Spinoff-Would you prefer being ignored by men or bothered by them on the street?

koolkurlkoolkurl Posts: 252Registered Users Curl Neophyte
I think viewing a woman as invisible or beautiful are both judgements from
men. Which would you prefer?
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Comments

  • spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Posts: 17,898Registered Users Curl Virtuoso
    Neither really. If we make eye contact or are in close proximity, a friendly smile and "hi" would be nice.

    But not just for me. In my perfect world, ppl would just be respectfully friendly and no one would be subject to catcalls or other annoying behaviors. I dislike hearing it being directed toward others probably more than hearing it directed at me.

  • eveumeveum Posts: 744Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    The only attention I've ever gotten from men/boys have been jeering, bullying etc. So I'd prefer for them to keep their opinions to themselves, as if I need validation from them. They can ****ing do one.

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  • mustangbunnymustangbunny Posts: 1,033Registered Users
    Eveum- you are a sass master and I love it.


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  • eveumeveum Posts: 744Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Hahaha. That is not the first time I've been called that. I just wish I could have quite this level of sassy articulation outside of my computer. 😫

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  • Fifi.GFifi.G Posts: 15,490Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    I'm a bit more like Spider. A nice medium will do. No need to be a rude asp BUT people range from every end of the spectrum.
    When I hear terms like "hipster" I think, who told cliques they could leave high school??

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • jeepcurlygurljeepcurlygurl Posts: 20,709Registered Users, Curl Ambassador Curl Virtuoso
    I"m not easily bothered, so if I'm walking by and someone ignores me I don't care. And if someone cat calls or hollers out some opinion, I either smile, give them the finger, or ignore them depending on my mood. I live in a town where almost everyone smiles and says HI as they walk by.
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  • Fifi.GFifi.G Posts: 15,490Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    ^ Same here. They are not trying to pick you up nor do they want to hear your life story. They just try to be welcoming to people and say hey to familiar faces.
    When I hear terms like "hipster" I think, who told cliques they could leave high school??

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • JosephineJosephine Posts: 14,406Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    Bothered. I like the validation and flirting. But not like being in other countries where it's much worse. Happy medium is ideal but just answering the question of choosing one.
  • CatitudeBooCatitudeBoo Posts: 589Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    I'd rather be ignored. Hell, I already pretty much am. A happy medium is ideal. Even for those who claim they abhor any attention from men, living in a society where no one speaks to each other in fear of offending someone is not a desirable solution.
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  • Fifi.GFifi.G Posts: 15,490Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    I'd rather be ignored. Hell, I already pretty much am. A happy medium is ideal. Even for those who claim they abhor any attention from men, living in a society where no one speaks to each other in fear of offending someone is not a desirable solution.

    Very true. I have gone on a few "Welcome to the slow boat to silence. Leave your context on the shore" rants here.

    *I don't think those who experience contagious & chronic outrage and demand that things be changed really understand that they are requesting the destruction of their rights too. It only applies to the other person, right?
    When I hear terms like "hipster" I think, who told cliques they could leave high school??

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • Fifi.GFifi.G Posts: 15,490Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    I have heard several men make the damned if you do, damned if you don't statements after the harassment video. If you say something someone gets mad, if you don't someone gets mad. Most of that was in reference to the milder statements. I've also seen guys saying stop talking to them period!!! And women who want them to stop talking, period. And women accusing other women who don't agree with them of being crazy, dried up, attention seeking hags who only get "compliments" on the street. Lard. All the zero tolerance moral outrage is exhausting. It can be a good tool at times but in the US is worn out and full of holes. 20 moral outrages a day that focus more on going after a person or group of people than the crime itself.
    When I hear terms like "hipster" I think, who told cliques they could leave high school??

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • eveumeveum Posts: 744Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    "Damned if you do, damned if you don't"

    Urghhhhh...

    Some men need to learn that approaching or talking to women is not a one size fits all solution. We are individuals, just look at the response for this topic for proof of that.

    Some also need to learn that there is a time and place, I take no issue with flirting if it's contextual, reciprocated, and not a one sided harassment being yelled at in the street while minding your own business, or continued attention when the woman makes CLEAR it's unwanted. Make the distinction, and don't blame women for not falling for you if you make them uncomfortable.

    Do us all a favour and start treating us like individuals, not like prey, targets, or numbers. And don't complain if one women wants your attention and another doesn't. Which is basically what I read from the "Damned if you do, damned if you don't" statement. Oh poor you, demanding respect and attention for your **** pick up lines and nice guy act. They'll get no pity from me.

