Do you downplay your appearance?

CatitudeBooCatitudeBoo Registered Users Posts: 590 Curl Connoisseur
Do any of you purposely downplay your looks? Have you ever found yourself tired of the male gaze and attention thus you put on weight, stop wearing makeup, put your hair in a ponytail/bun all the time, etc.? Does your job take you more seriously if you don't put as much effort into your appearance?

Discuss.
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Comments

  • multicultcurlymulticultcurly Registered Users Posts: 5,136 Curl Connoisseur
    I only do that when I feel insecure so I can't handle the attention. I'm going through an ugly duckling phase at the moment, but when I was younger, I would try to become invisible. Part of it was that I moved to a much different place and I realized that the only reason people looked at me because of my good looks and that they couldn't categorize me. I felt like an object, which is awkward when you're a teenager/early 20s.

    I do wonder if I wore glasses, would I look super smart? Lol

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  • BotticelliBritBotticelliBrit Registered Users Posts: 2,075 Curl Neophyte
    Personally, no to all of the above.

    I present myself however I feel like presenting myself on the day, depending on my mood/whims, but it's never because I'm tired of what men may think (though, yes, being leered at does p*ss me off), or because I feel my job will take me more seriously.

    I dress/do my makeup in a way that makes me feel confident. Some days it might be a full face and heels, other days totally casual/'natural', but it's always about me. I think that's important and I don't believe people can be happy if they're changing the way they look, or downplaying their looks for the sake of other people's opinion.

    I also don't think my job would care if I wore no makeup or looked like I hadn't put as much effort in. I mean, obviously I'm not going to turn up with my hair looking like a rat's nest, dressed in tracksuit bottoms, but aside from that I don't think it matters.

    I do almost wonder though, do you think in most professions it's the opposite of what you proposed - like, jobs take women less seriously if they don't put effort in? I don't know why, but I feel like that might be more common.

    To add, it kind of seems like what you described (being tired of the male gaze and putting on weight, not wearing makeup etc. in an effort to make yourself seem less appealing) would negatively affect a person's own self-confidence and have bad connotations for their happiness. Not that weight gain or not wearing makeup makes you sad, I mean purposefully doing so in order to not be looked at. I don't know . . . it seems like such a person would almost be retreating into themselves and becoming resigned.
    3B. Med porosity. Med thickness. Med density.

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  • curlyamarylliscurlyamaryllis Registered Users Posts: 338 Curl Connoisseur
    I've never found that downplaying appearance makes people take women more seriously. The reverse is most often true, or it just doesn't really make a difference.

    Personally, I've always found that people treat me with more respect when I'm made up- hair done, makeup, nice clothes. That could be because I feel more confident that way, but whatever it is, it's an advantage I use.
    CG since May 1, 2016
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  • Therese1Therese1 Registered Users Posts: 2,563 Curl Virtuoso
    I downplayed my appearance when I was in college, but I don't anymore. Now I generally try to put my best foot forward, although I don't always wear makeup. I do always try to dress nicely and do my hair. Like BoticelliBrit said, it's more about me and how I feel on a particular day than about being concerned with others' response.
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    Low-porosity 2a/b baby-fine hair
  • StarmieStarmie Registered Users Posts: 7,169 Curl Virtuoso
    I don't think I've ever suffered the indignity of too much of the male gaze and downplaying my looks is not something I would ever do as I would likely resemble a troll. I envy those of you who think/know you're attractive.
    As to the job thing, no.
    3b in South Australia.
  • StarmieStarmie Registered Users Posts: 7,169 Curl Virtuoso
    I don't think I've ever suffered the indignity of too much of the male gaze and downplaying my looks is not something I would ever do as I would likely resemble a troll. I envy those of you who think/know you're attractive.
    As to the job thing, no.
    3b in South Australia.
  • JosephineJosephine Registered Users Posts: 14,408 Curl Connoisseur
    Yes I used to especially since I work in a more nerdy environment. I thought if I looked too 'pretty' or 'girly' I would not get taken as serious or smart. Now, not so much, mainly because I am getting older and not sure how many more good hot years I have left lol. And I don't get the same amount of attention so it's okay. I still put my hair back for the most part , although a lot of that is for comfort while working.
  • LotsawavesLotsawaves Registered Users Posts: 9,777 Curl Virtuoso
    I worked with a woman who intentionally gained a lot of weight becuz she was uncomfortable with male attention. She had been molested when she was younger. She suffered from varicose veins, high blood pressure, & sleep apnea. I encouraged her to get help, but she wouldn't. Anyway, at my age I do everything I can to look my best. LOL!!! Yesterday I bought a new lipstick. Hot Pink. I call it my new red. I got some polish to match & ran over to my nail salon. I am rocking my new pink.
    From Michael Berg:

    Every person has a unique connection to the Creator that can never be extinguished, and every person has a great soul that can manifest important things in our world. To make a person feel less than they are because of something inside themselves, be it faith, race, or sexual orientation, is the greatest sin of all."
  • OnduleeOndulee Registered Users Posts: 1,305 Curl Connoisseur
    Do any of you purposely downplay your looks? Have you ever found yourself tired of the male gaze and attention thus you put on weight, stop wearing makeup, put your hair in a ponytail/bun all the time, etc.? Does your job take you more seriously if you don't put as much effort into your appearance?

    Discuss.

