What shld Jim Bob and Michelle have done?

spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Posts: 17,792Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
Here's the story, if you haven't already heard. The story is somewhat confusing to me in several ways (who is this "James" person? Is that an alternative name for Jim Bob? One of their sons? Someone else? Also is the letter found in the book the only reason Jim Bob went to the cops or did he go bc it happened a second time or did he go bc he realized it happened to his daughter? Are all five of the victims the daughters? Or only some? Are we sure any of the victims were daughters?)

But my question is, if you discovered your 14 y/o son was fondling girls (maybe your own daughters or maybe not), what wld you do? Wld you immediately seek to have your child adjudicated? Or try to handle it w/in the family? Or what? What type of discipline would be appropriate, considering the nature of the transgression and his age? Would your reaction differ depending on whether the victims were your own daughters or other children?

Interested in the opinions of parents, specifically. But all thoughts are welcome. Not realy trying to bash Jim Bob and Michelle...just looking for your ideas of how to handle this. But if you feel you must bash them, I don't care.

Comments

  • CurlyCanadianCurlyCanadian Posts: 10,904Registered Users, Curl Ambassador Curl Connoisseur
    I haven't read your link, but from what I understand atleast some were their daughters. He was fondeling them while sleeping and while reading them stories.

    I don't have kids, so can't say for sure what I would do as far as police. All kids would be in therapy though. Not sure about therapists and if they are required to report it? The son would be out of the house.
    I believe in manicures. I believe in overdressing. I believe in primping at leisure and wearing lipstick. I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles.
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  • CurlyCanadianCurlyCanadian Posts: 10,904Registered Users, Curl Ambassador Curl Connoisseur
    Ok, read your link.

    Pretty sure James is Jim Bob

    Disgusted that the church knew and did nothing and that the family has said the daughters forgive him. That's their upbringing, they are second to men, of course they will say they forgave him.
    I believe in manicures. I believe in overdressing. I believe in primping at leisure and wearing lipstick. I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles.
    Audrey Hepburn
  • sixelamysixelamy Posts: 4,157Registered Users Curl Novice
    I don't have an answer to your questions, this story just makes me want to barf. I read it yesterday after my friend posted it. Gross.
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  • sixelamysixelamy Posts: 4,157Registered Users Curl Novice
    Ok, I lied.. I have some opinions. I just have to say.. just the feeling I get... I wonder if Jim Bob did any of this to the children.. even the boys. The family has always creeped me out a little bit. Funny how the state trooper guy who gave the "stern talk" ended up in prison. I wonder if the "stern talk" was "don't get caught again". The whole thing is just gross. Who sends their kid away to a family friend and not get them help? I do wonder if it was their own children who got molested. Only way I can see it being covered up is if a parent is guilty of it as well. That's just my 2 cents. I mean, don't send them to the police.. but get help in some way. Geez.
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  • cailincailin Posts: 916Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    I don't have kids, I can imagine this must have been very hard. I'd like to think that I would go to the police. As far as I'm concerned the girls (regardless if they are his sisters or neighbors) need justice and help to get through the violation. To be brave enough to report it, and nothing happen to the offender....awful.


    This boy also needs therapy, as a parent (I would imagine) you wouldn't want to let this boy go on assaulting other girls. It will only get worse.


    But again, I can not imagine how hard this would be.


    As an aside, go Oprah! Or at least her team that reported this to the police.
  • CurlyCanadianCurlyCanadian Posts: 10,904Registered Users, Curl Ambassador Curl Connoisseur
    Agree with the Oprah comment. A number of shows would have brought them on, and presented the letter for ratings.
    I believe in manicures. I believe in overdressing. I believe in primping at leisure and wearing lipstick. I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles.
    Audrey Hepburn
  • JosephineJosephine Posts: 14,301Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    I'm really not sure but ideally I would want to handle it within the family and hope to fix it.

    Side note, is anyone really surprised this was happening..just looking at the huge family, their weirdness, and them talking about religion so much, I assumed it was definitely going on.
  • spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Posts: 17,792Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    Josephine wrote: »
    I'm really not sure but ideally I would want to handle it within the family and hope to fix it.

    Side note, is anyone really surprised this was happening..just looking at the huge family, their weirdness, and them talking about religion so much, I assumed it was definitely going on.

    I, for one, was really shocked! They seemed like a nice family. (Not sure why talking about religion would have made you assume them to be incestuous pedophiles!:shock:) Well, the mother and the daughters seem awfully nice. The father seemed weird and Josh always seemed a bit of a prick...weird rapport w/ the father.

    ***

    But I'm surprised they went on to have more and more kids after even the first of Josh's molestation incidents. You'd think they say let's slow our roll here and pay the kids more attn., be present for more of what's going on, stop spreading ourselves so thin.

    ***

    Jim Bob and Michelle ~eventually~ did go to the authorities. I can understand them hoping to handle it quietly w/in the family. But obviously that didn't work. A lot of parents do send kids who are getting into trouble away for a while to live w/ relatives or friends out of town. That's really common. But prbly not sexual predators.

