General Opinions wanted: bragging?

claudine191claudine191 Posts: 8,221Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
I have an acquaintance who never fails to tell me about his latest big acquisitions or upcoming trips to Europe. I think that if he'd ever really scrimped for money or truly struggled I wouldn't feel so annoyed by what seems like bragging to me.

Has anyone experienced something similar, and if so, how did you feel about it? Whenever I've done well or traveled a lot, I tend to play it down. Do you?

Comments

  • PerriPPerriP Posts: 6,613Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    I know people like this, and it seems they have their areas of specialty with the bragging. I have one who talks money all.the.time. yesterday at lunch she told me that she's able to put a grand a month into savings (which may not be a lot for some people but it is to me) and how she just spent $2000 on Christmas gifts.

    I know another lady who brags about all the men who want her.

    I am friends with someone on fb who often posts photos of her new purses, watches, rings, cars. I don't like that. I mean, sure if you get something special you want to share it but: a. Not everything is special; b. Limit your audience

    I think I may be off topic.

    I tend to filter for my audience. I have a few friends who have known me all of my adult life (or longer) who I may be more open with in discussions
    Modified CG since Dec 2011
  • claudine191claudine191 Posts: 8,221Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    I don't think you're off topic.

    The guy in question has always had selfish blind spots. I try to limit our contact but I genuinely think he has no idea of his vulgarity. I've known other braggarts who were clearly insecure, and yet......I still find such behavior pathetic.
  • superzerosuperzero Posts: 80Registered Users
    Yes! This old guy hits on me non stop, he talks about how much money he has and how all the girls want him, it's annoying as hell
  • claudine191claudine191 Posts: 8,221Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    I try hard to avoid this guy and his wife, but he thinks we're still friends, so he stops to say hello when he sees me in town. And when I ignored the photo of his first BMW, he sent a follow up email asking whether I'd seen the photo attachment.
  • PerriPPerriP Posts: 6,613Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    I'm sorry but that made me laugh out loud. That's really sad
    Modified CG since Dec 2011
  • CatitudeBooCatitudeBoo Posts: 590Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    Insecurity manifests itself in so many ways and bragging is one of them. I've never had to deal with braggers on a regular basis but I just call them out of their dumb stuff or plain stopped talking to them. There was this one girl I knew who always bragged about her fiance being a lawyer and spoiling her rotten. However, at a house party, he brought the cheapest liquor. She looked like a fool and I think most braggers tend to eventually. It's like, "who are you trying to convince? me or yourself?"

    Re: traveling. I never bring it up unless the other person does first. I haven't traveled much, only been to Beijing, but I do think it has a tendency to sound 'braggy' depending on who I'm talking to. For example, when I reconnected with a long-lost friend recently, I left details about my travel, job & graduation out because she admitted to me that she felt like a "loser" for being a server in her mid-30s.
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  • StarmieStarmie Posts: 7,154Registered Users Curl Virtuoso
    I tend to play things down, I see it as 'showing off' and think it's just tacky. I'm with Perri though and will filter depending on the audience.
    I have a colleague who collects art and china and likes to tell anyone and everyone what she's spent, and will also tell her travelling tales ad nauseum. I don't see her very often so it's not too bad and I just go along with her, however there are people she works with regularly who are very definitely not in the same financial position as she is and I can only imagine how irritating it is for them. Not cool.
    3b in South Australia.
  • PerriPPerriP Posts: 6,613Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    On the other side of this, I have a friend who travels often, he and his partner have very nice cars, he's actually quite materialistic, has been as long as I've known him, but he doesn't show it off or post on fb. He'll tell me, often times, but we've been friends 30 + years. He's very aware of how it can look to others, he's not ashamed he likes, has, and can afford nice things but he doesn't rub your nose in it.

    Another example, I was out of town with a friend, she went off to meet someone she knew who lived in that town but took off two of her rings beforehand. She said her friend really likes diamonds (they were really beautiful and large rings) but that it might look like she's bragging so she just took them off.

    I use this to say that I think there are more of us out there who are aware and thoughtful (or at least I think the norm is to err on the side of thoughtfulness)
    Modified CG since Dec 2011
  • PerriPPerriP Posts: 6,613Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Also, this thread has given me an epiphany. My above - mentioned friend who talks money, it's made me consider this behavior in a broader context and is clarifying some things about my own feelings around her.
    Modified CG since Dec 2011
  • scrillsscrills Posts: 6,700Registered Users
    I did the Cleveland Flea with weekend and spent 3 very long days with someone like this. I just wanted to punch him.

