Gift exchange-family

PerriPPerriP Posts: 6,613Registered Users Curl Neophyte
Do any of you draw names for Christmas/the holiday season?

I want to begin this and I'm not sure how to bring it up but mostly I need help with how to develop it.

Why I want to do this:

1. My parents spend way too much each year on their three kids, three grandchildren and three great grandchildren. (For me it's the nieces and great nieces and nephews), and there is an expectation that my parents provide almost a second Christmas to the great grandchildren because that's what they did for the grandchildren because my brother and his wife could never manage to plan ahead for the holidays.

2. Each year there is at least one section of the family who does nothing for anyone for the holidays and I think they should be given the option of opting out

3. I think one meaningful gift is better than several "kind of" meaningful gifts.

Okay, so do I do several different drawings? Example: one for just the siblings, another for siblings and nieces, etc? This makes more sense to me but I can't figure out how to include my parents because I personally think everyone should buy for them! (But I don't think they should have to buy for everyone, they're retired)

I would also include gifts for everyone under 18/still in HS.

Thoughts? How does your family handle this?
Ideas?


~ sent with love and good intentions ~
Modified CG since Dec 2011
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Comments

  • GlamourstruckkGlamourstruckk Posts: 308Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    My family is very large (8 aunts, over 30 first cousins, etc) so we just don't get gifts for those who don't live in our respective homes! I have done swaps with friends though! We use elfster.com and you can set up different swaps for the different groups within your family.

    Kayla

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  • kathymackkathymack Posts: 9,999Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    In our family, we started out with presents for the kids, Pollyanna for the grownups. Eventually, it was no presents for those (outside of your home) who had graduated from college (or turned 21.) Since none of the adults really "need" anything, we selected a charity--and made donations as a whole. We've stuck with the idea of giving to charity for most occasions for the grownups. By modeling that behavior, some of the kids choose to donate to charity (as young as 8) for their birthdays, etc.
    3a (Corkicelli), highlighted, fine, low porosity
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  • CurlyCanadianCurlyCanadian Posts: 10,904Registered Users, Curl Ambassador Curl Connoisseur
    We swapped names for a long time, for people over 18. Under 18 got gifts from each household.

    We always wind up with extras though, and someone was always do a scramble the day before Christmas trying to find a gift for whoevers extra person so they weren't left out.

    A few years ago we started doing a Yankee swap and it's been so much better. Under 18 still got a gift from everyone, but the last two opted out of that and wanted to do the game instead.

    Everyone brings a $50 gift and it goes under the tree. We draw numbers 1-20+. First person picks a gift from under the tree. Second person picks a gift, can keep what they chose or steal person 1s gift.

    By the time you're up into the teens, everyone is after a few hot gifts and lots of side bets are being made.

    Only rule is that a gift can only be traded once a round.

    We've tried a few different amounts, $50 seems to be the magical number though. Affordable for all (some of my younger cousin couples will do one gift for the two of them), and some really good stuff. The guys are amazing at deal hunting and their gifts always seem to be the hot ones. This year my dad got a $200 ShopVac on sale for $50 and I think it was stolen every round.
    I believe in manicures. I believe in overdressing. I believe in primping at leisure and wearing lipstick. I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles.
    Audrey Hepburn
  • PerriPPerriP Posts: 6,613Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    I'm happy to hear that many families do eventually go this route.
    I called my brother yesterday to feel him out and he seemed to think it was also a good idea. We also agreed that a range of $25-50 seemed to be fair.

    About 8 years ago, I suggested we do this and it was not received very well at all (screaming and crying and accusations of playing favorites, it was awful), so I'm hoping to be able to approach it this time around with less drama.

    I need soft words to communicate "look, this is the best option, the largest gift givers in the family all think it's a good idea, so if you want a gift, you better get on board" - any ideas on how to soften that up??

    thanks everyone
    Modified CG since Dec 2011
  • CurlyCanadianCurlyCanadian Posts: 10,904Registered Users, Curl Ambassador Curl Connoisseur
    A friends family does the name swap. They spend $25 on a gift, then have to make something.