  • TRBLTRBL Posts: 5,294Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    My first thought... the boy was molested (by whom? don't know).
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  • Fifi.GFifi.G Posts: 15,490Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    I heard a little about this on the news one day but did not catch the whole story. I do not watch this show but have basic knowledge of the family. This is a really messed up situation. Regardless, official charges would not have been easy to obtain. Authorities did not find out until after the statue of limitations was up sp there goes that. I am glad they attempted to investigate but I would guess most of the girls would be unwilling to go on record, or further, if the reports of them forgiving him were true. The state would have needed to take over and again, it would not be easy. It's great a few told someone, period, but I don't know many girls who would have wanted to go to court and recount.. Actual counseling was/is needed period but I'm not sure if I would be comfortable with that alone given the nbr of reports. It's not just a one time occurrence on the playground. It's a troubling pattern. I'm not saying throw him in prison but the family should have gone further outside their support system and done something more than I'm sorry followed by a home renovation project.
    When I hear terms like "hipster" I think, who told cliques they could leave high school??

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • CurlyCanadianCurlyCanadian Posts: 10,904Registered Users, Curl Ambassador Curl Connoisseur
    I thought statue of limitations was just up recently, not when Oprah brought it to the authorities?
    I believe in manicures. I believe in overdressing. I believe in primping at leisure and wearing lipstick. I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles.
    Audrey Hepburn
  • BotticelliBritBotticelliBrit Posts: 2,075Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    if I found out my child was doing this then, yes, I would report it. That to me is the appropriate punishment. If your kid does something wrong, you punish them accordingly. So if your kid commits a sexually violent act then you go to the police and let them deal with it. You should not give your child a 'get out of jail free card' (pun not intended) just because they share your DNA. They have physically and emotionally abused someone and you're basically rewarding them and telling their victims that *shrug* what's done is done. I, for one, do not want to be one of those parents who teaches their children that they can get away with things like this. I would also want recompense for the victims, whoever they were. Just because they're not MY children, it doesn't mean they don't deserve closure and justice.
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  • scrillsscrills Posts: 6,700Registered Users
    Oh, that family.

    I def think that he should have gotten counseling. Both him and the girls. And sending him away was a good idea but it seem that they did it all wrong. And then the guy who they had him talk to was also doing the same thing. Oy vey. What a mess!
  • rouquinnerouquinne Posts: 13,680Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    OMG! the infographic attached to this article is horrifying!

    Rape is Like Potty Training, and Other Lies from the Comment Section | Becoming SuperMommy
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  • AmnerisAmneris Posts: 15,117Registered Users
    Here's the story, if you haven't already heard. The story is somewhat confusing to me in several ways (who is this "James" person? Is that an alternative name for Jim Bob? One of their sons? Someone else? Also is the letter found in the book the only reason Jim Bob went to the cops or did he go bc it happened a second time or did he go bc he realized it happened to his daughter? Are all five of the victims the daughters? Or only some? Are we sure any of the victims were daughters?)

    But my question is, if you discovered your 14 y/o son was fondling girls (maybe your own daughters or maybe not), what wld you do? Wld you immediately seek to have your child adjudicated? Or try to handle it w/in the family? Or what? What type of discipline would be appropriate, considering the nature of the transgression and his age? Would your reaction differ depending on whether the victims were your own daughters or other children?

    Interested in the opinions of parents, specifically. But all thoughts are welcome. Not realy trying to bash Jim Bob and Michelle...just looking for your ideas of how to handle this. But if you feel you must bash them, I don't care.


    I don't know what I would do. Probably not turn my kid in to police. Put him in counselling and watch him like a hawk. Put the kids he victimized in counselling also.


    I know what I WOULDN'T do. Go on TV or in the media and portray myself and allow myself to be portrayed as the perfect family and as all holier-than-thou, KNOWING that I was sitting on a secret like this. And I WOULDN'T have 18 (or however many) more kids without dealing with this issue and I wouldn't let that kid anywhere near any of the other kids ever.
    Get used to me. Black, confident, cocky; my name, not yours; my religion, not yours; my goals, my own; get used to me. -Muhammad Ali


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  • AmnerisAmneris Posts: 15,117Registered Users
    if I found out my child was doing this then, yes, I would report it. That to me is the appropriate punishment. If your kid does something wrong, you punish them accordingly. So if your kid commits a sexually violent act then you go to the police and let them deal with it. You should not give your child a 'get out of jail free card' (pun not intended) just because they share your DNA. They have physically and emotionally abused someone and you're basically rewarding them and telling their victims that *shrug* what's done is done. I, for one, do not want to be one of those parents who teaches their children that they can get away with things like this. I would also want recompense for the victims, whoever they were. Just because they're not MY children, it doesn't mean they don't deserve closure and justice.


