Rant- Need someone to listen

NappychildNappychild Registered Users Posts: 22
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Comments

  • curlypearlcurlypearl Registered Users Posts: 12,231 Curl Connoisseur
    Nappychild, I just feel so grim after reading your post. To say I'm sorry won't help you. I wish I could think of something that would make ;you feel better. The best I can come up with is I hope very much that you find some friends who are good to you. Someone said friends are the family we choose for ourselves. In your case, you need to have some good, solid friends.

    If it helps, I'm sure that others have read your post and feel badly for you and wish to help. Sometimes we don't know what to say, but we do read and hope things improve for you.

    Sending you a hug and a sincere wish that your life improves {{{Nappychild}}}
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  • eveumeveum Registered Users Posts: 744 Curl Neophyte
    Reading your post makes me want to cry, i'm so sorry about everything. It sounds like you've had to be more of an adult than both of your parents while growing up and that isn't fair on you. They both seem to have extremely immature attitudes to parenting. I would move away too, is there any friends or other family you could stay with?

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  • StarmieStarmie Registered Users Posts: 7,169 Curl Virtuoso
    I agree with cp and eveum, is there someone you could go to for advice, help and a place to stay? It sounds like a very toxic environment and not one where a teenager should be. Is your sister around, do you have other siblings? How do they deal with it all?
    It really sounds like your mum has some mental health issues and that's not something you should be trying to deal with.
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  • spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Registered Users Posts: 17,898 Curl Virtuoso
    Starmie wrote: »
    I agree with cp and eveum, is there someone you could go to for advice, help and a place to stay? It sounds like a very toxic environment and not one where a teenager should be. Is your sister around, do you have other siblings? How do they deal with it all?
    It really sounds like your mum has some mental health issues and that's not something you should be trying to deal with.

    I agree; it's clear she has mental health issues. Esp. since you say she has stopped bathing and taking care of herself and of course, that she has attempted suicide multiple times. Doesn't she work? If not, is she receiving SSI for a mental illness? Does she have a case worker? Do you have any healthy, supportive relatives you feel comfortable confiding in? She needs professional help.

    You should just continue to be the strong, resilient young woman you have grown to be. Make a solid plan to leave once you graduate and focus on taking care of yourself (which could include counseling). Decide later if/how much you want to keep her in your life. For right now, concentrate on your exit strategy (applying to college, applying for financial aid, getting a parttime job, talking to your school's guidance counselor, keeping your grades up so you qualify for scholarships, taking your ACT/SAT, etc.) Don't stop to feel sorry for yourself or get too bogged down in the dysfunction; just keep it moving and take care of yourself.
  • scrillsscrills Registered Users Posts: 6,700
    I am so sorry that you are going through all of this. Your mom, and I was thinking this as I was reading it and when you said she threatened to kill herself it only made it clearer to me, your mom is jealous of you. She is trying to make you feel insecure because she sees something in you that scares/threatens her. Know that. Know that every time she calls you weird, that her being afraid that you aren't afraid to be yourself, that you are unique, that you have something she doesn't have. You are brave enough to be you and she hates it. Your mom's outburst aren't because of you, or your grandparents or any one else, but rather the hurt she has inside.

    In college there was a woman, who frankly was a bully. She used to make fun of me about really silly things. The other day, my cousin said that he met this woman who knew about me and wanted my help. Turns out it was the very same woman wanting my help with some of the very things she'd made fun of me about, 10 years later. All my weirdness was now something she wanted to be a part of. It made me realize that even she say in me what I hadn't yet seen in myself. In order to stay on top, she had been trying to push me down.

    Know how amazing you are!!!!!!! As hard or as crazy as it may sound, when she bad mouths you, pull out what she is really saying, see the greatness she is so afraid of and embrace it!!!

    As for your dad, he just sounds like an immature jerk.

