Changing My Life - Going Curly

reluctant_curlyreluctant_curly Registered Users Posts: 3

I am new to this site. I was thrilled to find it! I was married for nearly 23 years and my husband--from nearly the get-go--referred to my 3A hair as frizzy, A-frame, like Rod Stewart's hair, etc. etc. I also have a high forehead, so I dealt with those comments as well. You get the picture. For most of my adult life--and I am 48--I have worn my hair in a ponytail with bangs (which I have always hated). I did, on occasion, straighten it with a flat iron, but the ponytail was my go-to "style."

I am now divorced (he wasn't a terrible man, just not the right man for me) and dating a man who likes to be active and he realized that due to my "difficult" hair, I wasn't doing things I wanted to do. For example: Not walking the dogs on a rainy day or get sweaty unless there was a hat nearby that I could plop on my head.

I took a long hard look at myself and decided a few weeks ago that I need to ditch the straight bangs (not that they usually stayed that way!) and ponytail and let my hair do its curly thing.

I went for a trim yesterday and the woman who has been cutting my hair for over 15 years told me that my hair looked "dated" when I dried it naturally. She gave me a trim (it is a little below chin length with longish layers) and proceeded to straighten and curl my hair with a flat iron and gave me the usual flips and fat curls.

Sure, it looked great. But she just wouldn't *listen* to me when I told her I want to lead a more active lifestyle without having to wear a hat or constantly fuss with my hair. She said, Oh you're divorced, your kids are have time to style your hair.

She doesn't get it. Do I ditch a fifteen-year relationship with my hairdresser and search for a more curl-friendly stylist??

In a few days my boyfriend and I are going to Hawaii for two weeks. I am really looking forward to it. Even more so because I'm going to let my hair do whatever it wants to do. I am not taking a blow dryer or a flat iron.

This has been long and I suppose it seems silly to have been so insecure about my hair and looks all these years. But I am gradually changing.

It's a process!!


  • rbbrbb Registered Users Posts: 4,357 Curl Connoisseur
    congrats! (i, too, was married for 23 yrs to a man who hated my hair curly.and then the gray.... so freeing!)
    this is a great website. you have lots of reading to do. i can point you in the direction to start --
    --The Curly Girl book, by Lorraine Massey, 2009 edition. you can get this at some libraries, amazon, bookstores...... it's not expensive and will get you off to a great start. it was my intro to the curly world.
    -- the Newbie Forum on curltalk. read as much as you can.

    as you get more into it you will learn about hair properties (texture and porosity being the most important when selecting products).

    and, yes, definitely 'break off' with your stylist. natural is dated? hello! where has she been? you can look at the salon finder here to start. however, be aware, as in any profession, not all stylists are equal. the best way to find a good stylist is to stop and ask a curly where she gets her hair cut. she will be flattered and you will have a great start.

    another important thread to read as a beginner and as you are looking for a new stylist, is the sticky in the salon/stylist forum,
    good luck and have fun!

    3a, some 2c & 3b, medium texture, porosity normal, low elasticity :-(
    washing/cowashing, conditioning, protein tx: curl junkie products
    leave in:curl junkie conditioners and treatments as leave in
    styling: curl junkie 
    sealants - jane carter nourish & shine
  • jeepcurlygurljeepcurlygurl Registered Users, Curl Ambassador Posts: 20,731 Curl Virtuoso
    Nothing is silly here!
    Yep, get rid of your stylist and anyone else who doesn't like natural hair.
    Have fun on your trip! You hair will probably be so happy to be allowed to just do it's thing!
    --I'm located in Western PA.   --I found NC in late 2004, CG since February 2005, joined the forums in May 2005, started going grey in late 2005.   --My hair is 3B with some 3A, currently at mid back length when dry,  texture-medium/fine, porosity-top is low, middle is medium, ends are porous, elasticity-normal.   --My long time favorite products are Suave & VO5 conditioners, LA Looks Sport Gel, coconut oil, honey, vinegar.   
    --My CG and grey hair progress -   
    --My article at NaturallyCurly about going grey -
  • reluctant_curlyreluctant_curly Registered Users Posts: 3

    Wow! Love your hair! I find this site really inspiring. I have denied my hair its curly right in this world for too long. I am suddenly noticing all the other curlies in the world! :-) BTW I am 48, although my post makes it look as though I'm 40. lol

    I will start searching for a new stylist. Although it will be difficult to give up the one I have. It is like breaking off a good friendship! :-(

    Thanks for the book recommend. I will look for it on Amazon.
  • reluctant_curlyreluctant_curly Registered Users Posts: 3

    LOL I feel as though I am finally looking like ME for the first time in my adult life!

    Thanks. I am looking forward to the trip and not having to wear a hat the entire vacation! ;-)
  • StarmieStarmie Registered Users Posts: 7,169 Curl Virtuoso
    I too had a fringe that I straightened for about 30 years (and manipulated it in other ways for about five years before that). Two years ago, with some humid weather and the onset of frequent hot flushes that make my face sweat (lovely!) I decided to grow it out, it's been a difficult process for me and I have to say I still don't like myself without a fringe, but it is freeing. I don't miss the constant straightening, sometimes several times a day, though I still have some issues with it curly (it's not gone completely but is more face framing layers now) and recently thought I would cut it back again, then I went on a rainy little holiday and while my hair expanded considerably, my fringe-y bits were, for once, not the issue. So I'm leaving it for now. The only problem I have now is that I do like to tie it up but don't like all my hair off my face (long face, high forehead) so end up with silly stringy curls hanging down. Win some, lose some!
    Anyway, welcome to the curly world, enjoy the freedom and enjoy your holiday!
    3b in South Australia.
  • curlypearlcurlypearl Registered Users Posts: 12,231 Curl Connoisseur
    Welcome, Reluctant_Curly! Great to have you on board. I second what everyone else wrote.

    I couldn't disagree more with your hairstylist. Fried, dried out, straightened hair is very aging and that makes you look "dated." I definitely look more youthful when I wear my hair in it's natural curly state.

    As the saying goes...."Do You!"

    Have fun and keep us updated on your progress. You are about to have a renaissance!
    2/c Coarse hair med. density.
    Highly porous. Color over grey.
    I love all the Curl Junkie products. Still experimenting with gels and curl creams. Still hoping for 2nd day hair....
    Every day is a gift :flower:

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