Christmas and family help!

Jas76Jas76 Posts: 2,283Registered Users Curl Neophyte
I haven't been on herein forever! I'll have to poke around the hair boards while I'm here.

But I'm really needing some advice, and I can't really pole my friends on social media on the subject, so here goes.

DH and I can't come to agreements on Xmas plans. My family lives maybe 45mins away, his family 3.5hrs (sometimes longer, depending on traffic and weather.)

We usually spend Xmas eve with my family. Just a few hours for dinner and such. Then Xmas day morning we used to drive to his parents' and do the extended family Xmas gathering with his mom's side (aunts, uncles, cousins), then his dad's side (aunts, etc again) then finally back to his parents' for Xmas with them and his sister's family. It is an exhausting marathon, and has made me dread Xmas when I used to love it.

Now that our boys are 4yrs old, I feel it's important to have Xmas with our nuclear family. I want my kids to open their toys, have fun playing with them, relax, maybe bake cookies together, etc. I'd rather we have a Xmas together and not spend the whole day in the car and running around to 3 different houses and getting completely stressed.

DH doesn't see it this way. He wants to see his aunts and uncles, and do all of that stuff.

I get that, but I feel OUR family needs to come first. I feel like I/we don't get a Christmas, and that we are just running around to everyone else's celebrations.

He grew up with all this family - both sides - all in the same town. That's not how our life is now. We live in a different state from all of them. If they all lived here I'd be more willing to do that. But the way it is now - it's just too much.

I know several people who do Xmas with extended family on days other than the 25th. And God knows I don't see my aunts/uncles/cousins on Xmas ever.

Now my MIL will be an absolute nightmare about this. So that's something, too. She always has to have her way. It honestly seems like she still sees them (DH and my SIL) as her children - which they still are, of course, but we also have nuclear families of our own! I'm willing to go up their in the evening of the 25th when it's MIL's year to host the extended family at their house, but otherwise I feel we should not go until the 26th. I just wish they'd start to put that extended family gathering AFTER Christmas, anyhow!! Most of the cousins are married and have their own families now, and they all don't come every year Bc of it!

So please, any advice is welcome. Or even just tell me how you handle holidays and family/extended family!!

TIA!!
2c/3a/3b, Fine/med, Dense, high porous, & normal elas.

Lo-poo - Renpure Keratin, SMR, Giovanni SaS
clarifying - mix Johnson's H2T with low poo
Co-wash - Suave Nats. clar. or coco.
RO - GVPCB, Ion Eff. Care, TN.
LI - SMR, Cure Care, or RO
Seal - MO or Jojoba
DT - + honey, ACV, & EVOO to SM masque & GVPCB
PT - Gelatin!, CNPF
Styling - FSG, AIF, BRHG, LALS/PS, GF curl spray gel, SM Souffle/Smoothie, LOOB
Oils - MO!, EVOO, jojoba, GSO, SM Elixer, EVCO, VO5 Hairdressing

Comments

  • PerriPPerriP Posts: 6,613Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Growing up, we usually did Christmas at home and we'd do Boxing Day (26th) with family. If people wanted to come to ours Christmas day, that was fine but we rarely traveled on Christmas.

    I would love for your kids to spend the day at home and hope it works out!
    Modified CG since Dec 2011
  • CurlyCanadianCurlyCanadian Posts: 10,904Registered Users, Curl Ambassador Curl Connoisseur
    No advice, I think you're plan to go there the night of the 25th is fine. Still a hell of a drive, but better then driving all day.

    Growing up, we always had Christmas Eve at my Oma & Opas, Christmas Day at home, then Boxing Day at my other grandparents. Some how the Boxing Day one has moved to Christmas Day, but we have no little kids in the family and everyone lives relatively close to each other.

    Would you be willing to do Christmas dinner? That's the only way I could see getting out of it without totally ditching them. Say you're staying home, but people are more then welcome to come to you. If she wants dinner at her place, she'll have to do it the 26th.
    I believe in manicures. I believe in overdressing. I believe in primping at leisure and wearing lipstick. I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles.
    Audrey Hepburn
  • RimiRimi Posts: 2,001Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    I think you should do what is best for your immediate family (husband and kids), and worry about the others later. Your obligation is to them, not MIL, cousins, etc.