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  • DedachanDedachan Posts: 1,644Registered Users
    ˆ I agree with this. There's a difference between catcalling and flirting. I don't mind if men look at me and smile or are friendly or compliment me if done respectfully.
  • KaZenner1990KaZenner1990 Posts: 859Registered Users
    My ideal would be ignored if they are gonna catcall as you said in the streets. I get scared when it happens. It's different if they would look at me and smile. Even saying hi to me would make me shy and selfconsious and I would flee polite.
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  • claudine191claudine191 Posts: 8,221Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    I've more or less had both experiences, and being ignored is better.
  • CurlXTCeeCurlXTCee Posts: 379Registered Users
    I'm going to have to agree with ^^ Claudine. Having said that, I will admit that as I've gotten older and the catcalling and overall male attention has dwindled to almost nothing, my vanity was a bit bruised when I first began to notice. It has been my experience that males primarily only speak to strangers whom they find physically or sexually attractive, so the reality that no one speaks to you any longer in either politely admiring or blatantly objectifying ways can be a bitter pill to swallow for some.

    Then I got over it and now enjoy my cloak of invisibility. I can recall as a teen, a couple of my friends' dads regularly saying inappropriate things to me, and it left me feeling very uncomfortable with attention from males, so I never truly appreciated it anyway.

    I noticed almost immediately upon moving many years ago that there wasn't as much loud catcalling behavior in urban areas versus more rural areas. I'm not sure what the correlation might be. In my younger days, I can remember guys honking and catcalling loudly from passing cars. I can't recall ever having seen anyone do that here, but I'm sure it happens. Especially given the sentiment among males that "yoga pants are the bacon of pants" (yall have seen that meme being shared among guys on FB, right?) and yoga pants as casual wear are all I see everyday anymore.

    This reminds me of a stupid practice that some men used back in the 90s ~ they would hiss or "pssst" at you as you passed by if they thought you were attractive. That's all, nothing else. Just dumb.
  • butter52butter52 Posts: 292Registered Users
    in my world people would be told every day how beautiful they are from random strangers once a day.

    But since its not disney, if i must choose between the extremes I absolutely choose ignored.
  • RimiRimi Posts: 2,001Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    If those are my two choices, ignored. Not all men are pigs, and of course a polite greeting or nod in passing is fine. Even compliments can be given without being flirtatious! But if we're talking being sought after sexually vs. ignored entirely, I would rather be ignored.

    I don't like being flirted with and I don't like being ogled.
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  • EilonwyEilonwy Posts: 12,391Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    Having lived in an area with really bad street harassment, I'd much, much prefer being ignored. While genuine compliments and flirting are nice, they're nothing compared to the stress of nonstop harassment whenever I went outside. And being ignored would mean not having to continuously focus on ignoring everyone else! In my experience, completely ignoring people -- as though they're truly invisible and inaudible -- is the only way to reduce (not eliminate) the amount of harassment. That meant not looking at anyone as I walked around, while also hiding the fact that I was avoiding eye contact. It's a very tough trick to pull off. It takes a lot of effort and it's impossible to think about anything else while doing so.

    Luckily I currently live in an area without street harassment.
  • koolkurlkoolkurl Posts: 252Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Interesting article about the positives of being ignored/invisible:
    5 Reasons To Enjoy Being An Older 'Invisible' Woman
  • Annie1980Annie1980 Posts: 77Registered Users
    A couple of times, I've had men very politely come up to me, and really sweetly tell me that they thought I was very beautiful, and ask me for my number or if I had a boyfriend. I found it very sincere and cute. I wish more guys had the balls to do that, but, mostly they just stare, honk, or whistle.... Why whistle? I don't know, but yeah. Sincere and sweet would be my preference.
  • Fifi.GFifi.G Posts: 15,490Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    koolkurl wrote: »
    Interesting article about the positives of being ignored/invisible:
    5 Reasons To Enjoy Being An Older 'Invisible' Woman

    I'd venture to say parts of that are true for some and parts are not. It depends on the person, the time they were raised in and how old they are now.

    1. The freedom to stare When you're old and invisible, no one cares if you stare. When I was young, people noticed what I noticed and paid attention to the things that caught my attention. No more. Being old and invisible gives me the license to leer.

    This is a good thing. The more I leer, the more I learn. Invisible, I am free. I sit in coffee shops and watch parents struggle with irritable toddlers and young lovers squabble. All of this becomes fodder for my playwriting, my essays.

    ^ That I do not relate with at all. I am and always have been a people watcher. I think you just hear more people whine about others looking at them now because they all seem to assume, first thing, that there is a negative or bad reason for it. When you take time to soak in your surroundings, you know thats not always the case. One does not need to be over 50 or invisible to slow down, enjoy a drink, and watch human interaction unfold in front of them. *Also think she should have just flat out said often when people are young they can't see past the nose on their own face and assume all are only interested in or experience the same things. Note she said "people noticed what I noticed and paid attention to things that caught my attention".