    Out family isn't very artsy, but her family seems to really enjoy it.
    I believe in manicures. I believe in overdressing. I believe in primping at leisure and wearing lipstick. I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles.
    Audrey Hepburn
  • PerriPPerriP Posts: 6,613Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    my family is not artsy at all- and those that think they ARE artsy wouldn't be making anything that anyone else finds appealing :)

    I knew a guy once, his family had a "make it or bake it" rule - it worked for them
    Modified CG since Dec 2011
  • CurlyCanadianCurlyCanadian Posts: 10,904Registered Users, Curl Ambassador Curl Connoisseur
    Yeah, it would be an utter disaster in my family!
    I believe in manicures. I believe in overdressing. I believe in primping at leisure and wearing lipstick. I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles.
    Audrey Hepburn
  • cailincailin Posts: 920Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    We started the name grab years ago among my siblings. And we all bought for our Mom. We never really got uncles/aunts anything. It became Thanksgiving tradition that we would pull names with a $50 limit.

    My family just does immediate family only as far as gifts go. Otherwise it would be too much.
  • PerriPPerriP Posts: 6,613Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    I guess because we've all bought for the nieces/great nieces for so long it has become expected - and I'm really trying to not be a cheapskate here, but my sister is disabled and on limited income - so for her to buy for three nieces and three great nieces and nephews is substantial. Hell, I'm not on a limited income like that and I feel it every year (and I shop year round).

    the getting them to understand that things will be smaller is going to be difficult, I think. Working on wording for the email I want to send out.
    Modified CG since Dec 2011
  • StarmieStarmie Posts: 7,118Registered Users Curl Virtuoso
    I have no advice but wish you luck, I wish I had the nerve to do something like this. My SO has three sisters and they decided that when the all kids turned 18 they'd stop getting presents from the aunts and uncles and it's made things so much easier - on the other hand I'm still buying for my nephew who's 25, has a partner and baby, where does it stop? I would have no idea how to bring it up. Even with my SO's family - his sisters are very unreliable and the gift giving is very hit and miss and usually pretty one-sided, I hate it and get quite annoyed!
    3b in South Australia.
  • PerriPPerriP Posts: 6,613Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Starmie wrote: »
    I have no advice but wish you luck, I wish I had the nerve to do something like this. My SO has three sisters and they decided that when the all kids turned 18 they'd stop getting presents from the aunts and uncles and it's made things so much easier - on the other hand I'm still buying for my nephew who's 25, has a partner and baby, where does it stop? I would have no idea how to bring it up. Even with my SO's family - his sisters are very unreliable and the gift giving is very hit and miss and usually pretty one-sided, I hate it and get quite annoyed!

    this sounds very much like how I feel about it all - and the how to bring it up part is going to be tricky, although more and more I think I should approach it from "this is what we're doing" not "how do you feel about" - but I'll include reasons why (limited incomes, retirees, etc.) My brother is in my camp, so it's mostly his daughters and their children who will take issue, so part of me thinks he should discuss it with them, but he won't!
    Modified CG since Dec 2011
  • StarmieStarmie Posts: 7,118Registered Users Curl Virtuoso
    At least you've spoken to your brother, there's only my sister I really need to speak to and I just can't do it! I'd feel more comfortable speaking to my SO's family tbh, maybe because I wouldn't care so much about offending them. That's bad isn't it?! I actually think his sisters would be relieved.
    3b in South Australia.
  • spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Posts: 17,813Registered Users Curl Virtuoso
    I think you should make the email from you, your brother & your sister. Even add your parents if they agree. Strength in numbers. No reason for you to be the lone bad guy. I'd pose it as a question, like "what do you think about this idea?"