    I think your idea of spending a nice, quiet Christmas Day at home is great. You can see the rest of the crew the next day!
    21 y/o lifelong natural {4a-O ; spongy ; coarse ; dense ; MBL stretched}

    products {'poo: TJTTT shampoo | RO: TJTTT Condish | LI/style: TJTTT Condish, homemade cocoa butter cream | DC: condish + ayurvedic powder(s), Aussie 3MMM Treatment | PT: condish + NPF | oils: castor oil, grapeseed oil | other treatments: probiotics, tea rinses, AVG rinse/spritz, oil rinse | sealing method: LC sometimes O}

    long-term: HL stretched, BSL unstretched

    CG-friendly Products List!
  • Jas76Jas76 Posts: 2,283Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Thanks, everyone, for the responses. If it were just MIL, it wouldn't be so bad - but DH isn't fully on board.

    I want a Christmas for my nuclear family. I don't feel that's selfish, Bc I want it for my kids. Before them (and even when they were small) I went along with it. But now it's different.

    Like I said, when MIL hosts the Xmas gathering I'm willing to go up that evening. (There are 4 sisters, and they rotate hosting the extended family party.). But if we have to drive 3-4hrs to get there, and then get back in the car and drive another 45-75mins to get to whomever' house, and have to chase after 2 4yr olds to make sure they don't break any decorations, or get attacked by large dogs, etc ... No thanks. I will make the exception when it's at my IL's house since we'd be staying there the next day anyhow, but other than that I'm out.

    I don't want to be a huge B and put my foot down, but I feel I should for my kids' sakes. And I do feel guilty Bc my husband wants to see his aunts and such. But can't they start holding this thing on the 26th anyhow? Allow those of us with young kids to have our own xmas?? (And most of the cousins do have young kids. And the ones who don't are all college kids, so it's not like they are dying to see us - lol)

    I'm glad to hear you don't think
    I'm out of line. That helps, so thanks!
    2c/3a/3b, Fine/med, Dense, high porous, & normal elas.

    Lo-poo - Renpure Keratin, SMR, Giovanni SaS
    clarifying - mix Johnson's H2T with low poo
    Co-wash - Suave Nats. clar. or coco.
    RO - GVPCB, Ion Eff. Care, TN.
    LI - SMR, Cure Care, or RO
    Seal - MO or Jojoba
    DT - + honey, ACV, & EVOO to SM masque & GVPCB
    PT - Gelatin!, CNPF
    Styling - FSG, AIF, BRHG, LALS/PS, GF curl spray gel, SM Souffle/Smoothie, LOOB
    Oils - MO!, EVOO, jojoba, GSO, SM Elixer, EVCO, VO5 Hairdressing
  • CurlyCanadianCurlyCanadian Posts: 10,904Registered Users, Curl Ambassador Curl Connoisseur
    Not out of line at all!!!

    Would you be spending the night at MILs if you go up for dinner? Maybe visit with the other people the 26th? That might be a good bargaining chip with hubby.

    Any outlaws you get along with you can email and sort of all bring it up to your SOs?
    I believe in manicures. I believe in overdressing. I believe in primping at leisure and wearing lipstick. I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles.
    Audrey Hepburn
  • CurlyCanadianCurlyCanadian Posts: 10,904Registered Users, Curl Ambassador Curl Connoisseur
    And I did read the first line of your first post as "I haven't been on heroin in forever." I was like well now I've seen it all lol
    I believe in manicures. I believe in overdressing. I believe in primping at leisure and wearing lipstick. I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles.
    Audrey Hepburn
  • Jas76Jas76 Posts: 2,283Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    LOL! Yeah, I saw that and thought "maybe should fix that..." But then never did!