    All of the above for all reasons listed. My life is so much simpler when I'm basically I invisible. And I like it that way. 🎆
    shoulder length bob; fine; 3A-3B; thin density; normal porosity; normal elasticity- my hair loves keratin, ACV, silk protein ,Curlkeeper and AG:Recoil ; needs moisturizing products and hates oils except mineral oil; CG- Jan/'09-mod CG Sept/'09;CG again Jan/'10/mod CG from Mar'10


  • curlyannie80curlyannie80 Registered Users Posts: 334 Curl Neophyte
    I do the same thing. Especially if my confidence is low that day. I don't always do it, but sometimes, because the attention can feel annoying. I also noticed that when I was heavier, it seemed like nobody really noticed me very much, and in a strange way, I enjoyed it, if that makes sense. It was like a vacation away from dudes staring at me. So now that the weight is mostly gone, I have to get used to it again. And it's not like I'm some drop dead gorgeous woman, I mean, I'm not ugly, but it would be extremely frustrating if I WAS some "hot chick", I think, because a lot of men are very gross about it. So yeah, I agree with what the OP said for sure. It's actually relieving to hear I'm not the only one, and its sad that we feel this way, but it is what it is.

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  • CatitudeBooCatitudeBoo Registered Users Posts: 590 Curl Connoisseur
    ^ Same here Annie. When I was younger, "hotter" and more insecure, being ignored or invisible really bothered me. I used to live in Southern California, modeled as a hobby and worked as a go-go dancer part-time. All my female friends back home are exceptionally attractive young women and I didn't want to be the charity case in a bevy of beauties. I was treated as hot, yes, and got a lot of male attention but at the end of the day, they didn't want anything serious. Being pretty just meant that more guys would try to get in my pants. I used to equate that with self-worth, which is sad.

    After I moved to the Pacific Northwest and as I'm closing in on 30, I've become more secure with myself so I don't crave superficial attention. I honestly feel more comfortable in my glasses, no makeup, jeans, sneakers and long-sleeved shirts/sweaters than how I used to look with straightened hair, full face of makeup, contacts, short skirts/dresses and heels. Every job I've had since moving here has started at 4 or 5am so I don't put much effort into my appearance. I rarely go out, unless it's to dinner/movie/occasional dive bar with my boyfriend or hiking in the mountains so trying to look cute isn't a consideration. It had the unintended consequence of rendering me invisible to the opposite sex but I find that comforting. I don't want men talking to me just because they like the way I look. Shoo fly, don't bother me.

    I wanted to know if other women felt similarly and I'm glad we're not alone. I used to want to the Bombshell who men would fall over themselves to look at. I saw how some of my other girlfriends would get approached when we'd be out in public. When I was younger I was jealous of the attention (& not all of it good, or even from attractive men either) they got but now I'd consider that annoying and objectifying.
    CG since Dec. 2013  B)
    3b/c ~ fine ~ high porosity ~ low density
    No-Poo: SheaMoisture Manuka Honey & Mafura Oil Shampoo 
    RO: Tresemme Botanique Nourish & Replenish Conditioner 
    Stylers: Tresemme Flawless Curls Mousse & Extra Hold Hairspray 


  • CatitudeBooCatitudeBoo Registered Users Posts: 590 Curl Connoisseur
    dbl post
    CG since Dec. 2013  B)
    3b/c ~ fine ~ high porosity ~ low density
    No-Poo: SheaMoisture Manuka Honey & Mafura Oil Shampoo 
    RO: Tresemme Botanique Nourish & Replenish Conditioner 
    Stylers: Tresemme Flawless Curls Mousse & Extra Hold Hairspray 


  • curlyannie80curlyannie80 Registered Users Posts: 334 Curl Neophyte
    Hey, I'm from central California, that's cool that you lived in Ca, too. I'm from Santa Cruz. I'm living in Oklahoma now, and plan on moving home in the summer. I couldn't be more excited!!!!!!
    Anyways, I 100% agree with you on everything. I think it also comes with maturity (for me), like when I was young, just as you said, I wanted to turn heads. And I did, and that was cool, and fun, etc. But I'm 36 now, and I'm "over it", I guess. It does feel nice sometimes to get checked out, but I don't want it all the time.

    Sent from my XT1254 using CurlTalk App
  • helenklinehelenkline Registered Users Posts: 5
    I am living in the opposite phase of life, I used to follow no makeup look before but that lead me nowhere. I have noticed that people praises the looks and the personality not your talent. So I have decided to take care of my appearance. I am looking for makeup help and my friend recommended reading to grab information about the makeup tools. Can anybody help me with regular makeup looks I should do while working.
  • helenklinehelenkline Registered Users Posts: 5
    Your tips will be greatly appreciated.
  • helenklinehelenkline Registered Users Posts: 5
    Thank you in advance.
  • curlypearlcurlypearl Registered Users Posts: 12,231 Curl Connoisseur
    Yes I purposely downplayed my looks when I worked in nonprofit because the prevailing notion was that paying attention to one's appearance was shallow and trivial and we were supposed to care about the "important" issues in life.

    I had modeled and acted when I was younger and I love makeup and I'm a romantic so I love "frou frou" and "war paint" and looking pretty/sexy/feminine. At work I was careful for years to wear minimal makeup and avoid anything frilly or overtly feminine. After many years when I felt more secure at work I loosened up somewhat.

    Out of work I pretty much do and wear what I want. I had a horrifying rape attempt when I was in my teens so at home, if a man is coming to fix something I wear no makeup and do everything I can to make myself look unappealing.
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