    Speaking up (and perhaps this is bragging, let me post the pic they took of me for the article). I was so excited

    I think there is s difference between being excited and bragging. This guy is bragging
  • scrillsscrills Posts: 6,700Registered Users
    Wrong thread
  • spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Posts: 17,898Registered Users Curl Virtuoso
    Ppl who are superficially materialistic bother me...ie., they're only interested in something bc it has a high price tag, designer name or is a luxury status symbol of some kind. That's just very boring to me.

    But if I know someone genuinely loves something, such as travelling or art or a certain type of jewelry or shoes, I'm fine with listening to their stories, even if prices are mentioned.

    Also for me, expressing gratitude to God for being able to do/buy these things makes a huge difference.

  • DaniGirl88DaniGirl88 Posts: 1,583Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    I think bragging simply to tell everyone what you have and "show off" is really annoying. I get it, we all get excited for things. I know I get excited to travel and for the things that I do have. If I sound like I'm bragging about them, I definitely don't mean to. I always try to express how blessed I am to have such items/opportunities. However, there are people who are always talking about how much money they have, the latest and greatest things that they have bought recently, and how much money they spend. That's great and all, but most of the people I know like this are just doing it for a reaction and some kind of validation. It's truly annoying.

    What really gets me though, like someone else pointed out earlier, is that these people generally look like idiots at some point or another. For instance, this lady at my job was talking about how she had to put $5K down out of one of her bank accounts and then had to put some more money down out of another one for her $500K house. But she can't pay another coworker the $20 she owes her and actually went out of her way to avoid paying it.
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  • spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Posts: 17,898Registered Users Curl Virtuoso
    Like PerriP, I also experienced a bit of an epiphany. When things are going well for me, I purposely (but until now, subconsciously) only talk about negative or neutral things. Or I kinda slant positive or neutral things into a negatives.

    I guess it's like "playing down" in a way, but more like deflection. I mean, if I went on a trip, I went on a trip. Not hard to figure out how much it cost or whatever. I won't withhold the fact i went on a trip or say it was a less extravagant trip than it was. But I will mention (and exaggerate) every less-than-positive aspect of the trip.

    Wow:sign7:

  • Fifi.GFifi.G Posts: 15,490Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    I can see how the pendulum swings both ways in this. Like others have mentioned, I think there is a big difference in excitement and bragging. If someone is honestly excited and about to bust at the seams, I think it is great and have no problems listening and being happy for them. Especially if it is a person I call a friend. There have been several studies does in the last few years that show how depressed some people get when looking at Facebook. They get upset when someone gets married, travels, etc... and posts about it. I see a lot of insecurity in that. I don't have it so you shouldn't either... Misery loves company type of thing. On the other hand, I know some people who love to show off and mainly do it to brag or hurt others feelings. I've seen women take up a collection for one of my friends because her clothes were not the latest in fashion, like theirs. That I have no use for.
    When I hear terms like "hipster" I think, who told cliques they could leave high school??

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • Fifi.GFifi.G Posts: 15,490Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    PS on that. The studies are interesting b/c they cover people known and unknown to the ones being surveyed. Friends and strangers they follow or subscribe to. They might like someones pic's on Instagram and later get mad because the person travels and takes great pic's often or get mad at vloggers when they show a particular collection they have because they are just showing off and trying to hurt people who have less. I can't understand that or getting mad at friend because they got a new car or a good oppournuity.
    When I hear terms like "hipster" I think, who told cliques they could leave high school??

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • DaniGirl88DaniGirl88 Posts: 1,583Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    I think a lot of it has to do with jealousy and feeling like one's life is inadequate. We were talking about those studies in Grad School and it was found that most people were unhappy with their own lives, and therefore didn't want to see what other people were posting because they were consistently comparing themselves to others and getting depressed. I think social media is damaging in this way. So many people, especially twenty-somethings are under the impression that they go to school, get a good job, and live the American Dream. Although, that isn't really happening in today's world. Not right away at least. There are a few bumps along the way.

    One of my friends kept comparing herself to those on Facebook and wondering why she didn't have the full time, benefited job like everyone else by now. Was she doing something wrong? Is she behind? All questions she kept asking herself. Finally, I think she realized that she was mean to move at her own pace.

    I've gone through that as well. I quickly realized that life is a journey and we're all at different phases.