    Let me assure everyone I've never been on heroin, nor am I now. ;)


    I should clarify - MIL has 3 sisters, and they all take turns hosting the extended family Xmas at each ones house each year. That's why I said when it's MIL's turn to host, I'm ok with leaving Xmas afternoon to go up. But if it's at another aunt's house, I don't really feel like hauling my kids and all the crap we need to stay for 2 days up there, only to get back into a car and drive to someone else's house. I want my kids (and DH and I) to have a Xmas of our own. I'm willing to cut that short for the extended family gathering if its going to be at MIL's (since it's not that way every year, and since we are going there anyhow) but that's about as far as I can compromise.

    I just wish DH saw it the same. :/
    2c/3a/3b, Fine/med, Dense, high porous, & normal elas.

    Lo-poo - Renpure Keratin, SMR, Giovanni SaS
    clarifying - mix Johnson's H2T with low poo
    Co-wash - Suave Nats. clar. or coco.
    RO - GVPCB, Ion Eff. Care, TN.
    LI - SMR, Cure Care, or RO
    Seal - MO or Jojoba
    DT - + honey, ACV, & EVOO to SM masque & GVPCB
    PT - Gelatin!, CNPF
    Styling - FSG, AIF, BRHG, LALS/PS, GF curl spray gel, SM Souffle/Smoothie, LOOB
    Oils - MO!, EVOO, jojoba, GSO, SM Elixer, EVCO, VO5 Hairdressing
  • CurlyCanadianCurlyCanadian Posts: 10,904Registered Users, Curl Ambassador Curl Connoisseur
    Bj?
    I believe in manicures. I believe in overdressing. I believe in primping at leisure and wearing lipstick. I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles.
    Audrey Hepburn
  • RimiRimi Posts: 2,001Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    bj?

    🙊🙈😝

    Hee!
    21 y/o lifelong natural {4a-O ; spongy ; coarse ; dense ; MBL stretched}

    products {'poo: TJTTT shampoo | RO: TJTTT Condish | LI/style: TJTTT Condish, homemade cocoa butter cream | DC: condish + ayurvedic powder(s), Aussie 3MMM Treatment | PT: condish + NPF | oils: castor oil, grapeseed oil | other treatments: probiotics, tea rinses, AVG rinse/spritz, oil rinse | sealing method: LC sometimes O}

    long-term: HL stretched, BSL unstretched

    CG-friendly Products List!
  • CurlyCanadianCurlyCanadian Posts: 10,904Registered Users, Curl Ambassador Curl Connoisseur
    Well, it usually works when you need to swing the vote!
    I believe in manicures. I believe in overdressing. I believe in primping at leisure and wearing lipstick. I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles.
    Audrey Hepburn
  • Jas76Jas76 Posts: 2,283Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    ROTFLMAO!!!!
    2c/3a/3b, Fine/med, Dense, high porous, & normal elas.

    Lo-poo - Renpure Keratin, SMR, Giovanni SaS
    clarifying - mix Johnson's H2T with low poo
    Co-wash - Suave Nats. clar. or coco.
    RO - GVPCB, Ion Eff. Care, TN.
    LI - SMR, Cure Care, or RO
    Seal - MO or Jojoba
    DT - + honey, ACV, & EVOO to SM masque & GVPCB
    PT - Gelatin!, CNPF
    Styling - FSG, AIF, BRHG, LALS/PS, GF curl spray gel, SM Souffle/Smoothie, LOOB
    Oils - MO!, EVOO, jojoba, GSO, SM Elixer, EVCO, VO5 Hairdressing
  • StarmieStarmie Posts: 7,169Registered Users Curl Virtuoso
    I don't know what you can do tbh, I completely agree with you - wanting to have your own Christmas and make your own traditions for your boys is a normal thing. I would be so frustrated if I couldn't get my SO to see that, especially given your boys ages and all that travelling - ugh. And I'm sure the boys would rather stay home now - it's ok when they're really small and don't really 'get it' and older and no longer care (as in my case!) but now is just the age when they want to be home and opening their presents and playing with them. I'm sorry I have no idea what you can do but the compromises that perri and cc seem more than reasonable to me.
    Oh, and welcome back, nice to see you!
    3b in South Australia.
  • PerriPPerriP Posts: 6,613Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    I think it's a lot to ask for small children to open gifts and leave them for two days. Seriously, that's not really fair and I understand they'll be getting more stuff but what about your own traditions? Perhaps offer to do it "this last time" so everyone has a year to adjust? (I know, it's not what you want)
    People are exceptionally emotional this time of year, so it's possible to prep them starting in Feb - tell MIL "I know it's only Feb but I really want to start doing Christmas day at home for the kids"