    She makes some other general statements I can not relate to because it does not cover the way I was raised but I do agree that you get more vocal as you age, regardless of how you were raised, and it does have a lot to do with not giving a isht.
    When I hear terms like "hipster" I think, who told cliques they could leave high school??

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • eveumeveum Posts: 744Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    My mum is 50 next year, I don't know if it's just her but 50 doesn't even seem that old to me. I mean it can do on paper or when written down but looking at my mum I don't think she should be worrying about anything. I certainly don't think she's "invisible". I don't really agree with that article.

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  • JosephineJosephine Posts: 14,406Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    If you wanna be invisible in NY, you could wear a hijab -

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mgw6y3cH7tA


    Some guy on fb posted this (to encourage covering up as islam does for women), of course mostly everyone told him he was being a chauvinist. But that is basic the argument for wearing it.
  • Fifi.GFifi.G Posts: 15,490Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    eveum wrote: »
    My mum is 50 next year, I don't know if it's just her but 50 doesn't even seem that old to me. I mean it can do on paper or when written down but looking at my mum I don't think she should be worrying about anything. I certainly don't think she's "invisible". I don't really agree with that article.

    It isn't that old. My mom is 69 and she doesn't seem that old to me. She looks years younger than many people her age. There are plenty of stunning 50 year olds who still get attention. There are widowed 80 year olds that date a few gentlemen. I am sure you are not as likely to get random teens and 20 year olds yelling at you on the street but turning 50 does not lead to magic isolation either. PS- The author is now in her early 60s.

    I do see a lot of older women's thoughts on situations get completely discounted now. Not a I agree or disagree but stfu, you have no idea what you are talking about and you can go along or drop dead kind of discounted. Thats what happens when people put so much emphasis and importance on every thought and feeling their child has/had and expecting everyone else to do the same.
    When I hear terms like "hipster" I think, who told cliques they could leave high school??

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • Fifi.GFifi.G Posts: 15,490Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    I think I've always scared a lot of guys anyway. I've heard, "you kind of scare me, but in a good way" more times than I can count. Guys will come and and sit down at a table full of women I am with, use some corny line on them and get to me and say... I'm not even trying that on you. Wise decision. I was always the one to say oh that's weak! Try harder. Not even b**ch face but mocking your approach on the inside as I obviously study you. *Comes with having more guy friend than girls, watching them, and being privy to their thoughts.* So... Yeah. No problems people watching at 10 or 39.
    When I hear terms like "hipster" I think, who told cliques they could leave high school??

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • CatitudeBooCatitudeBoo Posts: 589Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    Josephine wrote: »
    If you wanna be invisible in NY, you could wear a hijab -

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mgw6y3cH7tA


    Some guy on fb posted this (to encourage covering up as islam does for women), of course mostly everyone told him he was being a chauvinist. But that is basic the argument for wearing it.

    That guy sounds like an idiot. Wearing a hijab doesn't make one immune from harassment. It has the potential to open up the dialogue for ethnic or religious harassment, especially in the city where the 9/11 attacks occurred. There is no way in hell I'd wear a hijab when I'm not Muslim just so people don't harass me. That is insanely disrespectful to Islam.

    Btw, didn't watch the video. I'm on my phone.
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  • spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Posts: 17,898Registered Users Curl Virtuoso
    Josephine wrote: »
    If you wanna be invisible in NY, you could wear a hijab -

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mgw6y3cH7tA


    Some guy on fb posted this (to encourage covering up as islam does for women), of course mostly everyone told him he was being a chauvinist. But that is basic the argument for wearing it.

    That guy sounds like an idiot. Wearing a hijab doesn't make one immune from harassment. It'll just be ethnic or religious harassment, especially in the city where the 9/11 attacks occurred.

    Btw, didn't watch the video. I'm on my phone.

    My bff actually tried this (in NYC in the mid 90s) and she said that men actually did treat her a lot more "respectfully" (i.e., no catcalls, holding the door open, saying polite greetings). She's not Muslim...she did it for some reason...that escapes me now.

  • CatitudeBooCatitudeBoo Posts: 589Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    koolkurl wrote: »
    Interesting article about the positives of being ignored/invisible:
    5 Reasons To Enjoy Being An Older 'Invisible' Woman

    I'm not "older" but I think being invisible has more blessings than people realize. I'm short, brunette and skinny with no features that make me stand out (except the curly hair, which I've only been wearing for 11 months). For a long time I hated being looked over, especially in the company of girlfriends who had more striking features. They got more attention, yes, but had to put up with more bull**** too (from leering men and catty women).
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  • butter52butter52 Posts: 292Registered Users
    I think covering up our bodies as a solution to harrassment is disrespectful to women and human dignity, not to Islam.
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