    I will say that social media is easier to keep in touch with people, but often we put our best face forward and typically share the best of what is happening to us. That, and people could be living really crappy lives but framing it in such a way on social media that it looks like they're living the best life. It's all about perception and the grass seeming greener.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

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  • spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Posts: 17,898Registered Users Curl Virtuoso
    Fifi.G wrote: »
    PS on that. The studies are interesting b/c they cover people known and unknown to the ones being surveyed. Friends and strangers they follow or subscribe to. They might like someones pic's on Instagram and later get mad because the person travels and takes great pic's often or get mad at vloggers when they show a particular collection they have because they are just showing off and trying to hurt people who have less. I can't understand that or getting mad at friend because they got a new car or a good oppournuity.

    Another epiphany on this general subject and related specifically to something you just said.

    The more unhappy or lacking in something the person I'm talking to seems, the more I will downplay/deflect from my happiness/blessings/successes.

    So if I'm talking to someone who's got it going on, I won't feel weird saying positive things about myself. But the more I perceive the other person to be struggling or discontented, the more I'll focus on my neutrals and negatives.

    Like attracts like.

    Wow :sign7:

    Awesome idea for a thread.

  • CatitudeBooCatitudeBoo Posts: 590Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    I learned a long time ago to take what people share on social media with a huge grain of salt. People choose what they want to post and no one is going to post about their DUI or the fact they lost their job, failed a midterm, etc.

    One of the braggers I used to know would always post statuses about how much she loved her husband and how much they were in love. They were always writing lovey notes and posts on each other's pages. Anyway, she was cheating on him and several years later, he filed for divorce because he had met someone else. LOL.

    & people who post the negative stuff on social media get frowned upon or 'hid' from news feeds. Ex: I knew of someone who posted their divorce papers and flipped off the camera with her ring finger. That's foolish. Someone else posted, "Yay! My unemployment check came today!" and that's nothing to brag about. So where is the line really drawn?
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  • gagirl09gagirl09 Posts: 2,316Registered Users
    I try hard to avoid this guy and his wife, but he thinks we're still friends, so he stops to say hello when he sees me in town. And when I ignored the photo of his first BMW, he sent a follow up email asking whether I'd seen the photo attachment.

    I just snorted.
    Last relaxer: Nov. 24, 2008
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  • PerriPPerriP Posts: 6,613Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    gagirl09 wrote: »
    I try hard to avoid this guy and his wife, but he thinks we're still friends, so he stops to say hello when he sees me in town. And when I ignored the photo of his first BMW, he sent a follow up email asking whether I'd seen the photo attachment.

    I just snorted.

    Gaga, I know this is off topic but how is benjy's stomach doing?
    Modified CG since Dec 2011
  • gagirl09gagirl09 Posts: 2,316Registered Users
    PerriP wrote: »
    gagirl09 wrote: »
    I try hard to avoid this guy and his wife, but he thinks we're still friends, so he stops to say hello when he sees me in town. And when I ignored the photo of his first BMW, he sent a follow up email asking whether I'd seen the photo attachment.

    I just snorted.

    Gaga, I know this is off topic but how is benjy's stomach doing?

    It was good. Another flare up in Saturday and Sunday. However I have come to realize that he just has a sensitive stomachache. That doesn't work well in Taiwan where ppl like to leave bones and leftover food scraps for the high stray population. I try and watch him like a hawk but even this morning he managed to find a piece of a bone abandoned by probably another dog. When he vomited Saturday and Sunday I believe he had gotten into something outside again. The question now is when this happens what do I do?
    Last relaxer: Nov. 24, 2008
    BC: December 19, 2009
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  • So_JaneSo_Jane Posts: 155Registered Users
    I have an acquaintance who never fails to tell me about his latest big acquisitions or upcoming trips to Europe. I think that if he'd ever really scrimped for money or truly struggled I wouldn't feel so annoyed by what seems like bragging to me.

    Has anyone experienced something similar, and if so, how did you feel about it? Whenever I've done well or traveled a lot, I tend to play it down. Do you?


    Well it depends, it could be that they think they are just sharing something fun about the trips, but regarding the acquisitions it depends on what it is; artwork or jewelry, sure, to a point...


    As long as they aren't being intentionally obnoxious about it, but as long as it isn't specifically about large amounts of money...
    because I don't put anything past anyone, I never ever discuss money or anything highly valuable with anyone, ever...


    But, if you think they are trying to make you feel bad about your finances or something, maybe you could try to gently change the subject to neutral topics or have a private talk about boundaries, if it is one of those TMI-type situations... Most people make a mistake or two, but they won't know they are getting on your nerves if you don't tell them so they can stop doing whatever they are doing...


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