Help?! A curly girl on the autism spectrum

sarah.d.kahn

Hi. I'm brand new to this. I've been struggling with super curly hair for the last 25 years and have let my mother and sister push me into getting a brazilian blowout and relaxer and straightened, etc. It would take me 4 hours to straighten my hair before it was relaxed. But now I have decided I miss the curls and I want to go back. My mother and sister are not helpful in the slightest and I need a curly girl mentor. My scalp gets greasy really fast, (like enough that I have to shampoo every day, if not every other day), but my hair is splitting and I have no idea how much shedding is normal. I have super thick hair too, like thick enough that if I get the top layer wet, the bottom stays dry and if I braid it while its wet, I actually get mold. Several times I've been close to just shaving my head but I don't really want to do that. When I use product my hair ends up crunchy and I have to wash it the next day. If I don't use product, it ends up frizzy and unmanageable, so it usually stays in a bun or a braid 99% of the time. I'm new, like really new and have tried a lot of different stuff to keep my hair manageable. Because I'm on the autism spectrum, my parents and sister treat me like I can't take care of myself and don't explain themselves. I don't know any of the lingo. I need a curly girl mentor. Help?!!

rbb

your hair is beautiful!
being on the spectrum has nothing to do with IQ, understanding things. you are certainly able to read about curly hair and decide for yourself how you want to care for your hair.
have you ever read the book, The Curly Girl, by Lorraine Massey (2nd edition, 2009)? it is filled with info for beginners and is a fun read. maybe even your mom would read it. you can get it on amazon, or download it, or the library. it is under $10.
also, do a lot of reading here. did you read all the info on the 'newbies' forum?
keep coming back with questions as you go along and we'll do our best to help you figure out what your hair likes.

sarah.d.kahn

Thank you everyone! I use sulfate free shampoo and conditioner from Costco (kirkland brand) so that's one step. Can my hair be both thick and fine? I find a lot of strands that are actually kinky, not just curly. Maybe because there is black somewhere in my family tree, we don't know where (I'm a mutt). What does scalp train mean? The front of my hair gets frizzy and dries in miliseconds, and the rest of my hair takes 8+ hours to dry unless I blow it dry. Where do I find the newbie page? What is the difference between hair gel, cream, mousse, deep conditioner, regular conditioner, I'm so lost. All these new words. Posted will be a photo from two halloweens ago when my hair was at its curliest right before the relaxing. How much shedding is too much and how do you know when it's too much or too little? Every time I wash my hair, I get about a square inch ball of hair that falls out/ends up on the wall.

sarah.d.kahn

Thank you! I went out and bought a clarifying (said /detoxing on the bottle) shampoo called Rusk (?). Have you heard anything about them? I also cut 4 inches off at SuperCuts which was painful but pretty much from what I've been told, the only way to get rid of the ruined hair. It's just below my shoulders now and oh my god so short. Almost all of my strands are coarse and match the picture of what kinky strands look like. If I go to the gym and don't comb/brush my hair or wash my hair and don't detangle it, I literally get dreads. I took the test on here and it came out to 3B/C. Someone told me about something called a wet brush? I pretty much sat in Ulta and bugged the consultant with question after question after question. And I still have more questions. Just ordered the curly girl book with some money I have left over after paying for my classes and textbooks. I'll live off ramen for a while. No big. :tongue3:

MsP

I agree with everything you said, Noodlie. Welcome Sarah

sarah.d.kahn

Unfortunately, I don't have appropriate photos of my hair in curls that I can post on here without outing myself as part of an alternative lifestyle. I dont' have a smart phone anymore. All the photos I posted were taken with phones. I still have the chemical in my hair from the brazilian blowout so a photo now won't do my curls justice. I am going to wash tomorrow morning with the clarifying shampoo and see what happens. The stylist at Ulta told me the only thing to do is cut off all my non-curly hair and wait for it to grow, but I dont' want to do that.

rbb

ultimately you will have to cut off the relaxed part, but you can grow it out as you cut it, don't need to cut it all off now.
there is a forum on here called, 'transitioning,' and i am sure there are many people who are growing out a relaxer. you might find some good tips, lots of support on there.
remember, it will eventually all grow out, just be patient.

multicultcurly

Your natural pattern looks to be 3b. Your hair may have damage because of improper care during a chemical process. If your hair is fine, as in your strands are thin, then you'll need to use protein. Your hair also sounds dry so you'll need to find the right moisture/protein balance. Any curl pattern and even straight hair can be kinky. The kink is a bend in the hair that creates an uneven width in the strand. However kinky seems to be most common among those with type 3 and type 4 hair with a large amount of subsaharan African ancestry.

Your pre-relaxer curls are lovely. With some tlc, your hair looks like it will recover nicely and quickly.

Sent from my SPH-L710 using CurlTalk App

MsP

To me kinky hair refers to type 4 hair. There may be secondary definitions of a kink but I follow K.I.S.S . And for me kinky is simply type 4. Frizz is a better word to describe the fluffy issue with type 2/3 hair IMO. ETA 2/3 hair may also be KNOTTY but that is not the same as type 4 kinky

sarah.d.kahn

happy New Year everyone! I used my clarifying/detoxing shampoo last night in a major pampering session and there's actually some resemblance to my curls back. They are still very relaxed but at least there is curl again. Yes, I read too that kink in hair means that the strand itself is twisted and torqued. I'm going to invest in a deep conditioner, although I still don't entirely understand what the difference between that and a regular conditioner is if I leave them both in for the same amount of time. Money is getting kind of tight now that I'm unemployed but I should be fine for a while. Thank you everyone for your responses.

rbb

that's great that you are having some success already!
i believe a deep conditioner is more dense, richer than a regular conditioner. my hair is extremely dry (think i was born with dry hair, LOL!) and now that kit is gray/white it loses moisture very quickly, so i use deep conditioners as my leave ins, where that would be too heavy for people with normal hair.

wavydaze

kinky vs. curly hair with visuals.

THE NATURAL HAVEN: Curly vs Kinky : What is the difference?

kaika_dragon

Hi, I don't know if the original poster is still here, but I am also an autistic curly!
My family never tried to straighten my hair, but they had no idea what to do with it either - it was always a frizzy, tangled mess, until I looked up this site in High School and started doing it myself. (I can't really straighten mine at all... I'm not coordinated enough, it takes me hours just like you said it took you.)
I have very soft, fine, 3a hair, with some 2c and 3b mixed in. Four years later, I am still trying to figure out what works for me, and I haven't tried most of the fancier products, but if you want to talk to me about anything, I'd be happy to try and help.
Just wanted to say hi, and it's great that you are trying to learn how to take care of your natural hair. Good luck!

rbb

do you have any specific problems you want help figuring out?
i see in your signature you use shampoo bars -- i believe they can change the pH in hair so it's best not to use them too frequently.

what products are you using or have you tried that do not work for you?

LdawnZ

what issues do you have problems with according to hair is it sensory related (im on the spectrum too) sometimes i have issues with certain products because of the smell or the feeling the creams on my hands feel too greasy as i try to moisterize my hair. also my coordination make it hard to do certain hairstyles.

NvmbrCurlss

Welcome Sarah.d.kahn! Happy hair journey👍🏽