uncomfortable with so's friend

My boyfriend and I have only been together a few months and we recently moved in together. Back in December I first met his group of friends and through his brother I found out that my boyfriend had pursued one of the girls he calls his friend. After what his brother commented, my boyfriend told me the basics of the story (he had liked her, she wanted to remain friends, she was also seeing someone else). He apparently pined after her for quite a while (according to his brother) and tried hard to get her to like him as more than a friend; somehow they are now friends. I had told him in the beginning that I'd rather not know details about his past because, frankly, I don't want to hear about it. After his brother made his comments, however, I had no choice but to know about it.
Right now this is bothering me, knowing he is going to meet up with her for drinks. Especially since he admitted to still feeling attracted to her. Granted it is the middle of the afternoon and he did ask me if I wanted to come along. I met her before and she is nice enough but I just don't want to be around her right now. Seeing how weird I feel about this, I'd rather be antisocial for a bit.
I'd like to hear you guys' and your different points of view. I feel like I have some growing up to do.
Right now this is bothering me, knowing he is going to meet up with her for drinks. Especially since he admitted to still feeling attracted to her. Granted it is the middle of the afternoon and he did ask me if I wanted to come along. I met her before and she is nice enough but I just don't want to be around her right now. Seeing how weird I feel about this, I'd rather be antisocial for a bit.
I'd like to hear you guys' and your different points of view. I feel like I have some growing up to do.
Latina
Type: 3a
Dense, fine/medium texture, low porosity
Low-poo: Devacurl No-Poo/ Yes to Carrots Nourishing Shampoo/ Elacel Aloe Vera Shampoo
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Type: 3a
Dense, fine/medium texture, low porosity
Low-poo: Devacurl No-Poo/ Yes to Carrots Nourishing Shampoo/ Elacel Aloe Vera Shampoo
Conditioner: Garnier Fructis Triple Nutrition Conditioner
Leave-in: Devacurl Set It Free/Lush R& B
Styling: Herbal Essences Set Me Up Spray-Gel/ L'Oreal Silk & Gloss Curl Power Mousse
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Comments
Highly porous. Color over grey.
I love all the Curl Junkie products. Still experimenting with gels and curl creams. Still hoping for 2nd day hair....
Every day is a gift :flower:
If you're invited, maybe go. Otherwise you are saying, "sure go out alone with that woman you are attracted to"
Question yourself as to why his brother would tell you all of that. (And have you verified what the brother has told you)
Moving in with someone has all sorts of ups and downs. Perhaps clearly discussing your expectations of the relationship and of him (and him of you) would be good. Because if you just moved in and he's fine doing this (and you are obviously not fine with this), what's this going to look like in a few months. Generally speaking people are putting their best selves forward during the beginning stages of a relationship.
I would figure out what you want and what you can live with, then see if his belief system aligns with yours
~ sent with love and good intentions ~
Every person has a unique connection to the Creator that can never be extinguished, and every person has a great soul that can manifest important things in our world. To make a person feel less than they are because of something inside themselves, be it faith, race, or sexual orientation, is the greatest sin of all."
Since I have a brother and a sister who got married within a year of meeting their other half I can understand why some people move in after a few months. My brother is still married after 22 years and my sister after 9. They had other partners who they were going out longer with but refused to move in with.
This is why the OP should go out with him when she is invited rather than being anti-social.
Some guys start feeding their female friends' cr*p about their relationship thinking this will make them more attractive.
If both the OP and the female friend show they are clear on their positions and they get along, the guy will realise he can't try this.
I have male friends and some of them are actually exes. So I get that part. But a lingering attraction? NO!
I think you should tell him it makes you feel uncomfortable when he socializes with her, and especially if it is one-on-one.
He needs to make a choice and reassure you (thru his actions) that she is totally unimportant to him.
Yep. All of this. If he's currently interested in her (WHY ON EARTH WOULD HE TELL YOU THIS?) then it's just a bad situation all together. I'd really prefer that my partners not put me in a position to "compete" with anyone. I don't compete...I quit.
We had a long conversation about this and turns out there were a couple of misunderstandings. First of, he wasn't meeting just her but also other friends. Then, he misunderstood me when I asked him "are you still attracted to her?". He thought I meant if he found her attractive not if he felt any lingering attraction.
He also told me more of the story between them, which briefly put is this: they've been friends for seven years and nothing ever happened between them, even though he tried in the beginning. Somewhere along the line (after a year) he realized she really wasn't interested in him and that considering both their personalities, it would be better if they remained friends. He does say he is not interested in her.
I'm not really friends with my exes, but with guys I dated casually, I am. I guess because it was so chilled out from the beginning that the transition to friendship was easier.
After the conversation I still don't feel like the next thing I want to do is be friends with her. Also because I don't like people being pushed on me, as if I have to like them because somebody else does...
I appreciate everybody's responses
Sent from my MotoE2(4G-LTE) using CurlTalk App
Type: 3a
Dense, fine/medium texture, low porosity
Low-poo: Devacurl No-Poo/ Yes to Carrots Nourishing Shampoo/ Elacel Aloe Vera Shampoo
Conditioner: Garnier Fructis Triple Nutrition Conditioner
Leave-in: Devacurl Set It Free/Lush R& B
Styling: Herbal Essences Set Me Up Spray-Gel/ L'Oreal Silk & Gloss Curl Power Mousse
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Audrey Hepburn
Highly porous. Color over grey.
I love all the Curl Junkie products. Still experimenting with gels and curl creams. Still hoping for 2nd day hair....
Every day is a gift :flower:
Every person has a unique connection to the Creator that can never be extinguished, and every person has a great soul that can manifest important things in our world. To make a person feel less than they are because of something inside themselves, be it faith, race, or sexual orientation, is the greatest sin of all."