    ***

    When I was married, I made the huge mistake of inviting his family over for thanksgiving one year. His family had certain favorite dishes I didn't make, etc.n so I said we would take care of the turkey & ham & beverages & a couple sides, but they should all bring a dish, potluck style. I thought that was perfectly ok. But it wasn't & I wound up getting cussed out & the dinner was boycotted (in protest of my suggestion & in protest of the sibling who protested my suggestion) & it was a mess. So I said never again. Some families. .....

    Sent from my SCH-I605 using CurlTalk App

  • StarmieStarmie Posts: 7,118Registered Users Curl Virtuoso
    Oh, that's rude. In that situation I think it doesn't matter what your particular traditions are - if you're the guest then you go along with the traditions of the host.
    3b in South Australia.
  • PerriPPerriP Posts: 6,613Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    See? Families are crazy.

    I actually saw one of my nieces yesterday and she said it made her feel much better thinking we might be able to do this (she's working her way through college), so that's another on Team Perri. The other two nieces are the ones I worry about but they're also the ones most likely to not gift anyone (other than their own children), but will be most offended at the thought of not receiving a gift lol.

    ~ sent with love and good intentions ~
    Modified CG since Dec 2011
  • sixelamysixelamy Posts: 4,157Registered Users Curl Novice
    With our family, we spend it with immediate family. One of my brothers moved away, so he doesn't come for Christmas anymore (but he was included in this when he was in the area). My other brother has 4 girls. We usually draw names between us kids and my sister in law, and we all buy for the girls. My parents always buy for all of us. Some years I'll buy for everyone anyway - depending on what my money situation is like. My aunt and cousin have joined our Christmas the past couple of years since moving back to the area, but they don't buy for us and we don't buy for them and it's not an issue.

    You can create a gift list however you want with your family. If people don't want to participate, they don't have to. Nobody in my family has been offended, I can't imagine anyone having the right to be offended by this suggestion or by not getting a present. It's always nice to get a present, but not everyone can buy for everyone - especially if it's a big family.

    How do you bring it up? You just suggest it to everyone next time the family is together. Of course, everyone has to agree on it, which I can't see anybody protesting and saying "NO! I want to spend all of my hard earned money buying everyone gifts this year!" If that's the case, then I wish I had their job!
    2c-3a - med-coarse - normal-high porosity - high density
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  • PerriPPerriP Posts: 6,613Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    sixelamy wrote: »

    How do you bring it up? You just suggest it to everyone next time the family is together. Of course, everyone has to agree on it, which I can't see anybody protesting and saying "NO! I want to spend all of my hard earned money buying everyone gifts this year!" If that's the case, then I wish I had their job!

    my family is usually only together as a whole on holidays (probably the next time will be thanksgiving) and the one niece who will be most offended lives out of state and won't be here at all (we mail her gifts) - last time this was suggested, she (and her mother, my brother's ex wife) tore me a new one with all sorts of accusations that I simply didn't want to buy gifts for them bc they weren't blood (my brother has two step daughters and one biological daughter). This is also the niece who hasn't gifted anyone in the family (other than perhaps her sisters, etc) in years and doesn't thank anyone for what she does get. She'll be the loudest, I think.

    I think my parents will buy for everyone, but not to the extent that they currently do - at least that's the hope. They spend WAY too much, especially now that dad has retired.
    Modified CG since Dec 2011
  • CurlyCanadianCurlyCanadian Posts: 10,904Registered Users, Curl Ambassador Curl Connoisseur
    I wouldn't even include her in the email, and stop sending her gifts!!


    Out group of friends don't exchange gifts really. Maybe if you see something great someone would love, but nothing organized.

    One friend every few years will send out a big email that she got everyone gifts and will be stopping by to visit with her kids.

    So I always go out and get something for her, and something for her boys. One year she gave me an avon eyelash curler, and other year a dollar store candle. Screw that!!! If it makes me an ungrateful *****, of well. I'm not scrambling at the last minute because you're after a gift grab!

