Personal story I'll share

marleenymarleeny Posts: 10Registered Users
I wanted to share a sad, personal story of mine that I don't talk about for the sake of letting the past stay in the past...but I guess recently I noticed something I caught myself doing and I beleive that this certain moment in my past may have something to do with it...

Recently, I've noticed this guy getting close with all my coworkers in the offce were I work. He's very friendly to them, and overall, he seems like a nice guy. Yet he has this slight cocky, I'm too cool kind of a way of being, with the way he talks and carries himself. Now, this is the thing...when he tries to talk to me or include me in his conversations with the rest of my coworkers, I refuse to give attention to him. I try to say little, or absolutely nothing to him. It obviously shows that I don't want to talk to him or get to know him...and for a while, I didn't know why...

....then one day, it hit me like a flash from the past. Literally. I was listening to him talk, trying to include me in the topic again, when suddenly his voice hit a nerve and I felt a familiar sense of hate towards him out of nowhere. I thought to myself, 'why does he get on my nerves so much though? I mean...he seems nice.' At that moment, I realized that what I felt was very familiar to how I felt one time when I was in high school.

It was the first time I straightened my hair. I was nervous because I never did anything to my hair, except have it curly in a bun or in a ponytail. Walking in to class late, I sat down after the teacher excused my tardy, and I started my test...then I heard a group of boys chuckling as they made fun of my hair. The cool boys. The ones that try to get attention, that have a 'slight cocky', 'I'm too cool' kind of way with carrying themselves. It got me so upset that I won't lie, I teared up a little. It hurt obviously, and I went home disappointed in myself for even trying to do something with my hair.

Well, I'm the kind of person that is a bit persistent with doing what I want anyways, so I went and got a hair cut for my straight hair look. Afterwards, others who saw me complimented my hair but at that point I didn't care, I just wanted to make a statement I guess. The statement lasted for a short period because I love my curls and went back to them, of course..

So now, I see why I don't like the guy, and I get sad about that because those idiots pretty much ruined my view on this particular person who hasn't actually done anything to me other than socializig in the office while trying his best to include me so as to get to know me I guess. I feel bad, but I can't help it...its cuz I'm not mean person, but I'm sure he thinks I am.

I can't explain myself either to him, of course...but now that I know where this behavior of mine is coming from, I wonder if I'll be able to fix it. ?

Anyways, I just wanted to vent I guess. Leave your thoughts pls, if you'd like. thanks!

Comments

  • CurlyCanadianCurlyCanadian Posts: 10,904Registered Users, Curl Ambassador Curl Connoisseur
    I have no suggestions, I just want to say how sorry I am that happened to you.


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    I believe in manicures. I believe in overdressing. I believe in primping at leisure and wearing lipstick. I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles.
    Audrey Hepburn
  • JosephineJosephine Posts: 14,408Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    Do you want to fix it? I'm sorry about your hair experience, kids can be mean. Maybe it'll just take some time and exposure to remove that association.
  • Therese1Therese1 Posts: 2,552Registered Users Curl Virtuoso
    I have many triggers like this in my life, and yes, once I know why I'm overly sensitive to something, it helps in fixing the situation. It kind of frees up the heart a bit to know that you're actually reacting to something from the past, and then you can remain more fully in the present.

    I've found that many of my triggers go back to early childhood. Maybe the straightened-hair incident hurt so bad because there had been a similar incident even earlier in your life? That might be something to consider also.
    Low poo: Intelligent Nutrients (IN) Harmonic; Oribe Cleansing Creme
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  • LotsawavesLotsawaves Posts: 9,765Registered Users Curl Virtuoso
    Our past can certainlly come back to haunt us. I think it is good that you now understand your reaction to this man. Maybe opening yourself up to his friendship will help you to get over what happened in your past.
    From Michael Berg:

    Every person has a unique connection to the Creator that can never be extinguished, and every person has a great soul that can manifest important things in our world. To make a person feel less than they are because of something inside themselves, be it faith, race, or sexual orientation, is the greatest sin of all."
  • curlisue1curlisue1 Posts: 494Registered Users Curl Novice
    Maybe you just don't really like him because he's a little cocky.


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  • spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Posts: 17,898Registered Users Curl Virtuoso
    At least be cordial...unless he is being flirtatious or inappropriate.

  • marleenymarleeny Posts: 10Registered Users
    curlisue1 wrote: »
    Maybe you just don't really like him because he's a little cocky.


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

    Maybe so...but he's still a nice guy. Haha :)
  • marleenymarleeny Posts: 10Registered Users
    Thank you all for taking time and reading my post and responding as well with your thoughts. Right now that I re-read what I posted a while ago, I noticed something I mentioned at the top of my post: letting the past stay in the past. After reading your thoughts as well, I should simply allow myself to let whatever happened remain in the past, stop letting it haunt me and interfere in my present life (randomly I guess), and be nice to this person because...well, I just should be, the same way I treat everyone else. Hahaha :thumright:
  • MorrisonFan91MorrisonFan91 Posts: 609Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    Hi, :) .

    I am a guy. But, when I was in college-I got bullied tons by similar ones. I think they were members of a frat.

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