    Do you have someone you can talk to?
  • NappychildNappychild Registered Users Posts: 22
    Everyone who responded, thank you. I felt really low that day, but now I feel a bit better. I can't even tell my best friends this... My goal is trying to get a higher act score at the moment, because the one I have now isn't really great. But as of college...I have no idea what I wanna do or how im going to make it on my own. my school is no help either, they have more concern for sports than academics. It kinda feels hopeless because the only close ppl that care about me are my grandma and grandpa, and I don't know if they can help but im thankful I even have them. For the rest of my family, they live in another state, and I don't know them well because they don't visit anymore . Why? She'd always argue with them and create a huge scene so they eventually stopped. My brother and sister, actually my steps live in different states now also so there's that. So really I only have real close connections with two people.
  • sixelamysixelamy Registered Users Posts: 4,157 Curl Novice
    Sadly when people have control what happens in their lives, they want to control everyone and everything around them, and put them down to make themselves feel better. I'm sorry you have to be a part of that. :( Try not to take it personal, even though that's much easier said than done. You are much stronger than her and a better person it sounds. Keep your head high and one day you will have your own life. Be thankful everyday for your grandparents, because they won't be around forever. Don't discount them and say you "only" have a couple people close to you. It's better to have quality people in your life than to have lots of people that don't truly care. You'll make it through, you'll succeed, and you'll make friends. :)
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  • curlisue1curlisue1 Registered Users Posts: 494 Curl Novice
    I'm sorry you have to go through this. I grew up with dysfunctional parents also. Take care of yourself and do what is right for you. I made the mistake of hoping that one day my parents would turn into good and caring parents and that was unrealistic. Because of that i was focusing on them which was something I couldn't control. When instead I should have been focusing on me and and things I could control.
  • Annie1980Annie1980 Registered Users Posts: 77
    Hi there. I grew up with a bi-polar mom, and really sympathized with your post, and understand what you're going through. Also my dad was a severe alcoholic (even though he was wonderful to me, he wasn't ever mean ), he wasn't able to work, though, and my mom couldn't work for a long time either, so we were EXTREMELY poor. But then they divorced (yay, I used to literally pray for that, since they'd constantly fight). When they divorced that's about the time I started noticing that my mom wasn't 'right' emotionally
    In my teen years she got really bad, manic a lot, where she wouldn't be able to sleep and had delusions, like, she would tell me that she thought there were fairies in her garden.... Weird stuff lol. I remember having to call the police on her a couple of times, because she suddenly got violent with my sister and I. Eventually I moved out at 17, and I had my daughter who was 1 at the time. We got our own place and I had 2 jobs, and it felt SO nice ;) I didn't talk to her for 10 months that time. Then I got pregnant with my second child, and started talking to her again. Right around this time, she actually acknowledged that she had a problem, went to a doctor, a psychologist, and got on medication. It literally changed EVERYTHING. she was how you describe YOUR mother; slept all day, didn't bathe, didn't ever clean the house, didn't talk to me, etc. then after a month or so of that, the manic part would come. Suddenly she'd be doing arts and crafts, cooking for 3 days in a row..... On and on. The meds stopped it!
    Fast forward 12-13 years later..... We're best friends now ;). She isn't delusional, she steadily holds down her job, takes care of bills, keeps up with life ;). I live in a different state, which I don't like, but, we are so close now. I honestly think that if she didn't get on the medication(s) that we would still have a bad relationship.
    I'm telling you ALL THIS( lol), to let you know that YOU AREN'T ALONE. and that to me, it sounds like your Mama needs some depression medicine too. Maybe you could try to tell her about some type of medicine. My mom started out by trying Wellbutrin. She's also tried Prozac, and SEVERAL others lol, and then she takes a mood stabilizer, so her moods don't go 'up and down'. So yeah, I just wanted to share that with you. And I know it was very long, sorry about that ;) But, you aren't alone! Sometimes, when people feel terrible about themselves, they treat their loved ones like crap. It's not fair. But it makes us stronger, even though it's messed up. It did help me to move out, and maybe you do need to do that, for yourself. Just be careful if you do. You're still really young. I'm sure with all you've been through, you could take care of yourself really well, though;). Ok. I hope it gets better for you. Keep your head held high!! And remember, too, that your parents DO love you, it's just that, certain people are horrible at showing it, and selfish, etc. we can't help who our parents are, so don't think you are un-loved. One of these days, all this will be in the past. I hope it gets better for you soon ;) have a good one!
  • spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Registered Users Posts: 17,898 Curl Virtuoso
    Annie1980 wrote: »
    Hi there. I grew up with a bi-polar mom, and really sympathized with your post, and understand what you're going through. Also my dad was a severe alcoholic (even though he was wonderful to me, he wasn't ever mean ), he wasn't able to work, though, and my mom couldn't work for a long time either, so we were EXTREMELY poor. But then they divorced (yay, I used to literally pray for that, since they'd constantly fight). When they divorced that's about the time I started noticing that my mom wasn't 'right' emotionally
    In my teen years she got really bad, manic a lot, where she wouldn't be able to sleep and had delusions, like, she would tell me that she thought there were fairies in her garden.... Weird stuff lol. I remember having to call the police on her a couple of times, because she suddenly got violent with my sister and I. Eventually I moved out at 17, and I had my daughter who was 1 at the time. We got our own place and I had 2 jobs, and it felt SO nice ;) I didn't talk to her for 10 months that time. Then I got pregnant with my second child, and started talking to her again. Right around this time, she actually acknowledged that she had a problem, went to a doctor, a psychologist, and got on medication. It literally changed EVERYTHING. she was how you describe YOUR mother; slept all day, didn't bathe, didn't ever clean the house, didn't talk to me, etc. then after a month or so of that, the manic part would come. Suddenly she'd be doing arts and crafts, cooking for 3 days in a row..... On and on. The meds stopped it!
    Fast forward 12-13 years later..... We're best friends now ;). She isn't delusional, she steadily holds down her job, takes care of bills, keeps up with life ;). I live in a different state, which I don't like, but, we are so close now. I honestly think that if she didn't get on the medication(s) that we would still have a bad relationship.
    I'm telling you ALL THIS( lol), to let you know that YOU AREN'T ALONE. and that to me, it sounds like your Mama needs some depression medicine too. Maybe you could try to tell her about some type of medicine. My mom started out by trying Wellbutrin. She's also tried Prozac, and SEVERAL others lol, and then she takes a mood stabilizer, so her moods don't go 'up and down'. So yeah, I just wanted to share that with you. And I know it was very long, sorry about that ;) But, you aren't alone! Sometimes, when people feel terrible about themselves, they treat their loved ones like crap. It's not fair. But it makes us stronger, even though it's messed up. It did help me to move out, and maybe you do need to do that, for yourself. Just be careful if you do. You're still really young. I'm sure with all you've been through, you could take care of yourself really well, though;). Ok. I hope it gets better for you. Keep your head held high!! And remember, too, that your parents DO love you, it's just that, certain people are horrible at showing it, and selfish, etc. we can't help who our parents are, so don't think you are un-loved. One of these days, all this will be in the past. I hope it gets better for you soon ;) have a good one!

    This is an AWESOME post!!

    ***

    To the OP, don't try to make sense out of your mother's behavior. She is mentally ill; attempts to rationally explain her behavior won't work. There is nothing rational about mentally ill behavior; it doesn't follow normal patterns or processes. Don't think, "well, if she loved me she would..." or "she must be doing this because..." Just accept it for what it is and let it go.

    Could you live with your grandparents for a year or two while in college? Would it be possible to finish this year of high school living with them?

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