straightener. The only way to straighten hair is to use harsh chemicals which are ultimately very damaging to your hair. If that is what you want, you can go to a salon to do it. But, I think it would be better for you to learn to care for you hair and give it what it needs to look its best. Start with identifying your hair properties and we can go from there.
    Low-poo: Alaffia Coffee & Shea Revitalizing Shampoo for Fine/Thin Hair (summer), Alaffia Coconut & Shea Hydrating Shampoo
    Clarify: Kinky Curly Come Clean
    Rinse-out: Alaffia Coffee & Shea Revitalizing Conditioner for Fine/Thin Hair (summer), Alaffia Everyday Coconut Ultra Hydrating Conditioner
    DT: Camille Rose Naturals Algae Renew Deep Conditioner
    Leave-in: As I Am Leave-in
    Styler: Lily of the Desert 99% Aloe Vera Gelly
    Treatment: Daily tea spray; Coconut oil overnight treatment; Citric acid rinse for hard water; 2-step Henndigo w/ amla to cover gray

    2C, fine, low porosity, low/medium density, protein sensitive

    Looking for styling products and tools

    iHerb Code KQS149 for 5% off your order
  • GretchenGretchen Administrator Moderators Posts: 10,840 Curl Virtuoso
    Accepted Answer
    @melaniethewonder welcome to CurlTalk!  Please don't give up on your hair. @bomega has given you fantastic advice... Please just be patient and be willing to experiment. I know we can make your hair gorgeous! 

    NaturallyCurly.com co-founder

    You are beautiful!


  • melaniethewondermelaniethewonder Registered Users, Curl Ambassador Posts: 3 Curl Neophyte
    thank you bomega! i will use your tips! <3
  • rbbrbb Registered Users Posts: 4,357 Curl Connoisseur
    i agree with everything bomega said.

    i did not like my hair before i learned about cg.   thought my hair was just frizzy/wavy.  turns out it's actually curly.  it just needed moisture, ie, no shampoos with sulphates stripping my hair, and good conditioner without silicones moisturizing my hair.
    and, a good cut made it all super great!
    read as much as you can and your hair will change.  it really needs moisture.  you might even need a protein treatment, depending on your hair properties and products you use.
    if you follow the cg method you will eventually see what your hair can be.

    3a, some 2c & 3b, medium texture, porosity normal, low elasticity :-(
    washing/cowashing, conditioning, protein tx: curl junkie products
    leave in:curl junkie conditioners and treatments as leave in
    styling: curl junkie 
    sealants - jane carter nourish & shine
  • qingggqinggg Registered Users, Curl Ambassador Posts: 0 Curl Neophyte
    Hi, I need help with my hair. I have never dyed my hair or use heat on it not even blow dry so there's no damage in these areas. But my hair feels so rough, dull, and bumpy. I wash my hair once a week with shampoo and deep conditioner. I let the conditioner sit for around ten minutes, and then leave in conditioner afterwards with sometimes some morocco oil. I don't know what to do to help my hair.. :(

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