Help me, please.

Pxrkcy18

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So, for the past four years my hair has been transitioned to natural (it is completely natural now). My mom kept individuals in my hair the whole time so I didn't have to deal with trying to style it while it was transitioning. Last year in July, we took down my final set of individuals, as we felt it was finally completely natural. As you can see in the picture, I had ALOT of hair. My hair has always been thick, and very curly, not even the relaxers I used would fully get rid of my curls. Now....my hair is horrible. I hate it. I hate myself. That's why I blacked out my face--I feel horribly ugly. I'm spending less time out in public and more time at home crying over my hair. I'm so tempted to take a razor and shave my head completely bald. Even typing this, I'm crying. I hate looking at my hair and don't know what to do. After researching and evaluating what got my hair to this point I came to the verdict of I flat ironed and manipulated it way too much. I was twisting my hair EVERY DAY and flat ironed it about 8 times in between July 2016 and January 2017. All that hard work is for nothing because it's so damn ugly now.
I just want some advice on what to do...should I cut it all off? Go back to wearing individuals? What are some good hair growing supplements, if you recommend I take those?

cupoftea

I think figuring out the porosity of your hair is most important. I figured out I am low porosity and I just tried Shea Moisture's low porosity line (they also have a high porosity line) and it worked wonders.

Don't brush your hair after it is dry if you want the curls. I think if you find the right products your curl pattern will look great. Someone on here told me to apply styling products while my hair is soaking wet (so I turn off shower, don't dry my hair and stay in shower applying leave-in stuff) and that works out waaaay better. If you turn out to be low porosity like me, what I tried today was to apply the Shea Moisture low porosity leave in and then add a little curl activator (the one in the yellow/gold bottle) for soft hold and it worked well. I am still experimenting with my hair.

If you are too frustrated right now, maybe give yourself a couple weeks' break by getting some cornrows with extensions and then come back with a fresh mind after you take them out. I got cornrows because I was so frustrated and on the brink of going to a relaxer so I took a break and put in cornrows and having that break made a world difference because when I came back to my hair I was mentally rejuvenated.

cupoftea

I think figuring out the porosity of your hair is most important. I figured out I am low porosity and I just tried Shea Moisture's low porosity line (they also have a high porosity line) and it worked wonders.

Don't brush your hair after it is dry if you want the curls. I think if you find the right products your curl pattern will look great. Someone on here told me to apply styling products while my hair is soaking wet (so I turn off shower, don't dry my hair and stay in shower applying leave-in stuff) and that works out waaaay better. If you turn out to be low porosity like me, what I tried today was to apply the Shea Moisture low porosity leave in and then add a little curl activator (the one in the yellow/gold bottle) for soft hold and it worked well. I am still experimenting with my hair.

If you are too frustrated right now, maybe give yourself a couple weeks' break by getting some cornrows with extensions and then come back with a fresh mind after you take them out. I got cornrows because I was so frustrated and on the brink of going to a relaxer so I took a break and put in cornrows and having that break made a world difference because when I came back to my hair I was mentally rejuvenated.

Therese1

Please don't cut your hair off yet...there are some things that you can try first. Many people on the forum have struggled, just like you. You're not alone. I hope that more naturals with your hair type will chime in with suggestions.

One suggestion would be to clarify your hair with a sulfate shampoo that is silicone free and then do a deep conditioning treatment. When I deep condition, I wash my hair and then squeeze out most of the water. Then I put on my conditioner and really try to work it into my hair, smoothing out any rough spots. Then I put on a plastic cap and wrap a towel around my head to hold in my body heat. I keep that on for 30-60 minutes (30 minutes is supposed to be the most that's needed; after that, I think the hair doesn't absorb any more of the conditioner), and then I rinse out the conditioner and style as usual.

Finding out your porosity would be helpful, as cupoftea noted. If your hair is low porosity, then you most likely will need to deep condition often, because the hair has a hard time absorbing conditioner. My hair is low porosity, and if I just put on conditioner in the shower and rinse it out a few minutes later, it seems to mostly just sit on top of my hair, and my hair doesn't really feel mositurized after it's dry and styled.

Do you know whether your hair is fine or coarse? If your hair is fine, it might benefit from a protein treatment. You could look for a conditioner that has hydrolyzed protein in it. If your hair is coarse, sometimes protein makes it feel even rougher, so I would be careful. If your hair is coarse, you might benefit from putting a little bit of olive oil or coconut oil on dry hair (just a little bit is enough; the hair should just look slightly greasy) and then washing it out with a gentle shampoo several hours later. The oil can penetrate the dry hair and give increased flexibility. (You can get more information on this by going to the Science-y Hair Blog.)

Have you ever read the book Curly Girl by Lorraine Massey? I would recommend it. It has a lot of helpful information.

Therese1

Please don't cut your hair off yet...there are some things that you can try first. Many people on the forum have struggled, just like you. You're not alone. I hope that more naturals with your hair type will chime in with suggestions.

One suggestion would be to clarify your hair with a sulfate shampoo that is silicone free and then do a deep conditioning treatment. When I deep condition, I wash my hair and then squeeze out most of the water. Then I put on my conditioner and really try to work it into my hair, smoothing out any rough spots. Then I put on a plastic cap and wrap a towel around my head to hold in my body heat. I keep that on for 30-60 minutes (30 minutes is supposed to be the most that's needed; after that, I think the hair doesn't absorb any more of the conditioner), and then I rinse out the conditioner and style as usual.

Finding out your porosity would be helpful, as cupoftea noted. If your hair is low porosity, then you most likely will need to deep condition often, because the hair has a hard time absorbing conditioner. My hair is low porosity, and if I just put on conditioner in the shower and rinse it out a few minutes later, it seems to mostly just sit on top of my hair, and my hair doesn't really feel mositurized after it's dry and styled.

Do you know whether your hair is fine or coarse? If your hair is fine, it might benefit from a protein treatment. You could look for a conditioner that has hydrolyzed protein in it. If your hair is coarse, sometimes protein makes it feel even rougher, so I would be careful. If your hair is coarse, you might benefit from putting a little bit of olive oil or coconut oil on dry hair (just a little bit is enough; the hair should just look slightly greasy) and then washing it out with a gentle shampoo several hours later. The oil can penetrate the dry hair and give increased flexibility. (You can get more information on this by going to the Science-y Hair Blog.)

Have you ever read the book Curly Girl by Lorraine Massey? I would recommend it. It has a lot of helpful information.

Coiffedcoils

1. Don't cut your hair off, at least not now. It may just end up making you feel worse about how you look. Instead like others suggested do some type of protective style(cornrows, wig, braids/twists) to keep your mind off your hair.
2. Stop brushing your hair out on dry hair. This will cause breakage and more damage if your not careful.
3. Try looking up what styles you enjoy on natural hair. Would you like a twist out/braid out or curly or fro? Whichever you prefer start working on practicing doing those styles on your hair. If it doesn't turn out right you can always put it in a puff.
4. Know your porosity and look up other youtubers with a similar porosity and hair type to yours so you can see what kind of products your hair may like. Low porosity will like lighter products left in the hair, normal porosity can handle medium to light products, and higher porosity needs heavier products(and sometimes can benefit from use of silicones, heavy butters, such as shea, and oils).

Hair that has been heat damaged might benefit from a mild protein treatment and definitely would benefit from deep conditioning once or twice a week.