    I don't think that the criminal justice system does a very good job of teaching accountability, or giving people closure or justice. And there are other ways to hold people accountable. People in general need to stop relying so much on the criminal justice system for that stuff.
    Get used to me. Black, confident, cocky; my name, not yours; my religion, not yours; my goals, my own; get used to me. -Muhammad Ali


    .png


    534Pm5.png





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  • curlyarcacurlyarca Posts: 8,449Registered Users
    Oh, I've read that blog before (rouquinne's post). And yeah, are we really surprised that someone cheats on his spouse when he's overtly taught that women are inferior to men, must submit to men, and don't have as much value as a man?

    Um, naw.

    All I can think is if that's even all there is. He sure came forward really quickly to put it out there himself.

    I read his apology, and it's the same sort of non-apology apology from a few months ago. :sleepy4:

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  • LotsawavesLotsawaves Posts: 9,551Registered Users Curl Virtuoso
    He's only apologizing becuz he got caught. Once again. He needs help to deal with his perversions & his wife needs help to deal with this. I can't even imagine how she is feeling right now. I hope this won't be swept under the rug by just praying & asking for forgiveness. Hopefully, it will be an eye opener to the mistakes his parents made years ago when he molested these children.
    From Michael Berg:

    Every person has a unique connection to the Creator that can never be extinguished, and every person has a great soul that can manifest important things in our world. To make a person feel less than they are because of something inside themselves, be it faith, race, or sexual orientation, is the greatest sin of all."
  • Fifi.GFifi.G Posts: 15,490Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    rouquinne wrote: »
    OMG! the infographic attached to this article is horrifying!

    Rape is Like Potty Training, and Other Lies from the Comment Section | Becoming SuperMommy

    That is horrifying but not surprising considering where they sent him. They really needed to send him to a bonafide therapist, when going that route. It's pretty far outside of a preacher, and friends, wheelhouse.

    I'm pretty sure I seen some of this ladies blogs in the past. She writes about her struggle with mental illness, cancer, anxiety in parenting and smoking pot (privately) to cope, etc. I remember her that being on the news as yet another scandal. She may want to watch speaking on Rape Culture as a memeber of RAINN's speaker bureau. (Basically you send in an application and go around sharing your story to help heal). The SB is a fantastic idea but she seems to know little to nothing about RAINN. *That is fairly typical for most SJW types and fly by the seat of your pants activism. She did not even know it exist until a year ago. RAINN does not condone or support the rape culture theory as an org. She's also going off outdated and faulty (in collection) stats. It looks like she has not done anything other than participate in a charity for RAINN anyway.

    That said, she had some great points.
    When I hear terms like "hipster" I think, who told cliques they could leave high school??

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • Fifi.GFifi.G Posts: 15,490Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Lotsawaves wrote: »
    He's only apologizing becuz he got caught. Once again. He needs help to deal with his perversions & his wife needs help to deal with this. I can't even imagine how she is feeling right now. I hope this won't be swept under the rug by just praying & asking for forgiveness. Hopefully, it will be an eye opener to the mistakes his parents made years ago when he molested these children.

    Did his wife know about his past molestations? I honestly did not keep up with this story other than the initial molestation news. It was past the SoL, they handled it miserably to begin with and it's a reality tv family. That equals a cluster. What is put forth on Reality TV is never the reality. It's well known they are scripted so I could give a crap when the Real Housewives go to prison, etc. I am curious about that, though. If so, I have no idea how she could have married him. If not, I have no idea why she stayed married to him. Granted, religion comes in numerous forms but I personally know no one who would be raised to be fine with that (and there are some incredibly strict and strange churches in my area). It's considered the absolute lowest a human can get and the expression take them outback and shoot them is often used. It goes to the extreme.

    Cheating... Cheating happens with the majority humans at one point or another. People decide to forgive and move on or part based on all the factors in their relationship and the situation but the other... Nooooo. It sounds like they are all beyond help. Most reality TV people are.

    ** I will say one thing I do not understand about people is the outrage over this but no one seems to give a damn that the ACLU is going around reversing restrictions on sex offenders. I am not talking about Johnny who was in a committed relationship with Suzie, who is just a little younger than him, and mommy & daddy did not like that he deflowered their precious daughter so they took him to court for SR. I am talking grown men with multiple counts of child molestation and more than one of them have used the Internet to do it. They are also now pushing for sex offenders to be allowed in churches that have playgrounds/centers for children and for them to remain anonymous. Public parks are next. People are more worried about Josh Duggar because his family made some money on TV for the eff ups of our society.
    When I hear terms like "hipster" I think, who told cliques they could leave high school??

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • CurlyCanadianCurlyCanadian Posts: 10,904Registered Users, Curl Ambassador Curl Connoisseur
    Anna and her parents knew about the molestation when they started dating.
    I believe in manicures. I believe in overdressing. I believe in primping at leisure and wearing lipstick. I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles.
    Audrey Hepburn

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