    Or, you could appeal to her pride now... "I see how you did such a great job creating family traditions for your family, even as an adult your son wants to keep it going. I never had that and want to build that for my kids so we're going to start spending Christmas day at home and doing visiting starting the 26th. You are more than welcome to join us on Christmas day."

    I think having a discussion isn't going to help you but rather stating what is going to happen. Clear boundaries. Be clear that you do want to spend time with them, though! And be prepared to hear all about what fun you missed :)

    Keep us posted
    Modified CG since Dec 2011
  • spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Posts: 17,898Registered Users Curl Virtuoso
    I feel your pain. That would stress me, too. I'm not cut out for all that.

    I grew up in NYC and every Christmas we would drive to South Carolina to spend it w/ my paternal grandparents. It was a 14 hr drive and my father did it all by himself. IDK whether that was stressful for him or not, but honestly, as the kid, I LOVED it. (We would also fly there for Easter but we couldn't fly for Christmas bc they were bringing all of my Christmas gifts in the car.)

    As the parent now, tho, I won't/don't do it. When, I go back to NYC to visit my parents now, I fly (and allow a week of time so I'm not rushed), or my mother comes here.

    Can your husband just tell his extended family that it's too stressful for you (plural) to do all that, and ask the rest of his family to drop by his mother's house to say hi when you visit his mother? If they all live in the same town, that shouldn't be too much of a problem.

    If you can't get out of it, make him drive and listen to an audio book or something. I get that you're saying you're doing this for your boys...but they actually might like it. I personally did not care about not having Christmas in my own house as a child...I actually loved having it w/ my grandparents. But your feelings as the parent count, too.

  • CurlyCanadianCurlyCanadian Posts: 10,904Registered Users, Curl Ambassador Curl Connoisseur
    I was always so jealous of the friends that travelled to family for Christmas, or had lots of family come to stay.

    Even now, all the cousins are in our late 20s, early 30s and there is a full on fight as to who gets my Grandmother for the holidays lol
    I believe in manicures. I believe in overdressing. I believe in primping at leisure and wearing lipstick. I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles.
    Audrey Hepburn
  • Jas76Jas76 Posts: 2,283Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Well, as I see it, I'm not saying I don't want to see them for Xmas. I'm just saying lets go up the day after not the day of. Let's keep the day of for OUR family. My family gets a few hours on the 24th, his can get 2 days on the 26th and 27th.

    I guess for me I don't see how that is asking so much. I get that they plan this family gathering I xmas day, and that's the sticking point. Imo they should plan that on a different day, bc there are a lot of families involved here, but that's not my decision.

    My kids are up there this week for 4-5 days, so they are getting to see them plenty. SIL and her kids don't come to this family party a lot of the time, and often don't come until the next day.

    So I don't get it.

    Maybe I'll have to shed a few tears to get the point across. Or take the previous suggestion by CC... LOL!

    And Starmie - nice to see you, too! Nice to see all of you!
    2c/3a/3b, Fine/med, Dense, high porous, & normal elas.

    Lo-poo - Renpure Keratin, SMR, Giovanni SaS
    clarifying - mix Johnson's H2T with low poo
    Co-wash - Suave Nats. clar. or coco.
    RO - GVPCB, Ion Eff. Care, TN.
    LI - SMR, Cure Care, or RO
    Seal - MO or Jojoba
    DT - + honey, ACV, & EVOO to SM masque & GVPCB
    PT - Gelatin!, CNPF
    Styling - FSG, AIF, BRHG, LALS/PS, GF curl spray gel, SM Souffle/Smoothie, LOOB
    Oils - MO!, EVOO, jojoba, GSO, SM Elixer, EVCO, VO5 Hairdressing

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