    Rant over :)
    I believe in manicures. I believe in overdressing. I believe in primping at leisure and wearing lipstick. I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles.
    Audrey Hepburn
  • sixelamysixelamy Posts: 4,157Registered Users Curl Novice
    Wow, if I had someone like that in my family, she would not be getting a gift ever again!!! You are a much better person than I am. :)

    I agree.. ask everyone but her. Nobody, and I don't care who you are, should *expect* a gift from everybody on Christmas.
    2c-3a - med-coarse - normal-high porosity - high density
    :bunny:
    NP/LP: CJ Daily Fix, KMF Whenever / Giovanni TTTT
    RO/LI: Aussie Moist, CJ Argan & Olive Oil, Hask Keratin Protein
    DC/PROTEIN: KC Stellar Strands / CNPF
    STYLER: CJ Curl Queen
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    :thumbdown:: glycerin in high/low dews, polyquat-10 & 11, parabens
  • scrillsscrills Posts: 6,700Registered Users
    Starmie wrote: »
    I have no advice but wish you luck, I wish I had the nerve to do something like this. My SO has three sisters and they decided that when the all kids turned 18 they'd stop getting presents from the aunts and uncles and it's made things so much easier - on the other hand I'm still buying for my nephew who's 25, has a partner and baby, where does it stop? I would have no idea how to bring it up. Even with my SO's family - his sisters are very unreliable and the gift giving is very hit and miss and usually pretty one-sided, I hate it and get quite annoyed!


    as I handed out gifts last Christmas, I just said "Ok, this is my last year giving presents". No one said anything. Will I feel a little guilt? Yes. But in the 20 years i've been buying for the kids, none of them has given me as much as a candy cane. So, oh well. So i won't stop giving gifts, but I am reducing my list
  • CurlyCanadianCurlyCanadian Posts: 10,904Registered Users, Curl Ambassador Curl Connoisseur
    How did it go, Perri?
    I believe in manicures. I believe in overdressing. I believe in primping at leisure and wearing lipstick. I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles.
    Audrey Hepburn
  • PerriPPerriP Posts: 6,613Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Ha! I haven't done it yet.
    I thought I was going to do it this week but then was reminded it was a birthday - so possibly next week or so. :)
    Modified CG since Dec 2011
  • CurlyCanadianCurlyCanadian Posts: 10,904Registered Users, Curl Ambassador Curl Connoisseur
    Scaredy cat! Lol
    I believe in manicures. I believe in overdressing. I believe in primping at leisure and wearing lipstick. I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles.
    Audrey Hepburn
  • PerriPPerriP Posts: 6,613Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    scaredy cat! Lol

    exactly right!
    Modified CG since Dec 2011
  • CurlyCanadianCurlyCanadian Posts: 10,904Registered Users, Curl Ambassador Curl Connoisseur
    Haha I would be the same!!
    I believe in manicures. I believe in overdressing. I believe in primping at leisure and wearing lipstick. I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles.
    Audrey Hepburn
  • scrillsscrills Posts: 6,700Registered Users
    So the loud ex-SIL and the out of town niece, do they actually buy for others or just expect gifts? I mean, because if she is just getting, she really has no say.
  • PerriPPerriP Posts: 6,613Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    scrills wrote: »
    So the loud ex-SIL and the out of town niece, do they actually buy for others or just expect gifts? I mean, because if she is just getting, she really has no say.

    they just get, so you are right, they have no say - but that won't stop them.
    Gosh, I really just need to do this!! I'll do it this week. I will.
    Modified CG since Dec 2011
  • scrillsscrills Posts: 6,700Registered Users
    Would you like me to do it for you? Where are these people located? How far do I have to go to tell them to stop being spoiled brats? Can we do this over skype?
  • PerriPPerriP Posts: 6,613Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Oh Scrills, if it would not cause my mother distress, I would certainly allow you - or possibly even do it myself.
    I have now composed the email that's going out and will send it probably tomorrow (I'm calling my mom and telling her to get online and support it right away - because no one will go against Nana!!) - she's at her writing group this afternoon
    Modified CG since Dec 2011
  • PerriPPerriP Posts: 6,613Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    email has been sent..
    Modified CG since Dec 2011
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